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Blog Snog: Dating Advice from Mindy Kaling

September 19, 2014

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The Best Animal Kisses from Getty Images

September 18, 2014

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When you do a search for ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ on¬†Getty Images, you get¬†a lot¬†of interesting results ‚ÄĒ so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a¬†superlative series of Getty ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ search images. A lot of the animal-themed images that come up are just adorable kissing photos, so today, it’s decidedly PG in the animal kingdom. (Stay tuned for the bird kisses next week!) Enjoy…

#154502253 / gettyimages.com

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Battle of the Sexists: “Blurred Lines” VS. “Rude”

September 16, 2014

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During this, the last official week of summer, we thought we’d compare this year’s “Song of Summer” with last year’s official hit to see which would win the title of “Most Offensive.” For the sake of argument, we’re calling “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke the winner of 2013 (though it was pretty much a tie with Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky”) and naming “Rude” by the band Magic! the winner of 2014 (though we’re sure many arguments could be made for “Fancy,” “Problem,” “Chandelier,” even “All About That Bass”…the list goes on). When it comes to our car-radio listening experiences these past two summers, Thicke and Magic! are the S.O.S. champions, hands down.

So since we’re dealing with these songs as radio hits, let us dismiss their videos entirely, at least for this particular column. After all, it wouldn’t be a fair fight: in the objectification department,¬†”Blurred Lines,” with its topless women bouncing around the fully-clad male singers, would easily and roundly¬†kick “Rude”‘s ass, what with its casual-Friday wedding attire and adorkable lead singer.

Actually, we imagine most people would automatically give the title to “Blurred Lines,” even just musically speaking, considering its traditionally sexually suggestive R&B roots and all the controversy and criticism the song’s lyrics garnered: ¬†I know you want it…I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two… Lines like that, along with the narrator referencing toking up with this “bitch”, getting blasted, her playing hard to get and him hating “these blurred lines,” resulted in the song being widely labeled as “rapey,” accused of sending mixed messages about consent, to the point where several student unions in the UK banned the song outright! ¬†(It also probably didn’t help that Robin Thicke often comes across as a slimy, philandering, drunken, musical liar.)

By contrast, Magic!’s “Rude” has seemed sweet and romantic, with its light reggae beats under lyrics about wanting to get married and create a family. The narrator is so in love with this woman, and so emotionally hurt by her father’s rejection of him, we can’t help but fall in love with this sensitive ponytail guy right back!

Even so: in this Battle of the Sexists, “Rude” is the winner.

As sleazy and smarmy as “Blurred Lines” is, its lyrics are still open to interpretation:¬†The way you grab me /¬†Must wanna get nasty /¬†Go ahead, get at me… As some mags like Slate and XOJane argued last summer, the woman is actively touching him, and though the narrator may be misinterpreting what that ultimately means, he’s leaving the call up to her, inviting her to make the first move. Same thing happens during T.I.’s rap: ¬†So I just watch(in) and wait(in) for you to salute /¬†But you didn’t pick.¬†She has sexual agency. And it can’t be denied that there are certainly straight women for whom having a guy whisper confident, alpha-male, dirty nothings in their ear is a real turn on (hey, there’s no accounting for fantasy fodder…or taste.) Perhaps the big crime in this song is not condoning date rape but endorsing cheesy, egotistical, pick-up artist techniques.

In “Blurred Lines,” the woman seems to have a choice; in “Rude,” she doesn’t even have a role. The lyrics are straight out of the 1950s, even though it was written around 2013: man wants to marry “that girl,” so he seeks out her father¬†to ask for his permission, which — hello? — isn’t his to give! The only person the singer has to ask is her. Just because the dad is “an old-fashioned man” doesn’t mean his old-fashioned sexism should be honored or met in kind.¬†Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?¬†the narrator croons, as if she is something to be owned, as if this is a necessary step in the processes of two heteros getting married these days. Even if you’re a sucker for long-time traditions grounded in the ancient practice of women being traded like chattel in property deals, why not update things by going to both sets of¬†parents¬†as a united couple and hoping for their blessing. After all, marriage is no longer a deal made solely by patriarchs conducting real estate business; it’s a commitment entered into by two consenting, equal partners. Do we need to mention again that this is North America in the 21st century?

