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POLL: Who’s Right About Miley – Sinead O’Conner OR Amanda Palmer?

October 4, 2013

2 Comments

When Miley Cyrus said her “Wrecking Ball” video (in which she cries into the camera, before getting it on with a wrecking ball and a sledgehammer) was inspired by Sinead O’Connor‘s classic and subtle “Nothing Compares 2 U” video (that title is pre-texting!), O’Conner wrote an open letter to Miley, warning her that’s she’s being used as a cog in the sexist machinery of the music biz. Musician/arteeest Amanda Palmer then wrote an open letter to O’Connor warning her of that poopoo-ing female artists’ choices is actually not very feminist. Read the letters and then take the poll below!

Here’s an excerpt from O’Connor’s letter:

Nothing but harm will come in the long run, from allowing yourself to be exploited, and it is absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of yourself or any other young women, for you to send across the message that you are to be valued (even by you) more for your sexual appeal than your obvious talent….

I repeat, you have enough talent that you don’t need to let the music business make a prostitute of you. You shouldn’t let them make a fool of you either. Don’t think for a moment that any of them give a flying fuck about you. They’re there for the money… we’re there for the music. It has always been that way and it will always be that way. The sooner a young lady gets to know that, the sooner she can be REALLY in control….

Whether we like it or not, us females in the industry are role models and as such we have to be extremely careful what messages we send to other women. The message you keep sending is that its somehow cool to be prostituted … its so not cool Miley … its dangerous. Women are to be valued for so much more than their sexuality. We aren’t merely objects of desire. I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers … that they and you are worth more than what is currently going on in your career. Kindly fire any motherfucker who hasn’t expressed alarm, because they don’t care about you.

And excerpt from Palmer’s letter:

Miley is, from what I can gather, in charge of her own show. She’s writing the plot and signing the checks, and although I think it’s tempting to imagine her in the board room of label assholes and management, I don’t think any of them masterminded her current plan to be a raging, naked, twerking sexpot. I think that’s All Miley All The Way. Now, would these men ARGUE with her when she comes into the room and throws down her treatment to hop up naked on the proverbial (and literal) wrecking ball? Of course not. Sex sells. We all know it. Miley knows it better than anyone: swinging naked on a big metal ball simply gets you more hits than swinging on a big metal ball wearing clothes. We’re mammals. LOOK BOOBS! And even more tantalizing: LOOK HANNAH MONTANA BOOBS! But none of this means that Miley is following anyone else’s script. In fact, what I see is Miley desperately trying to write her own script; truly trying to be taken seriously (even if its in a nakedly playful way) by the standards of her own peers….

I want to live in a world where Miley (or any female musician) can twerk wildly at 20, wear a full-cover floral hippie mumu at 37, show up at 47 in see-through latex, and pose semi-naked, like Keith & co, on the cover of rolling stone at 57 and be APPLAUDED for being so comfortable with her body. This is not to say that women have to play the desperate I’M-STILL-SEXY game as they age. Watching Madonna’s plastic surgeries and apparent stubbornness around aging just makes my inner teenager want to scream (YOU’RE MADONNA! YOU COULD HAVE MADE AGING SEXY GODAMMIT AND YOU DIDN’T!!), but the grown-up in me just pauses for a breath and remembers that Madonna is just carving out her section of the playing field. How she chooses to sculpt her face and body is just…her choice.

Who do you think is right?




Comment of the Week: How to Talk About Penis Size with Your Man

October 2, 2013

0 Comments

photo via Flickr

Reader Tony offers the following answer to the post question “If He Asks About Size, Can I Tell Him the Truth?” :

I would try as much as possible to stay with a response that is both kind and honest.  As a man, if my partner is trying to stick to those two principles I can deal with any answer a lot more easily.

I would also answer the question behind the question – am I a good and worthy lover/partner?

A man can’t change his penis size.  He can certainly change how he approaches sex, and your relationship, with good communication.  I would focus on that.

