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Comment of the Week: You CAN Handle the Truth!

October 16, 2013

0 Comments

 

If you know us, you know that we are not averse to a little self promotion now and then, nor are we immune to flattery — in fact, it will get you everywhere. Hence, a little positive reinforcement of a short but sweet note we got recently validating all we do around these here parts:

I have been reading your responses and I think you are so fucking honest. Keep pumping us with true realities.



Comment of the Week: BDSM Is More About Trust Than Ropes & Chains

October 10, 2013

0 Comments

Sutra Chainlink Cuffs by LELO
Reader sex_is_weird_thats_all said the following in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?”

Despite the people who end up in the news, there is usually in any metropolitan area a very legit BDSM community. I have a group of friends that includes a sizable chunk of people who are into that sort of thing. In my experience these people are excellent communicators, emphasizing trust and safety above all. I really have been blown away by just how much class they demonstrate. They are careful about who they let in (no one who is unbalanced/nuts). Start researching it online and you will know when you find what I am talking about… one thing to remember is that BDSM does not always involve ropes and chains, sometimes it is just “realistic costumes” (i.e. like a ski mask and heavy clothes for a “male rapist”). The wikipedia article is excellent BTW, relatively thorough:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

One thing that I hear a LOT from people who are in that classy/safe BDSM community is that everything in what they do is trust, trust, trust. Not just on the part of someone who is tied up or being “ravished/raped,” but talking before and afterwards about what they like and don’t like. They usually get together in groups and do what they call a “scene” which is acting out some kind of fantasy that always has a “safe word” to stop the scene. There is usually a host who knows and verifies the background of everyone there. Despite a scene being private they usually have someone who is designated to keep tabs on everything making sure that the “safe word” stays sacrosanct.

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Comment of the Week: How to Talk About Penis Size with Your Man

October 2, 2013

0 Comments

photo via Flickr

Reader Tony offers the following answer to the post question “If He Asks About Size, Can I Tell Him the Truth?” :

I would try as much as possible to stay with a response that is both kind and honest.  As a man, if my partner is trying to stick to those two principles I can deal with any answer a lot more easily.

I would also answer the question behind the question – am I a good and worthy lover/partner?

A man can’t change his penis size.  He can certainly change how he approaches sex, and your relationship, with good communication.  I would focus on that.

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Comment of the Week: After 30 Years, She Used a Vibrator in Front of Me

September 25, 2013

2 Comments

Reader rda said the following in response to our post, “Do You Name Your Favorite Sex Toys?” We are truly impressed and inspired!

I got to see my wife pleasure herself today for the first time all the way — with a new dildo vibrator we purchased. She started hesitantly but once she got into it, it was hot and very arousing for me. Then the two of us finished and it was mind-blowing. Here’s the kicker: She is 61 and it took me 30 years to get her to let go and do it in front of me. We both really enjoyed it. She named the unit Pete!

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Comment of the Week: Monogamish Is the Future

September 18, 2013

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Franklin Veaux’s Map of Non-Monogamy

This week’s Comment of the Week by AlanK is a response to last week’s Comment of the Week called “9 Reasons Why Women Cheat” by  Johnny, which was a response to the post “Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Things wear out; the tires on your car wear out; but you just get new tires, you don’t get rid of the car.

Lust wears out. Really. For most (not all, but most) of us. We can either throw out the relationship or find a way to get new tires.

Monogamish is the future. Hardly anyone can be happily monogamous for 40 years. Even Al Gore quit. Life is long; lust is short.

Female infidelity is like male infidelity. It will come sooner or later. Everyone loves the sound of a train in the distance. Best to build it into your relationship. It’s only infidelity if you lie about it.

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Comment of the Week: 9 Reasons Why Women Cheat

September 11, 2013

5 Comments

Long-time reader (and unofficial EMandLO.com sage!) Johnny said the following in response to our post “Blog Snog: Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Women cheat because:

  1.  They are no longer sexually excited by their partners.
  2. They are no longer emotionally excited by their partners.
  3. Their partners are no longer sexually or emotionally interested in them either, and the good feelings they get from being lusted after anew outweigh the bad feelings they get from doing something wrong.
  4. They got married too young, with too little sexual experience under their belts, and now that the penis holds no further terror for them, they’re just dying to know what a casual screw with a hot stranger is like.
  5. It’s been a long since they’ve had an adrenaline rush of any kind.

