photo via Flickr
Reader Lily had this to say in response to “Your Call: Can a Relationship Work If One Person Is More Into It?”:
Relationships seem to have a subtle but brilliant push/pull mechanism that make them ‘work’ in the beginning. Then after a while you have to consciously chip in in order to keep it afloat. Â If you’re not willing to be part of that, don’t enroll. This is where it usually ends, when one partner feels, accurately or not, that they are doing all the work. When it comes to love in a spiritual sense, I wonder if it isn’t the same thing: it usually ends if one person feels like he or she is doing all the loving.
MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:
Reader Johnny had this to say in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Can Men Handle the Fact of Female Bodily Functions?”
Farting in front of me? My lady has farted ON me. I started it. She returned fire. I was aghast. How COULD she? Jesus CHRIST! Frankly, I have always been emphatically opposed to revelations of female bodily function (except menstruation, which never bothered me). I like a seamless veneer of femininity, and that’s what I thought I had found in my dainty lil’ lady. Now here she is laughing her ass off after bending over and blowing one right at me; she is mimicking the stunned and horrified look on my face, and laughing even harder; tears of hilarity well up in her eyes as I stomp to the bathroom and wash my face. I was stone-faced and disgusted, but she offered no apology.
It is battle I lost. Flatulence is now a cornerstone of our domestic humor. It took some getting used to, but hey, I’ve got a pretty little lady with the maturity of a 13 year old boy. Don’t all guys dream of that?
MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:
Reader Jenna said the following in response to the post “Your Call: How Can She Tell If a Guy Is Playing Games?”
Men who are serious about relationships usually have a certain amount of transparency. They let you meet friends or family without it being a big production. They share details of their day or their nights out. They call/ text when they say they will and return your calls in a reasonable amount of time. If a man is veiled in secrecy, it’s probably because he is playing games. Or, a spy. But I’d put my money on the former.
The main thing I would suggest is to listen to your gut. If you feel like he is playing you, he probably is. You should just be straightforward and ask. Also, actions speak louder than words, so judge him by his behavior, not just what he tells you.
More from EMandLO.com:
photo via Flickr
This comment from Mactek in response to the post “Wise Guys: If He Asks About Size, Can I Tell Him the Truth?” recalls our favorite comment from two weeks ago titled “Love a Woman As Is.” Hey, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!
I want a woman who loves, appreciates, adores, admires and desires me. My penis is a part of me. It always has been. If I can’t trust a woman to desire my penis and sexual virility, why would I trust her with my heart.
Ladies, if your man catches a whiff of your disappointment in his manhood, you had better believe that exaggerated mental picture will be running through his head. Good luck dealing with his erection problems.
If you are unable to tell him that you love his size, you should show him by immediately pulling down his trow and smothering the little guy with sexy kisses and squeezes and other pleasant activities. This is your time to woman up.
photo via flickr
Two readers this week offered solutions to the really wet spot that can result from female ejaculation, in response to our post “Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About Female Ejaculation?” First, reader Ace Card from the blog The Good Sex Life suggests this:
My favorite squirting aid is our “Liberator Throe Blanket” [$89]. We ordered it from an online store and it is amazing! It’s made for squirting sex, it has a waterproof barrier in the middle with a silky covering on one side of the barrier and a plush covering on the other side for you to choose the side you like most. It looks like a sexy blanket that you just through on your bed. What I like is that it almost covers our queen size mattress entirely, this allows my wife to squirt crazy far and in different positions.
For a cheaper and more D.I.Y. solution, reader Old Faithful (ha) suggests this:
Friends! We have solved the mess problem! I mean, come on, when you are a gusher or you sleep with a gusher, there is new meaning to the term wet spot! Towels can soak through. The thing that works is a product designed for incontinent rabbits – a soft, quilted cotton pad with a soft waterproof material on the reverse side, completely washable about a yard square, holds 2 cups liquid! We keep one by the bed or folded under the pillow and lay it across a chair to dry after use before going in the wash. This product can be purchased for around $20 at the site CatFaeries.com.
RELATED LINKS ON EMandLO.com:
Egon Schiele, Reclining Female Nude with Violet Stockings, 1910
Pierre, in response to the post “10 Reasons Your ‘Ugly Vagina’ Is Normal and Gorgeous”:
Vulvas, just like breasts, just look their best when they are NATURAL.
I really hate the tendency nowadays for the shaved look and the trimmed lips, there’s nothing left! I agree with the authors: who wants a vulva that looks like a 7-year-old’s?
Bring back the 70s when women were natural, confident, and not put under so much stress about what is supposedly “normal.”
I, for one, put in one more guy’s vote for just loving women for being women! And for enjoying sex with a woman because I love her AS A PERSON and therefore find her attractive, not because her anatomy matches a blueprint of what is supposedly perfect.
Get Personal Advice Publicly on EMandLO.comTry Our New
*PRIVATE* Advice Service!
Reader Xena said the following in response to our post “He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla — Is the Relationship Doomed?”
