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Comment of the Week: After 30 Years, She Used a Vibrator in Front of Me

September 25, 2013

2 Comments

Reader rda said the following in response to our post, “Do You Name Your Favorite Sex Toys?” We are truly impressed and inspired!

I got to see my wife pleasure herself today for the first time all the way — with a new dildo vibrator we purchased. She started hesitantly but once she got into it, it was hot and very arousing for me. Then the two of us finished and it was mind-blowing. Here’s the kicker: She is 61 and it took me 30 years to get her to let go and do it in front of me. We both really enjoyed it. She named the unit Pete!

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Comment of the Week: Monogamish Is the Future

September 18, 2013

0 Comments


Franklin Veaux’s Map of Non-Monogamy

This week’s Comment of the Week by AlanK is a response to last week’s Comment of the Week called “9 Reasons Why Women Cheat” by  Johnny, which was a response to the post “Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Things wear out; the tires on your car wear out; but you just get new tires, you don’t get rid of the car.

Lust wears out. Really. For most (not all, but most) of us. We can either throw out the relationship or find a way to get new tires.

Monogamish is the future. Hardly anyone can be happily monogamous for 40 years. Even Al Gore quit. Life is long; lust is short.

Female infidelity is like male infidelity. It will come sooner or later. Everyone loves the sound of a train in the distance. Best to build it into your relationship. It’s only infidelity if you lie about it.

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Comment of the Week: 9 Reasons Why Women Cheat

September 11, 2013

5 Comments

Long-time reader (and unofficial EMandLO.com sage!) Johnny said the following in response to our post “Blog Snog: Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Women cheat because:

  1.  They are no longer sexually excited by their partners.
  2. They are no longer emotionally excited by their partners.
  3. Their partners are no longer sexually or emotionally interested in them either, and the good feelings they get from being lusted after anew outweigh the bad feelings they get from doing something wrong.
  4. They got married too young, with too little sexual experience under their belts, and now that the penis holds no further terror for them, they’re just dying to know what a casual screw with a hot stranger is like.
  5. It’s been a long since they’ve had an adrenaline rush of any kind.

… and those are just the circumstantial cheaters, who I classify as imperfect but forgivable human beings. The inveterate cheaters, who are just pieces of shit, have their own set of reasons:

  1. They get off on deceit.
  2. They have ulterior motivations for being in a relationship at all, such as gold-digging, and never even considered being faithful.
  3. They are toxic, abusive personalities, and they thrive on the emotional destruction wrought by infidelity.
  4. They just can’t be satisfied with a single sexual partner, which I would consider forgivable, except that they really should have been up front with their partners about that from the start.

Am I pretty much on the money?

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Make Sex So Goal-Oriented

September 5, 2013

0 Comments


photo via Flickr

We love all our sage, eloquent commenters! Like Bryan responding to our recent Your Call post, “My Boyfriend Puts Too Much Pressure On My Orgasm“:

My guess is that you are both putting entirely too much pressure on your sexual response. The same thing happens to men who suffer from psychological ED. The more you think about it, the more you try to consciously will it to happen, the less likely it is to happen. instead of trying harder to orgasm, you counter-intuitively need to try less. After explaining to your boyfriend that your medication makes it more difficult for you to orgasm, tell him (and yourself) that you need to take a slower, more intimate approach to love-making. Lots of sensual touch, making out, oral sex, all of it without orgasm as a goal. You’re just going to enjoy the closeness of being together, touching each other, and making love. Honestly, this is how middle-aged and older people have sex anyway, because our bodies don’t often allow for the slamming, goal-oriented sex of our twenties. It can take longer to become aroused, and sometimes orgasm doesn’t happen at all, sometimes even for men. You’ve both got to learn to enjoy the experience for its own sake, and if orgasm happens, it’s a nice bonus.


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Comment of the Week: In Defense of Being the Other Man

August 13, 2013

4 Comments


photo via Flickr

When we pick something to be a Comment of the Week, that doesn’t automatically mean we endorse, approve of, or even like the response — sometimes it just means we think it’s a ginormous springboard for debate. And with that, we give you this gem from Bob T. in response to the post “Is Cuckolding a Real Trend, Or Just Another Internet Meme?” Please to discuss:

Must admit, I’ve developed a thing for married ladies. Reason is that when you get together, there’s none of this courtship drama, no ‘rescue me.’ Just straight-up sex.  The less complication, the better it is and they know it.

As for their relationship with the husband, that’s none of my business.  I do insist on discretion, and make it clear i have no interest in disrupting the marriage. I do slightly know a few of the guys, and my impression is that I’m doing them a favor.

Besides, I just flat do not believe that anyone has a right to demand sexual fidelity of a partner.  If you feel like it, you are.  And if not, you don’t.

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Push Your Sexual Preferences On Me!

