photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Are most guys really into tackling crazy sexual positions (e.g. the wheelbarrow) or are most men completely happy with the standards (e.g. missionary, woman on top, etc)? If it’s the former, why?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): You see this in the movies and that is where it should stay. Call me boring but I like the basic three (in no particular order): missionary, woman on top, and doggy. Of course, if my partner requests something, I’m more than happy to obligee. If the wheelbarrow is the best way for you to orgasm, then I’m all for it. However, speaking from experience, extreme positions are more a novelty that you may start out in, but you finish in one of the basic three.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): I’m all for adventure and trying new things, but I can’t say that the best sex I’ve had was in a crazy, contorted position. I like to change things up every now and then, though. And what better way than to explore new positions? Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t — and when they don’t, I usually get a good laugh from it with the other person. So either way, take a walk on the wild side every now and then. It’s fun!

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): I’ve found trying sex positions to be much like performing karaoke songs — I tried them out on people I didn’t emotionally care about. I knew that I could make a fool out of myself and that I would never have to see those people again. I learned what I was good at, what felt good for me, what felt good for others, what is cringe inducing, and what will get you booed off stage and to never visit that part of town again. I began to build a repertoire of “standards”; ones that worked for me (Like “Rhinestone Cowboy”; the song and sexual position) — and then I found the right person who I can make sweet harmony with (insert studio groan here).

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Should a woman be worried if her boyfriend has tons of very close female friends?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Jake): On the contrary, I think a man with many close female friends shows that he has the empathy, listening skills, sensitivity and charisma that are valuable in a partner. And if he is floating in a sea of women but chooses to be with you, that’s a confidence booster if I’ve ever seen one.

Single Straight Guy (Megan): No, not if he has tons of them. Some guys just get along better with women than with other men.  I’m in that category.  I was raised by a single mother and one older sister.  Relating to women is easy for me because I’ve been surrounded by women all my life.  I’m sure I’m not alone in this category.  A woman should be worried if her boyfriend has one, very special friend.  A solitary friendship like that can slide into an intimate, physical, sexual relationship.  A friendship like that contains honesty, candor, trust, respect and even love of a different sort.  A relationship like that can effortlessly reach a tipping point and judgment can lapse if one of the people in the relationship experience an element of trauma, betrayal, loss, frustration or even plain old intoxication.  It’s a common misconception to think that the grass is greener, but, in my experience, it has not been for any prolonged amount of time.  There is excitement in a new, different and rejuvenated kind of intimacy between two “friends”, but when that new relationship ends, so does the friendship.  It’s better to have one, exclusive partner and a number of close friends than one, exclusive partner and one, very close female friend.  There is less chance of a deeper, more intimate relationship developing that way and, as a result, a better chance of the exclusive relationship’s survival.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): Girl friends are the best!  The more girl friends, the more knowledge, insight, and gossip.  It’s healthy to have many friends, whatever sex they are.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Pop culture is filled with examples of how women deal with breakups. How do most guys deal with really bad breakups?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): This depends of course entirely on the man, and I think it’s impossible to suggest how “most guys” deal with really bad breakups, when every man is different. Some will collect all their stuff and go out with someone new the next night, others will shutter themselves in their homes and weep away the days. It will all depend on the length, intensity and commitment level of the relationship — and of course the personality of the guy. Personally I always felt it was a waste of time to sit around feeling sad and sorry for the state of my affairs. I’d usually take one night to have a good cry, reminisce and look at old pictures, and then move on.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): This is an easy one. When a guy has a really bad break up he spends a lot of time in a ratty old bathrobe, lamenting the loss of love and shutting himself off to the world. At some point he realizes the error of his ways and makes a grand sweeping romantic gesture in the hopes of winning back the girl of his dreams back. Sometimes it works, but when it doesn’t, he gets a reassuring sense that everything will be all right because “she’s doing okay” and he really only wanted her to be happy in the first place. … And then the credits roll. See, the movies are full of stereotypes about guys, too.

In the non-movie world though, the answer is a little more complex. How long were they together? Were they in love? How did it end, and who ended it? The answers to these questions will have a lot to do with how a guy typically handles a breakup. All that said, though, I think that, as a general rule of thumb, guys will try to do their best to put their exes out of their minds for the short term and get back out into the social scene as quickly as possible to build up their confidence again and avoid focusing on what is ultimately a pretty painful thing. Hey, it’s not all that romantic, but in this case, life doesn’t really imitate art.

Confidential aside to all the single women reading: None of this, of course, applies to ME… I’ll give you romantic gestures and deep depression over my loss of you…of course.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): It really depends on the guy and the breakup, but as a general rule, guys definitely try to go out and hook up as much as possible as quickly as possible. And that’s pretty much it. No long talks, no ice cream, no sad movies, we just want to get out there and give our damaged ego a boost as soon as is humanly possible.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties; and our Straight Married Guy is a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Does Valentines day have any appeal for guys or is it just for the ladies?”

