• YourTango: A crash course in Mad Men-style lovin’.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: The Blogess on the weirdest Google queries that led to her page.
• TheFrisky: 23 really bad sex moves that guys need to ban from their repertoire.
• TresSugar: Just like Cher, polyamory is making yet another comeback.
• TomFoolery: Weird beauty trend: bleaching your…everything?
• CollegeCandy: 6 apps that have changed the way we date.
• LemonDrop: Apparently 1 in 4 lapdancers has a college degree. (Gotta pay those student loans somehow.)

photo by jcestnik

Normally we don’t bother covering books that we think are terrible, but every now and then we can’t resist. There’s a book available for sale at a car wash (seriously) in L.A. called WTF? How to Survive 101 of Life’s Worst F-ing Situations. (That’s the name of the book, not the car wash, by the way.) And it turns out that one of life’s “worst f-ing situations” is when your girlfriend wants to be exclusive. Another f-ing disaster is when she wants to get a little kinky in the bedroom. It’s as if the authors are actually trying to piss us off. And it worked.

We’d like to be bigger people and not give this book the attention it clearly doesn’t deserve, but we’re childish and immature and instead we’re going to quote two passages from the book to prove how right we are. We might consider forgiving the authors if they were funny, but they’re not. So there.

The WTF Approach to Curbing the F-ing Kink

Option #1: Have Less Sex

The only way to make normal, “vanilla” sex exciting — or even worth doing — is to do it less often. Go on a trip, get sick, or just tell her that you have a headache. This will make her want sex more and appreciate any kind — even the boring kind that you’re capable of giving. However, there’s a risk with this strategy. She might feel that you are less interested in her, and therefore spend more time trying to seduce you in extra-kinky ways, such as lying on the coffee table spread eagle when you get home — with a bald eagle in her lap.

Option #2: Give Her to the Gardener

If you really can’t satisfy her appetite for wacky sex, find someone who can. Make the gardener or pool boy or your driver screw her silly. You might as well pay people to handle all your chores.

Option #3: Develop a Disgusting Fetish

One way to bring her kink down to a manageable level is to become too kinky yourself, thus scaring her into regular sex. If you are unseemly hairy or fat, wearing a simply lace teddy will turn down her kink in a heartbeat.

Read the rest of this post at SUNfiltered

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• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: The “writes” and wrongs of erotica.
• TheFrisky: A flowchart to help you determine if you should masturbate right now.
• TresSugar: 10 signs that you’re in love.
• YourTango: Can a Christian date a non-believer? (which begs the vice versa question)
• TomFoolery: Rethinking some of this manscaping business.
• CollegeCandy: One woman’s way to get over a long-term relationship.
• LemonDrop: For gals, is there a difference between snipped and unsnipped?

image of antique vibrator from GoodVibes’ Antique Vibrator Museum

Back in the 1800s, hysteria (literally, “womb disease”) was considered the most common “disorder” among women; its symptoms were mental and emotional distress, thought to be brought on by the womb’s revolt against sexual deprivation. (Live in a sexist society where you can’t vote or work and you have to submit to the uninspired jackhammering of your owner/husband, and you’d be distressed, too.) The “cure” was a doctor-administered genital massage that would lead to “hysterical paroxysm”—in other words, an orgasm. Talk about bedside manner. Not surprisingly, these treatments never provided a permanent “cure”; rather, doctors found that their “frigid” female patients kept returning in droves for regular manual administrations. Doctors who ran out of elbow grease would fob off the work to midwives. Then, in 1869, an American doctor invented a steam-powered mechanical device to replace the manual genital massage—and, behold, the world’s first vibrator!

When the forthcoming movie “Hysteria” is touted as “based on a true story,” this is the story. The indie rom-com, set to begin shooting in October, stars Maggie Gyllenhaal (natch) as the daughter of a Victorian doctor (Jonathan Pryce) who specializes in treating “hysteria.” The doc’s young and good-looking assistant (Hugh Dancy), with the help of his friend (Rupert Everett), experiments with a new electrical device to help with treatments. Sex, love and hilarity ensue!

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• CollegeCandy: The dating deal-breakers you really shouldn’t compromise on (just ask Patti — if you get engaged at 43 and want kids, like she did, don’t wait six freakin’ years to call it off because he doesn’t want kids).
• LemonDrop: Why women should date younger men… if they’re looking for a soulmate.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: Forget hooking up — how do you make new friends after college?
• TheFrisky: When a guy wins you over the morning after.
• TresSugar: How to handle your partner’s exes.
• YourTango: Why it’s okay for men to judge women on appearances.
• TomFoolery: The stereotype has it wrong — overachieving women have the best sex.

Thanks to Sprayblog, we were just introduced to Carole Feurman’s hyper-realistic, larger-than-life sculptures. She currently has a one-person show going on through September at the Louise Alexander and Ilan Engel Gallery in Italy, which is particularly well-suited for the end of the summer: large sculptures of swimmers in caps, suits and goggles. They don’t exactly represent the physical variety we see at our swimming pool, but there’s no doubt she knows how to capture wet perfection. Check out a few of them out at SUNfiltered. You can see a lot more on the gallery’s website.

