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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.

Hi Em & Lo,

For various reasons (long abusive relationship, thankfully ended, plus my own social ineptitude), I’ve only had sex a handful of times over the past 5-6 years and I feel so empty and frustrated. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I’m fit and attractive, I look after myself, I’m moderately successful.  I’m 27 years old and would love to have a decent and fulfilling sex life, but have no idea where to start. I’m a quiet and introverted person, so I realise I’ll probably have to meet guys online. But how can I be honest about my inexperience without putting off potential partners? I sound so weird and needy — and that’s not who I am, or who I want to be. I have no idea how to initiate sex or get someone off and I would love to learn. I’m okay at building a rapport with someone I like, but how do I get over the physical awkwardness? I’d be so grateful for your help, as this is making me miserable.

– Too Old to Be a Newbie

What should T.O.T.B.A.N. do?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We are both so in love with each other and talk of marriage in a few years. He is Pakistani and I am white. His religious Muslim family approves of me.

A few months ago, I found out that him and his cousin who lives in Pakistan were writing love letters to each other for two years before we met. I confronted him about it and we settled issues for the most part. He claims to have never loved her. I believe him for the most part, even though the only reason he tossed the letters was because he knew I’d not tolerate or be with him anymore. He is very clingy to things of his past. It hurt so much that he wanted to save these letters because it’s as if they meant something to him.

Since then I have gotten over this issue for the most part because we talked about it many times and he promised me he never loved her. I don’t want to sound like a stupid girl, but I believe him. I really do.
The problem is, they still talk. And her being his cousin, it’s difficult for me to tell him that I don’t want him talking to her, because she is his family. I know he has plans to go to Pakistan on vacation and I am extremely hurt and mad because I know they will see each other. I don’t think I’d be able to be with him anymore even though I love him deeply. I know that if he were in my shoes he would not want me to see someone I wrote love letters to or talk to them, even if I really didn’t ever love them.

I have been avoiding this talk because I can’t bear to be without him, I love him so much. I know that him going to Pakistan is somewhat out of his control because it’s his parents choice, but I don’t know how to handle or approach this situation. I trust that nothing will happen between the two of them while he is there. But I know they will be hanging out a lot, and I cannot bear the thought of him being near her, the girl he thought he loved for two years.

What do I do? I don’t want to break up with him, but I don’t want to be that stupid girl who gets hurt like this either. Ideally he would never talk to her or see her again. Am I being unreasonable for wanting this? I don’t think I am considering he has told me that he does not want me talking to guys from my past. But then again, they were not my cousins.

– Dating a Kissing Cousin

What should D.A.K.C. do?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.

For a while now my girlfriend and I have been enjoying anal play, both of us giving and receiving, even with toys. My question is: is this ethically wrong on my part or hers? I mean we both get pretty turned on by it. I always thought gay men did anal so does that mean I’m gay? I love my girlfriend and love being with her and never dream of another guy — yuck! Plus, she likes feeling in control. She told a couple of her girlfriends and now they want to find a guy like me who is open to exploring what a man’s body can actually do. Am I just over-thinking this or are we seriously goofy?

This one is obviously a gimme.

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.

Why do guys cheat down? Meaning, picking a woman less attractive. My husband cheated on me with a woman twice my size. He said he found her unattractive but couldn’t help himself. Another friend of mine (she is a model) had her husband cheat on her. It was while he was out of town and all the women were less attractive. Of course these are just two examples. I was always under the impression that if you are going to cheat, at least make it worth it.

What do you think? Do you agree that men “cheat down”? Why or why not?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

My boyfriend of one year and nine months clearly has some intimacy issues. Though we recently moved in together he is rarely affectionate. He has never told me that he loves me (I finally told him a few days ago and got nothing in response), I can count on one hand the number of times he’s ever told me that I look pretty, and things like flowers or romance are clearly out of the question.

To give background on his situation, his family and him do not have an affectionate relationship. He never heard the words “I love you” growing up, but then again neither did I. He also claims that he’s never told any woman before that he loved them. So to give him credit this seems to be a lifelong issue, not just something he’s had with me.

He’s a wonderful man – smart, handsome, intelligent, hard working, kind – all reasons why I hesitate to cut my losses at this point…but I don’t think it’s asking too much to wish for romance and outward affection from the one I love. I don’t know if I can go a lifetime having my partner never tell me that he loves me…and I wonder whether he’ll be the same way with any potential children.

I’ve tried to lead by example by planning nice things for him, telling him how I feel about him, and expressing how happy he makes me, but none of it has done any good.

Please help. Do I begrudgingly suck it up knowing that in most other categories he’s a great catch or search for someone who isn’t embarrassed/closed off to showing emotion?

– Starving for Affection

What should SFA do?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I’ve recently started seeing a woman I really like (we’ve just started sleeping with each other). She doesn’t yet know I’ve got a pretty kinky side and I don’t want it to scare her off. I was thinking of using Halloween as an opportunity to gently introduce her to this side. We’re going to a costume party on Monday and neither of us have decided on costumes. I could try to convince her to go as the dominatrix to my love slave, or as the housewife in American Horror Story to my pvc body suit guy (not that I’m THAT kinky — I don’t own my own gimp suit, I just like the occasional bondage/spanking/rough sex thing, both giving and receiving). So my questions are 1) Is this is a good way to test the waters with her and 2) if so, do you have any costume recommendations?

– American Horny Story

What should AHS do?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and we have three kids. I’m currently nursing our seven month old. I really don’t enjoy sex, I even dread it. It’s not painful or anything, but it’s just really hard for me to get into it — and my husband doesn’t like it unless I am into it. He can’t just be happy having a “quickie” because it’s too much like business. Anyway, we were both virgins when we got married, so we are each other’s only partners. I need help, because we are both very frustrated.

– Business Partner

What should B.P. do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

– Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

My boyfriend just told me he was bisexual. He said in the past he has had sex with other men, but that it will never happen again. I want to believe him. I’m pregnant with his baby and he said he wants to get married. My problem is I don’t know if I can handle knowing that and still stay with him. I know it’s in his past, but how do I know it will stay there? As of right now I cant even look at him without feeling disgust, and I can’t stop crying because he’s still the love of my life. But I just dont know how to cope with what he’s done, or what he might do. I really don’t know how to feel ok with it, as bad as I want to, I still find it repulsive. Please help.

– Knocked Up and Knocked Out

What should KUKO do?

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We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

I wrote to you about three years ago about how my upstairs neighbor was my ex-bf and that I needed to continue living there for school. Now, at 24, I find myself in a much stickier and more unsavory situation. Same boy and I got back together after that, fell in love, and after getting things to a very healthy and stable place, moved in together about 8 months ago. Now, we just broke up, as our jobs and lives are moving in different directions. I cannot move out until I’ve found myself an apartment. He can afford the entire rent on his own, once I’m gone. Any tips for weathering the storm? I really want to avoid spending nights at my parents’ house or moving back in with them, as I feel super-isolated there. This is my home! Help!

– Not Home Alone

What should N.H.A. do?