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And the LELO for Best Oral Sex Haiku Goes To…

February 4, 2014

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Thank you for your many, many entries into our LELO Oral Sex Haiku Contest! You guys sure do like oral (or oral sex simulators… or LELO pleasure objects of any kind). And thank you especially for heeding to our wishes to leave the explicit stuff on the cutting room floor. Instead, you used beautiful images (from petals unfurling to hummingbirds descending), clever metaphors (from the tide’s arrival to a good book), and a sense of humor (blatant pandering, “FaceTime”) — and one of you even submitted a haiku in Japanese, with an English translation. Now that’s the way we like to haiku about oral sex!

We were incredibly torn when it came to picking a winner, but in the end it came down to Monica A., because she submitted so many wonderful haikus — thirty-seven in total, and any one of them could have been a winner. Congratulations to Monica, she wins a LELO Ora! (And not just because she managed to get “Em and Lo dot com” and “Ora” in a single haiku!) Monica, we hope you receive many years of pleasure — and not a single broken heart or complaint about “high-maintenance demands” — from  your oral sex simulator.

Below Monica’s winning entry, you’ll find our Thirty-Three Honorable Mentions. Yes, thirty-frickin’-three: You guys rocked this one!

THE WINNER:

Mouth on my pistil
I feel like a loaded gun
Lick lick, bang bang boom
– Monica A.

TOP 33 HONORABLE MENTIONS (in no particular order):

How about you go
first and then do me…ok
fine, we’ll sixty-nine.
– Colleen

Pages of my book
Read in detail by your tongue
The perfect bookmark
– Erin D.

Em and lo dot com,
Oral pleasure makes me smile
Ora should be mine!
– Monica A.

I am the quiver
Of sixty thousand starlings
Pulsing as they soar.
– Karah

Kimi no uta,
Yume no kaze desu,
Subarashi yo.

Your music,
The wind in my dream,
It’s wonderful.
– Heather

Who cares about size
Does your tongue work properly?
If so, we’ll be fine
– Monica A.

Peering through the moss
You discover, of all things,
A pearl to be kissed
– Inness

iPhones make me smirk;
“FaceTime” just means something else –
Him pleasuring me
– Monica A.

Eager, lustful wolf
Approaches my flowing stream
Longingly takes sips
– Anna Nicole

What do you mean you
don’t do that? Seriously,
you’re kidding right? Next!
– Colleen

A love note for you –
Spreading you across my desk,
My tongue is the pen…
– Monica A.

ocean waves seduce
lapping at forbidden shores
high tide is coming
– Chris

You’re taller than I,
So it’s a unique pleasure,
Gripping your thick hair
– Inness

Waves lap swollen shores
Until the levee explodes,
Chasing back the sea.
– Karah

wave washed stones, polished
and smooth, as a love song from
the lovelorn ocean.
– Colleen

My lover descends:
A velvet-tongued hummingbird,
Earning my nectar.
– Karah

flickering so fast
flickering woodpecker, oh
wood dont stand a chance
– Tawana

glistening pink rose
peel back each lovely petal,
slowly, rise with sun
– Amy

drowning in a sea
first a ripple, a wave, crash
then floating in bliss
– Amy

A ring of Saturn
Continues to spin nonstop
beautiful colors
– Tawana

Explore the ocean
Search for the man in the boat
Ahoy! you found him
– Tawana

Just a few quick flicks
And I’m where I need to be
Just Ora and me
– Monica A.

Fire passes through me
Underneath love’s canopy
Eat, live, be happy.
– Monica A.

Two is a party
Ready to rock my body
Just Ora and me
– Monica A.

Tongue play is heaven
She touched me once and I learned
Girls do it better
– Monica A.

I have a secret
It’s locked up inside of me
Your tongue is the key
– Monica A.

Her petals unfurl
Under gray dawn’s humid kiss.
The dew drops quiver.
– Karah

Your tongue like an oar
Row my boat faster, harder
Make me come ashore
– Monica A.

A haiku or two
To get me off without you –
Don’t mind if I do.
– Karah

I moan, “Oh my God,”
Bless my body with your tongue
I am no angel.
– Monica A.

