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Wise Guys: What’s the Best Relationship Advice You Ever Got?

July 24, 2012

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given about relationships?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): “Make sure she’s happy.” Every woman is different and there are a myriad of ways to accomplish this, but by far the best relationship advice I’ve been given.

 

 

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): Best advice I’ve been given is, would you set your sister or cousin up with someone like you? If the answer is no, then why would anyone else want to date you?

 

 

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): ”Expectations lead to resentments, and when you allow people to just be themselves, the relationship can really grow.” RuPaul said that.

 

 

Please donate to EMandLO.com! Every $1 helps, every $5 really helps, and every $50 makes you our best friend!

 

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Why Do Straight Men Have Such a Problem with Male Nudity?

July 17, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Women put up with female nudity in movies all the time, but guys freak if there’s the occasional male butt – what gives? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Fred): Do men freak? Maybe the ones who do are afraid of their own inner latent homosexuality? More likely, they make displays of disapproval to prove to the world that they’re not gay — which just makes them seem gay, in a repressed way. Homophobia has that effect. The men who quietly freak on the inside when confronted with attractive male nudity do so for the same reasons women quietly freak on the inside when they’re bombarded by attractive female nudity: it makes you feel insecure and inadequate, and makes you worry that the significant other watching the movie/show/art with you would prefer that naked ideal over you. Women just have more practice at dealing with these negative feelings because female nudity is so much more prevalent. Which begs the question: why is female nudity so much more prevalent? My main theory is that guys are much more visually sexually driven than women (women usually close their eyes when they masturbate, men usually want to look at something) and so injecting female nudity in entertainment, even when it’s not necessary to the story, makes the whole thing more enjoyable for guys, it amps them up, so it can turn, say, a good movie into a really good if not great movie for them (like someone was occasionally tickling their balls while they watched). I’m not sure the same would be true for women. And certainly men outnumber women when it comes to the people making the big decisions in the entertainment industry.


Single Straight Guy (
Megan): There is a lot that goes on in the man cave that women aren’t privy to.  Just like men aren’t allowed into the quilting circle and don’t see how women relate to other women when men aren’t around, women don’t see how men relate to other men when women aren’t around.  Men judge each other, but they do it discreetly and viciously.  There are old standards and expectations that we’ve inherited and that we were born into without our consent.  Men expect other men to be the bread winners, to be the head of household, to be athletic, to be manly and on and on.  You know the image.  What you don’t know is that men who don’t stand up to the image are passive-aggressively ridiculed by other men and cast out of the man cave.  They aren’t invited to office lunches anymore.  They aren’t invited to private parties.  They aren’t called to have beers with the guys unless there is some woman friend of yours they want to hit on.  It’s archetypal.  Part of that archetype is for “proper” straight men to be anti-gay.  It’s not necessarily a conscious, deliberate thing, but there is an unconscious pressure from the man cave that creates anxiety when men, for example, see other men naked.  I can appreciate a good, firm ass.  It gives me something to strive for.  I mean, have you ever seen Baryshnikov in his prime? His butt is like a cantaloupe that was sliced in half.  For this appreciation, however, I don’t really get asked out with guys very often.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): I love to see a guy’s naked butt 10 feet tall on a movie screen and would love to see more.  I think the issue goes back to Pope Paul IV turning the church away from its more sinful past by adding marble and plaster fig leaves to groins of all the nude male statues in the Vatican.  Blame religion.

 

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About Sexting?

July 12, 2012

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “How do adult men feel about sexting? Juvenile phenomenon? Sexy way to break up a few hours apart? Words but no pics?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Sexting is pretty much the best use of smart phones that ever existed and I think Graham Bell would be mighty proud indeed to see the lengths to which mankind has taken his invention. Few things beat the rush of excitement when you get a naughty mid-day ping — be it pictures or words, it matters not. Sext away fair maiden! We can’t get enough of it.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): As long as sexting maintains its taboo, it’s going to be fun. That definitely won’t change. Unfortunately, however, “fun” doesn’t always equate to “wise” or even “worth the risk.” Whether it’s worth the risk to send a few naughty lines or (yikes!) a picture of your man-parts to someone is a personal decision; one that should be made after careful deliberation… or, at the very least, one that shouldn’t be made immediately after ingesting mass quantities of fermented hops. (Anyone around here got a camera?)