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): I personally observe Singles Awareness Day on February 14th (during which I eat a lot of chocolate and watch a zombie flick), but I can definitely see the appeal of Valentine’s Day for both guys and ladies. There’s a certain nostalgic romance to the corny traditions of V-Day, where the man is expected to be chivalrous and to woo his partner with roses and a fancy dinner. Obviously Valentine’s is a clever marketing gimmick invented by Hallmark to sell cards and candy, but I think a day devoted to celebrating love is still coming from a good place, and if you are fortunate enough to have found someone, why not celebrate? And to be perfectly straightforward, I think our boys know they’re getting laid tonight. So if nothing else, that is probably appealing.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Let’s be honest, Valentine’s Day is not a holiday most men mark on their calendars and plan for all year. In fact, most guys really don’t care for the holiday. There is so much pressure to do the perfect thing that it takes a lot of the fun and spontaneity out of it. SO the short answer is yes, Valentine’s day is pretty much just for the ladies. But come to think of it, most of my girl friends don’t care for it either! They feel the same way — it’s cheesy and corny and people try too hard and you feel like shit if you are alone. I love love, and I love celebrating being in love, and I love doing things that people in love do! I, like most people just don’t love being told when to do these things. So, at the risk of sounding like a cynic I would ask you, Is there anyone who really truly loves Valentine’s Day?

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Does Valentines day really appeal to the ladies? Or does it simply persuade them to equate love with romance, and romance with flowers and chocolates, and convince them that their relationships are nothing without these things? The commercialisation of holidays is no new thing, but Valentines Day is one of those that has spending at its chocolate-covered heart. If we’re wasting money for no real reason, give me Halloween any day — at least those festivities are fun and pressure-free. Or bring to Valentines Day the gothic romance of All Hallow’s Eve, the twilit promise of eternal life together, and give me a fresh pig’s heart wrapped in a barbed-wire bow. Thanks dear.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift for a man?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): The last thing a man wants is anything sentimental, romantic, flowery or chocolatey — anything too valentinesy. As all giving should be selfless, you should treat us to something only we would enjoy — tickets to a metal gig, a night in a sports bar, or a screening of the Die Hard quadrilogy. But relationships are all about give-and-take, so feel free to make similar demands of us: a day’s shopping, a brunch-and-bitch session or a trip to Paris. What we definitely won’t be doing is giving each other heart-shaped crap and competing with other couples for tables in overpriced restaurants or pole position on the PDA meter. Who really enjoys that?

Straight Engaged Guy (Mark Luczak): I don’t think you can go too wrong with any gift, whether it’s for February 14 or no occasion at all (we’re totally easy!) — any time of the year, I enjoy new gadgets, sports/entertainment, or even useful/boring stuff like clothes, and I appreciate just as much the thoughtfulness behind them.  For the more romantic twist of V-Day, a special accessory or product like a nice watch or some sexy cologne, a more intimate meal (in or out), even having some fun dolling up your own self (out and/or underneath), can really set the stage for a fantastic Valentine’s Day, evening, and beyond.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Being the terrible romantic that I am, I don’t think you can give just one gift, but that being said, and just as I always recommend for Christmas or birthdays, give a man an experience. Does your man love hockey? Take him to a hockey game. He into cigars? There you go! What those gifts say is that you are paying attention and have some kind of interest in what he is interested in. And, especially if you aren’t into such things, that you are willing to put him in front of your own comforts and tastes sometimes because you love him. Try to keep it light and easy (unless he is a total bleeding heart too, then go crazy), and keep in mind the more important thing about Valentine’s Day: that it’s a marvelous reason to take time to think and care about each other.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Engaged Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin;. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Flickr

dvice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would you do if you had one day to be and think like a woman?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): The very first thing I’d do is make out with my wife —  so hot when she kisses other women. And really, I hate to be so cliche, but I’m probably like 9 out of 10 guys in that, with just one day as a woman, I’d prolly focus in on the physical experience of being a woman. In other words, lots of sex — lots of it with my wife and lots of it with whatever guys I could find (don’t worry, all okayed by my wife should this ever occur, as long as I play safe, she says). I’d probably have to leave the house at some point for more supplies (food, condoms, men, etc.) and I imagine it’d be at that point that I’d find out all about things like objectification, sexism and just how terrible men are as a class. This, I figure would be completely overwhelming and depressing. So I’d beat a quick retreat home and back into bed.

Straight Single Guy (Max): Obviously, the first thing I would do is try to have an orgasm. Or rather, orgasms. As many as possible. As a man, I’ve always been a bit jealous and very curious about the possibilities of multiple orgasms, and given this opportunity, I would go for it. After that? I’d probably go out and try to get some nice young man to buy me a whole lot of drinks, a fancy dinner, and maybe torture him a bit before I went home, alone, and pursued even more orgasms. Because hey: I’m still a straight guy, even if I’m in a woman’s body. I assume that I would retain my sexual orientation within such a magical transformation, and thus would not want to take a dude home. I’d feel bad about it, and I certainly don’t encourage women to take this route, but experimenting with men as a woman… well, it gets confusing.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): I have often wondered what the difference is between straight women and gay men when it comes to how they think and feel about men in general. My suspicion is that it’s probably very similar. Even more interesting to me is how women approach sex with a man. Having enough male privilege, I could say that I’d fearlessly go after the kind of straight man I could never have as a gay man. But since I’ve never really experienced a fear of sexual violence towards me, that aspect would surely add another layer of complication/fascination to pursuing said straight man. Oh, and while I was at it, I’d definitely masturbate a lot so I could experience the most ecstatic multiple orgasm ever.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Lover’s Prisoner Kit available at EdenFantasys.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would you tell a guy who was intimidated by the idea of his partner bringing sex toys into the bedroom?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): Men take a certain amount of pride in their bedroom abilities, and despite the fact that we intellectually know most women can’t orgasm from insertion alone, it bums us out. However, letting a guy know that his anatomy is acceptable (almost too acceptable, really) and that you just have different needs goes a long way towards soothing his ego. Throw in something about the mystery of female sexuality and that you’ll let him hold the device in question, thus providing him additional “skin in the game,” and it should be gravy. Unless he’s a jerk or a babyhead.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): The dead cliché answer would be to remind him that  they’re only called “toys” and “novelties” to get around puritanical blue laws. In reality, you could tell him, sex “toys” are tools for sex. Guys like tools. But here’s a more original approach: Tell him, if someone brings a Monopoly board into the den it would be a pretty good sign she’d like to play with you, right? So if your partner brings a sex toy into the bedroom that’s an even better sign she wants to play with you.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Get over yourself. And bend over.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo by rightee

In respons to this week’s Wise Guys installment by Angelo, Johnny and Chris about the appeal of the facial, fellow Wise Guys Figleaf and Mark wanted a piece of the action. Apparently, this is THE week to talk about money shots:

Figleaf 
January 17th, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I’m not even stepping into the whole “facial” business. I’ll just point out Charlie Glickman’s thoughts from a post that arrived in my newsreader moments before this one:

http://www.charlieglickman.com/2012/01/where-does-validation-come-from/.

Instead I’ll just say I think the “money shot” is a seriously stupid dual artifact of porn. First, in the production of porn it’s just way more convenient to towel semen off skin than out of bodily orifices and therefore it’s more cost effective. This is why, at least early on, it was the low-budget porn shops that did money shots rather than the well-heeled ones. Second, for decades, anyway, porn was primarily an aid for male masturbation and so, I think, money shots are a way to help watchers identify with male actors.

I really think the masturbation element is key. Yes, you’ll occasionally see men’s parters “finishing” them off, but for the vast, vast, vast majority of cases the man essentially stops interacting physically with his partner, steps back a ways, and basically jacks off.

Again, fine if you’re at home alone. But seems to me sort of the whole point of sex with a partner is to have sex with them… not just onthem.

Now, that said, don’t get me wrong. If you’re both into it (and increasing numbers of both men and women seem to be) and it’s all good clean fun for both of you then great. Lots of great things about “sex” don’t actually involve sex.

Also, that said, another name for “money shots” is “the withdrawal method.” And while nothing in life is certain, when ejaculation occurs outside a partner’s body it at best reduces the odds of pregnancy and STI transmission and even at worst it evens them out between the semen donor and semen receiver. So that’s ok too.

But at the end of the day, for me, the physical pleasure reduction of orgasm via masturbation rather than with a partner isn’t worth whatever symbolic enjoyment it seems to bring other people.

So, again for me, thanks but no thanks.

 

Mark
January 18th, 2012 at 9:41 am

Wise Guys must think alike — fellow WG figleaf, you stole my thunder! I, too, have Glickman’s blog in my feed, saw the coincident timing in yesterday’s post, and planned to link not only to it but to the first article he links to, “He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think”: http://jezebel.com/5875217/ — totally, uh, topical. 

photo of Old Faithful by Chuck Martin

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the appeal of the “money shot?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): For men, the orgasm is the raison d’être of sexual activity, so the money shot—or facial, if you prefer—seems to be the requisite punctuation mark at the end of the male sexual narrative. Thus, when the sex is mediocre, the money shot provides the same definitive closure a period brings to the end of a sentence: Hand me the towel, honey.

Alternately, when the sex is explosive, the MS becomes declarative and celebratory. Grammatically, then, it’s the exclamation mark: Look how far it went, honey!

Sure, some women might find it degrading, but I think it’s adorable. It’s like watching a man stand back to admire the fruits of his labor. In any event, having your spunk land anywhere—the headboard, a calf—beats exiling it into a condom, that grammatical cesspool of uncertainty: Honey, did you finish yet?

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I assume the quotes means you are referring to the grandfather of all money-shots, the facial. This one is easy. It’s all about being proud of what you did. A visible, measurable artifact of male potency, left in the only place on the woman’s body that will require her to clean it up before she can do anything else. It’s not quite a money shot when it’s a tiny little dribble, but when you know a volumous one might be on its way, its a real ego boost to see it fly, and land, and then require special attention. I do not think that degradation and defilement are a real part of it. Maybe for some asshole guys, but not the majority. Yes, there is an aspect of domination/submission, but that’s very different. So in short: it’s visible virility and power. I’m getting horny writing this.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): If you’d asked me this ten years ago I could have written a dissertation about it. I was absolutely enthralled with the money shot for a long time. Once again the blame lies with porn. It probably never would have occurred to me to come on a woman’s face had I not seen it on video first. Back in the day porn was a lot less nasty then it is now, and a facial seemed pretty damn kinky by the standards of the day.

As with any fetish, though, it’s difficult to articulate the exact appeal. It’s like trying to explain why your favorite food tastes good. I think the facial is now just one point on a long checklist of sexual accomplishments men like to boast:

Much older partner? Check.
Much younger partner? Check.
Huge-breasted partner? Check.
In her butt? Check.
In MY butt? Check.
Facial? Check.

At this point I’ve seen and given so many money shots that it’s kind of passe to me. These days my lady partners actually suggest it more than I do. So, you tell me!

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Given a choice, would most guys like to watch porn with a partner? Or would they prefer to keep it as a purely solo activity?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): You’re talking to someone whose wife gets embarrassed when actors make out in regular old Hollywood fare, so I’ll admit I haven’t pushed the mutual porn-watching angle much. This is not to say she’s a total prude — she’s just not a fan of excessive PDA. Granted, there doesn’t seem to be much genuine affection evident in your average porno, though certainly plenty of over-the-top affected passion. Actually, that being the case, she might get a kick out of some brief triple-X viewing here and there, since she loves ridiculous, badly acted B-movies, especially the made-for-TV variety. But it would just be for laughs — which is obviously not why I’d want to rope her into the whole thing. No, the reason you try to get your partner to watch porn with you is to make her horny, or better yet to make her realize that a threesome with a super-hot, slutty nurse is really all she wants for Valentine’s Day. Otherwise you’re better off saving that kind of thing for the occasional date with yourself, and instead spending quality time with your partner either watching an intentionally funny movie or getting it on to the less polarizing accompaniment of Marvin Gaye or 30 Rock.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Personally, I’ve tried watching porn with my husband, and overall it’s been a somewhat unsatisfying experience. Of course, each man is different. But for me, porn is a very personal “me time” activity. I find that most guys are very picky about porn, and they each have their own particular way that they like to watch it. The glut of internet porn available to us has also made us very greedy. We all have our own particular way we want to watch it — sometimes we want to see some oral action, and then flip to some penetration, then back to oral. Or we want to have ten videos up on our computer at the same time, and flip back and forth between scenes. Maybe we want to watch a longer, slow-burning clip. Or perhaps we just want to watch that one moment that is just so hot -- over and over again. It all depends on our mood. When my husband comes in and messes with the control I’m used to having, I begin to get antsy. But every guy has a different style. Maybe your man’s style is to watch it together. Just ask. If you want to watch it with him and it gets you in the mood, I guarantee he will be willing to work something out.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): Hmmm… interesting question… gimme a sec…. okay, back (sorry, had to hit pause on the good ol’ Blu-Ray).  Now to your question: I don’t think there’s a black and white answer to this one because it all depends on mood and purpose. Feeling inspired and all alone?  If so, then maybe it’s time for a little solo viewing.  Feeling frisky and your S.O. is around (and she’s feeling frisky too)?  Why not make it a tandem activity?  All that said though, my suspicion is that most guys would probably prefer to watch porn by themselves.  There can be a certain discomfort about watching your favorite dirty movies with someone else because you’re not sure what the other person is ultimately going to think about the things that turn you on.  It’s kind of like watching the Lord of the Rings movies with someone whose never seen them before: You hope the other person likes them, but more importantly, you hope they still like you afterward.  (Plus, what are they going to think of all that hobbit-on-hobbit love at the end?! Which, come to think of it, and depending on genre, can be a question equally applicable to porn.)

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties. To ask the guys your own question, click here.