We have a dream that one day, people will deal with sex rationally and reasonably. Sure, we know that everyone loses it a little when they’re head over heels in lust — but we’re talking about something much deeper and more ingrained and more screwed up. Like orthodox Jewish men blurring their glasses so they don’t have to look at immodest women … or men visiting prostitutes for emotional intimacy … or the U.K. making it illegal to own depictions of sexual acts (like fisting) that are perfectly legal to engage in (just ask Christian Grey).

• Study finds that men visit prostitutes for cuddling and companionship as well as sex. So tell us something we didn’t already know from watching PRETTY WOMAN…
• New glasses will blur objects beyond ten feet for orthodox Jewish men, to protect them from the sight of immodest women.
• In a U.K. trial about “extreme sex,” a jury finds that some sexual acts can be legal to engage in (like fisting, which is discussed in Fifty Shades of Grey), but illegal to own depictions of. Glad to hear it’s not just the U.S. that’s all ‘effed up about sex.
• Trojan gives away free sex toys in NYC — from hot dog carts! – and so many people show up that the police have to shut the whole thing down.
• Why the Olympic village is a “libidinous cocktail” just waiting to happen.
• Speaking of: “Olympics or gay porn” is hilarious.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

MORE FROM EMandLO.com:

• Can Avoiding Orgasms Improve Your Sex Life?
• Survey Debunks Some of Our Least Favorite Sex Myths
• Vagina vs. Vulva: There’s a Big Difference, People!

photo via Flickr

• Let’s all go out and have casual, obscene, Satan-fueled sex – Obamacare’s coverage of contraception began this week!
• We’re in the middle of World Breastfeeding Week (Aug 1st – 7th) – and it’s WBW’s 20th birthday.
• British female weightlifter  beats up sexist trolls (metaphorically).
• “Sex is. There is nothing more to be done about it. Sex builds no roads, writes no novels and sex certainly gives no meaning to anything in life but itself.” RIP Gore Vidal.

In honor of Kegel Week, we’d like you to come up with a slogan for pelvic floor health — something that would be catchy on a bumper sticker or a t-shirt. Yes, it is possible! Think ”I’m Kegeling right now” or “iKegel” or “Kegel is German for good sex.”  You get the idea! Our favorite sloganeer will win a pair of Luna Beads.

When you’ve come up with your slogan (or slogans — you can enter as many times as you like), post it on Lelo’s Facebook wall (you should “Like” their page, too, if you haven’t already).

We’ll post our favorite slogans on this site, so even if you don’t come in first, you’ll still win the admiration of your peers. And that, combined with a healthy pelvic floor, will vastly improve your sex life! Deadline for this contest is two weeks from now: Friday, August 17th.

****POST YOUR SLOGANS NOW ON LELO’S FACEBOOK PAGE!****

RELATED ARTICLES FROM EMandLO.com:

• Ladies, How Often Do You Do Your Kegel Exercises?
• Men, What Do You Know About Kegel Exercises (without looking it up)?
• An Intro to Your Pelvic Floor or Meet Mr. Kegel
• How to Do Kegels (for HER)
• Kegels for HIM
• Dear Dr. Vanessa, What’s Up with Kegels?
• Dear Dr. Joe, How Do I Strengthen My Erection?
• Dear Dr. Kate, How Do I Tighten Up Down There?
• Sales of LELO’s Luna Beads Soar Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey

photo via flickr

We’re always a little skeptical when sex research is sponsored by a commercial product — as opposed to, say, an academic institution. That said, the commercially-driven surveys tend to have a lot of money and resources behind them, and every now and then, interesting stuff comes out of them. Take the new survey from Trojan, for example — sure, it includes not particularly helpful stats, like the fact that 70% of people “are open to trying a new condom designed to enhance orgasmic pleasure.” Oh really, Trojan? And we don’t suppose you happen to know anything about where we could find a condom like that, do you…?

But some of the other research isn’t half bad, and even debunks some of our least favorite myths about sex — always a good thing. Some highlights:

• The Myth: Men are afraid of sex toys. The research: Men are more willing to try a vibrator in bed than women:  74% of men — compared to 70% of women — are open to using a vibe during sex. Still, both figures are pretty encouraging!
• The Myth: Having kids destroys your sex life. The research: Parents are more likely to have spontaneous sex, sex in different places than couples without children, and they’re more likely to use a vibrator, too.
• The Myth: It’s all about the sext. The research: Americans are more likely to have experimented with dirty talk, used lubricant, or had sex outdoors than they are to have sexted or sent a dirty pic or video.
• The Myth: Sex is a competition, and more is always better. The research: Bay Area residents have the least amount of sex compared to other areas of the country (120 times a year) and shortest sessions (31 minutes), yet they have high rates of satisfaction (65%) and are least likely to fake an orgasm (31%).
• The Myth: Longer is always better. The research: Only 34% of women said they wished sex lasted longer (compared to 41% of men).
• The Myth: Men never fake, that’s just a girl thing. The research: Sure, more women fake orgasms (nearly 60%)… but 19% of men have faked, too.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
• Get the SUNfiltered RSS feed

