We’ve gotten some outrageous letters over the years: one from the guy asking us if he could get STDs from the corpses he was having sex with at the morgue; another from a couple inquiring how they could get their German Shepard to have consensual sex with the woman while the man watched. We try to make this a judgment-free zone, but sometimes it’s impossible. Once in a while, the occasional reader seem just plain nuts. Are they for real? Who knows. Are they crazy in one way or another? Most definitely.Â
It’s been a while since we’ve gotten a genuine, draw-dropping head scratcher. But the following comment from the dubiously named “Mystery Tomcat” deserves a space in our Hall of Infamy. Is he for real? We hope not. Is he insane? At least a smidge. Either way, our publication of his comment is intended for entertainment purposes only. By featuring his letter, we are not endorsing or condoning his behavior. This is NOT an instruction manual for would-be DIYers! Medical procedures should always be done by actual, trained doctors.
Despite his “happy ending,” we still think this can be read as a cautionary tale about focusing too much on one’s perceived “imperfections” instead of appreciating and working with what you’ve got:
“Way down under in Melbourne, Australia is the story of a tightly done male adult circumcision of the ultimate kind. Youâ€™ll never believe the story â€¦ or will you?
Around 17 years ago, I became aware that circumcision was of interest to me. How to go about it ? What an embarrassment, how to sneak into a Doctor cost etc. I became more and more frustrated, as I knew I wanted it done. Australia is a hot climate too and I wanted a slick model penis, not a sock, at half mast. I had learnt from school that I was bisexual, I would use the odd opportunity to check out and occasionally talk another classmate into pulling down his pants and letting me give him oral sex. Both circumcised and uncircumcised, although I didnâ€™t know what circumcision was then, I was only ten ! We start pretty early in Australia !
Anyway back to circumcision. I became more and more, frustrated and there didnâ€™t seem to be a way of resolving the issue. Then I had a bereavement in the family. If I couldnâ€™t solve this simple problemâ€¦ It was a question of honor.
So what I did may surprise many. I am an everyday kind of bloke, a family now, job and the rest of it. So donâ€™t be too shocked. Where there is a will there is a way.
I had been researching on the net at the time and I was reading and seeing pics of tribal and African circumcisions. There are great stories of the Tuli in the Philippines and also teens putting their penis on a log with a piece of twine and the elder slicing off the foreskin, high and tight, leaving a terrific red patched scar.
I decided after much viewing and research that this is what I wanted. I was a bit far from the Philippines and Africa, so this is what happened.
One long weekend when there was a Public holiday, I decided to have a go myself. This is not for the faint hearted.
On the Friday night, I did the usual, a few beers then came home. I opened a bottle of white wine and proceeded to watch an x-rated video. Of course with a long ring barked cock or two. After a while I was ready. A bit of popper amyl and I was more or less ready to have a go. At circumcision.
I knew the skin would be sensitive, so I had purchased from an adult store, delay spray. This I think had lidocaine like when you get Suntan mozzie burns cream from the supermarket only stronger. I applied it to my foreskin until the end of my cock felt number, than usual. Another drink and some poppers, a look at the tightly taut scarred cocks on the TV screen and it was time. Time to join the rest of my male brothers on the planet with a permanently forever nude glans and a stripped pointed helmety penis. Intention purple glans to always lead the way, from that night on or else.
I sized and drew a line working out where to cut and checked this out numerous times. Another drink, more amyl and an inspection of the video playing and I was ready.
I took a very sharp pair a medium size sewing scissors and sat down. Carefully lining them up, I very slowly, and I mean really really slowly, put them through the line on the foreskin I had drawn. I had already pulled the foreskin as hard as I ever could in front of my glans.
Slowly but surely I got the job done. Everything dropped back behind my glans and my foreskin lay on a tissue. A dream come true. I couldnâ€™t believe my absolute relief and satisfaction.
All this time later nearly two decades on, I am still happy. A couple a days later, I consulted a friendly doctor and some stitches were added on the quiet to complete the job.
Result is I have a very tightly circumcised penis, with absolutely no frenulum or foreskin.
The absolute tightest male circumcision possible, for myself and any partner I should choose, whether it be female or male. Amazingly there is no two tone scar and the circumcision join is one color and height. No different levels of skin height or misalignment.
Nature really does like male circumcision.”