Reader Brak Wiend (heh) wrote the following in response to the post “Dear Dr. Joe: Do Some Men Fart When They Ejaculate?” The comment made us laugh and wince at the same time, but mostly it made us want to give this poor guy a hug (except without squeezing too hard, given his tendencies). Seriously, though, this is a reminder of why we all need to have a sense of humor about sex, and not be so uptight about bodily emissions. Farts happen. Queefs happen. Periods happen. These things are not the end of wild crazy passionate sex — in fact, being able to laugh together about farts (et al) in bed can actually increase intimacy. And increased intimacy can lead to wilder, hotter, kinkier sex, aw yeah.

I am actually one of these men. I dont fart at the exact same time but usually within about 5 minutes. after ejaculating I feel very relaxed and when I let my body relax I rip some seriously raunchy farts. Like I fart sometimes and its what ever, but the after sex farts smell like something died in my colon. Its actually very embarassing. I actually farted on a woman while she was down there giving me head one. It has more to do with tighening of the abs and a general feeling of being relaxed. its very embarassing. I have found that if I ‘go to the kitchen to grab water’ after sex its a convenient way to get out of the room.

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photo via flickr

In response to the post “Your Call: How Can I Talk to Men Without It Being About Sex?” reader Alisa (who was the original letter writer in the “Your Call” post) said, “I believe lots of guys like and respect women they find attractive.” Reader Chin Up, Chest High would like to clarify, on behalf of men:

It is the other way around… men are attracted to women who are likeable and have things other than her body to attract a man. Ambition, character, and a sense of humor are incredibly sexy to us. If you have at least one of these things, you will get the sort of attention you desire from the men you want attention from.

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photo via flickr

In addition to being a cheerleader for lube, our contributor Jewely Hoxie also studies Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz (read her blog here):

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is from My Big Fat Greek Wedding: “My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non-Greeks about being Greek, and every ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy can be cured with Windex.” This is because it kind of sums up how I feel about lubrication when it comes to sex: Lube makes it all better. And as almost any lube enthusiast will tell you, too much lube is almost enough.

1. Lube prevents cuts and pain

Lubrication is the first step in relieving pain from sex. The first time someone told me to use lubricant was when I was getting a check-up at Planned Parenthood. I had some abrasions from the night before, so they tossed me a bag full of lubricant samples. I never looked back.

2. Lube wards off over-sensitivity

Both men and women can suffer from over-sensitivity during manual sex — what was feeling awesome one minute can feel like rug burn the next minute. Lube can help you enjoy longer and more varied stimulation, which can be especially helpful for a woman’s orgasm.

3. Lube enhances sensations

I mean this in two ways: The first being actual pleasure-enhancing lubricants. Lubes that warm upon touch or cause a tingly sensation can be fun to experiment with, but remember to communicate with your partner, because some people can experience more pain (and I don’t mean good pain) than pleasure from these kind of lubes. The second way lube can enhance sensation is taste: Flavored lubricant can be a nice perk for those who prefer the scent of, say, strawberry-banana to their partner’s genitals. Just know that a lot of flavored or otherwise gimmicky lubricants contain glycerin, which can be irritating to sensitive vaginas, so be sure to reading the packaging first.

4. Lube provides variety

Water-based, silicone, warming, cooling, flavored, etc. — there’s a whole variety of lubricants to try. Each one can physically change your sexual experience. Get more adventurous.

5. Lube gives you rhythm

Any kind of penetration can be difficult when you or your partner are experiencing dryness. Silky smooth penetration makes it easier for the penetrator to keep up an even rhythm and to be able to control when to slow down and speed up. A smooth entry means you can try different positions more easily, too.

6. Spit is not enough

When getting hot and heavy, it’s common to get dehydrated, so the go-to oral sex spitting technique is not necessarily at the plenty (nor may it be the exact vibe you’re going for!). Lube offers a gliding, moisturizing feeling that can reduce the discomfort of friction. Lubricant is quite the helping hand during oral sex, especially on a man. I hate to use Sex and the City for sex ed, but Samantha’s blowjob quotation explains it well: “Teeth placement and jaw stress and suction and gag reflex. And all the while bobbing up and down, moaning, and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a ‘job’ for nothing.” (And this from a woman who actually enjoyed going down!) Basically, lubricant makes the “job” a little easier for the giver as well as more pleasurable for the receiver.

Coming next week: My Top 6 Favorite Lubricants

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Reader Jay Bee said the following in response to our post, “Your Call: Should I Tell Her He’s Cheating on Her?”

As someone who may die from the cervical cancer my cheating exhusband gave me from one of his mistresses, you NEED to tell the wife.

I highly doubt you are the first person he’s cheated on his wife with. While you have the benefit of being able to choose to use protection, married women in relationships they believe to be monogamous see no reason to use protection as they believe there is nothing to be exposed.

My ex-husband was tested for everything before we got married, he was my first sexual partner and I discovered the hard way that he was cheating on me when it was discovered I had cervical cancer from HPV he picked up from one of his many mistresses and manstresses he was having unprotected sex with.

I had no idea, and now I could die as a result.

Yes she may go crazy at you, and she may not be grateful, but from one human being to another, you owe her the truth to save her life.

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photo via Flickr

The Kite Lady, in response to us emailing her the news that she won our “Adore Me” Contest. Never before have we received an email with so many exclamation marks. You gotta love an appreciative winner.:

OH MY GOSH!!! I can’t believe I won!! My boyfriend had no idea I sent this in, so he is going to be so surprised!! And what a surprise too!! That Adore Me set is incredible!!  Thank you guys so much!! And I’m so glad you liked our story! Valentine’s Day is going to ROCK this year!  You guys have totally made my day!!