RELATED LINKS FROM EMandLO.com

• What Your Outfit Color Means on the Pickup Scene
• Study Shows Active Parenting Reduces Testosterone in Men
• Would You Give Up Sex for the Internet?
• New Research Shows We Still Have No Effin’ Clue About the Female Orgasm

photo via flickr

photo via flickr

• Are women’s and men’s fantasy lives vastly different, or are they basically the same except for a few variations on theme and frequency? We suppose it depends on who you ask and what they already believe about the way women and men approach sex. Because people’s prior beliefs about how women and men approach sex can really affect the way they interpret research on the matter.

  Take a recent article in an Australian newspaper that begins, “We’ve all heard it before: Our brains are our most powerful sexual organs. But what goes on inside those well-used organs is largely down to gender. According to new research…” In other words, men’s fantasy lives are from Mars and women’s are from Venus.

  The article then links to a press release about the original research… with the following headline: “A study shows that men and women have the same sexual fantasies” [sarcastic italics ours]. To really underscore the point, the first line of the press release reads, “A study conducted at the University of Granada [has] demonstrated that there are not significant differences between men’s and women’s sexual fantasies.” [ditto on the italics]

  Um, we know that people are pretty invested in the idea that men and women are really different in bed, but this takes the cake! What the study actually found is that men and women tend to fantasize about the same things, but at different rates. Which we think is totally fascinating — so we have no idea why people who feel the need to misinterpret the data. (Oh, wait, we do have an idea: People are comfortable with the idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. They don’t necessarily like the idea that women can enjoy sex as much and as creatively as men.)

  The researchers interviewed 2,250 Spaniards (half men, half women)  between 18 and 73 years old, who had been in a heterosexual relationship for at least 6 months. Here are a few of the fascinating — and true! — things they discovered:

  Men are more likely than women to fantasize about “exploratory sexual activities” like group sex. Then again, we’d like to see this research repeated in another year or so, when 50 Shades has been fully absorbed into our collective sexual consciousness.

• Women are more likely than men to fantasize about being forced into sex. Then again, perhaps they’re just more likely to admit to this — at least, that’s what our Wise Guys think. By the way, this article on HuffPoUK has some great insights into women’s fantasies about coercive sex.
• Both men and women have intimate or romantic fantasies about their long-term partner.
• Overall, men fantasize more often than women (exact figures not given).
• That said, women have pleasant sexual fantasies more often than men (again, exact figures not given). Or perhaps women are just less conflicted about their fantasy topics.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

RELATED LINKS FROM EMandLO.com:

• 50 Shades of Play: A Guide to the Toys in “50 Shades of Grey”
• The Original “50 Shades of Grey”
• Do Men Have Elaborate Fantasies Like Women?
• Do Men Fantasize About Others When In a Relationship?
• My Wife Asked Me to Slap Her!
• 7 Ways to Turn Yourself On

image via flickr

We’re dedicating this entire week to the love, care and workout of your pelvic floor muscles — the body parts of both men and women that, if healthy and strong, can really turn your sexual experience up to 11 with better blood flow, increased libido, more sensation and more intense orgasms. You know, the little things in life. Tune in all week for articles that will get your pelvic floor muscles off the couch and Kegelcising their way to better sex!

KEGEL WEEK ARTICLES

Monday:

• Ladies, How Often Do You Do Your Kegel Exercises?
• Men, What Do You Know About Kegel Exercises (without looking it up)?

Tuesday:

• An Intro to Your Pelvic Floor or Meet Mr. Kegel
• How to Do Kegels (for HER)

Wednesday: 

• Kegels for HIM
• Dear Dr. Vanessa, What’s Up with Kegels?

Thursday: 

• Dear Dr. Joe, How Do I Strengthen My Erection?
• Dear Dr. Kate, How Do I Tighten Up Down There?
• Sales of LELO’s Luna Beads Soar Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey

Friday: 

• The Kegel Contest!

Okay, so maybe love is a strong word for the North Korean dictator’s marriage. But who knows what goes on behind closed doors? In Scotland, doors might be opening for gay couples who wish to marry. Which is pretty much the last country we would have expected it from (except maybe North Korea… and Iran… okay, okay, the Scots aren’t that bad). But while it’s getting gradually easier to marry a same-sex partner across the globe (to the moon and back, even — thanks, Sally Ride), it’s not getting any easier to be a VP in the U.S. (or to get away with cheating if you’re a celebrity, for that matter).