The LESS likely scenario is that the vanilla partner will have bsdm needs awoken in them with time. But I would not bet on that scenario. The other very important thing to note is that even people into bdsm can be at very different stages at different times. Someone just starting out might never DREAM that they will grow to love and even crave certain activities that they actually will down the line. So someone seasoned and the kinds of things they are into might scare them off and they would not even understand why those things are craved, EVEN if they are later wired to get into it.
The much much MUCH more likely scenario is that the vanilla partner will grow to maybe enjoy a few mild bdsm-centered activities, but not need or crave or even tolerate more than that. Meanwhile the one into heavy bdsm — just the fact that they are into heavy bdsm to begin with already means it is NOT gonna go away. In fact they are eventually going to be frustrated with unmet needs and start seeking outlets — often behind the back of their vanilla partner.
If a vanilla person finds themself in the situation of the poster, hedge your bets on scenario two, and END the relationship before you both get much more emotionally vested, get married, have kids and then inevitably face a MUCH greater issue down the line when you discover your partner is cheating on you. The risk here is GREAT.
Yes, there is a tiny chance that one day you might grow to appreciate and need his needs and then regret breaking it off. But honestly, the chance is so tiny that it’s not worth considering and even if it happens, you can fully excuse your decision to flee with the very big fact that you were not ready for that kind of bdsm intensity at THAT stage of your life. The pain suffered will be SIGNIFICANTLY less than if you stay in the relationship and grow it into a HUGE problem later.
This is one scenario in which love does NOT conquer all.
MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:
photo via Flickr
We love a success story. Here’s Anne, in response to “10 Steps to Orgasming Without a Vibrator”:
I have been going electric since I discovered any sort of sex in my teens. You would be surprised how many household items vibrate. My first orgasm was with vibration and I had never had an orgasm without one. But it kept me satisfied to last through high school and most of college waiting for the right guy and I’m proud to say that we are still together and are very much in love. I should probably mention that I am 22. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to orgasm any time we have sex. I completely gave up vibration for about 6 months hoping it would help but nada. Last weekend I got home from seeing him and just gave up and went for the vibe. But tonight I found this post and I thought what the heck, I’m going to put the time in and just relax and see what happens. And after a very very very long time, guess what? It worked! I had my first manual orgasm. And then I had another. It feels like such a relief to know that it’s actually possible and with a lot of patience, my partner might be able to bring me to climax some day. Until now I had put myself into the group of women who just will never be able to have an orgasm with a partner, and without vibration. Don’t give up ladies.
Reader Lisa said the following in response to the (oldie-but-goodie) post “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?”
When you go out with a guy, he’s already decided what he wants out of that relationship, whether it be a LTR or a one night stand. You just have to learn how to read the signs as to what a man is looking for. I have had sex on a first date three times and each time it turned into a relationship that lasted several months. It wasn’t the sex on the first date that ended these relationships — other reasons were the cause.
I recently met a guy for a first date, and we have been talking on the phone for a week or so beforehand. When we finally met it was just an instant connection, we just talked and laughed and had fun together. We were both really attracted to each other and one thing let to another and we ended up having sex most of the night. We had great chemistry even in the bedroom. He wanted me to stay the night, and he held me most of the night. Ever since that night we have been talking every day, and we are going out tomorrow night again.
I have waited to have sex with guys I dated, only to find out that we were not sexually compatible at all. I think if you are honest with each other about your intentions, what you want out of the relationship, then by all means, have sex on the first date if it feels right. Just make sure you are safe.
RELATED ARTICLES ON EMandLO.com:
photo via Flickr
For the second week in a row, our favorite comment has been in response to the post, “Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm” –  this week reader Tess has some similarly spot on advice:
…if this pattern [of unsatisfying sex] is all that [your husband] knows, then you can’t expect him to just get it. To him, all of a sudden the rules about sex have changed, and oh yeah he is also now a HORRIBLE lover. Which has to ding a person’s self worth and likely he is too freaked out or embarrassed to learn to be better.
“I tell him if he’s not sure what to do I’ll guide him but it always goes straight to sex and that’s it.” —This is what needs to change.
- Do not tell him that he can ask for pointers. Instead, give him feedback while he is doing something. Examples: “Please touch me (here)” or “bite my (location)” or even “To the Left!” If he gets off track, then redirect him with another suggestion.
- Why, oh why are your letting someone put his penis in you when you aren’t ready? This one is on you. You need to stop doing this. If he tries to slip it in, tell him “not yet” and mean it. Don’t give in to “I can’t wait any longer” and if he ignores you, tell him he is walking that fine rape line and he doesn’t get to ignore your “no” so he also doesn’t get to ignore your “not yet”.
- Your husband needs to be retrained where sex is concerned because this isn’t working. You can talk all you want, but it is your actions that have any hope of changing things. And if he STILL doesn’t get it, then at least try couple’s therapy before cheating or divorce or even an open relationship.
RELATED ARTICLES ON EMandLO.com:
December 5, 2012
0 Comments