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Matt): Sexting could be a juvenile phenomenon, or maybe just something I’ve never come across personally. Being married with married friends, guys in my social circles don’t tend to share their latest sexual updates like single guys do. Telling your single buddies in a bar about your hook-up is one thing, but standing around a barbecue talking about the hot message your wife texted you yesterday would be more than a little awkward. So maybe my married friends do sext their partners; I have no idea. It’s just something that’s never occurred to me (or to my wife, apparently). Now that you’ve mentioned it, I could send her one now, but I think she’d probably find it more hilarious than hot.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties; and our Straight Married Guy is feeling a little shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How to Make Fireworks in the Bedroom

July 5, 2012

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photo by foxypar4

Advice from three of EM & LO‘s guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Seeing as it was Independence Day yesterday, what’s your number 1 tip for making fireworks in the bedroom?”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Pop champagne! Sex is all about letting go of inhibitions and nothing helps you tap into those deep, dark dirty desires like a bit of bubbly. Put your finger where? Lick my what? Call me who? Booze has been called social lube for centuries, and that stays true straight into the bedroom…or kitchen…or your neighbors’ garage. So celebrate your independence by tapping into a bottle of bubbly and let your crazy ass fantasies come to life. God bless America.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): Sex. It might seem like a foregone conclusion to you swinging singles or young lovers, but to married couples sex is the exception rather than the rule. While that sounds depressing, the lowered expectations this situations brings means that all you have to do to blow your partner’s mind is to show up, take off your clothes and do it. If you’ve spent years dragging your carcass across a desert, even a single drop of water is going to taste like champagne.

Straight Married Guy (Fred): My number one tip is:  Start hours before you get to the bedroom.  A flirty look across the picnic table, a lightly fondled butt as you brush past on your way to the outdoor bar, a whispered saucy comment near the barbecue. Each of these things will light figurative sparklers in your romantic relationship and make your grand finale later that much louder and brighter.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): Here is my best tip: maintain eye contact. Why? Because eye contact during sex is hot and underrated, doggie-style be damned. Just as importantly, eyes do not lie — they are a great gauge to determine whether you’re doing the right thing. Not everyone is incredibly vocal about their hot spots or favorite techniques (I am an exception to this: my left nipple should be your best friend). So if you’re not sure what you should be focusing on, focus on their eyes. When they glaze over, try something else. When they widen, keep going. And when they roll back in their head… fireworks.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett of Tyler Barnett PR in LA. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: What Will Men NEVER Tell Their Partner?

June 26, 2012

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photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What are some sex-related things a guy will NEVER tell the person he’s dating?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook):  What he really wants to do. Openness is the key to any successful relationship — but only to a point. Just like a woman shouldn’t see her man shitting, she shouldn’t be exposed to the open sewer running through his fantasies. Besides, fantasies are fantasies for a reason; if they were acted out in reality, they could be harmful, icky or just plain embarrassing. A man doesn’t really want a whore in the bedroom, he wants YOU in the bedroom, and a bunch of whores in the dark dungeon at the back of his dirty mind. So do us both a favor, and don’t ask what’s in there.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): My guess here is: previously cured STDs and times when he couldn’t perform.

 

 

mark_luczak_100Straight Engaged Guy (Mark Luczak): Generally, there’s a natural chronology to the progression of things, sex-related and not, that are shared as a relationship evolves from courtship to dating to exclusivity and beyond. I’m pretty much an open book, so usually it has happened to be me pushing the envelope of revelation at each stage, just in the interest of getting to know someone better, and vice-versa — it’s all part of the fun, and of course the disclosure of more intimate stuff (turn-ons, fantasies eventually) can be particularly exciting. I can’t think of much I wouldn’t tell eventually, other than some of the truly gory details of previous relationships that for all involved are obviously better left in the past.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Engaged Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Their Girlfriends Kissing Other Women?

June 19, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Would a guy feel cheated on if his girlfriend made out with another girl, or is that somehow different territory?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben)I think it all depends on the spirit of the make out and whatever agreements you and your gf have and whatever her actual orientation is. If you’re gf is mostly straight, gets drunk or high one night and kisses some girls, I’d call that hot, not cheating. But if it’s sober, planned and behind the back, there’s probably something deeper going on. My wife is very bisexual — she’s dated and been in love with women in the past. But we also have a fairly loose definition of monogamy. For us, if either one of us broke our agreements with either women or men, then, yes, definitely trouble.