Read the full post at SUNfiltered

We’ve been a fan of Kristen Schaal’s since she played super-fan Mel on the awesomely genius show Flight of the Conchords. (If you’ve never seen it, stop reading this post immediately and add it to your Netflix queue. But come back!) She’s now a correspondent on The Daily Show, where her boyfriend Rich Blomquist is a writer, and they’ve written a book together called The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex. As you might have guessed, it pokes (heh) fun at the sex-writing biz. But we can take it. Really, we can. Just to prove it, here’s an excerpt — a 12-step guide to being a bad girl, a.k.a. a toad-licking crazy girl. And yes, for the record, we know that kink and crazy are not the same thing. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not occasional bed partners.

Want to win a FREE copy of The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex? We have one copy to give away, and it goes to the person who posts our favorite comment in the feedback section below (so don’t forget to include a working email address in the email box in the comments submission form — don’t worry, only we’ll be able to see it).

“Be a Bad Girl” by Kristen Schaal & Rich Blomquist, authors of The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex

Is there any truth to the rumor that crazy girls are more fun in bed? There’s only one way to find out: get your psycho insane freak on! A relationship can only become interesting when it’s unpredictable and dramatic. So pull down that halter top and unpack those daddy issues, it’s time to take your man for a wild ride. Follow these twelve taboo steps that will have him too scared to say no:

STEP 1: SURPRISE HIM!

Men loved to be surprised, especially if it’s his penis being surprised by a warm mouth under his desk in the middle of work. Sneak out of bed at 3 am and hide in his office until it’s time to make your move. Even if his satisfied moans get him fired, you’ll still be inducted into the Bad Girl Hall of Fame.

STEP 2: SCARE HIM

A good scare gets the heart racing, and that means the blood is getting to his penis even faster. Mug him in the parking lot. Wear a mask and carry a gun and ask for all his money. Then order him to give you all his penis money. If he’s confused, make him dance by shooting bullets at his feet just as a bad girl does. Then have your way with him in the car. After he realizes that it was you all along he will be scared of you, but more important, he’ll respect you.

STEP 3: PEE ON HIM

This is a great way to tell him you’ve lost control of your mind and your bladder. While you’re doing it, be sure to look him directly in the eye so he knows that you know that the toilet is only a few feet away and you don’t even care.

STEP 4: CUT YOURSELF

Tell your man that you’re upset you haven’t fused your spirits together with a blood ritual the way your parents did when they were young. Slice each other’s palms with your trusty switchblade, then drink each other’s blood. If he still isn’t turned on, whip up a batch of blood margaritas. When you are done making love, say that cuddling is boring and carve his name into his chest. Every time he looks in mirror he will remember who he is and that he has a real spark plug for a girlfriend.

STEP 5: MAKE UP A SWEAR WORD

Everyone says “fuck.” It’s become almost inoffensive as the word “celery.” But if you make up a word, like burtcod, and tell him that it means to fuck hard all night long, then you have a secret code between the two of you that is filthy dirty. And nothing’s more enjoyable than talking like a sailor in front of Grandma with your very own foreign tongue. “Pass the asparagus, Grandma, I need all the energy I can get tonight to burtcod.”

Read the rest of the excerpt on SUNfiltered

photo by clever cupcakes

• LemonDrop: I now pronounce you annoying — wedding trends that need to go.
• EdenFantasys’ Sexis: Ladies aren’t the only ones overwhelmed by pubic topiary.
• TheFrisky: Debriefing with the ex about what went wrong.
• TresSugar: Should there be warnings on airbrushed images?
• YourTango: One way to get a man: stop being so nice.
• TomFoolery: The 9 awesomest myths about pregnancy.
• CollegeCandy: 25 things to do before you’re 25 (surprisingly, less than a fifth are sex-related).

photo by Rafael Acorsi

Browsing the dating site YouandMeArePure.com left us temporarily speechless, and then clutching for the right words to express our… awe? The top five things that boggled our minds:

1. For grammar nerds who are bothered by the site’s name, the very first sentence at the top of the entire site helpfully explains, “YouAndMeArePure is NOT a sentence just in case you are checking for grammar. It is rather the name of our website. The name was carefully crafted from the beginning to express that we value both, people entering in relationships and virginity.” Okay then, that totally clears things up for us. Thanks!
2. The tag-lines at the top of the page declare “Convenient way to find virgin people” and “No need to wander around to find them.” We searched everywhere on the site to see if either (a) the company is foreign-based and they use Babelfish to translate these uber-creepy calls to action or (b) this is one big hoax. But neither seems to be the case (though please do enlighten us if you know otherwise!). Which can only lead us to assume that these tag-lines are not so creepy to actual virgins?
3. The gift store sells actual literal credit-card-sized V-cards “to represent the value of your purity.” Oh, and in case you were wondering, the store policy: “Sales are final. No returns. No refunds.” Could they really be serious? Do they have more of a sense of humor than we give them credit for? Or have they really experienced a glut of former virgins attempting to get a refund on their V-cards?

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The Tumblr blog Bitter Buffalo said it best: “What’s this? An anti-rape campaign that focuses on preventing rape instead of preventing women leaving the house? Holy crap it’s Christmas.”

Read the full post on SUNfiltered