… and those are just the circumstantial cheaters, who I classify as imperfect but forgivable human beings. The inveterate cheaters, who are just pieces of shit, have their own set of reasons:

  1. They get off on deceit.
  2. They have ulterior motivations for being in a relationship at all, such as gold-digging, and never even considered being faithful.
  3. They are toxic, abusive personalities, and they thrive on the emotional destruction wrought by infidelity.
  4. They just can’t be satisfied with a single sexual partner, which I would consider forgivable, except that they really should have been up front with their partners about that from the start.

Am I pretty much on the money?

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Make Sex So Goal-Oriented

September 5, 2013

0 Comments


photo via Flickr

We love all our sage, eloquent commenters! Like Bryan responding to our recent Your Call post, “My Boyfriend Puts Too Much Pressure On My Orgasm“:

My guess is that you are both putting entirely too much pressure on your sexual response. The same thing happens to men who suffer from psychological ED. The more you think about it, the more you try to consciously will it to happen, the less likely it is to happen. instead of trying harder to orgasm, you counter-intuitively need to try less. After explaining to your boyfriend that your medication makes it more difficult for you to orgasm, tell him (and yourself) that you need to take a slower, more intimate approach to love-making. Lots of sensual touch, making out, oral sex, all of it without orgasm as a goal. You’re just going to enjoy the closeness of being together, touching each other, and making love. Honestly, this is how middle-aged and older people have sex anyway, because our bodies don’t often allow for the slamming, goal-oriented sex of our twenties. It can take longer to become aroused, and sometimes orgasm doesn’t happen at all, sometimes even for men. You’ve both got to learn to enjoy the experience for its own sake, and if orgasm happens, it’s a nice bonus.


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Comment of the Week: In Defense of Being the Other Man

August 13, 2013

4 Comments


photo via Flickr

When we pick something to be a Comment of the Week, that doesn’t automatically mean we endorse, approve of, or even like the response — sometimes it just means we think it’s a ginormous springboard for debate. And with that, we give you this gem from Bob T. in response to the post “Is Cuckolding a Real Trend, Or Just Another Internet Meme?” Please to discuss:

Must admit, I’ve developed a thing for married ladies. Reason is that when you get together, there’s none of this courtship drama, no ‘rescue me.’ Just straight-up sex.  The less complication, the better it is and they know it.

As for their relationship with the husband, that’s none of my business.  I do insist on discretion, and make it clear i have no interest in disrupting the marriage. I do slightly know a few of the guys, and my impression is that I’m doing them a favor.

Besides, I just flat do not believe that anyone has a right to demand sexual fidelity of a partner.  If you feel like it, you are.  And if not, you don’t.

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Push Your Sexual Preferences On Me!

July 31, 2013

0 Comments

In an articulate response to our post, “Dear Em & Lo: I Hate Receiving Blowjobs,” reader Yves compares blowjob peer pressure to ardent evangelism by born-again Christians:

You know what makes it easier to like something? Being able to choose freely whether to do it (or have it done to you). That means being pressured is not helpful. Whether it is “but everyone else loves it” peer pressure, some jackass saying you owe them, or some well-meaning person telling you to try try again.

I appreciate people sharing their perspective on how, to them, a blow job is an act that does give the woman a lot of power and is not degrading. And sharing details on how they make it work for them. Good to know.

But the stuff about how “sad” it is that someone doesn’t enjoy it and how they should try again because they must be getting it wrong. Maybe it’s not meant that way, but it’s pretty condescending. You may not have the same beliefs as the people who go around getting into others’ faces about how they’re going to hell if they don’t accept Jesus as their personal savior, but you’re pushing your views in the same patronizing way. That’s crossing a line.

Everyone has different preferences, and that’s okay even if their preferences aren’t the same as “most people”. What’s most important in having a healthy attitude towards sex is not “trying everything” (though, if you want to, have at it), it’s knowing your own wants and needs and respecting the wants and needs of others (even if they differ from you).

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Comment of the Week: A Different Kind of Ravishment Fantasy

July 24, 2013

0 Comments

Awesome gender-swapped version of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” by Mod Carousel

Reader Simple Girl said the following in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?”

I have fantasies about raping my boyfriend.. Just rip him apart while he’s tied to a bed or something. I just wanna see how he reacts to the pain and pleasure and i wanna keep playing with him even when he’s begging me to stop. I just like having control over someone who’s stronger and bigger than me.. Makes me feel powerful and turns me on like hell! But I wanna know if men really like it or not and how far I can really go.. like do men like being humiliated and abused in the bedroom…?

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