• How same-sex marriage is boosting New York City’s economy.
• Wonder if that’s why Scotland is considering gay marriage? They’d be the first UK country to so so.
• North Korea announced this week that its new dictator, Kim Jong Eun, is now married. What to get the man who can insist on getting everything?
• Kristen Stewart drops her usual flat-affect attitude and issues a heartfelt apology for cheating on her boyfriend. (Well, the cheating part sucks, but it’s better than denying it or blaming the media, we suppose. And she is only 22.)
• Sex, drugs, pornography, abortion… It’s not easy getting vetting to be VP.
• How Sally Ride came out, posthumously — in an obituary she co-wrote with her partner.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

photo via flickr

Yes, it’s a serious question. An ancient technique called karezza — based on the Italian word “carezza,” for caress — is coming back in vogue with therapists as a means for addressing more modern sex problems. Karezza refers to intercourse that eschews orgasms for both parties and focuses on attachment and affection. Serious devotees claim that it can overcome sex addiction, female sexual dysfunction, erectile dysfunction, and sexual boredom, and extend the honeymoon period of a relationship for, well, forever. Which sounds to us like a bit of a Sophie’s choice: would you be willing to give up orgasms — or, at least, intentional orgasms — for the rest of your life in order to have a permanently awesome sex life?

In theory, we totally get it. The term karezza was coined in 1896 by Dr. Alice Bunker Stockham, a Chicago OB and feminist who campaigned for birth control, a ban on corsets and sexual fulfillment for both genders. The idea was to achieve equality in bed — couples help each other to extend the plateau period indefinitely so that sexual pleasure can be experienced with none of the pesky post-orgasm hangover.

And take Darryl Keils, a 56-year-old furniture maker from Maine who was interviewed about his karezza sex life with his wife (they’ve been married 29 years and have been having karezza sex for the past eight years; their only orgasms during that time have been accidental): he describes conventional sex as ”lick, pump, squirt, snore.” We’d like to give him the Golden Dildo Award for Feminist Husband just for that. He says his wife finally feels like an equal partner in the bedroom and that he never gets bored with sex. “The pleasure goes up another level,” he says. “You follow the sensation in your body, not the stimulation.”

But in practice…? Man, imagine getting all that equality and affection and connection and sensuality in the bedroom… and then turning the lights out without letting it lead to an orgasm? That sounds like torture, and not necessarily the exquisite kind. As one of Keils’ male friends said to him, “You want me to climb 10,000 feet up Mt. Everest and not get to the top?”

We’re not sexual extremists by anyone’s yardstick. That said, we could absolutely see how a temporary experiment with karezza could revitalize a flagging sex life. One therapist suggests trying it for three months, which sounds like a long time to us — but then again, in the grand scheme of decades of monogamous marriage, perhaps not. If you can think of it as just a different way to experiment in bed, maybe you could get off on it. Without getting off on it, of course.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
• Get the SUNfiltered RSS feed

photo via flickr

Squid have sex for three hours, STDs can cause a rise in foot fetishes, Domino’s Pizza wants you associate date rape with extra cheese, and Charlie Sheen likes to tweet during sex. Welcome to an edition of Naked News guaranteed to make you feel like your sex life is vanilla — and to make you feel okay about being vanilla.

• This week in weird science: Apparently foot fetishes are more prevalent during STD crises.
• In Domino’s Pizza ad campaign, no is the new yes. (Perhaps they were going for a 50 shades of toppings thing?)
• The Pregnant Workers Fairness Act is still going nowhere.
• But, hey, at least Yahoo just hired a pregnant woman as their new CEO. (Though of course they waited until the company was in the toilet to do it.)
• Charlie Sheen’s ex says he tweeted during sex. Haven’t we all?
• Scientists discover that squid are exhausted by three-hour sex sessions.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

photo via flickr

When is an item a significant object worth collecting or displaying on the mantlepiece — or saving to sell on eBay at a later date — and when is it clutter? And if it’s clutter, is it threatening your relationship? The subject of household clutter has been on our minds lately. Em was at a reading last week for the forthcoming book Significant Objects, a literary experiment that began its life on eBay. Basically, the editors (New York Times Magazine writer Rob Walker and Em’s old friend Josh Glenn of HiLoBrow.com) wanted to see if attaching a fictional backstory to a tchotchke would increase its value (turns out it did). We’ll write more on the book itself when it comes out next month.

Anyway, in an interview in the Home & Garden section of the New York Times, Glenn talks about the project and explains why he actually doesn’t have an abundance of objects, significant or otherwise, lying around his house (and he’d have a convenient excuse, as he and his editing partner raided flea markets and charity shops for the Significant Objects project): “I’ve been reading way too many women’s magazines for a client. And I think this is what they’re saying: ‘Stress causes cancer. Clutter causes stress.’ So, basically, clutter causes cancer.”

So that was a little tongue-in-cheek, perhaps, but therapists and the Wall Street Journal have his back. According to a recent article, clutter is as common a marriage issue as sex or finances, but it’s just not talked about as much because people feel silly or petty bringing it up. Because, really, how do you tell someone that their overflowing in-box or their sprawling collection of nodding dogs is a threat to your marriage? (Okay, maybe the latter should be a given.)

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered