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Wise Guys: How to Make Fireworks in the Bedroom

July 5, 2012

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photo by foxypar4

Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Seeing as it was Independence Day yesterday, what’s your number 1 tip for making fireworks in the bedroom?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Pop champagne! Sex is all about letting go of inhibitions and nothing helps you tap into those deep, dark dirty desires like a bit of bubbly. Put your finger where? Lick my what? Call me who? Booze has been called social lube for centuries, and that stays true straight into the bedroom…or kitchen…or your neighbors’ garage. So celebrate your independence by tapping into a bottle of bubbly and let your crazy ass fantasies come to life. God bless America.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Sex. It might seem like a foregone conclusion to you swinging singles or young lovers, but to married couples sex is the exception rather than the rule. While that sounds depressing, the lowered expectations this situations brings means that all you have to do to blow your partner’s mind is to show up, take off your clothes and do it. If you’ve spent years dragging your carcass across a desert, even a single drop of water is going to taste like champagne.

Straight Married Guy (Fred): My number one tip is:  Start hours before you get to the bedroom.  A flirty look across the picnic table, a lightly fondled butt as you brush past on your way to the outdoor bar, a whispered saucy comment near the barbecue. Each of these things will light figurative sparklers in your romantic relationship and make your grand finale later that much louder and brighter.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): Here is my best tip: maintain eye contact. Why? Because eye contact during sex is hot and underrated, doggie-style be damned. Just as importantly, eyes do not lie — they are a great gauge to determine whether you’re doing the right thing. Not everyone is incredibly vocal about their hot spots or favorite techniques (I am an exception to this: my left nipple should be your best friend). So if you’re not sure what you should be focusing on, focus on their eyes. When they glaze over, try something else. When they widen, keep going. And when they roll back in their head… fireworks.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: What Will Men NEVER Tell Their Partner?

June 26, 2012

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photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What are some sex-related things a guy will NEVER tell the person he’s dating?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook):  What he really wants to do. Openness is the key to any successful relationship — but only to a point. Just like a woman shouldn’t see her man shitting, she shouldn’t be exposed to the open sewer running through his fantasies. Besides, fantasies are fantasies for a reason; if they were acted out in reality, they could be harmful, icky or just plain embarrassing. A man doesn’t really want a whore in the bedroom, he wants YOU in the bedroom, and a bunch of whores in the dark dungeon at the back of his dirty mind. So do us both a favor, and don’t ask what’s in there.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): My guess here is: previously cured STDs and times when he couldn’t perform.

 

 

mark_luczak_100Straight Engaged Guy (Mark Luczak): Generally, there’s a natural chronology to the progression of things, sex-related and not, that are shared as a relationship evolves from courtship to dating to exclusivity and beyond. I’m pretty much an open book, so usually it has happened to be me pushing the envelope of revelation at each stage, just in the interest of getting to know someone better, and vice-versa — it’s all part of the fun, and of course the disclosure of more intimate stuff (turn-ons, fantasies eventually) can be particularly exciting. I can’t think of much I wouldn’t tell eventually, other than some of the truly gory details of previous relationships that for all involved are obviously better left in the past.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Engaged Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Their Girlfriends Kissing Other Women?

June 19, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Would a guy feel cheated on if his girlfriend made out with another girl, or is that somehow different territory?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben)I think it all depends on the spirit of the make out and whatever agreements you and your gf have and whatever her actual orientation is. If you’re gf is mostly straight, gets drunk or high one night and kisses some girls, I’d call that hot, not cheating. But if it’s sober, planned and behind the back, there’s probably something deeper going on. My wife is very bisexual — she’s dated and been in love with women in the past. But we also have a fairly loose definition of monogamy. For us, if either one of us broke our agreements with either women or men, then, yes, definitely trouble.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): It’s funny. Straight boys have such a visceral, extreme reaction to their girlfriends taking dips into the lady pool. For half of them, seeing their girlfriend make out with another chick would be boner nirvana. But for the other half, it’s just as bad if she were kissing a guy. This usually has nothing to do with insecurity or doubts about his manhood, by the way. I think it’s largely cultural, and by the time a guy is your boyfriend, you should have a good gauge about his comfort level about any of your potential Girls Gone Wild moments.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): I’m guessing that most guys, confronted with their lady making out with another lady, would be more than ok with it. The classic bro stereotype of loving lesbian action, regardless of how you feel about it, touches on one very important truth: heterosexual men don’t like to watch other men kissing. We even look away when James Bond kisses his sexy babes. Call it homophobia if you like, but  it’s just a fact of male heterosexuality: we honestly don’t get what women see in us that they find attractive. So while kissing is great when you’re involved, but watching other dudes kiss? It just doesn’t make for very good entertainment. But a pretty girl kissing another pretty girl? We’ve been conditioned to love it. The main problem is figuring out how to remain calm and not spoil the moment.

