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Comment of the Week: A Different Kind of Ravishment Fantasy

July 24, 2013

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Awesome gender-swapped version of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” by Mod Carousel

Reader Simple Girl said the following in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Have Rape Fantasies, Too?”

I have fantasies about raping my boyfriend.. Just rip him apart while he’s tied to a bed or something. I just wanna see how he reacts to the pain and pleasure and i wanna keep playing with him even when he’s begging me to stop. I just like having control over someone who’s stronger and bigger than me.. Makes me feel powerful and turns me on like hell! But I wanna know if men really like it or not and how far I can really go.. like do men like being humiliated and abused in the bedroom…?

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Comment of the Week: Lights… and Action!

July 17, 2013

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photo via flickr

Reader Bea said the following in response to our post, “5 Reasons to Have Sex with the Lights On”:

My partner prefers that the lights (or at least some kind of light) are on. At first, it made me very self conscious. Over time I’ve become much more comfortable with it because I know that it’s a turn on for him. Basically, he likes to SEE me. If we wake up in the middle of the night for a romp, I’ll sometimes flip the light switch over the bed before he gets the chance. He loves it when I do that because it means that I know (and appreciate) that it turns him on. and that I’m comfortable enough to initiate that. It was easy to get comfortable because he gave me so much affirmation about how much he loved my body.

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Poll: Have You Ever Skinny Dipped?

July 15, 2013

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photo via Flickr



Comment of the Week: How You Know He’s “The One”

July 12, 2013

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Reader MarcieT said the following in response to our post “Your Call: How Do I Know If He’s ‘The One’?” What would you add to this list? (Um, sexual compatibility, anyone?) What would you not include? (Maybe you like watching TV on your own…)

You know he’s “The One” when:

  • You miss having him beside you when you’re vegging out to TV. This means he’s been beside you when you watch tv (not just on exciting dates and planned activities) and that he’s awesome enough that you want him around all the time.
  • You know that you can live with his flaws. You aren’t expecting him to change anything because you know good & bad come with everyone, and his flaws are something you can laugh about, love anyway etc.
  • You don’t have to remind yourself to kiss & hug him hello and goodbye. You do it out of real love, without prompting.
  • You have similar outlooks on family, child-rearing, and religion. Serious conversations like that are part of many religion’s pre-marital counseling, and if you can’t have those conversations, you’re not with the right person.(You can have different faiths, but find a middle ground for your relationship to stand on.) You don’t have to 100% agree from the start, but you need to lay out expectations and be very honest with yourselves.
  • Have you had a first fight? If you haven’t, you’re too far apart to be “the one” for anyone. Doesn’t have to be an all-out passionate blow-out, but disagreement is part of a healthy relationship. How you deal with it – together or apart – says a lot about how compatible you are.

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Tell Us Your July 4th Love Story & You Could Win Our Latest Book!

July 1, 2013

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In honor of this hot summer week that celebrates our freedom, we wanted you to tell us a hot summer story that celebrates your sexual freedom. Submit your story in 500 words or less about some summer sexcapade via our contact form (choose “Contest entry” from the drop down window) by the end of Sunday, July 14th (EXTENDED CONTEST DEADLINE UNTIL 7/14/13. 11:59pm, PT).

Be sure to include the email address where we can reach you. (You must be 18 or over with a mailing address in the continental US to enter.)  Then we’ll pick the best — and by “best” we mean “funniest, sexiest, kinkiest, most awkward, most endearing AND/OR most romantic.” Bonus points if it sounds legit to us. Penthouse Forum-style entries will be automatically disqualified.

We’ll feature the winning story in a post on the site and send you a copy of our latest (and greatest) award-winning book, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. (Though if you win, the book will probably be just a brush up for you.)

Good luck and happy fireworks!



Comment of the Week: There’s No Such Thing As “The One”

June 27, 2013

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photo via Flickr

While romantic idealism is great for the movies, it’s not so great for real-life long-term monogamy. Which is we loved Bryan‘s practical breakdown this week of one readers question: “How do I know he’s The One?“:

Testing your relationship by asking “Can I live without this person?” is setting yourself up for doubt. The idea of “the one” is romantic, but not practical. It’s based in fantasy. You are better off asking yourself some easier to answer questions, such as:

  • Does this person provide emotional and material support when I need it?
  • Does this person fit well into my lifestyle and beliefs, or will we always be going our separate ways for fun, political engagement, religious activities, etc.?
  • Does this person want kids, and do I want kids?
  • Do we see eye to eye on that? Are we of like minds financially, i.e. are we savers or spenders?
  • Last but not least, are we sexually compatible?

While these questions aren’t quite as entertaining as speculating “is he the one?”, incompatibility in these areas are primary reasons relationships fail.

 

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Confession: I Want to Do My Boyfriend with a Strap-On

June 20, 2013

2 Comments

Strap-on harnesses are available for sale at GoodVibrations.com

Our contributor, a woman who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make.

My boyfriend’s butt is beautiful. It’s pretty. It’s plump. It fits in the palm of my hand. I can’t keep my hands off it, and simply touching it turns me on. I’ve spanked it, kissed it, rubbed it, grabbed it, bit it — and now I want to stick something in it.  A strap-on dildo to be exact. I want to bend that boy over, face down, bum up, and do him in the most dirty of ways. I want to make his prostate gland giddy with anal afternoon delight.

So last November I said to him, “I want to do you in the butt with a strap-on. I think it’s only fair.” He’s not only put his peen in my vajayjay, he’s poked me in the tush too.

“Um, no.”  He laughed nervously and changed the subject. Needless to say, this no-bullshit approach did not work.

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Comment of the Week: It’s Hard Out There for a Sugar Baby

June 19, 2013

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EMandLo.com regular Johnny said the following in response to our post “Blog Snog: Are Sugar Daddies Just a Myth?”

Oh, sugar daddies and mommas are absolutely real. Most people just don’t have what it takes to be a sugar baby.

The sugar baby reality is that you’ll probably have to exchange sex for money with someone you’re not really into. Just like a prostitute, except you only have one client (or two). Most people literally can’t do it. The genitals just won’t respond.

If you want the sugar baby fantasy scenario – a lover who is rich and classy and not too old and good looking and with whom you share mutual personal affection – then yes, you’re delusional.

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Confession: I Am Heteroflexible

June 13, 2013

1 Comment

Our contributor is a college student who wishes to remain anonymous. She has this to say about labels…

I’m definitely not straight, definitely not gay, nowhere near asexual, and not exactly bisexual.

In its simplest form, the meaning of heteroflexible can be found on the sexual spectrum as a sliding scale between straight and bisexual — and this is the label I am most comfortable with, if I’m forced to give my sexual orientation a name.

I’m often not attracted to the conventional manly/good-looking man, and I like men who explore their own sexual flexibility. I often find myself sitting silently when my friends swoon or trade obscene sexual quips about men in magazines or on the streets. Even when I was as young as 2nd grade, I can remember not having as many crushes on my fellow peers as everyone else. In middle school, I had an unusual amount of male friends — and as it turned out, my best male friend had just as many female friends. Not surprisingly, under those circumstances, combined with hormones and peer judgement of preteens, we had more than one conversation about whether or not we were gay. Thus the contemplation of my sexuality began to evolve.

As soon as high school hit and puberty was in full swing, I was certain guys were on my mind and they were absolutely in my bed. But I still wanted to kiss girls too.

At that time, however, being bisexual had more of a stigma, even for women, and it wasn’t something people were jumping to identify with unless they’d had a “real” relationship with a woman. If you were like me, and had only kissed and crushed, then it was easier to just be a straight girl who liked watching The L Word.

And then, at the beginning of college, I took a class where the professor had us write down three one-word self-descriptors — such as “tall, white, male” or “lesbian, Asian, woman” — and then had us each cross one out. I crossed out my sexuality. Being “straight” didn’t feel right. I crossed out the descriptor that felt the least important to me. Maybe it didn’t feel as important because as a straight person I felt little oppression, but it also didn’t belong on the list because it didn’t feel a part of me.

This was a significant exercise for me because it allowed me to really think about my own sexuality. I always felt like my sexuality was very fluid, but at the time I had only ever had boyfriends and had only kissed women before. I felt like, if I identified as bisexual, I would be discriminated against. And also that I’d be a “poser” because I’d never had a girlfriend or even slept with a woman before. In other words, as Britney Spears almost kind of sang, I was not straight, not yet bisexual.

Part of me still feels uncomfortable about the idea of being in a relationship with a woman. Women and romance is still a mystery to me. I don’t even know what kind of woman would like me. The role I play and the type of relationship dynamics I have in my female vs male friendships are very distinct from one another. So I can’t help but think that a romantic relationship with a woman would be very different from the relationships I have with men. I think I would take a more submissive, possibly not as confident, position in a relationship with a woman. Whereas with men, I feel a perfect balance between mutual nurturing and free spirited-ness. The thought of being with a woman can feel scary, because it is an unknown.

I still think about women and have crushes on women, though. I sleep with women. I fantasize about women and how different being with a woman might be from being with a man. However, I always end up with bigger, more accessible relationships with men. I consider myself heteroflexible because that is what I feel is the closest label to my reality.

I could go without a label. Or pansexual even hits close to home. But heteroflexible feels more honest and genuine to what I’ve experienced. Maybe it’s simply my lack of experience that leaves me identifying as heteroflexible — or maybe it’s my heteroflexible nature that makes me lack a more bisexual existence. I suppose only time and self-exploration will tell.

Our sexuality can feel intimately intertwined with who we are. Labels can make us feel closer to or further from ourselves. They can map out and give us little pushes in the movement and labyrinth of defining oneself — being comfortable with accepting of oneself. For now I will let my heteroflexibility, sexual fluidity, and (oh yeah, thanks to Freud) my pleasure principle guide me.

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Comment of the Week: How to Talk About His Penis Size

June 5, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Reader Orchid offers the following suggestion in response to our post, “Your Call: If He Asks About Size, Can I Tell Him the Truth?”  We’re not entirely sure how many guys would let a woman leave things at this short and sweet reply, but it’s worth a try — love the suggestion!

That’s easy! “I haven’t seen many penises.” And, I don’t care if you’ve seen hundreds!

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