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Comment of the Week: After 30 Years, She Used a Vibrator in Front of Me

September 25, 2013

2 Comments

Reader rda said the following in response to our post, “Do You Name Your Favorite Sex Toys?” We are truly impressed and inspired!

I got to see my wife pleasure herself today for the first time all the way — with a new dildo vibrator we purchased. She started hesitantly but once she got into it, it was hot and very arousing for me. Then the two of us finished and it was mind-blowing. Here’s the kicker: She is 61 and it took me 30 years to get her to let go and do it in front of me. We both really enjoyed it. She named the unit Pete!

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Comment of the Week: Monogamish Is the Future

September 18, 2013

0 Comments


Franklin Veaux’s Map of Non-Monogamy

This week’s Comment of the Week by AlanK is a response to last week’s Comment of the Week called “9 Reasons Why Women Cheat” by  Johnny, which was a response to the post “Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Things wear out; the tires on your car wear out; but you just get new tires, you don’t get rid of the car.

Lust wears out. Really. For most (not all, but most) of us. We can either throw out the relationship or find a way to get new tires.

Monogamish is the future. Hardly anyone can be happily monogamous for 40 years. Even Al Gore quit. Life is long; lust is short.

Female infidelity is like male infidelity. It will come sooner or later. Everyone loves the sound of a train in the distance. Best to build it into your relationship. It’s only infidelity if you lie about it.

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Comment of the Week: 9 Reasons Why Women Cheat

September 11, 2013

5 Comments

Long-time reader (and unofficial EMandLO.com sage!) Johnny said the following in response to our post “Blog Snog: Why Women Cheat — A Married Man Goes Undercover”:

Women cheat because:

  1.  They are no longer sexually excited by their partners.
  2. They are no longer emotionally excited by their partners.
  3. Their partners are no longer sexually or emotionally interested in them either, and the good feelings they get from being lusted after anew outweigh the bad feelings they get from doing something wrong.
  4. They got married too young, with too little sexual experience under their belts, and now that the penis holds no further terror for them, they’re just dying to know what a casual screw with a hot stranger is like.
  5. It’s been a long since they’ve had an adrenaline rush of any kind.

… and those are just the circumstantial cheaters, who I classify as imperfect but forgivable human beings. The inveterate cheaters, who are just pieces of shit, have their own set of reasons:

  1. They get off on deceit.
  2. They have ulterior motivations for being in a relationship at all, such as gold-digging, and never even considered being faithful.
  3. They are toxic, abusive personalities, and they thrive on the emotional destruction wrought by infidelity.
  4. They just can’t be satisfied with a single sexual partner, which I would consider forgivable, except that they really should have been up front with their partners about that from the start.

Am I pretty much on the money?

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Make Sex So Goal-Oriented

September 5, 2013

0 Comments


photo via Flickr

We love all our sage, eloquent commenters! Like Bryan responding to our recent Your Call post, “My Boyfriend Puts Too Much Pressure On My Orgasm“:

My guess is that you are both putting entirely too much pressure on your sexual response. The same thing happens to men who suffer from psychological ED. The more you think about it, the more you try to consciously will it to happen, the less likely it is to happen. instead of trying harder to orgasm, you counter-intuitively need to try less. After explaining to your boyfriend that your medication makes it more difficult for you to orgasm, tell him (and yourself) that you need to take a slower, more intimate approach to love-making. Lots of sensual touch, making out, oral sex, all of it without orgasm as a goal. You’re just going to enjoy the closeness of being together, touching each other, and making love. Honestly, this is how middle-aged and older people have sex anyway, because our bodies don’t often allow for the slamming, goal-oriented sex of our twenties. It can take longer to become aroused, and sometimes orgasm doesn’t happen at all, sometimes even for men. You’ve both got to learn to enjoy the experience for its own sake, and if orgasm happens, it’s a nice bonus.