Taste my galaxy…
Celestial chaos builds,
Eyes closed… stars explode
– Monica A.

With closed eyes I see
The shimmer of distant suns
Lit by my pleasure.
– Karah

I’m a slip’n’slide,
But don’t slip inside. That’s right –
Stay down there and lick!
– Karah

Read more about the Ora by LELO here

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Last Chance to Haiku Your Way to a Lelo ORA!

January 30, 2014

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sponsored post

*** THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED ***

The deadline for our LELO Ora haiku contest is end of day Friday, January 31st — a deadline specially chosen so that we can get the winner’s toy out before V-Day! So here’s your last chance to wax lyrical about oral sex and win yourself or your sweetie a LELO Ora. Because whether you’re all coupled up for this Hallmark holiday season* or you’re planning on spending V-Day solo, LELO’s brand new oral sex simulator is guaranteed to improve your evening (especially because this oral sex simulator is actually elegant and sophisticated… which isn’t at all surprising in a LELO toy, but is hugely surprising in an oral sex simulator) . To refresh your memory:

We have ONE of these gorgeous pleasure objects to give away, and all you have to do is woo us with your best haiku on oral sex! We’ll publish our favorite haikus here on EMandLO.com, and our very favorite of all will win an Ora by LELO. Here are the rules:

1. Post a haiku in the comments section below, or submit via our contact form here – enter as many times as you like! Just remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format.

2. Deadline is end of day Friday, January 31st (so we can get the winner’s toy out before V-Day!).

3. Bonus points for any haikus that are 100% metaphorical.

4. Bonus points for any haikus that feature images from nature.

5. Automatic disqualification for anything too graphic.

6. You must be 18 or over to enter.

8. When you fill out the comment section below or send us a haiku via our contact form, make sure you include a viable email address (which we will keep private) so we can contact you in case you win.

9. Winners who do not claim their prize by responding to the private email from Em & Lo within seven days forfeit their prize, at which time another best haiku will be chosen.

Happy Haiku-ing!

* We have a dream that, a few years from now, people will refer to V-Day is the “vibrator holiday” or the “LELO holiday” or the “pleasure object holiday.”

Read more about the Ora by LELO here

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Wax Lyrical About Oral, Win a LELO Ora!

January 24, 2014

89 Comments

sponsored post

*** THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED ***

Earlier this week, we introduced you to the Ora, LELO’s brand new oral sex simulator. (And it’s actually elegant and sophisticated! Which isn’t at all surprising in a LELO toy — but it’s hugely surprising in an oral sex simulator.) Anyway, we have one of these gorgeous pleasure objects to give away, and all you have to do is woo us with your best haiku on oral sex! We’ll publish our favorite haikus here on EMandLO.com, and our very favorite of all will win an Ora by LELO. Here are the rules:

1. Post a haiku in the comments section below, or submit via our contact form here — enter as many times as you like! Just remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format.

2. Deadline is end of day Friday, January 31st (so we can get the winner’s toy out before V-Day!).

3. Bonus points for any haikus that are 100% metaphorical.

4. Bonus points for any haikus that feature images from nature.

5. Automatic disqualification for anything too graphic.

6. You must be 18 or over to enter.

8. When you fill out the comment section below or send us a haiku via our contact form, make sure you include a viable email address (which we will keep private) so we can contact you in case you win.

9. Winners who do not claim their prize by responding to the private email from Em & Lo within seven days forfeit their prize, at which time another best haiku will be chosen.

Happy Haiku-ing!

Read more about the Ora by LELO here

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Will Roe V. Wade See Another Anniversary?

January 23, 2014

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Yesterday was the 41st anniversary of Roe V. Wade. Will there be a 42nd?

Since abortion has been legal in this country for the entire lifespan of progressive women under 41 years old, they — we — have perhaps come to take Roe V. Wade for granted, to assume that this right is inalienable and can’t be taken away. Wrong!

Read and watch the following important stories on the religious right’s well-funded stealth war on abortion and how they’re trying — and succeeding! — in rolling back reproductive rights in scary ways all across this country:

Rolling Stone’s
“The Stealth War on Abortion”:

 

Rachel Maddow’s
“GOP Bets on Abortion Issue Despite Gender Gap”

ALSO: Rachel Maddow’s
“Potential 2014 Backlash Against Abortion Rights Rollbacks”

 

Al Jazeera’s
“The Abortion War”:

 

Don’t just get mad, get motivated, get moving! Here are some places you can start:



Top 5 Reasons Why Sex Makes You Smarter

January 14, 2014

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photo via flickr

Recent research straight from the lab demonstrates that sexual activity in adults may improve mental performance and help produce new neurons in the hippocampus, which is the part of the brain where long-term memories are formed. So much for doing crossword puzzles and sudoku! A separate study found that sex can counteract the kind of chronic stress that screws with the ability to remember things. (The first study was conducted on “middle-aged rats” and the second on mice. We wonder how midlife crises manifest themselves in middle-aged rats?!)

Of course, this may not be enough evidence to convert all those crossword and sudoku addicts to midlife sexual activity, so we thought we’d expand the news into a own nifty five-part list. Here are our Top 5 Reasons Why Sex Makes You Smarter:

1. Sex Helps You Grow New Brain Cells

If we were having more sex, we might be better equipped to explain this to you, but as we said above, in middle-aged rates, sex improves mental performance and long-term memory.

2. Sex Reduces Stress… Which Makes Your Memory Work Better

“Stress is one of the most potent inhibitors of hippocampal neurogenesis,” the scientists say, and we nod seriously and pretend to totally understand this. What we do understand is that sex can help fix this!

3. Sex Releases Endorphins…. Which Makes You Smarter

Endorphins are the “feel good” chemical — it acts as a natural painkiller, lessens anxiety (see #2, above), and helps you sleep better. All of which helps your brain, Einstein. More specifically, endorphins have been found to help calm and focus the brain.

4. Energetic Sex Boosts Circulation and Blood Flow… to the Brain

Energetic sex is a form of exercise, which boosts the blood flow to your brain… which makes it work better. Studies have found that both attention and focus improve for several hours after exercise — so hop on top, Pop!

5. Sex Builds Emotional Intelligence

Sex — or, at least, good sex — requires tuning into another person so completely that you know as much as they do (if not more!) about what turns them on. That’s a kind of focus we could all use more of, whether at home or work.

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2014: Year of the Vanilla Revolution?

January 7, 2014

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Image via Flickr | Sponsored Post

The Fifty Shades of Grey movie may not be scheduled for release until February 13, 2015, but according to LELO, the kinky sex revolution is already waning. According to sales figures of LELO toys, tracked across their top 20 leading markets, sales of BDSM accessories such as whips and teasers reached a plateau in the last quarter of 2013, compared with a 50% increase over the same period in 2012. Meanwhile, sales of premium couples massagers and vibrating couples’ rings worn during intercourse have increased by 82%, compared with the same period last year.

This is not your parents’ “vanilla sex,” it should be noted! According to research, 58% of global toy owners expected to use premium personal massagers with their partner up until September 2013, compared with 72% in the last 3 months of 2013. In other words, if their buying habits are to be believed, it would seem couples are less concerned with reenacting their Christian Grey and Ana fantasies, and more concerned with intimacy and equal-opportunity pleasure in bed. We’re clearly talking full-fat, homemade, creamy vanilla, here — not your generic supermarket brand.

LELO defines “couples’ sex toy” as “an intimate massager suited specifically to enhance foreplay or intercourse.” This kind of toy typically does not feature “the phallic designs typical of so many sex toys currently on the market.” In other words, it’s not the pink plastic penis that got tossed around the room at the last Bachelorette party you attended.

Examples of couples’ toys include the Ida, LELO’s newest release, a couples’ massager that is worn by women during lovemaking to increase pleasure for both partners, and the remote-controlled Hula Beads, worn by the woman during foreplay to provide gentle vibrations within the vagina.

More research on trends in sex is due from LELO later this month, when they will release the results of the 2014 LELO Global Sex Survey.

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Happy New Year!

December 30, 2013

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We’re still on holiday, and hope you are too! We’ll be back in full swing on Thursday, January 3rd. In the meantime, don’t forget to make your New Year’s Resolutions with the help of our kinky guide. A great way to help you fulfill those resolutions is to buy our award-winning book 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Start 2014 off with a bang!


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We Wish You a Merry Kinkmas!

December 19, 2013

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We hope you’ll get to spend at least part of this week eating too much, drinking too much, and maybe even having post-t(of)urkey comfort sex (assuming you’re not sharing a bedroom with your nerdy eight-year-old cousin at an over-stuffed family reunion). We’ll be taking the week off — except for your weekly horoscopes, which will continue to appear Monday mornings — and returning with fab new posts for 2013 on Wednesday, January 2nd. If you want to make our year — what’s left of it! — then you can buy our award-winning book 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink to keep you company while we’re gone. In the meantime, don’t forget to make your New Year’s Resolutions with the help of our kinky guide. You can count down to the holidays with our 12 Days of Kinkmas. And you can catch up on any holiday posts you might have missed at our Naughty and Nice Issue. Now… get thee to some mistletoe and make out like a teenager!


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Win $600 of LELO Swag… Now That’s Naughty AND Nice

December 12, 2013

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Kimono by LELO; Sponsored Post

This holiday season, LELO wants you to share the gift of pleasure, whether it’s giving your partner a full-body massage or breaking out your favorite toy to share together. And if you need a little help in the bedside accessories department, then here’s your chance. LELO will ask three different questions about how you like to share pleasure, and the best answers will be put to a vote. The winner, announced the week of December 23rd, will receive a LELO toy (anything from their couples’ collection) a kimono, a massage candle, and a book — a booty haul worth more than $600!

The first assignment is to complete the following phrase: My simplest pleasure is….

You can leave your answers for Lelo in the comments section on this page. And watch the LELO News page or like their Facebook page for announcements of the next two questions.

In the meantime, get inspired by browsing Lelo’s collection of couples’ toys, specially designed to be shared, this festive season… and always. Because a sex toy is for life, not just for Christmas!

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10 Things We Didn’t Know About Dr. Ruth

December 2, 2013

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Photo via Dr.Ruth.com

The article in the New York Times‘ Real Estate section this past weekend about Dr. Ruth’s three-bedroom apartment in Washington Heights proved her home to be exactly the sort of kooky, over-cluttered place that we’d expect from an 85-year-old, four-foot-seven woman who talks about sex for a living. But here are ten things we discovered about this kick-ass woman in the tour of her apartment that we weren’t expecting:

  1. Dr. Ruth was born in Germany to Orthodox Jewish parents and was sent to a Swiss orphanage during World War II to escape the Holocaust. Her parents were killed in the Holocaust, and she eventually left the orphanage with just a washcloth and a doll  – though she ended up giving the doll to another orphan who was crying.
  2. She now owns two dollhouses because she says they  give her the control that she didn’t have when she had to leave her dollhouse in Germany. “Father, mother, babies, everybody is safe,” she says. “And everybody is exactly where I put them.”
  3. She also collects turtles, which she is fond of because, ”if it stays in one place, it’s safe. It carries its house on its back. But if that turtle wants to move, it takes a risk. It has to stick its neck out. It could get hurt. That’s a little bit me. I did stick my neck out talking about sex on radio or television when nobody did that.”
  4. She also has a collection of miniature oil lamps, more than two thousand years old, featuring sexual positions.
  5. She keeps a bullet in her memorabilia cabinet from her time as a sniper in Israel, before it was Israel. We’ll say that again: Dr. Ruth was a sniper. (We are  not worthy.) She claims she could still “‘put five bullets in the red circle.”
  6. There is currently an Off-Broadway show based on her life, called “Becoming Dr. Ruth.” (And according to the show’s website, Dr. Ruth, who has been married three times, is currently single “and about town every night.”)
  7. She’s hugged Paul McCartney.
  8. She’s hugged Bill Clinton (okay, what decent sex columnist hasn’t?!).
  9. She’s hugged Obama.
  10. She’s currently writing a book called The Scrooge Defect, which theorizes that “people who are uptight about money probably can’t be good lovers, because they’re not generous.”

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