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Confession: Jeremy Lin Is Getting Me Laid

February 27, 2012


photo via Nicholas LA Photography on Flickr

Justin Huang, a.k.a. Yellow Peril, our newest Wise Guy, has a confession to make, entitled “Asian Men with Balls: The Sociosexual Implications of Linsanity”:

I didn’t pay much attention to Jeremy Lin until I realized he was getting me laid.

Story of my life: In which my insecurities take the form of mild-to-moderate narcissism and I ignore a cultural sensation – the Asian Obama, if you think about it – until it directly becomes pertinent to my sex life.

But there this pretty boy stood in front of me, who I considered far out of my league, offering to buy me a drink at Akbar, a trendy gay dive in the Silverlake neighborhood of Los Angeles.

The boy, who I’ll call Tim, was I think mixed race, and generally too attractive for me. (I tend to like gruff guys anyway, the type who look like they can take a punch.) But it’s always pleasant when an Adonis turns out to be good conversation, and after a few drinks, I asked him what he was looking for.

“To be honest,” Tim replied, taking a swig of Anchor Steam, “I’ve been on an Asian kick ever since Linsanity. I think he’s so hot, and I’m surprised I’ve never been with an Asian guy before.”

Normally I don’t like it when guys bring up my race when they’re hitting on me. Without question, race is usually a major component of sexual chemistry (and I certainly have my own preferences), but there’s no easier way to feel like a piece of meat than when you’re being compared to an anime character. But this was different. And it was entirely new to me.

I was being likened to an all-American mainstream superstar, not a niche fetish.

Since then, I’ve gotten wing-manned by Linsanity on several more occasions. On my Adam4Adam account, I have a picture posted that features me clutching a strategically-placed basketball. (I took this picture as one of the subjects of a photography project called Sexy Geeks.) The photoshoot was taken months before Jeremy’s Shakespearean rise to meteoric stardom, when the image of an Asian man clutching a basketball was meant to be a critique on societal stereotypes. How quickly things change.

Now, I’d gotten no less than 30 messages on Adam4Adam that directly comment on the basketball picture, gushing about Jeremy Lin.

I haven’t really paid attention to the NBA since the end of the Golden Age of the Lakers in 2004. And the only reason I paid attention to that was because of the diva bitchfight that was the Kobe/Shaq rivalry. (“Just makeout already!” I’d yell at the screen.) But this Jeremy Lin figure was ramping up my sex life, and I was curious as to why. So I Googled him.

On paper, Jeremy Lin and I have a lot in common. We are both American born. We’re both from good Christian families, we both were stellar students in school, we both grew up in California. Like my mom and dad, his parents came from Taiwan with hopes of a better future for their kids. Like my maternal grandparents, his maternal grandparents fled China to Taiwan during Mao Zedong’s takeover.

But the similarities end there. I was confused. Was it really just skin deep, this sudden spike in interest? Or is something greater at work here?

You see, I grew up completely devoid any role models that I could physically identify with. I am a thoroughly Americanized Asian man, but I’ve always felt that when it comes to my identity, I am an army of one. I feel marginalized by the stereotypes thrust upon me, even defensive. The image I present – one that I believe makes me a serious contender in my social surroundings – I’ve carefully cultivated myself, without a face to base it on.

But now, we have Jeremy. He’s two years younger than me, and while I’m a bit past the age of having role models, I’m quite happy that the younger generation has him to look up to.

It helps that Jeremy Lin is indeed quite handsome, with a megawatt smile and killer body, and, even better, in interviews he seems to be a humble and grounded guy. He’s also openly Christian, so middle America will eat him right up with extra gravy.

And while the rumors of a fling with Kim Kardashian seem at first to just be eye-roll worthy tabloid fodder, you gotta realize that she has been linked to whole roster of male sex icons, from Nick Lachey to Gabriel Aubry to Reggie Bush. In a social context, Jeremy Lin’s sexuality is acknowledged in a titillating manner. Whereas before him the sexuality of Asian men has long been ignored or even ridiculed by American pop culture, Jeremy Lin could very well be the first true Asian American stud.

This was the pre-Linsanity mainstream perception of the Asian male. Yeah... I prefer Jeremy Lin. Let's all scroll back up to his dreamy picture.

And what are the implications of this cultural messiah? Yes, first we’re going to get all the bad puns, ranging from corny to hilariously offensive. But beyond that, Linsanity could very well redefine the Asian American man as a sexually acknowledged being. Frankly put, our basketball whiz kid has given the rest of us balls. (Hey, who said I couldn’t join the bad pun train?)

Because sex is an aspirational sport. We’re hardwired to desire the likeness of success; it’s a remnant of our primordial survival skills mixed with pop culture. It’s why I have a huge crush on my neighbor who looks just like Ewan McGregor, because I associate his face with that of my favorite movie star. And it’s why Tim (the aforementioned pretty boy) suddenly was made aware of my sexual potential as a mate. He’s now been given context in the muscled form of an NBA superstar.

In this sense, Linsanity applies not just to me, but to all Asian men, regardless on where they fall on the sexual orientation spectrum. You see, blonde twinks have David Beckham, and we have Jeremy Lin.

Linsanity is a welcome phenomenon, I don’t think any athlete has gotten this much love since pre-zombie-Ambien-sex Tiger Woods, and I think it foretells a future where the Asian influence on the world extends beyond “Oh, they’re good at math, aren’t they?” I’m sure there are many Jeremy Lins out there, and in due time they will emerge as well.

And the result of these monumental shifts in the tectonic plates of global pop culture? I’ll get laid. Progress!

- YP

This article originally appeared on Justin’s blog, I Am Yellow Peril. It went viral and ended up on the Huffington Post. Which just goes to show, we have excellent taste in Wise Guys. Thanks to Justin for allowing us to republish here!

Confession: Orgasmless Sex Isn’t Just a Female Thing

February 9, 2012


photo via Flickr

In keeping with this week’s “Did You Come?” theme, one of our recent college grad friends has a confession to make:

The first time my boyfriend didn’t orgasm during sex I was completely shocked. This NEVER happened. Was I loosing my touch? Was I not sexy anymore? Was he bored or losing interest? Ironically, it was the first time that I did orgasm during intercourse. So even though I had had a blast and he had seemed pretty damn proud of himself, as we fell asleep there was a lingering, niggling worry in the back of my mind.

I myself had never felt any pressure to orgasm during sex. After all, I’d read the countless articles explaining that most women don’t orgasm from sexual intercourse alone. And I had assumed my body was like most women’s and needed a little extra oomph to get the job done (a vibrator, oral, manual stimulation, OOMPH!). But I always expected my partner to finish during sex. You hear about women faking it, but never about men faking it – presumably because they always come for real! Not only was I used to him orgasming, I thrived on him orgasming. I loved feeling how he’d lose himself in that moment. It felt like the cataclysmic end to an awesome evening. Suddenly not getting that dramatic, climactic conclusion from him was unnerving.

As he began to fall into his after-sex coma, I realized that if I didn’t ask him about it now, by morning my nerve would be gone. So I just blurted it out: “Did I do something wrong?”

Unfazed, my boyfriend lazily rolled over onto his side to face me and laid it all out. “I enjoyed it just as much as always. Maybe I didn’t finish because I was worn out from the previous ten times we’ve done it this weekend. My body isn’t used to being able to orgasm that many times that quickly.” Then he pulled me close and fell asleep.

As reassuring as he was, I still wasn’t completely okay with this new development in our sex lives. Old expectations die hard. But I didn’t press the issue any further that night since I figured it was a fluke occurrence anyway.

Over the next few months, however, it happened again…and again…and again. Each time I’d ask for clarification, and each time he’d try to set me straight. It wasn’t until after the third time that I finally really heard him: sex together was awesome no matter the orgasm count. I needed to stop obsessing over what had gone ‘wrong’ those nights he didn’t finish and instead realize that the main reason he wasn’t finishing was because we had already done quite a lot of things oh-so-right. Just as orgasmless intercourse didn’t mean I wasn’t enjoying myself, the same was true for him.

I felt like yelling “EUREKA!”: It’s not all about the orgasms!

Since then, we’ve had sex end a lot of different ways. Usually it involves him orgasming before we both pass out. But sometimes, neither one of us climaxes. And those evenings (or afternoons or mornings) are some of my favorite memories. There comes a point (no pun intended), around halfway through, when we both realize it’s not going to happen for either one of us. But you know what? That doesn’t stop us! Then we’re just having sex to be close to one another, to express how we feel about one another, and to enjoy each other in a way no one else can. And that’s one of the happiest endings of all.

5 Less Obvious Places to Touch Each Other

January 26, 2012


photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

There are some perks to being a Human Sexuality major — and I’m not just talking about its potential as a pick-up line. Take the time I used my favorite places to be touched during sex as a way of remembering where we have the most nerve endings. Or my discovery — thanks prof! — that the parts of our body with the least amount of hair have the most nerve endings. Some of the nerve-rich areas are pretty obvious — lips, genitals, duh. But then there are body parts — with sparse to no hair — that don’t get nearly the amount of attention they deserve. Try these next time you’re in bed with someone:

  1. The ear. Try light wisps of warm breath over the ear and maybe some small nibbles at the top during your next make-out session.
  2. The collarbone. It is such a delicate part of the body that someone else’s soft kiss there can bring you to that romantic Bright Eyes love poem kind of place.
  3. The hip bone. This is like the center of movement during sex. Any stimulation here will have a ripple effect on the rhythm of what’s going on. Consider a firm grab of the hips or even a little biting if you’re in the neighborhood.
  4. The inner thigh. This is a good place to go for a tease before jumping in. It can be especially sensitive when your partner is sitting legs apart — the feeling of vulnerability tends to heighten the senses.
  5. The back of the knees. This tends to be the most overlooked sensitive spot. Check in here while roaming down your partner’s body, or perhaps when their legs are flung near your face.

– Jewely Hoxie

Truly Mortifying: Overwrought Teenage Anti-Choice Poetry

December 9, 2011


Embarrassing diary entries, old yearbook photos, junior high love letters — it’s all fun and games until someone breaks out their unhinged teenage anti-choice poetry.

Okay, let’s back up and explain a little here. Earlier this week, the Sundance Channel debuted the original series “The Mortified Sessions,” in which celebrities share mementos from their past — nerdy rock lyrics, awkward photos, etc. It’s based on the popular and hilarious Mortified live show that has been staged across the country.

Anyway, we figured that we’d commemorate the new show by unearthing some of our most mortifying mementos. And it turns out that Em has a secret shameful past as a closed-minded, anti-choice teen zealot who chose bad poetry as her weapon.

We’d like to think that Em has since made amends for this brief, mortifying period of her life — after all, the two of us have toured the country for both NARAL and Planned Parenthood, performing our one-hour show to help spread the good word about reproductive rights. (The write-up in the local paper in Madison, WI, when we performed there was headlined “Abortion Blitz!” Er, hi mom.) We even organized a bus-load of Em & Lo readers to march on DC to fight for abortion rights.

So please, please, when you read the following poem — which takes as its inspiration the Munch painting and takes as its subject abortion — bear all that in mind. Also, Em was young, she was ignorant, and she’d had no decent sex ed to speak of. Planned Parenthood and NARAL — we heart you and everything you stand for. And Em is, well, mortified.

“The Scream” by Munch (circa 1990)

The face was contorted by an emotion
it was never created to control
As the mouth opened to release
the terror of a death before life
Freedom flooded in
choking the scream to silence.

And in the distance stood two figures on a bridge;
one from whom life began
and one who could save it.
But the bridge was struggling
to hold the weight of three
and so the one to drown would be
the one whose scream would be silent.

And I wonder why
they couldn’t build a bigger bridge
but she said it was her right
to cross alone
and his duty
to agree.

There were those who tried to stop her
for long enough to hear the scream
but she told them
if they couldn’t watch in daylight
she would wait
and the death would simply become
a dull stain
against the filth of night

and she closed her eyes
and he emptied her
and the scream was silent.

This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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9 TV Shows Whose Sex Scenes Will Light Your Fire

December 1, 2011


EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

Back in high school I used make-out scenes from the O.C. as self-loving material. Yes, fine, I’m a little ashamed. I’d like to think my current list is slightly more sophisticated. Maybe? You decide…

  1. True Blood. Forget team Jacob and Edward, when it comes to vampire sex, it’s all about True Blood. Vampires basically represent the ravishment fantasy and the darker side of sex — which is why they only come out at night, duh. Bill’s sex scene with his adversary, Lorena, is about anything but love — it’s hateful and rough, but it’s also filled with rapture. Top that, pasty Pattinson!
  2. Mad Men. No matter your sexual preference, it’s impossible to ignore Don Draper’s sex appeal. Plus, his new inclination towards roughness in the bedroom — like requesting a slap in the face in the most recent season — only adds to the intrigue of his character. And possibly a richer direction for upcoming sex scenes? Oh, if only it was on HBO or Showtime; AMC simply keeps us wanting more.
  3. The L Word. If you’re into soft-core lesbian scenes (and come on, who isn’t?), look no further than The L Word — it’s chock-full of inspiration for a great night in by yourself. Oh Shane, you wife-beater-wearing heartbreaker! And the sex on this show can be appealingly realistic, too, like when Dana and Alice slept together for the first time — they were so eager and nervous that they struggled to take each other’s clothes off, getting stuck on buttoned jeans. Sex that feels really real = really hot.
  4. Tudors. Once you get past the historical inadequacies (hate to break it to you, but King Henry was not that much of a babe) you can start to appreciate the sex scenes — this show is famous for them. Can we just take a moment to remember that up-against-a-tree moment in particular? In the midst of their alfresco moaning glory,  Anne Boleyn — teasing her partner just like all the sex manuals tell you to — pushes King Henry off her, right before he climaxes. Damn!
  5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Remember those Buffy and Spike scenes? That bleach-blond gel mold on his head wouldn’t fly anymore, but you can’t deny the kind of earth-shattering sex that causes a house to fall down around you (hint: season 6, epiosde 9.) Read the rest of this entry »

Confession: The Top 10 Reasons to Love the Missionary Position

November 17, 2011


photo via Failblog.org

One of our college contributors, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Everytime I check out Cosmo, look at Men’s Health with my boyfriend, or go to the sex aisle at Barnes and Noble, I see hundreds of very creative (and sometimes gravity-defying) ways that I “should” be having sex. But give me the good ol’ fashioned Missionary Position any day, if for no other reason than that it allows me to really focus on the person I’m having fantastic sex with! But if you need more convincing to make the missionary your go-to sex-po, try these reasons on for size:

  1. Intimacy. The missionary’s physical closeness engenders emotional closeness. After all, you feel completely smooshed together, fused. It’s the position people think of when love songs mention two people becoming one.
  2. Communication.  The two of you can easily adjust and react to each other’s movements.  Whether you need to slow down, move your hips differently, or fall into the same rhythm – in missionary its very easy to communicate your needs to one another.  You can even convey things with just a simple glance or nudge — words aren’t even always necessary!
  3. Tactility.  He can feel every small movement her hips make as they thrust toward him, feel her breasts pushing up against his chest. She can feel the way his arms and legs tense as he moves on top of her, how his butt cheeks clench. Together you’re experiencing the strength of each other’s bodies. Everything from the tips of your toes to the top of your head is accessible.
  4. Sensory overload. The missionary engages all your senses, much better than something like doggy style does.  You can whisper in each others ears, nuzzle each other’s sweet-smelling necks, taste each other’s salty sweat, access almost every part of your partner’s body with parts of your own (see #3 above), and see exactly what’s going on (see #6 below).
  5. Variety.  There are so many variations of missionary and and so many positions to easily transition into from this move.  He can lift one or two of her legs into the air; she can push her hips all the way up toward him for deeper penetration or push them down to have shallower thrusts; you both can sit up a bit if his arms need a break…  And all of these transitions are easy to do without either A) being a contortionist or B) risking him slipping out.
  6. Visibility.  You both can watch.  Leave the lights on and look down the length of your bodies to see them intertwined.  No need to quickly adjust any mirrors or move to a different location near a reflective surface!  For those of us that are visual and love to see every inch of our special someone, missionary is perfect.
  7. Relaxation.  You can be kind of lazy with the missionary (or at least the ladies can). He can kiss your breasts while running his hands through your hair and you can suck and kiss his neck while cupping him in one hand and clinging to his back with the other – all while you’re both lying down and never missing a thrust.  What more can a lady ask for?!?  Sure all those things are possible in other positions, but in missionary you can to do it while A) staring into each other’s eyes and B) lying down!  There’s no better option after a long day of work in my opinion.
  8. Control.  For women, cowgirl is usually touted as the position in which the woman gets the most control of sex, but I actually feel most in-control during missionary.  By grabbing her partner’s oh-so-sexy tush, which is extremely accessible to a lady lying in missionary, she can control the pace exactly when she needs to with just the flick of a wrist. Of course, it’s not all one sided: Guys have the power, too.  When she’s not grabbing his butt in passionate ecstasy, he can pin her arms down and take control of the action – and I for one don’t mind when such a coup takes place.  In fact, this is one of the best parts about missionary – it’s so easy to each take turns calling the shots and being in control of the action!
  9. Safety. You may not be shocking your partner with your ability to remain in a wheelbarrow while lifting your feet over your head all while writhing sexily, but at least you won’t pass out from blood rushing to your head, nor will you sustain a concussion when your arms give out from exhaustion. With missionary, you don’t have to worry about retwisting a weak ankle or your knees getting rug burn from any friction. There’s peace of mind with the M.P.
  10. Simplicity.  I don’t know about you, but missionary is my go-to position when all I want is sex, NOW.   There are some nights when you don’t have the patience to bother with studying that Kama Sutra position or scrambling for the box with the sex toys.  No, you just want to rip his close off and get as close to him as humanly possible and missionary is wonderful for those moments. It just feels right, any time, every time.

7 Reasons to Love Hotel Sex

October 20, 2011

1 Comment

photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I love to travel with my boyfriend, mostly because getting a hotel room together is so much fun. A change of scenery not only helps clear my mind, but it inspires me in bed. Here are seven excuses to book your next reservation.

  1. Freedom of expression. You get to be as loud as you want. There are no worries about bothering your roommate, your ‘rents or your neighbors. Even if someone in the hotel overhears, it’s exciting to show off all the fun you’re having! (And chances are, they’ll be too embarrassed to complain to the front desk anyway.)
  2. New sensations. There are new sensations when you’re in a different bed. The mattress and sheets not only look different, they feel different. Use those differences to help you live out an alternate reality: Pretend you’re having a secret affair or you snuck into a stranger’s bed, turning the act of sex into something more naughty.
  3. New surroundings. Along with a new bed, it’s a new room. There’s so much new territory to explore. I like to use the backboard of a bed to get tied up, since my bed at home doesn’t have one. The rest of the room is like a jungle gym: Where are we going to do it next? The shower, the jacuzzi tub, over the desk… MacGyver that space up!
  4. No distractions. When you’re in a hotel you can avoid phone calls, unexpected guests at the door, and no worrying about those unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink. There’s even a little sign to put outside your door that lets everyone know not to disturb you — something solicitors never listen to at home. (And just hanging that sign on the door handle is sometimes enough to make you feel frisky.) You have the freedom to do what you please for as long as you want.
  5. Cleaning service. This means no need to put a towel down for those female ejaculators out there or to be conservative about how much lube you use. This time, once you’re done, someone else can do the cleaning. Of course, this doesn’t give you permission to leave the room like a porn set — be kind to the cleaning staff and tip well. (For the record, this is exactly why you should always remove the top bed cover in a hotel before getting in, because that part rarely gets washed and chances are, a few people have had hotel sex on it before you.)
  6. Exhibitionism experimentation. In order to avoid any awkward run-ins, it’s better to have a hotel stranger see your sex show than that neighbor you see every day. Maybe open the curtains just enough for someone to get a partial private viewing. (Note: Best to do this after hours so only adults will get this viewing.)
  7. Room service. There’s nothing better than a good meal to replenish yourself after a healthy sex romp. Bonus points: you don’t even have to get showered and dressed to get it.

– Jewely Hoxie

Confession: The Top 10 Reasons I Love Being Naked

October 13, 2011


photo via Flickr

Our intern Alyssa Perez has a confession to make:

1.  No Constraints: Do a lunge!   Kick your legs!  Spin in a circle while swinging your arms!  Feel that?  Yeah, just air.  No clothes rustling, no bra pinching, no underwear bunching, just air.

2.  Transparency: I can see absolutely everything on my body, and you know what?  That roll that I thought I had peeking out of the top of my jeans while I was bent over in a weird yoga position while trying to reach my pencil that rolled under the bed and between the wall/headboard/dresser… well, its not there at all!  Yeah, I look pretty damn good without any waistbands pinching me!

3.  BOOBIES!: Yes, although I have owned a pair for over a decade now, I am still amazed by how these babies jiggle, and wiggle, and squish, and feel.  Look at them in all their glory!  No wonder men love these.   I love these!

6.  Yes, Jiggling Is a Good Thing: I mentioned how fantastic jiggling boobs are, well, jiggling in general can be awesome.  Just jump around next time you’re naked and see  how wonderful it is to feel your body moving without restraints.  Your hair bouncing around, your boobs flopping, your ass shaking, even your awesome thighs rippling as they support your leaps!

4.  New Sensations: Wandering around naked makes you appreciate the same old things in new ways.    You thought that throw you just bought for the futon was soft?  Well let me tell you… throw that baby around your bare shoulders while naked – now THAT is soft.

5.  Learn to be Adventurous Like Never Before: Remember when you wanted to be just like Ariel one day?  Well the first time I went skinny dipping, I was a mermaid – and a damn sexy one too!  Who knew that a bikini stood between me and pure adrenaline-pumping freedom?  No wonder that saucy little Ariel wasn’t afraid of sharks, went treasure-hunting, and risked everything for true love without a second thought – being naked in water makes you feel invincible, powerful, and beautiful!

7.  Check Out Those Muscles: When you’re naked you can actually see the strength of your body.  Turn around and look at your claves as you go up on your tippy toes – WHOA!!  Look how strong you are!  Check out your butt while you’re up there!  Damn Girl – its tight!  Who knew you were so strong?! I’m not talking about rippling muscles that only trainers, athletes, and body builders have – I’m talking about how strong your body has to be just to get you out of bed in the morning or down the stairs.  Shoot, my boyfriend has ridiculously strong toes that never cease to amaze me (seriously, when the remote for the TV is just too far for my arm to reach, Kevin’s toe powers are truly life-saving).  Everyone has their own secret-body strength.

8.  Slathering Yourself with Love (AKA: Body Lotion): There’s just something sacred about my relationship with my body lotion.  Buddhists have their controlled breathing to help them meditate, Whirling Dervishes have their well… whirling.  I have that moment in the morning or after a shower where I slather on my body lotion.  As I rub my coconut oil on my naked body I just think about the strength I have in me, in this body, and prepare myself for the day ahead.  It’s a moment to slow myself down and remember who I am and what I’m capable of, and it happens when I’m butt naked!

9.  Discovery: One of the coolest things about being naked is that you discover new things on your body that you never knew were there!  When I was little I sat on a pile of sharpened pencils and the other day I re-discovered a lead mark that has been on my butt cheek since that fateful day. Around the corner from this lead scar is my newly-discovered favorite mole and north of that mole is a freckle by my collarbone that is the mirror-image to a freckle my boyfriend has on his collarbone.  This body-map is constantly changing and surprising me in wonderful ways! Sometimes, though, a body-landmark can be the forebearer of dire news – which is why taking the time to really look at your glorious, naked form is not only fun but also just-plain-healthy.  When you take the time to really look at yourself and learn your body you’ll be more likely to notice an irregular mole that could be pre-cancerous or other physical signs of a budding ailment.  Who knew playing your own doctor could be so sexy though?!

10.  Self-Possession: When I’m naked I truly understand what being self-possessed really means to me.  This body, my body, is that – its mine!  Its something that only I know all the curves to, all the weak spots, all the kick-ass, strong spots – mine, all mine.  Even if someone accidently sees me naked or tries to cop a feel – they’ll never know me the way I know me.  I can share this knowledge with someone I love, but without me to guide them, there’s no way anyone else will get to see and feel what I get to see and feel every day.

5 Ways to Make Masturbation Even Better

September 29, 2011


photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I think we can all agree now that plenty of women enjoy masturbation at least as much as men. But the way women enjoy masturbation can vary widely — and many need a bit of extra help getting themselves in the mood. I like to think that my masturbation dates deserve just as much seduction as my partner explorations. So here are my 5 suggestions for fashioning an unforgettable night in with yourself:

  1. Mood Music. I have an iTunes playlist covertly entitled ‘rr’ for rabbit rock (named after my rabbit vibrator, naturally). Every time I find a song that would be a good romp session anthem, I add it to my self-loving rr soundtrack. This is also fun because later when you hear one of the songs — at a party, say, or in the supermarket — you are reminded of those same tingles you felt before and it becomes a private inside joke with yourself.
  2. A good sex toy. I have become a kind of connoisseur of sex toys over the years and have found that a quality vibrator will always do the trick. I am a firm believer that one size (and shape) does not fit all when it comes to sex toys, so it’s up to you to find what you like. Experiment and explore. You and your sex toy will make for the ultimate tryst.
  3. Fantasy fucking. Sometimes I will turn to porn, sometimes music, but when all else fails, a wild fantasy can never do me wrong. Our brains are one of the most powerful sex organs and masturbation is the best way to exercise our creativity. Try to stay conscious of the things that turn you on throughout the day in order to better discover your own sexual appetite and use it as material for a future self love session.
  4. The freedom to be loud. My usual go-to noise canceling option is to have my vibrator under the sheets and to breathe my heavy breaths into a pillow. However, once I get to know my roommate’s class or work schedules, I find myself enjoying more home-alone time. When you don’t have to worry about anyone overhearing (or walking in on) your bliss and buzz noises, you can let yourself go and ultimately feel your orgasm much bigger and better.
  5. Tuning in to yourself. This is a little more abstract compared to the rest and probably much more vital. I close my eyes and take full breaths. I make sure to be very conscious of every part of my body. It’s important to be completely engaged by all your senses. What do your sheets feel like? What does your skin feel like? (Moisturize with sensual lotions if your answer is “scaly.”) What can you smell? (Light some candles if your answer to that question isn’t pleasant.) What does your breathing sound like? And so on. Remember that loving your body, physically and emotionally, is key to getting pleasure from it.

– Jewely Hoxie

Confession: 10 Reasons Why I Like Shower Sex

September 15, 2011

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photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I am a total believer in water as a form of therapy. It relaxes me like nothing else, which is why I decided to make the shower the first place I ever masturbated, way back when. So I think, why not bring my partner into that space every now and then too? Being in my partner’s arms under the hot shower head is one of the warmest and most intimate moments I know. And so, for all the shower sex haters out there (ahem, including right on this site), here are my top 10 reasons why shower sex is affectionate, practical, and hot. No, really.

  1. The shower is the only place where you can use the shower head as a sex toy.
  2. It’s good to mix things up — the shower is a new place to do it, and, unlike a hotel room, it’s free.
  3. Got roommates? The running water of the shower disguises your glory moans.
  4. Even when things are getting dirty, the shower keeps everything clean. It’s much easier to wash off that pearl necklace when the water is already running.
  5. Speaking of being clean, can you say butt play? (Just remember to bring along silicone lube for anything more hardcore than a pinkie or tongue poke.)
  6. Also: period sex!
  7. You’re already naked, why not get down to business?
  8. Washing your partner’s body makes for awesome foreplay.
  9. Being completely naked with your partner lets you really see each other. You get the chance to appreciate each other’s bodies without mood lighting or lingerie. Sounds scary, but once you’ve done it you’ll be glad you did.
  10. All that literal steam can make things feel extra steamy.

– Jewely Hoxie