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Comment of the Week: I’m Jealous of My Wife’s Friends

August 28, 2013

1 Comment

Reader Jeff posted the following in response to our post, “Your Call: Why Is My Husband Jealous of My Female Friendships?” We thought it would be a great jumping off point for a debate about how to compromise in a relationship when one person wants a lot more solo time with their friends than another. How and where do you draw the line, if at all?

I freely admit to people that I have discomfort and feelings of jealousy about my wife’s time spent with her numerous friends and co-workers, some single some married. To begin, our Saturday morning time may be interrupted before we are up and about with phone calls and instant messages. I rarely complain about it but it has a cumulative effect over time.

She has done fifteen vacations with friends away from me in the last fifteen years where she is the only married woman, usually for less than 7 days out. My wife is astounded that I even have a count on how many but I remember every one, very well. She is constantly being asked by her single friends about where to go next on girls trip, some very costly. I actually agreed to let her go to Vegas with 1 single friend recently if she behaved herself, which she seemed to have done. A girlfriend of hers that did not make the trip gave me crap about letting her go there which almost caused me to say some fairly unpleasant things to her that would have caused a serious rift in the friendship and marriage. ( p.s. advise your “friends” not to say such a thing to your husband if he actually trusted you !)

Bottom Line: I try not to resent my wife’s high level of time spent personally, on the phone, and on vacations with friends. It’s not good for our marriage. I have said that I have never had a desire to vacation without her and told her that I have no concept of what motivates her to want to go places without me. My guy time is done same day, there and back.

Men will generally always have an issue with being left home for two, but especially three weekends in a row, while a wife travels. Men will generally resent too much phone time if they have an active work life and little time with the spouse. Women, you just need to understand that this is not “3 year old” emotion, its called commitment and results from an honest desire to be with your wife. If there is a problem fitting your marriage into your agenda then the marriage is going nowhere good.

It is natural for men, especially after 20 years of marriage, to be concerned that their wife has more fun in her relationships with friends than in the marriage. If one has never noticed a the marriage where the wife drifted away from her spouse emotionally then one is just not paying attention. Any who cares is not going to stand idly buy and let that happen.

There is a spectrum to judging this type of jealousy as to whether it is normal or healthy. Who among would say jealousy is not a normal human emotion when loss to a rival is possible. Kneejerk reactions that this is about control aren’t doing anyone any good. Not allowing your wife any friends is over the top and ridiculous. Having your marriage interrupted by constant friend communication, friend time, and “girls” trips of more than a few days is also over the top.

Most men will draw the line on this issue somewhere — be assured of that. Be reasonable.

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Comment of the Week: In Defense of Being the Other Man

August 13, 2013

4 Comments


photo via Flickr

When we pick something to be a Comment of the Week, that doesn’t automatically mean we endorse, approve of, or even like the response — sometimes it just means we think it’s a ginormous springboard for debate. And with that, we give you this gem from Bob T. in response to the post “Is Cuckolding a Real Trend, Or Just Another Internet Meme?” Please to discuss:

Must admit, I’ve developed a thing for married ladies. Reason is that when you get together, there’s none of this courtship drama, no ‘rescue me.’ Just straight-up sex.  The less complication, the better it is and they know it.

As for their relationship with the husband, that’s none of my business.  I do insist on discretion, and make it clear i have no interest in disrupting the marriage. I do slightly know a few of the guys, and my impression is that I’m doing them a favor.

Besides, I just flat do not believe that anyone has a right to demand sexual fidelity of a partner.  If you feel like it, you are.  And if not, you don’t.

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Spam Poetry of the Week: Hurt of Condom

August 6, 2013

1 Comment

The following email recently arrived in our inbox.  We’re particularly fond of the line “there is not sweet taste for / Sex meeting.” Pure poetry. You’re welcome!