July 31, 2013

0 Comments

In an articulate response to our post, “Dear Em & Lo: I Hate Receiving Blowjobs,” reader Yves compares blowjob peer pressure to ardent evangelism by born-again Christians:

You know what makes it easier to like something? Being able to choose freely whether to do it (or have it done to you). That means being pressured is not helpful. Whether it is “but everyone else loves it” peer pressure, some jackass saying you owe them, or some well-meaning person telling you to try try again.

I appreciate people sharing their perspective on how, to them, a blow job is an act that does give the woman a lot of power and is not degrading. And sharing details on how they make it work for them. Good to know.

But the stuff about how “sad” it is that someone doesn’t enjoy it and how they should try again because they must be getting it wrong. Maybe it’s not meant that way, but it’s pretty condescending. You may not have the same beliefs as the people who go around getting into others’ faces about how they’re going to hell if they don’t accept Jesus as their personal savior, but you’re pushing your views in the same patronizing way. That’s crossing a line.

Everyone has different preferences, and that’s okay even if their preferences aren’t the same as “most people”. What’s most important in having a healthy attitude towards sex is not “trying everything” (though, if you want to, have at it), it’s knowing your own wants and needs and respecting the wants and needs of others (even if they differ from you).

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Comment of the Week: A Different Kind of Ravishment Fantasy

July 24, 2013

0 Comments

Awesome gender-swapped version of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” by Mod Carousel

Reader Simple Girl said the following in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?”

I have fantasies about raping my boyfriend.. Just rip him apart while he’s tied to a bed or something. I just wanna see how he reacts to the pain and pleasure and i wanna keep playing with him even when he’s begging me to stop. I just like having control over someone who’s stronger and bigger than me.. Makes me feel powerful and turns me on like hell! But I wanna know if men really like it or not and how far I can really go.. like do men like being humiliated and abused in the bedroom…?

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Comment of the Week: Lights… and Action!

July 17, 2013

0 Comments

photo via flickr

Reader Bea said the following in response to our post, “5 Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On”:

My partner prefers that the lights (or at least some kind of light) are on. At first, it made me very self conscious. Over time I’ve become much more comfortable with it because I know that it’s a turn on for him. Basically, he likes to SEE me. If we wake up in the middle of the night for a romp, I’ll sometimes flip the light switch over the bed before he gets the chance. He loves it when I do that because it means that I know (and appreciate) that it turns him on. and that I’m comfortable enough to initiate that. It was easy to get comfortable because he gave me so much affirmation about how much he loved my body.

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Comment of the Week: How You Know He’s “The One”

July 12, 2013

0 Comments

Reader MarcieT said the following in response to our post “Your Call: How Do I Know If He’s ‘The One’?” What would you add to this list? (Um, sexual compatibility, anyone?) What would you not include? (Maybe you like watching TV on your own…)

You know he’s “The One” when:

  • You miss having him beside you when you’re vegging out to TV. This means he’s been beside you when you watch tv (not just on exciting dates and planned activities) and that he’s awesome enough that you want him around all the time.
  • You know that you can live with his flaws. You aren’t expecting him to change anything because you know good & bad come with everyone, and his flaws are something you can laugh about, love anyway etc.
  • You don’t have to remind yourself to kiss & hug him hello and goodbye. You do it out of real love, without prompting.
  • You have similar outlooks on family, child-rearing, and religion. Serious conversations like that are part of many religion’s pre-marital counseling, and if you can’t have those conversations, you’re not with the right person.(You can have different faiths, but find a middle ground for your relationship to stand on.) You don’t have to 100% agree from the start, but you need to lay out expectations and be very honest with yourselves.
  • Have you had a first fight? If you haven’t, you’re too far apart to be “the one” for anyone. Doesn’t have to be an all-out passionate blow-out, but disagreement is part of a healthy relationship. How you deal with it – together or apart – says a lot about how compatible you are.

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Comment of the Week: There’s No Such Thing As “The One”

June 27, 2013

0 Comments


photo via Flickr

While romantic idealism is great for the movies, it’s not so great for real-life long-term monogamy. Which is we loved Bryan‘s practical breakdown this week of one readers question: “How do I know he’s The One?“:

Testing your relationship by asking “Can I live without this person?” is setting yourself up for doubt. The idea of “the one” is romantic, but not practical. It’s based in fantasy. You are better off asking yourself some easier to answer questions, such as:

  • Does this person provide emotional and material support when I need it?
  • Does this person fit well into my lifestyle and beliefs, or will we always be going our separate ways for fun, political engagement, religious activities, etc.?
  • Does this person want kids, and do I want kids?
  • Do we see eye to eye on that? Are we of like minds financially, i.e. are we savers or spenders?
  • Last but not least, are we sexually compatible?

While these questions aren’t quite as entertaining as speculating “is he the one?”, incompatibility in these areas are primary reasons relationships fail.

 

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