Gay Single Guy (Justin Huang): It’s funny. Straight boys have such a visceral, extreme reaction to their girlfriends taking dips into the lady pool. For half of them, seeing their girlfriend make out with another chick would be boner nirvana. But for the other half, it’s just as bad if she were kissing a guy. This usually has nothing to do with insecurity or doubts about his manhood, by the way. I think it’s largely cultural, and by the time a guy is your boyfriend, you should have a good gauge about his comfort level about any of your potential Girls Gone Wild moments.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): I’m guessing that most guys, confronted with their lady making out with another lady, would be more than ok with it. The classic bro stereotype of loving lesbian action, regardless of how you feel about it, touches on one very important truth: heterosexual men don’t like to watch other men kissing. We even look away when James Bond kisses his sexy babes. Call it homophobia if you like, but  it’s just a fact of male heterosexuality: we honestly don’t get what women see in us that they find attractive. So while kissing is great when you’re involved, but watching other dudes kiss? It just doesn’t make for very good entertainment. But a pretty girl kissing another pretty girl? We’ve been conditioned to love it. The main problem is figuring out how to remain calm and not spoil the moment.

Now consider something more extreme: what would that same bro do if he walked in on his girl naked with another girl and a dildo? This might make some guys uncomfortable, regardless of the obvious double standard. The bottom line is that yes, this is a different territory, and it is a very gray territory indeed. I think that it will rarely be treated the same as heterosexual cheating, but there’s no question that actual sex with someone other than your partner will create some discomfort if not discussed beforehand. So talk about it first before everyone gets in trouble. There’s too much potential for fun there!

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Justin Huang, an LA-based freelance film editor, producer, certified personal trainer and the voice of IAmYellowPeril.com; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Men Feel About Dirty Talk?

June 5, 2012

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photo by db*photography

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What’s your opinion of dirty talk? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): I’m not categorically opposed to dirty talk, as long as my sexual soup de jour isn’t a complete moron. Which leads me to my next maxim: Sleeping with morons is permissible if they don’t talk. Obviously, if you make it a priority not to sleep with morons, this doesn’t apply to you — carry on with your foul-mouthed ways. But since I admire beauty in all its Neanderthal forms, I once slept with a man who insisted on calling my unmentionable a boy pussy:

Does your boy pussy need attention?
Let me tear that boy pussy tonight.
Is your boy pussy hungry for beef?

In this case, dirty talk — or all forms of communication, really — is problematic only in that it threatens to expose your partner’s verbal and intellectual ineptitude. So why risk a good thing by encouraging the potty mouth? In the end, there’s one maxim that always rings true: Less is more, sweetcheeks.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): In my experience, women who talk dirty in public are full of it — just attention seekers most of the time. The quiet ones are the real deal. So, in a lot of ways, I’m trained to get turned on initially by a woman who knows what to leave unsaid. Once we’ve become sex partners, in a naked bedroom context, things change a little. Talk is good, but walk is better. The dirty talk that excites me the most is a shocking, single instructional phrase which she delivers like she’s halfway scared of what she’s suggesting. Like, “come on my face” or “slap me” or “choke me.” Just leave out the corny porn dirty talk, like, “Ooh yeah, fuck my pussy with your big cock!” Cheesy.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I’d like to ask you the same question and have you answer it with my huge throbbing cock in your mouth. (I like it. As for other guys, it’s not something I’ve talked to many of them about. I imagine most would like it with the right woman.)

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: How Do Male and Female Orgasms Compare?

May 29, 2012

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photo via beautifulagony.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do you think is the difference between the male orgasm and the female orgasm? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): I’m going to put aside everything I know about the physiology and biochemistry of orgasms and say the female orgasm is like that long stretch you have when you first wake up and the male orgasm is like a sneeze. That a.m. stretch is refreshing, it involves your whole body, it feels as though it lasts for ages, and it just puts you in the perfect mood to start the day. The sneeze on the other hand just sort of happens. It’s messy, quick, a little embarrassing, and you can feel kind of gross afterward. Both the stretch and the sneeze are pretty necessary, but one is a bit more glamorous.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): This is a really important psychological, sociological, and political question, so I won’t even tell the joke about how you need Kleenex for both. I think of the female orgasm as the awesome moment before a male orgasm (plateau phase — 5th grade Sex Ed?) except it can go on longer, reboot, or degrade into giggles, which doesn’t usually happen to me.

terence_100Committed Gay Guy (Terence): Volume, viscosity and the time it takes to get there.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.netColin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: If a Guy Says He Doesn’t Like Porn, Is He Lying?