HURT OF CONDOM
WHICH USED AS CONTRACEPTIVE
TO PREVENT PREGNANCY IN
WOMEN
_______________________

When the man using
CONDOMS
As contraceptive the woman
Become mad and crazy… this duo to the semen of
Man is remaining In the CONDOMS
And it was not ejaculated and dropping in
Vagina of women there is not sweet taste for
Sex meeting .
Like that you are drinking tea or coffee with out
Sugar the coffee or tea is not sweet it is bitter.

Semen
Of man is like Sugar it make the coitus and
Sex meeting sweet to woman
The sex meeting
Sweet With out
CONDOMS
When man is not Using
CONDOMS
In sex meeting with woman the
Semen of man will Ejaculated and dropping and
Falling in vagina of Woman then the semen is
Absorbed by vagina wall and inter the blood
Circulation and reached the brain
Then the women mind become in a convenience
Mood and good feeling she is not be a Madden Or Crazy woman
______________________

ADVICE FOR YOU
_______________________
To good enjoy and pleasure in your sexual live
And good ERECTION of your CLITORIS i give
You this ADVICE

STOP

Practice reading and writing
Because practice reading and writing
Loosening and lowering the SEXUAL ability and power of you.
GO TO LIVE IN Villages and forestry far from cities and towns
Practice READING and WRITING make you unusual
Woman or SODOMITE (SODOMY) women.
__________________________________
SO WE HAVE NEW METHOD FOR
CONTRACEPTION
————————————————————————————————–
BARLEY AS CONTRACEPTIVE AND
SEX TONIC FOR MEN AND WOMEN
___________________________

BREAKFAST
* Barley loaf – bread
* Margarine
* Jam
* Tea or coffee
________________________

LUNCH
* Barley loaf – bread
* Grill ham
* Salad – (Cucumber, celery, Pepper, lettuce)
* Pickly – mayonnaise
* Pepsi cola
______________________________

DINNER
* Barley loaf – bread
* Fried egg in vegetable oil – With out shaking the yolk
* Prawns
* Oyster
* Shrimp
* Salad -(Cucumber, celery, pepper, lettuce)
___________________________________

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO EAT THE
Following FOOD cause it increase
Fertility in WOMEN and MEN
—————————————–
* RICE
* HONEY
* FRUITS (DATE – GRAPE – FIG – APPLE -
APRICOT – BANANA – PEACH ……..etc)
* OVINE MEAT (SHEEP)
* BOVINE MEAT (COW)
* FISH
________________________________________________________

The statistical indication of Successfulness of this method is finding
Out in population of
CHINA
Cause they depend on RICE since old or ancient times.

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Comment of the Week: Don’t Push Your Sexual Preferences On Me!

July 31, 2013

0 Comments

In an articulate response to our post, “Dear Em & Lo: I Hate Receiving Blowjobs,” reader Yves compares blowjob peer pressure to ardent evangelism by born-again Christians:

You know what makes it easier to like something? Being able to choose freely whether to do it (or have it done to you). That means being pressured is not helpful. Whether it is “but everyone else loves it” peer pressure, some jackass saying you owe them, or some well-meaning person telling you to try try again.

I appreciate people sharing their perspective on how, to them, a blow job is an act that does give the woman a lot of power and is not degrading. And sharing details on how they make it work for them. Good to know.

But the stuff about how “sad” it is that someone doesn’t enjoy it and how they should try again because they must be getting it wrong. Maybe it’s not meant that way, but it’s pretty condescending. You may not have the same beliefs as the people who go around getting into others’ faces about how they’re going to hell if they don’t accept Jesus as their personal savior, but you’re pushing your views in the same patronizing way. That’s crossing a line.

Everyone has different preferences, and that’s okay even if their preferences aren’t the same as “most people”. What’s most important in having a healthy attitude towards sex is not “trying everything” (though, if you want to, have at it), it’s knowing your own wants and needs and respecting the wants and needs of others (even if they differ from you).

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