With “Blurred Lines,” you know you’re getting a sexed-up, sexist song — there’s no hiding it. With “Rude,” its retro sexism is hidden under layers of romance and love, which makes it more insidious. One is about casual sex, which automatically doesn’t get much respect, crap lyrics or not; the other is about marriage, which automatically seems more noble in our puritanical culture. Don’t be fooled!

“Blurred Lines” is way easier to dance to, anyway.

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Blog Snog: Condoms Are Disappearing!

September 12, 2014

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photo via Flickr



The 10 Best “Sex” Photos of Ancient Sculptures

September 11, 2014

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When you do a search for ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ on¬†Getty Images, you get¬†a lot¬†of interesting results ‚ÄĒ so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a¬†superlative series of Getty ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ search images. This week, it’s naughty ancient sculptures (that’ll make your sex life seem pretty tame by comparison).

 
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Film: How to Lose Your Virginity

September 10, 2014

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“How To Lose Your Virginity” Trailer from Trixie Films on Vimeo.

Two years ago, we asked you to give some Kickstarter lovin’ to the fledgling documentary,¬†”How to Lose Your Virginity”, being made by¬†Theresa Shecter and the gals at Trixie Films. You must have come through, because it’s now a full-length doc, all growed up! The film aims¬†”to undo centuries of myths and contradictions around¬†virginity, and to encourage an honest conversation with people¬†navigating the confusing process of deciding when and why to become¬†sexual.” Its subjects include a rock violinist, an Ivy¬†League blogger, an Ohio engineer, a porn¬†producer — all subverting the virginity narrative. The¬†trailer¬†is compelling, with interviewees including former Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders and author of “The Purity Myth” Jessica Valenti. The world needs virginity taken off its pedestal,¬†as we’ve argued in the past, and this could be just the film to do it. So check out the website, watch the film online or buy the DVD, and read the V-card Diaries. If you’re in NYC this Friday, there’s a free screening of the film at 6pm at Hostos Community College presented by Planned Parenthood Action Fund.

 


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Blog Snog: 9 Things to Put On Your Sex Bucket List (And 3 to Skip)

September 5, 2014

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photo via YourTango


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Top 10 Joan Rivers Quotes About Sex

September 5, 2014

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Joan Rivers died yesterday at the age of eighty-one, and we can’t be the only ones to be relieved that she died due to complications following throat surgery — and not, say, while getting another face lift. Because we want to remember her not for her plastic face (she liked to joke that when she died, they’d donate her body to Tupperware) but for the groundbreaking, glass ceiling-smashing comedian that she was. Some people might call her ballsy, but we prefer to say: The woman had labes. She once joked, “At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.” Meryl, ya hear that? We really think you should show up.

Without further ado, here are our top ten favorite Joan Rivers quotes about sex and love. (If some of your favorites are missing, it’s because we excluded her most self-deprecating jokes, especially the ones she made later in life, about her own body and her lack of sex appeal.)

1. A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

2. It was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

3. My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.

4. All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

5. It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up who.

6. Never floss with a stranger.

7. Half of all marriages end in divorce — and then there are the really unhappy ones.

8. Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say “My wife makes a delicious cake” to some hooker?

9. My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

10. Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

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Blog Snog: What Your Sloppy Eating Habits Say About Your Sex Life

August 29, 2014

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photo via YourTango



The Best Underwater Kissing Photos from Getty Images

August 28, 2014

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When you do a search for ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ on¬†Getty Images, you get¬†a lot¬†of interesting results ‚ÄĒ so many, in fact, that we were compelled to create a¬†superlative series of Getty ‚Äúsex‚ÄĚ search images. As the summer swimming season winds down, today‚Äôs installment highlights some of the best underwater kisses (who knew this could be a whole category?).

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