May 22, 2012

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If a guy says he doesn’t like porn, is he lying?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): Not necessarily. Porn is one of those things that get categorized as a guilty pleasure, but I know more than a few men who just aren’t into it. The problem with porn is that almost all of it is entirely unrealistic. “Ding dong. Hi, I’m Cornay and I work in IT. Do you have a problem with your hard drive?” Are you kidding me? If stuff like that worked, every computer programmer on earth would be getting laid like crazy. Just look at some of the titles of this stuff. “World Sex Tour 19”, “Ass Good Ass It Gets”, “Beverley Hills Copulator”? It’s freaking puntastic.

Of course, there is one way in which almost every guy enjoys porn, in humor. A good friend of mine went to a college where watching the porn version of Alice in Wonderland was a regular event. Viewing parties drew 40+ people. Who wouldn’t laugh at an x-rated musical parody of Alice? It gives new meaning to the phrase “down the rabbit hole.” When I was in college, a group of us would occasionally head out to the local movie rental chain and pick the porno with the goofiest sounding name or plot to watch and make fun of. My favorite was a Star Wars parody that was creatively named “Porn Wars”. Yeah, it’s that cheesy. The “Jodi” are a group of muscular buxom females who are training a crop of equally muscular and well-oiled men in the powers of the Force. The best part is that the light sabers have been replaced with silver dildos.

Really though, what a guy wants is real sex. The closer that he can get to that, the better, which is exactly the problem with porn, and why many men simply aren’t into it. Even the “amateur” videos and sites are bogus. These are simply women who are just getting into the business. What a guy is far more likely to utilize for his mastubatory needs are pictures or videos of ex girlfriends if he has them. If that bothers you, then you should either be giving him new material, or better yet, giving him sex.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): Short answer: yes. Nuanced answer? Maybe not outright lying, but not completely honest. In the internet age, we can find porn to suit any taste or fetish. To say a guy doesn’t like porn is like saying a guy doesn’t like music. Men are visual and will respond to something they like, whether they will admit it or not. If he says he doesn’t like porn, it can only be one of three reasons: 1) he’s completely and utterly repressed sexually, unable to accept his own sexual desires, 2) he’s embarrassed by his own sexual desires, which may include a fetish or two he isn’t ready to share, or 3) he wants his partner to believe that she is the only woman in the world on his mind. But in all three cases, he’s lying.

Single Straight Guy (Saad): If anyone – man, woman, straight or otherwise – denies liking porn, they’re probably lying. Unless individuals are truly asexual, like those bacteria and yeast you read about in biology class, there is going to be some kind of pornography out there that gets their juices flowing. (Whether they actively seek it out or not is another story. In other words, if they say they don’t like porn, they just haven’t looked hard enough…or at all.)

As far as guys are concerned, our relationship with porn spans a spectrum, from shamelessly addicted (or, shamefully) to “I’m bored, there’s nothing else to do on the Internet.” One thing is certain: we like the real thing, with her soft skin and a mess of hair splayed over our pillow, worlds better than any digital imitation. So, if you’re seeing a guy, show a bit of curiosity and ask him to share his interests in this area. Start small, indicate you want it to be on the tamer side. After a while, you both might find yourselves very pleasantly surprised with where the path takes you.

If you plan to reproduce by willing yourself to split into two, you can disregard this advice.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is  Saad Hasan, who works on nanotechnology with a team in Pennsylvania. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Do Men Really Care About Their Partner’s Flexibility?

May 15, 2012

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do men really care about how flexible their partners are in bed?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): Sure, flexibility is great… but I don’t need you to be able to lock your legs behind your head. In fact, I’ve never had an issue of a woman not being flexible enough for what we were doing. So no, it’s really not a big deal.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): Flexible as in easy going personality, then yes. I don’t want to be with a high maintenance person who cannot roll with the punches. Sometimes life happens and the best laid plans fall apart. Physically flexible, who wouldn’t want that? I don’t think members of either gender or sexual orientation want someone who is stiff and can’t move. So get out those yoga mats.

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): It’s just as much a big deal as penis length is for you gals — a happy medium is always appreciated! It’s great to have the option, but too much flex is like having sex a la Exorcism of Emily Rose (kinda scary) — but too little is like trying maneuver a department store mannequin. You don’t need to be “Cirque du Soleil,” but a yoga DVD can do wonders!

Please donate to EMandLO.com! Every $1 helps, every $5 really helps, and every $50 makes you our best friend!

 

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.