Sincerely,

The Kite Lady

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photo by by Adam Bielawski

A male reader emailed us the following note in response to our post, “Top 10 Breakup Songs Taylor Swift SHOULD Write.” Oh no! We upset the Swifties! We feel like Michael J. Fox. Except this is worse because we consider ourselves true Swifties at heart. Oh well, in our imagination, Taylor loved our list.

Your list on Taylor Sweift so-called “love songs she should write” is one of the most vulgar and distasteful things I’ve read in a quite a while. What the hell prompted you to write that trash? Did you get off off your meds? You should be ashamed of the trash you wrote. Of course, you won’t be, since I see it all over this site. Get a freaking life, idiots!

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photo via Flickr

Christy, commenting on our most popular post, ”My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me“:

I personally am very thin and not very curvy. Since early in my life, I have experienced the cruelty of people judging someone based on physique. Mine being more obvious and public than the size of a guys penis. Growing up I had boys picking on me in front of everyone at school – and being an adult hasnt changed things much. I do have the choice to get plastic surgery but I decided to feel good about myself without mutilating my body. There are always going to be people that just simply are only or more so attracted to certain physical attributes. You have to find the person that is right for you. And there ARE some girls that DO prefer a smaller dick!!! It just isn’t as common to hear, just like it isn’t as common to hear a guy say they prefer smaller breasts.

Reader Michael H. said the following in response to our post, “Your Call: How Can a Woman Enjoy Lots of Sex Without Shame?”

This is coming from this male’s perspective, take it as you may…

You are absolutely correct that society has a double standard. It should be an obsolete puritanical belief system, however, it still is alive and well to this day.

Without going into the biology of it all, which is not to say it isn’t important, because it is, let’s just say that society has come to accept that men are “dogs that will hunt,” and for the most part have accepted that. Where the issues arise is when the “hunted” enjoy the hunt just as much as the hunter so to speak. That just throws our male dominated perspective all askew.

I will tell you the same thing I have told my wife, and any female friend I have ever had. Get on the same playing field as the men. That’s the only thing that will ever change things. It’s daring, but effective.

How does one do that? Embrace the very game that oppresses you and let it empower you. I told my wife first off, establish that there is sex and love and don’t make the two synonymous, period. Can both be present? Of course, but that’s not the point. The point is to understand that the two can be mutually exclusive. So don’t be afraid to enjoy sex (remember this means sex even without love).

Two, keep in mind that society has even built in a “madonna/whore” complex by which men want their wives to be a pure as the driven snow, and their “whore” to be as driven as the seediest porn star. Keep this in mind only to establish that you want nothing to do with a man who honestly sees any validity in this system. This is one of the cornerstones of what is giving you an issue at this time. Focus on blurring that line as much as you can and finding the man that wants to help you blur it. You can be the good wife and the great slut in bed, who cares? I encourage my wife to embrace that side of her.

You may ask how a man could ask his wife to embrace her “inner slut,” so to speak. Well number one, those that find that completely distasteful, are most likely afraid. Afraid of losing control. They think that if their wife or girlfriend enjoys sex for sex’s sake, that she will now start banging every guy/girl that comes their way. That’s fear. That’s the thought that I have to keep blinders on my partner else she may find something better out there. That is fear pure and simple.

I remember telling my friends I had a totally different definition of whore vs slut. To me a whore really has little to do with sex. That’s about selling one’s self for gain, regardless. You can be a money whore, an attention whore…whatever. You are willing to sell part of yourself to gain something. I’m not judging per say but that to me is a whore. A slut is someone, pure and simple, who enjoys something to the point they want it and aren’t afraid to admit it, and will most likely continue to do so regardless of what others think. So embrace your slut, whatever it may be. If it makes you happy and you aren’t hurting anyone, than more power to you.

So all of this seems easier to say than do, but that is absolute rubbish. There are women that will completely disagree with me, and that is fine, but stop at the point you judge your fellow woman if she does not. You are getting puritanical and probably jealous. Why do you have to adhere to the confines of the madonna/whore trap if she doesn’t?

Many men will disagree with me as well, because they want their wives to be this, or be that, etc. No man, you are afraid pure and simple. And saying you’re not doesn’t change a thing. If you want a puritanical girl, good for you, if you want someone that thinks this is just so wrong and how could anyone be like this, than more power to you. This is advice pure and simple to someone who not only enjoys sex, but does not enjoy the double standard.

I say to you, bravo, and keep it up. There are many of us out here who agree with you and support you. Be you. Plain and simple. If that means you want to have ten lovers, never get married, never have children, never have the picket fence, or you want to have the dirtiest freeing sex with one man/woman the rest of your life and put up that picket fence (or tear it down) together, then great!

Onward you go, enjoy this life. We have a limited amount of time here, so let’s not worry about what others want us to do with it.

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photo via Flickr

And we don’t mean intentionally, when you’re trying to think about baseball stats to prolong your performance. We mean when your mind just wanders – maybe you’re tired or distracted or bored or drunk (or sleeping with someone who’s inept in bed and too drunk to care whether or not you fake). Have you ever thought through a tricky work problem? Composed a Tweet in your head? Wondered what’s going to happen in the next season of Homeland? Planned your outfit? Planned your next meal or workout? Planned your wedding?

Share your not-no-dirty secret here in the comments section… we promise not to tell.

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