Now consider something more extreme: what would that same bro do if he walked in on his girl naked with another girl and a dildo? This might make some guys uncomfortable, regardless of the obvious double standard. The bottom line is that yes, this is a different territory, and it is a very gray territory indeed. I think that it will rarely be treated the same as heterosexual cheating, but there’s no question that actual sex with someone other than your partner will create some discomfort if not discussed beforehand. So talk about it first before everyone gets in trouble. There’s too much potential for fun there!

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Dirty Talk?

June 5, 2012

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photo by db*photography

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s your opinion of dirty talk? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): I’m not categorically opposed to dirty talk, as long as my sexual soup de jour isn’t a complete moron. Which leads me to my next maxim: Sleeping with morons is permissible if they don’t talk. Obviously, if you make it a priority not to sleep with morons, this doesn’t apply to you — carry on with your foul-mouthed ways. But since I admire beauty in all its Neanderthal forms, I once slept with a man who insisted on calling my unmentionable a boy pussy:

Does your boy pussy need attention?
Let me tear that boy pussy tonight.
Is your boy pussy hungry for beef?

In this case, dirty talk — or all forms of communication, really — is problematic only in that it threatens to expose your partner’s verbal and intellectual ineptitude. So why risk a good thing by encouraging the potty mouth? In the end, there’s one maxim that always rings true: Less is more, sweetcheeks.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): In my experience, women who talk dirty in public are full of it — just attention seekers most of the time. The quiet ones are the real deal. So, in a lot of ways, I’m trained to get turned on initially by a woman who knows what to leave unsaid. Once we’ve become sex partners, in a naked bedroom context, things change a little. Talk is good, but walk is better. The dirty talk that excites me the most is a shocking, single instructional phrase which she delivers like she’s halfway scared of what she’s suggesting. Like, “come on my face” or “slap me” or “choke me.” Just leave out the corny porn dirty talk, like, “Ooh yeah, fuck my pussy with your big cock!” Cheesy.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I’d like to ask you the same question and have you answer it with my huge throbbing cock in your mouth. (I like it. As for other guys, it’s not something I’ve talked to many of them about. I imagine most would like it with the right woman.)

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Male and Female Orgasms Compare?

May 29, 2012

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photo via beautifulagony.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do you think is the difference between the male orgasm and the female orgasm? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): I’m going to put aside everything I know about the physiology and biochemistry of orgasms and say the female orgasm is like that long stretch you have when you first wake up and the male orgasm is like a sneeze. That a.m. stretch is refreshing, it involves your whole body, it feels as though it lasts for ages, and it just puts you in the perfect mood to start the day. The sneeze on the other hand just sort of happens. It’s messy, quick, a little embarrassing, and you can feel kind of gross afterward. Both the stretch and the sneeze are pretty necessary, but one is a bit more glamorous.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): This is a really important psychological, sociological, and political question, so I won’t even tell the joke about how you need Kleenex for both. I think of the female orgasm as the awesome moment before a male orgasm (plateau phase — 5th grade Sex Ed?) except it can go on longer, reboot, or degrade into giggles, which doesn’t usually happen to me.

terence_100Committed Gay Guy (Terence): Volume, viscosity and the time it takes to get there.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.netColin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: If a Guy Says He Doesn’t Like Porn, Is He Lying?

May 22, 2012

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If a guy says he doesn’t like porn, is he lying?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): Not necessarily. Porn is one of those things that get categorized as a guilty pleasure, but I know more than a few men who just aren’t into it. The problem with porn is that almost all of it is entirely unrealistic. “Ding dong. Hi, I’m Cornay and I work in IT. Do you have a problem with your hard drive?” Are you kidding me? If stuff like that worked, every computer programmer on earth would be getting laid like crazy. Just look at some of the titles of this stuff. “World Sex Tour 19”, “Ass Good Ass It Gets”, “Beverley Hills Copulator”? It’s freaking puntastic.

Of course, there is one way in which almost every guy enjoys porn, in humor. A good friend of mine went to a college where watching the porn version of Alice in Wonderland was a regular event. Viewing parties drew 40+ people. Who wouldn’t laugh at an x-rated musical parody of Alice? It gives new meaning to the phrase “down the rabbit hole.” When I was in college, a group of us would occasionally head out to the local movie rental chain and pick the porno with the goofiest sounding name or plot to watch and make fun of. My favorite was a Star Wars parody that was creatively named “Porn Wars”. Yeah, it’s that cheesy. The “Jodi” are a group of muscular buxom females who are training a crop of equally muscular and well-oiled men in the powers of the Force. The best part is that the light sabers have been replaced with silver dildos.

