When we read that a researcher at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff had released a study claiming that the cougar dating trend is a myth and a media construct, we were ready to buy his argument. After all, we’ve witnessed first-hand — and have occasionally, shame on us, been responsible for — how a so-called trend can get blown out of all proportion for the sake of a sexy headline. So we tend to be more than ready to believe that a much-hyped, now-sitcom-ed trend is actually just hype.
But it turns out that the researcher, Michael Dunn, doesn’t have the most water-tight argument himself. For one thing, his theory is based solely on stats from public online dating profiles, which as we all know, are notoriously unreliable sources of information (who knew the world contained so many men over 6 foot?!). The profiles he looked at (in North American, Europe, Australia, and Japan) showed that most women are looking for men their own age or older and most men are looking for younger women. In other words, Dunn’s real finding is that people don’t use mainstream online dating sites to find or be a cougar… or at least, if they do, they don’t admit it openly in their profiles.
A study by Bill McCarthy of the University of California and Eric Grodsky of the University of Minnesota found that teens in romantic sexual relationships have similar school experiences to virgins. Meanwhile, students who engage in NON-romantic sexual activity (hook-ups, friends with benefits, etc) were found to be more likely to be suspended or expelled, less likely to aspire to college, and more likely to earn lower grades.
When we read that AskMen.com had surveyed tens of thousands of guys about everything from sex to suits, we were a little nervous. Would the results indicate that men — at least, the ones who read AskMen.com — are exactly like the beer commercials say they are? We are pleased to report that our worst fears were not realized. Well, most of them. Forty-six percent of men said they’d dump a girlfriend if she got fat. But we’re going to look on the bright side and focus on the 54% of men who wouldn’t. Some other stats from the sex and dating portion of the survey:
A pleasant 76% of men said they’d be unlikely to cheat on their partner, even if they were guaranteed not to get caught (half said it was because of their morals; the other half said it was due to the love and respect they had for their partner — we’ll take either). By the way, this survey was done in conjunction with one on women over at Cosmo, and they found that although twice as many women as men have admitted to cheating on their partners, more than twice as many men would cheat on their partners if they could get away with it. So apparently women are just more confident of their ability to get away with it?
If a male birth control pill became available, 68% of men would take it.
We’ve come a long way, baby. Check out this penis-shaped….shall we call it a “tool”? It was just unearthed in Sweden during an archeological excavation by the country’s National Heritage Board. Carved out of antler-bone and probably dating back to sometime between 4000 t0 6000 B.C., the dildo-like object measures 4-inches long without much, um, girth (which makes sense since people were a lot smaller back then). The scientists aren’t saying definitively what it was used for, but we know what you’re thinking: it was probably a tool for chipping flint, or better yet, a back massager to relieve stress.
It’s not exactly breaking news that people lie like rugs in their online dating profiles. “Recent” photos are a couple years (at least) out of date; the weight someone lists is kind of like that pair of jeans they keep around, hoping they’ll fit again; and the height listed would probably be accurate if the person was standing on a box, like Tom Cruise in his wedding photos.
But OKCupid’s new research shows us exactly how we lie: When they mapped their users’ height against the known national statistics, they found that “The male heights on OkCupid very nearly follow the expected normal distribution — except the whole thing is shifted to the right of where it should be.” (The bell curve on their site, and shown above, makes this easier to grasp.) In other words, “Almost universally guys like to add a couple inches. You can also see a more subtle vanity at work: starting at roughly 5′ 8″, the top of the dotted curve tilts even further rightward. This means that guys as they get closer to six feet round up a bit more than usual, stretching for that coveted psychological benchmark.” For women, on the other hand, while exaggerating height was just as widespread, there was no particular benchmark height that they inclined toward.
Recent studies show that the personality trait of perfectionism is linked to poor physical health and an increased risk of death — in particular when it’s what psychologists call “socially prescribed perfectionism,” i.e. where you feel like other people expect you to be perfect (as opposed to “self-oriented perfectionism,” when you impose the high standards on yourself — apparently not quite such a health risk). Then again, is it possible to completely separate what you think others expect of you and what you expect of yourself? Where does one end and the other begin?
Anyway, we’re all for people easing back on themselves — especially if it helps them live longer — so we’re going to use this research as an opportunity to tell you ten ways that you can cut yourself some slack in your love life. Because as that old Chinese saying goes (or was it some business guru?), 80% is perfection.
The male pursuit of the female orgasm. Men, the ladies in your life appreciate your efforts, but sometimes it’s just not going to happen. If she says it’s not, take her word for it.
