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9 TV Shows Whose Sex Scenes Will Light Your Fire

December 1, 2011


EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

Back in high school I used make-out scenes from the O.C. as self-loving material. Yes, fine, I’m a little ashamed. I’d like to think my current list is slightly more sophisticated. Maybe? You decide…

  1. True Blood. Forget team Jacob and Edward, when it comes to vampire sex, it’s all about True Blood. Vampires basically represent the ravishment fantasy and the darker side of sex — which is why they only come out at night, duh. Bill’s sex scene with his adversary, Lorena, is about anything but love — it’s hateful and rough, but it’s also filled with rapture. Top that, pasty Pattinson!
  2. Mad Men. No matter your sexual preference, it’s impossible to ignore Don Draper’s sex appeal. Plus, his new inclination towards roughness in the bedroom — like requesting a slap in the face in the most recent season — only adds to the intrigue of his character. And possibly a richer direction for upcoming sex scenes? Oh, if only it was on HBO or Showtime; AMC simply keeps us wanting more.
  3. The L Word. If you’re into soft-core lesbian scenes (and come on, who isn’t?), look no further than The L Word — it’s chock-full of inspiration for a great night in by yourself. Oh Shane, you wife-beater-wearing heartbreaker! And the sex on this show can be appealingly realistic, too, like when Dana and Alice slept together for the first time — they were so eager and nervous that they struggled to take each other’s clothes off, getting stuck on buttoned jeans. Sex that feels really real = really hot.
  4. Tudors. Once you get past the historical inadequacies (hate to break it to you, but King Henry was not that much of a babe) you can start to appreciate the sex scenes — this show is famous for them. Can we just take a moment to remember that up-against-a-tree moment in particular? In the midst of their alfresco moaning glory,  Anne Boleyn — teasing her partner just like all the sex manuals tell you to — pushes King Henry off her, right before he climaxes. Damn!
  5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Remember those Buffy and Spike scenes? That bleach-blond gel mold on his head wouldn’t fly anymore, but you can’t deny the kind of earth-shattering sex that causes a house to fall down around you (hint: season 6, epiosde 9.) Read the rest of this entry »

Confession: The Top 10 Reasons to Love the Missionary Position

November 17, 2011


photo via Failblog.org

One of our college contributors, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

Everytime I check out Cosmo, look at Men’s Health with my boyfriend, or go to the sex aisle at Barnes and Noble, I see hundreds of very creative (and sometimes gravity-defying) ways that I “should” be having sex. But give me the good ol’ fashioned Missionary Position any day, if for no other reason than that it allows me to really focus on the person I’m having fantastic sex with! But if you need more convincing to make the missionary your go-to sex-po, try these reasons on for size:

  1. Intimacy. The missionary’s physical closeness engenders emotional closeness. After all, you feel completely smooshed together, fused. It’s the position people think of when love songs mention two people becoming one.
  2. Communication.  The two of you can easily adjust and react to each other’s movements.  Whether you need to slow down, move your hips differently, or fall into the same rhythm – in missionary its very easy to communicate your needs to one another.  You can even convey things with just a simple glance or nudge — words aren’t even always necessary!
  3. Tactility.  He can feel every small movement her hips make as they thrust toward him, feel her breasts pushing up against his chest. She can feel the way his arms and legs tense as he moves on top of her, how his butt cheeks clench. Together you’re experiencing the strength of each other’s bodies. Everything from the tips of your toes to the top of your head is accessible.
  4. Sensory overload. The missionary engages all your senses, much better than something like doggy style does.  You can whisper in each others ears, nuzzle each other’s sweet-smelling necks, taste each other’s salty sweat, access almost every part of your partner’s body with parts of your own (see #3 above), and see exactly what’s going on (see #6 below).
  5. Variety.  There are so many variations of missionary and and so many positions to easily transition into from this move.  He can lift one or two of her legs into the air; she can push her hips all the way up toward him for deeper penetration or push them down to have shallower thrusts; you both can sit up a bit if his arms need a break…  And all of these transitions are easy to do without either A) being a contortionist or B) risking him slipping out.
  6. Visibility.  You both can watch.  Leave the lights on and look down the length of your bodies to see them intertwined.  No need to quickly adjust any mirrors or move to a different location near a reflective surface!  For those of us that are visual and love to see every inch of our special someone, missionary is perfect.
  7. Relaxation.  You can be kind of lazy with the missionary (or at least the ladies can). He can kiss your breasts while running his hands through your hair and you can suck and kiss his neck while cupping him in one hand and clinging to his back with the other – all while you’re both lying down and never missing a thrust.  What more can a lady ask for?!?  Sure all those things are possible in other positions, but in missionary you can to do it while A) staring into each other’s eyes and B) lying down!  There’s no better option after a long day of work in my opinion.
  8. Control.  For women, cowgirl is usually touted as the position in which the woman gets the most control of sex, but I actually feel most in-control during missionary.  By grabbing her partner’s oh-so-sexy tush, which is extremely accessible to a lady lying in missionary, she can control the pace exactly when she needs to with just the flick of a wrist. Of course, it’s not all one sided: Guys have the power, too.  When she’s not grabbing his butt in passionate ecstasy, he can pin her arms down and take control of the action – and I for one don’t mind when such a coup takes place.  In fact, this is one of the best parts about missionary – it’s so easy to each take turns calling the shots and being in control of the action!
  9. Safety. You may not be shocking your partner with your ability to remain in a wheelbarrow while lifting your feet over your head all while writhing sexily, but at least you won’t pass out from blood rushing to your head, nor will you sustain a concussion when your arms give out from exhaustion. With missionary, you don’t have to worry about retwisting a weak ankle or your knees getting rug burn from any friction. There’s peace of mind with the M.P.
  10. Simplicity.  I don’t know about you, but missionary is my go-to position when all I want is sex, NOW.   There are some nights when you don’t have the patience to bother with studying that Kama Sutra position or scrambling for the box with the sex toys.  No, you just want to rip his close off and get as close to him as humanly possible and missionary is wonderful for those moments. It just feels right, any time, every time.

7 Reasons to Love Hotel Sex

October 20, 2011

1 Comment

photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I love to travel with my boyfriend, mostly because getting a hotel room together is so much fun. A change of scenery not only helps clear my mind, but it inspires me in bed. Here are seven excuses to book your next reservation.

  1. Freedom of expression. You get to be as loud as you want. There are no worries about bothering your roommate, your ‘rents or your neighbors. Even if someone in the hotel overhears, it’s exciting to show off all the fun you’re having! (And chances are, they’ll be too embarrassed to complain to the front desk anyway.)
  2. New sensations. There are new sensations when you’re in a different bed. The mattress and sheets not only look different, they feel different. Use those differences to help you live out an alternate reality: Pretend you’re having a secret affair or you snuck into a stranger’s bed, turning the act of sex into something more naughty.
  3. New surroundings. Along with a new bed, it’s a new room. There’s so much new territory to explore. I like to use the backboard of a bed to get tied up, since my bed at home doesn’t have one. The rest of the room is like a jungle gym: Where are we going to do it next? The shower, the jacuzzi tub, over the desk… MacGyver that space up!
  4. No distractions. When you’re in a hotel you can avoid phone calls, unexpected guests at the door, and no worrying about those unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink. There’s even a little sign to put outside your door that lets everyone know not to disturb you — something solicitors never listen to at home. (And just hanging that sign on the door handle is sometimes enough to make you feel frisky.) You have the freedom to do what you please for as long as you want.
  5. Cleaning service. This means no need to put a towel down for those female ejaculators out there or to be conservative about how much lube you use. This time, once you’re done, someone else can do the cleaning. Of course, this doesn’t give you permission to leave the room like a porn set — be kind to the cleaning staff and tip well. (For the record, this is exactly why you should always remove the top bed cover in a hotel before getting in, because that part rarely gets washed and chances are, a few people have had hotel sex on it before you.)
  6. Exhibitionism experimentation. In order to avoid any awkward run-ins, it’s better to have a hotel stranger see your sex show than that neighbor you see every day. Maybe open the curtains just enough for someone to get a partial private viewing. (Note: Best to do this after hours so only adults will get this viewing.)
  7. Room service. There’s nothing better than a good meal to replenish yourself after a healthy sex romp. Bonus points: you don’t even have to get showered and dressed to get it.

– Jewely Hoxie

Confession: The Top 10 Reasons I Love Being Naked

October 13, 2011


photo via Flickr

Our intern Alyssa Perez has a confession to make:

1.  No Constraints: Do a lunge!   Kick your legs!  Spin in a circle while swinging your arms!  Feel that?  Yeah, just air.  No clothes rustling, no bra pinching, no underwear bunching, just air.

2.  Transparency: I can see absolutely everything on my body, and you know what?  That roll that I thought I had peeking out of the top of my jeans while I was bent over in a weird yoga position while trying to reach my pencil that rolled under the bed and between the wall/headboard/dresser… well, its not there at all!  Yeah, I look pretty damn good without any waistbands pinching me!

3.  BOOBIES!: Yes, although I have owned a pair for over a decade now, I am still amazed by how these babies jiggle, and wiggle, and squish, and feel.  Look at them in all their glory!  No wonder men love these.   I love these!

6.  Yes, Jiggling Is a Good Thing: I mentioned how fantastic jiggling boobs are, well, jiggling in general can be awesome.  Just jump around next time you’re naked and see  how wonderful it is to feel your body moving without restraints.  Your hair bouncing around, your boobs flopping, your ass shaking, even your awesome thighs rippling as they support your leaps!

4.  New Sensations: Wandering around naked makes you appreciate the same old things in new ways.    You thought that throw you just bought for the futon was soft?  Well let me tell you… throw that baby around your bare shoulders while naked – now THAT is soft.

5.  Learn to be Adventurous Like Never Before: Remember when you wanted to be just like Ariel one day?  Well the first time I went skinny dipping, I was a mermaid – and a damn sexy one too!  Who knew that a bikini stood between me and pure adrenaline-pumping freedom?  No wonder that saucy little Ariel wasn’t afraid of sharks, went treasure-hunting, and risked everything for true love without a second thought – being naked in water makes you feel invincible, powerful, and beautiful!

7.  Check Out Those Muscles: When you’re naked you can actually see the strength of your body.  Turn around and look at your claves as you go up on your tippy toes – WHOA!!  Look how strong you are!  Check out your butt while you’re up there!  Damn Girl – its tight!  Who knew you were so strong?! I’m not talking about rippling muscles that only trainers, athletes, and body builders have – I’m talking about how strong your body has to be just to get you out of bed in the morning or down the stairs.  Shoot, my boyfriend has ridiculously strong toes that never cease to amaze me (seriously, when the remote for the TV is just too far for my arm to reach, Kevin’s toe powers are truly life-saving).  Everyone has their own secret-body strength.

8.  Slathering Yourself with Love (AKA: Body Lotion): There’s just something sacred about my relationship with my body lotion.  Buddhists have their controlled breathing to help them meditate, Whirling Dervishes have their well… whirling.  I have that moment in the morning or after a shower where I slather on my body lotion.  As I rub my coconut oil on my naked body I just think about the strength I have in me, in this body, and prepare myself for the day ahead.  It’s a moment to slow myself down and remember who I am and what I’m capable of, and it happens when I’m butt naked!

9.  Discovery: One of the coolest things about being naked is that you discover new things on your body that you never knew were there!  When I was little I sat on a pile of sharpened pencils and the other day I re-discovered a lead mark that has been on my butt cheek since that fateful day. Around the corner from this lead scar is my newly-discovered favorite mole and north of that mole is a freckle by my collarbone that is the mirror-image to a freckle my boyfriend has on his collarbone.  This body-map is constantly changing and surprising me in wonderful ways! Sometimes, though, a body-landmark can be the forebearer of dire news – which is why taking the time to really look at your glorious, naked form is not only fun but also just-plain-healthy.  When you take the time to really look at yourself and learn your body you’ll be more likely to notice an irregular mole that could be pre-cancerous or other physical signs of a budding ailment.  Who knew playing your own doctor could be so sexy though?!

10.  Self-Possession: When I’m naked I truly understand what being self-possessed really means to me.  This body, my body, is that – its mine!  Its something that only I know all the curves to, all the weak spots, all the kick-ass, strong spots – mine, all mine.  Even if someone accidently sees me naked or tries to cop a feel – they’ll never know me the way I know me.  I can share this knowledge with someone I love, but without me to guide them, there’s no way anyone else will get to see and feel what I get to see and feel every day.