Really though, what a guy wants is real sex. The closer that he can get to that, the better, which is exactly the problem with porn, and why many men simply aren’t into it. Even the “amateur” videos and sites are bogus. These are simply women who are just getting into the business. What a guy is far more likely to utilize for his mastubatory needs are pictures or videos of ex girlfriends if he has them. If that bothers you, then you should either be giving him new material, or better yet, giving him sex.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): Short answer: yes. Nuanced answer? Maybe not outright lying, but not completely honest. In the internet age, we can find porn to suit any taste or fetish. To say a guy doesn’t like porn is like saying a guy doesn’t like music. Men are visual and will respond to something they like, whether they will admit it or not. If he says he doesn’t like porn, it can only be one of three reasons: 1) he’s completely and utterly repressed sexually, unable to accept his own sexual desires, 2) he’s embarrassed by his own sexual desires, which may include a fetish or two he isn’t ready to share, or 3) he wants his partner to believe that she is the only woman in the world on his mind. But in all three cases, he’s lying.

Single Straight Guy (Saad): If anyone – man, woman, straight or otherwise – denies liking porn, they’re probably lying. Unless individuals are truly asexual, like those bacteria and yeast you read about in biology class, there is going to be some kind of pornography out there that gets their juices flowing. (Whether they actively seek it out or not is another story. In other words, if they say they don’t like porn, they just haven’t looked hard enough…or at all.)

As far as guys are concerned, our relationship with porn spans a spectrum, from shamelessly addicted (or, shamefully) to “I’m bored, there’s nothing else to do on the Internet.” One thing is certain: we like the real thing, with her soft skin and a mess of hair splayed over our pillow, worlds better than any digital imitation. So, if you’re seeing a guy, show a bit of curiosity and ask him to share his interests in this area. Start small, indicate you want it to be on the tamer side. After a while, you both might find yourselves very pleasantly surprised with where the path takes you.

If you plan to reproduce by willing yourself to split into two, you can disregard this advice.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is  Saad Hasan, who works on nanotechnology with a team in Pennsylvania. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Do Men Really Care About Their Partner’s Flexibility?

May 15, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do men really care about how flexible their partners are in bed?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): Sure, flexibility is great… but I don’t need you to be able to lock your legs behind your head. In fact, I’ve never had an issue of a woman not being flexible enough for what we were doing. So no, it’s really not a big deal.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): Flexible as in easy going personality, then yes. I don’t want to be with a high maintenance person who cannot roll with the punches. Sometimes life happens and the best laid plans fall apart. Physically flexible, who wouldn’t want that? I don’t think members of either gender or sexual orientation want someone who is stiff and can’t move. So get out those yoga mats.

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): It’s just as much a big deal as penis length is for you gals — a happy medium is always appreciated! It’s great to have the option, but too much flex is like having sex a la Exorcism of Emily Rose (kinda scary) — but too little is like trying maneuver a department store mannequin. You don’t need to be “Cirque du Soleil,” but a yoga DVD can do wonders!

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Can Straight Men and Women Be Friends?

May 8, 2012

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Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What’s your take on the When Harry Met Sally truism that men and women who are single and who find each other attractive can’t simply be friends?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): I could go on and on about the many exceptions to this rule, but really it’s quite simple: a straight man and a straight women who are both single and find each other attractive will almost definitely have sex at some point. It may happen during a moment of weakness at a friends wedding, or maybe after polishing off a case of apple-flavored Smirnhoff Ices while watching the American Idol finale together, but I assure you, it will happen eventually.

Now before you start to tell me about your amazing opposite-sex friend who is in a strictly platonic relationship with you, let me remind you that there are indeed many exceptions, or at least explanations. I would bet this friend of yours is probably not attractive to you, or maybe just not attracted to you. I would also bet this friend is either in a long relationship, married, or gay. Or if that doesn’t cover your situation, you have probably dated in the past and it didn’t work out, so now you are friends. But there is always something. There is a reason you are friends and not more. And usually this is because one party is more into it than the other. And when that happens, there are hurt feelings.

Can men and women be strictly friends when they find each other attractive and they are both single? Sure. But that friendship will definitely have some added benefits.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I think Harry went even further, saying that men can’t even be friends with women they don’t find attractive, because they will still try to get them in to bed. While funny, I totally disagree with this, based as it is on the assumption that all men and women have in common is sex. I’ve always had as many female friends as male, because they were equally uninterested in sports, drinking until they puke and talking about tits. And rarely has their gender or attractiveness been an issue — only on a couple of occasions when I was so drunk it probably wouldn’t have mattered if they were women or men. Naturally, our friends contain a lot of the traits that we find attractive in sexual partners, but it would take a man of extreme arrogance and horniness to try and fuck them all. Like Harry.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): I run with a relatively straight crowd, so I encounter this a lot. It’s funny: when I’m partying, I want everyone to hook up and I tend to push straight people together into compromising positions (I call it “Real Sims”). But when I’m sober, which is at least 50% of the time, I take a step back because things do get complicated between friends when sex enters the picture. I’ve seen a lot of great friendships (both gay and straight) become awkward this way. I think that it’s healthy to address the issue head on and talk about it like adults if there’s a mutual sexual attraction, but that’s not incredibly realistic.

Honestly, the best cases in which I’ve personally witnessed the Harry-Sally scenario have been when the couple in question just acknowledged the attraction and banged it out, usually on the couch of a mutual friend or a shared Vegas suite. Sexual tension is an abstract emotion, and if it is consummated, then Harry and Sally might be able to move on with their friendship with “been there, done that” casualness. I see it happen all the time.

Or… they might fall in love and have a great story to tell! “So we had this mutual friend named Justin, and he got us really drunk…”

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: What Do Men Really Think About Cuddling?

May 1, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men really think about cuddling?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Cuddling is the most amazing thing in the world to do after you’ve come — after having a cigarette or possibly eating a cookie. There is nothing like snuggling up to that person you’ve just had amazing sex with as you drift off to blissful sleep. Of course, if you’re horned up or didn’t come during your little romp, there are few things more frustrating than when your man wants to cuddle and all you wanna do is bang it out dirty style. But overall, I would put cuddling squarely in the “things in life that totally rock” category — and I think most men would too, even if they might be a bit hesitant to admit it.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): It’s hard to make a declaration on behalf of all straight single guys as to what they think of cuddling. However, would you like to guess who likes cuddling, is in touch enough with his feelings to admit it, and — as you can tell from his profile photo — has at least one thumb? This guy!  I personally enjoy cuddling, I really really do, if it’s A) with the right girl and B) not being done while watching any movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker (except Space Camp, because who doesn’t love that flick?).  In fact, I’ve found that my desire level for cuddling can be a good barometer for how much I’m actually into a girl.  If it’s low, that usually means something isn’t right with the relationship.  If it’s high, it means I’m probably going to regret the day I eventually screw it up. P.S. I do have a second thumb.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Cuddling’s okay when it’s cold. Pretty nice to have a warm body next to you, and it occasionally leads to a little hanky-panky, which is of course a bonus. Post-coitus it’s alright as well, though by then both parties are usually a little sweaty and would rather stretch out and claim some space to cool down and recuperate. Body contact at that juncture usually consists of a stray crossed limb or whatnot. Cuddling? Not so much. I suppose once temperatures have stabilized it’s ok again, but by then someone (me!) is often drifting off, in which case it does’t really last long anyway — at least not that I’m aware of. So generally speaking, what’s my take on cuddling? No strong feelings for or against. When it’s not a nuisance it can be nice, but in limited quantities. I wouldn’t want to spend all day doing it!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: The Top 3 No-No’s for a Straight Woman on a 1st Date

April 24, 2012

7 Comments

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What are the top 3 no-no’s for a woman to do on a first date? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne):

1. talking about ex boyfriends
2. planning the wedding
3. crying

 

Married Straight Guy (Jake): This is the kind of thinking that we need to break away from. There are no three top things, three best things, three worst things that will make your first date the best. Checklists that other people create for you can cause neurosis, unnecessary worrying and sweaty palms. This is a battered and bruised cliché, but seriously, just be yourself. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by acting, talking, eating and laughing naturally. Anything else is a waste of time.


Single Straight Guy (
Megan): My most recent first date turned into four dates in the same day with the same woman. She broke quite a few rules from my style manual. She made fun of my cardigan. (I still have it and it is pretty atrocious, but still..). She played games when I asked for her phone number. She was a wee heavy on the makeup. She got buzzed and emotional. She accepted a flower from another man. Each of these is a no-no for me. Despite those violations, we had an amazing day. We had lunch together. We went for a midafternoon drink. We met again for dinner. We met back at her place for a late night dip in the hot tub. We would not have gotten past the lunch if there wasn’t something there. We wouldn’t have gone for a drink if there wasn’t something there. We definitely wouldn’t have warmed up the hot tub if there wasn’t something there. If you feel it, ignore your rules. Go with your gut, but know your limits, too. If she had talked on the phone throughout lunch, I would have walked; but she didn’t. Sometimes it’s better to swallow your rules. You’ll learn more about the person opposite you, but you’ll also learn something about yourself. Your palate might just be ready for those brussel sprouts you’ve avoided for so long.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.