The female pursuit of the female orgasm. Ladies, sometimes you’ll get there, and sometimes you won’t. Sometimes you’ll need help (a toy, a hand, a fantasy) and sometimes you won’t. Sometimes the O will be mind-blowingly memorable and other times it’ll be less so. A lot less so. Remember, there is an unlimited supply of orgasms in this universe, so don’t be so perfectionist about each one.
Your body. We appreciate the desire to be healthy and look good for your partner, but perfectionism in this realm is for Barbie and Ken. And they’re both fucking freaks.
Your O-face. Try not to think about what you look or sound like during your orgasm, or else you’ll never climax again. Also, we guarantee that what looks like a constipated ape face to you is a total turn-on for your partner. Okay, we don’t guarantee that. But we 80% guarantee it, which is close enough to perfection, remember?
Comparing yourself to your partner’s exes. They’re no more perfect than you are. In fact, they’re probably a lot less perfect than you are or else why would they be the ex and you the present tense partner?
Penis size. When it comes to size, there might be such a thing as average (and, therefore, below average or above average) but there’s no such thing as perfection. Perfection, in the realm of the penis, is entirely subjective.
Breasts. Boob jobs are symmetrical and they better be because people pay a lot of damn money for them. But mother nature’s breasteses are typically far from it. As designer jeans companies like to say, “Visual imperfections are a part of the personality of the product.”
Positions. Don’t worry if you can’t get your leg as high as the one in the illustration, or if there isn’t a fancy name for the position you most often find yourself in. Pay attention to function, not form: does it actually feel good?
Dirty talk. It’s okay to be repetitive, to get your tongue tied, to accidentally say something that would be more at home in a sex ed class. Even porn stars flub their lines sometimes.
Bodily emissions. They happen. Move on. If you really want to maintain the mystery in your relationship, then consider yourselves lucky if you can shield each other from 80% of each other’s emissions. Aiming for more than that just can’t be good for your body.
Okay, we know we’ve been guilty in the past of drumming up sex research into juicy, slightly misleading headlines. But we’re trying to be better people, we promise! (In our defense, who can possibly resist reporting on a study claiming that wearing socks leads to better sex?) In the meantime, here are some recent “scientific” headlines that gave us pause…
The headline: “Women Freeze Eggs to Wait for ‘Mr Right.’” The reality: This story is based on a study of fifteen women. Can you even call that a “study”? Sounds more like a girls’ night out gossip session to us.
The headline: “Shopping Is Bad for Men’s Fertility.” The reality: Trace amounts of BPA have been found in cash register receipts — and BPA is known to suppress male hormones in the body. Okay, yes, BPA is bad. But it’s bad for all of us — men, women, and especially children and babies. But “Licking Cash Register Receipts Bad for Babies” isn’t nearly as catching.
A report by the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, which was commissioned by the UK’s Department of Health, has found that fetuses don’t feel pain before 24 weeks (and probably not after for some time) for two reasons: 1) the brain is not formed enough to perceive pain, and 2) the fetus is unconscious. Even though this is a British study, it’s of course important for Americans, especially since Nebraska recently passed a law — the first of its kind — banning abortions after 20 weeks based on the notion that fetuses feel pain. It was not a law based on science, but rather on emotions stirred up by an anti-choice brigade intent on chipping away at reproductive rights one week at a time.
A new study analyzing long-term data on kids from birth to adulthood just came out that suggests children of lesbian parents do better than their peers. According to Time:
The authors found that children raised by lesbian mothers – whether the mother was partnered or single – scored very similarly to children raised by heterosexual parents on measures of development and social behavior. These findings were expected, the authors said; however, they were surprised to discover that children in lesbian homes scored higher than kids in straight families on some psychological measures of self-esteem and confidence, did better academically and were less likely to have behavioral problems, such as rule-breaking and aggression.
According to a new report in the journal Reproductive BioMedicine (what, you’re not a subscriber?), IVF conception could become routine for thirty-somethings within a decade. Buh-bye, baby-making sex, hello doctor! The report claims that IVF technology is advancing so quickly that soon it will be possible to produce embryos with almost a 100% success rate — and even horny 16-year-olds who are being stupid about birth control don’t have that kind of outcome. “Natural human reproduction is at best a fairly inefficient process,” says John Yovich, a co-author of the report. “Within the next five to ten years, couples approaching forty will access the IVF industry first when they want to have a baby.”
Hmm… well, unless the technology somehow becomes a lot cheaper, we don’t quite see why that would happen. Sure, we’re thrilled to hear that assisted reproduction is making leaps and bounds — this is excellent news for women who’d like to postpone motherhood until they’ve made some headway in their career, or women who don’t want to be treated like crazy baby-hungry fiends just because they’re over thirty and still on the dating scene. But still, wouldn’t you at least give it the ol’ college try before checking out IVF?
September 2, 2010
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