5 Ways to Make Masturbation Even Better

September 29, 2011


photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I think we can all agree now that plenty of women enjoy masturbation at least as much as men. But the way women enjoy masturbation can vary widely — and many need a bit of extra help getting themselves in the mood. I like to think that my masturbation dates deserve just as much seduction as my partner explorations. So here are my 5 suggestions for fashioning an unforgettable night in with yourself:

  1. Mood Music. I have an iTunes playlist covertly entitled ‘rr’ for rabbit rock (named after my rabbit vibrator, naturally). Every time I find a song that would be a good romp session anthem, I add it to my self-loving rr soundtrack. This is also fun because later when you hear one of the songs — at a party, say, or in the supermarket — you are reminded of those same tingles you felt before and it becomes a private inside joke with yourself.
  2. A good sex toy. I have become a kind of connoisseur of sex toys over the years and have found that a quality vibrator will always do the trick. I am a firm believer that one size (and shape) does not fit all when it comes to sex toys, so it’s up to you to find what you like. Experiment and explore. You and your sex toy will make for the ultimate tryst.
  3. Fantasy fucking. Sometimes I will turn to porn, sometimes music, but when all else fails, a wild fantasy can never do me wrong. Our brains are one of the most powerful sex organs and masturbation is the best way to exercise our creativity. Try to stay conscious of the things that turn you on throughout the day in order to better discover your own sexual appetite and use it as material for a future self love session.
  4. The freedom to be loud. My usual go-to noise canceling option is to have my vibrator under the sheets and to breathe my heavy breaths into a pillow. However, once I get to know my roommate’s class or work schedules, I find myself enjoying more home-alone time. When you don’t have to worry about anyone overhearing (or walking in on) your bliss and buzz noises, you can let yourself go and ultimately feel your orgasm much bigger and better.
  5. Tuning in to yourself. This is a little more abstract compared to the rest and probably much more vital. I close my eyes and take full breaths. I make sure to be very conscious of every part of my body. It’s important to be completely engaged by all your senses. What do your sheets feel like? What does your skin feel like? (Moisturize with sensual lotions if your answer is “scaly.”) What can you smell? (Light some candles if your answer to that question isn’t pleasant.) What does your breathing sound like? And so on. Remember that loving your body, physically and emotionally, is key to getting pleasure from it.

– Jewely Hoxie

Confession: 10 Reasons Why I Like Shower Sex

September 15, 2011

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photo via flickr

EMandLO.com contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

I am a total believer in water as a form of therapy. It relaxes me like nothing else, which is why I decided to make the shower the first place I ever masturbated, way back when. So I think, why not bring my partner into that space every now and then too? Being in my partner’s arms under the hot shower head is one of the warmest and most intimate moments I know. And so, for all the shower sex haters out there (ahem, including right on this site), here are my top 10 reasons why shower sex is affectionate, practical, and hot. No, really.

  1. The shower is the only place where you can use the shower head as a sex toy.
  2. It’s good to mix things up — the shower is a new place to do it, and, unlike a hotel room, it’s free.
  3. Got roommates? The running water of the shower disguises your glory moans.
  4. Even when things are getting dirty, the shower keeps everything clean. It’s much easier to wash off that pearl necklace when the water is already running.
  5. Speaking of being clean, can you say butt play? (Just remember to bring along silicone lube for anything more hardcore than a pinkie or tongue poke.)
  6. Also: period sex!
  7. You’re already naked, why not get down to business?
  8. Washing your partner’s body makes for awesome foreplay.
  9. Being completely naked with your partner lets you really see each other. You get the chance to appreciate each other’s bodies without mood lighting or lingerie. Sounds scary, but once you’ve done it you’ll be glad you did.
  10. All that literal steam can make things feel extra steamy.

– Jewely Hoxie

Confession: A Taste of One’s Own

September 1, 2011


Max, one of our Wise Guys, has a confession to make:

Ladies, face it: After a blow job, your average man would like you to swallow his seed, plain and simple. Whether that’s because of pride, practicality or a penchant for raunchiness may vary from guy to guy, but a lover’s choice of spitting over swallowing is something that almost all men take quite personally. Do we taste that bad? Do we disgust you? Aren’t you into us?

I was not surprised then when I recently heard a chef at my restaurant bemoaning the fact that his lady, despite her willingness to perform certain acts, would not ingest the spoils of her apparent victory. The cook simply could not understand why she wouldn’t swallow it after it had already been in her mouth.

Now, most men who work in a kitchen have a high tolerance for all that is salacious, perverted, even gross — much higher than your average citizen. So it was natural then for me to wonder whether my disgruntled chef had himself tasted his own “love juice.” After all, if he objected to a woman not devouring something that he produced (a touchy subject for any chef), he himself must have been brave enough to taste test all that came out of his kitchen.

“Have you ever tasted your own?” I asked.

For the first time in any kitchen that I’ve ever worked, everyone went silent. They stared at me, their faces contorted in disgust. I saw then that, even if any of them had, their homophobic instincts would not allow them to admit that they had tasted any man’s semen, even if it was just their own.

I, on the other hand, had to come clean. I told them that not only had I tasted my own, but that it was not, in fact, all that bad. I suggested that maybe they should do the same before they started preaching the virtues of swallowing over the sins of spitting. (I also briefly considered highlighting the fact that the taste of one’s semen is dictated by one’s diet and that, in light of the sheer amount of junk food and booze the majority of them consumed daily, their sexual partners might have had good reason to spit; but I decided this blow was literally below the belt). They, in turn, have decided that I am far stranger than they had originally thought and, since I beat them at their own game of sexual one-upmanship, treat me with a bit more respect than before.

Still, the fact that most men are uncomfortable even discussing the idea of tasting their own ejaculate amuses and confuses me. I’ve heard those same cooks obsess over the joys of anal sex, “doing” women on their periods, and having their girlfriends slip a finger in their bums during a blow job, and yet something so standard as their own come is too much for them? Isn’t the idea of feces and menstrual blood a bit more concerning?

Gentlemen, face it: we are being ignorant. We can’t handle the heat and yet we practically live in the kitchen. It’s time to try new things. I know this might be hard to swallow, but every woman who has gone down on you has gotten a taste, and I think that it is now up to us to share the load.

Confession: Losing Your Virginity Ain’t No Big Thang

August 18, 2011

1 Comment

photo by mccun934

A college friend of ours who wishes to remain nameless has a confession to make:

As a 21-year-old virgin I thought sex was going to be the most overwhelming, painful, awkward, terrible, awful experience ever.  Why did I think this?  Because friends, magazines, and blogs all over the place said so. Not so! Yes, cashing in your V-card is a big deal: your first experience can set the tone for how you approach and engage in sex for years to come. Which is exactly why you shouldn’t stress and fret about the impending deed for weeks or months (or even years!) beforehand like my boyfriend and I did. If you follow these 10 prep rules, then when you’re ready, you can relax and just do it:

  1. Make sure you’re with a partner that you trust completely. If you’re in love, great! But even more important than true wuv is trust. This comes from knowing your partner well and having a history of caring for and about one another.
  2. Admit it’s your first time. Because if you don’t, then you’ll be distracted with acting experienced, you’ll feel like you’re going through your first time alone (ironically), and you won’t give your partner the chance to make it special, memorable or comfortable (see #10).
  3. Share your expectations with each other. I sat down and told my boyfriend exactly what I wanted from the first night: Passion, Trust, Ability to Laugh at Ourselves/Not Take Ourselves too Seriously, Most of the Day Together Afterwards. Your list, your partner’s list  – they might be totally different. The point is just to make a list and then share it.
  4. Get your protection lined up beforehand. You don’t want to find yourself in the moment without a safety net. There are TONS of options out there, but your go-to will probably be condoms since they provide some decent STD-protection and quite good pregnancy prevention. Even better if you double-up with a back-up form of birth-control (like the Pill). I highly recommend using a lubricated condom for your first time — since it makes everything much smoother and lovely-feeling! One thing that no-one warned me about: the rubbery smell of the condom will be noticeable. It bothered me a lot the first couple of times, and I still notice it, but now I just think of it as ‘The Smell of PROTECTION!’
  5. Speak up in the moment. When it comes to sex for the first time, there’s no such thing as oversharing. The night we did it, my boyfriend knew what was going on in my mind the entire time because I told him how I was feeling and asked him for exactly what I needed. This communicating made us feel connected and confident about the new things we were trying together.
  6. On that note: Even if you think it’s a stupid question – ask! I was wondering a bazillion things before I first had sex. For some reason I wanted to know how many girls my boyfriend had been with before me and if any of them had been virgins too; during sex I wanted to ask about what he was thinking, if I was angling my hips right, if he could feel the kegels I had been practicing, if he thought my waxing job was nice – all these crazy, random thoughts! Well, just ask. Wondering will only distract you.
  7. Be sensitive to your partner’s concerns. Whether they’re a virgin or not, they’ve got plenty too. I had thought only I, the naive virgin, would be nervous about sex – but it turns out that my boyfriend was even more nervous than I was! He was worried about everything from making the evening really nice for me, to his own (very unnecessary) worries about performance, to where to best place the condom for easy and fast access.
  8. It’s okay if you laugh! No one warns you about the fact that sweaty bodies in the act of sex can make a myriad of hilarious noises. My boobs, when pressed up against my boyfriend’s chest, can create a rather epic fart noise! The first time it happened I just stared up at my boyfriend in horror, but he started laughing so hard and was so totally un-phased that I realized that weird stuff can happen and it doesn’t have to lessen the awesomeness that is sex!
  9. Lower your expectations. It’s kinda like your 16th birthday, when you thought everything was going to drastically change and magically improve when you got your license and officially became a young adult. Didn’t happen, right? At least not overnight. Same thing here: I honestly thought that as soon as we had sex my relationship with my boyfriend would change in some drastic way, I would become more mature, the sky would be bluer and the flowers would smell sweeter. Nope! My boyfriend and I are much closer now because of how intimate we’ve become, but this change wasn’t drastic and it didn’t happen overnight.
  10. Help the sex feel great. I know, I know, every other personal essay you’ve encountered has been a horror story of pain and dissatisfaction. But I’m living proof it doesn’t have to be that way! In addition to adhering to all the above rules, Em & Lo recommend the following: make sure you are turned on and well lubed (purpose-made lubricant can help), engage in lots of foreplay, and go slowly (not like gangbusters!). Special considerations for the ladies: make sure you’ve had experience with penetration before (be it with fingers or toys), get some manual or oral sex immediately before the big event, even have an orgasm right before to help make sure you’re physically ready.

Confession: Top 10 Ways I Disguise Love Noises

August 4, 2011


photo via Flickr

A college-student contributor friend of ours, who wishes to remain anonymous, confesses her favorite ways to keep things under wraps, aurally speaking:

One of my favorite quotes of all time is an uncharacteristically understated gem of advice from Kurt Vonnegut: “I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’” I try to live in keeping with this counsel and to overtly express my gratitude and joy when I’m experiencing it. At every possible opportunity. Full disclosure: I’m kind of a loud lover, of myself and of others. Being discreet in between the sheets just doesn’t come naturally to me; it feels somehow unappreciative of partner, of joy, and of sensation. That said, my audibility is often somewhat, well, unappreciative of my neighbors or circumstances. Parents’ houses, thin-walled apartments, and shoddilly constructed dorm rooms are no place for particularly audible ecstasy, stubbornly squeaky bedsprings, or especially sonic vibrations. Consequently, I have had ample opportunity to work out what works best to mask the noises, exclamations, and murmurs of my love life. I offer you the ten best:

  1. A fan. While this won’t mask high-decibel screams, exclamations, or demands, it does a damn good job of creating enough white noise to obscure the buzz of sex toys, low-key passionate moans/groans, and exclamations at a conversational volume. Bonus: this doubles as an anti-sweat measure for sweltering summer sex.
  2. Music. Cranking some tunes lends itself to a bit more wiggle room, especially if it’s uptempo and a little too loud to be considered neighbor-considerate. I maintain that this approach is more considerate, though, than involving an unintentional third (or second) party in your love life. However, music choice becomes especially important in this circumstance. I was once stopped in my mid-coitus tracks by the unfortunate appearance of the Mexican Hat Dance on my iTunes shuffle. Never have I encountered a more effective cock-block. We actually had to stop and resume action a few hours later.
  3. Strategic Timing. I have been guilty of timing my me-time and my us-time in accordance with the schedule of particularly loud construction crews, a neighbor’s drum circle practice, and especially loud weed-whacking (which, incidentally, lent itself nicely to masturbatory euphemism).
  4. Shower. Water on tile makes a great deal of noise. About the same noise-coverage capabilities as a fan, but with the added benefit of shower sex!
  5. Loud Television. Similar in use to loud music, with the same caveats. Choice is crucial. Sesame Street and South Park have yielded similar fates as the Mexican Hat Dance. And nothing gets you to a blue-balled state faster than singing puppets or jaded animations.
  6. Create a Plausible Alternate Explanation. I once wrote a note to my housemates letting them know that I was watching porn for a sociology paper about visual representations of sexuality. I then closed my door, popped in my favorite sex tape, and let the scripted screams of partnered rapture mask my own. This also allowed me to watch porn without headphones on for the first time in months. Thank you, academia.
  7. A Gag. One of my faves. This sex accessory lets me indulge my kinkier proclivities while I try to be as loud as I want. The struggle is a turn on, there’s something else acting as a muffler, and no one’s any the wiser. Epic win.
  8. Silent Sex. On occasion, challenging my boyfriend to see who can be most silent during sex has worked out quite well. I can find the requisite motivation only in situations where it’s IMPERATIVE to be quiet (i.e. in the room next door to my parents over Christmas break). But the competitive edge and power play are both quite fun. Having sex in a situation that requires that level of silence implies a level of risk that’s pretty thrilling, too.
  9. Comforters. Swathing love sounds in cushy bedclothes works quite well. Pitching a tent in bed has meant more to me than waking up to morning wood. Indeed, throwing a pillow over my lap while employing my trusty vibrating friend or ducking under a comforter cocoon to stage-whisper sweet (and not-so-sweet) nothings to my bed buddy have proven helpful in a pinch.
  10. Just Do It. You know what? Sometimes, you just need to express yourself. Sometimes, quiet sex just doesn’t cut it. Sometimes, you just have to say fuck it and get lost in the moment instead of over-cautious concern. This approach requires some strategic timing and moderation — after all, screaming “Give me more!” while Grandma’s just a thin wall away is ill-advised, and loudly indulging your Rabbit Habit and awakening your slumbering hallmates is just plain douchey. But sometimes, a mid-afternoon romp in a sparsely populated dorm is worthy of Vonnegut-esque acknowledgement.

Confession: Top 10 Reasons I Don’t Own a Razor

July 21, 2011


photo by Flickr

Our contributor Abby Spector, who is majoring in Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, confesses her love for body hair:

I am not going to judge silky-smooth-shaved ladies. But here are ten reasons I do NOT own a razor And yes, this means legs, vag, and — gasp — armpit hair.

  1. Why should I? I don’t like razor burn or the spiky feeling of leg hairs emerging from dry skin.
  2. In many ways, I look like the “typical” American girl. I am an average size, have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smile when I’m nervous. There are few ways I can subtly show my rebellious side. I have discovered that a flash of armpit hair does the trick.
  3. I’ll pass on disrupting the natural course of my body, thank you very much.
  4. My sister and mom, two of the most beautiful people I know, do not shave. Actually, I didn’t know it was a custom until I got to middle school and my friend insisted that we (she) shave my peach fuzz legs.
  5. I’m LAZY!
  6. The first guy I slept with told me I had to shave or else he wouldn’t go down on me. I hate him. My bushy bush is my way of laughing in his face.
  7. My current boyfriend doesn’t mind. Why should he? He isn’t exactly bare down there, either.
  8. Sharp objects always seem to cut me. Thus, placing one near my vag could lead to a very unfortunate injury. I want to keep my clit intact.
  9. I am bisexual. The armpit hair works like a calling card to the lesbian community.
  10. Everyone loves Northern Europeans. Historically, this hot community doesn’t shave. I want to be as Swedish as possible.

Abby Spector