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Crush of the Week: Potty-Mouthed Princesses Drop F-Bombs for Feminism

October 22, 2014

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Holy fucking shit, this video¬†(below) is fucking awesome! We could watch it all week! It combines two of our favorite things: feminism and swear words. That it includes little girls not acting like little princesses is icing on the cake. Of course, the freakouts and insults in the comments section illustrates just how scary it must be for people invested in the sexist status quo to see women, especially little girls, defying their most basic gender-stereotypical imperatives: be cute, quiet and conforming. Wonder if it’s too late to get our daughters to go as Potty-Mouthed Princesses for Halloween?

 

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The 10 Sexiest Scary Movies

October 22, 2014

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A lot of horror movies just throw in the obligatory topless scene and consider that “sexy.” We’re raising the bar here. All the movies below (except one) receive fresh ratings on RottenTomatoes.com’s¬†’s Tomatometer and were seminal contributions to the horror genre in some way. Or else they just tickled our fright fancy. (There was some natural crossover with our recent “10 Most Romantic ‘Monster’ Movies” post, but we left off any of those to avoid repetition.) The sexy scary flicks are listed in chronological order (there’s only one real spoiler, which we’ve alerted you to below). Let us know in the comments which other titles we should have made the cut.
 

1. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)


The somnabulist that Dr. Caligari keeps in a coffin is tall, pale, dressed in¬†black, and wears lots of goth makeup — in other words, totally sexy! When¬†it comes to tormenting pretty ladies dressed in white, we’ll take him over¬†1922′s long-nosed Nosferatu any day. ¬†”Portlandia” did a whole sketch on¬†how¬†The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari¬†is one of those films you know you¬†should¬†watch (it’s a landmark, cinematic masterpiece of German Expressionism!) but you never do. Do it finally! (We’ve embedded the full movie above.)
 

2. Cat People (1942)


Not to be confused with the graphic cheese-fest that was the 1982 remake, this moody, suspenseful thriller subtly tackled big issues for the time: sexism,¬†sexual abuse,¬†the power of female sexuality, and the dangers of jealousy. The main character refuses to consummate her marriage for fear she’ll turn into a ferocious panther when aroused, a condition caused by her repressive and abusive childhood. One can imagine ISIS using it as a propagandistic cautionary tale; they’d be missing the point.

 

3. Horror of Dracula (1958)


Time Out London’s list of the top 100 horror films of all time put this film at #74. Here’s what they had to say:

The British horror boom¬†which ran from the late¬†‚Äô50s until the early ‚Äô70s¬†received short shrift on¬†this list ‚Äď which is¬†disappointing for great films like ‚ÄėCurse of Frankenstein‚Äô, ‚ÄėTheatre of Blood‚Äô and¬†‚ÄėDeath Line‚Äô, but perhaps inevitable given the fact that so many films of the period¬†have aged so poorly. But it‚Äôs no surprise to see a solid placing for the film which¬†started it all, Hammer‚Äôs (for the time) groundbreakingly savage and saucy take on¬†Stoker‚Äôs classic novel, and one of the key works in the modernisation of horror. All¬†those frilly frocks, heaving cleavages and creaky sets don‚Äôt look especially modern¬†now, but this was the film which clarified forever the link between vampires and¬†eroticism, as embodied by Lee‚Äôs stately, stalking presence as the ultimate¬†gentleman sex fiend.

We agree.

 

4. Daughters of Darkness (1971)


The fabulous silver sequined dress Delphine Seyrig wears as the ageless Countess at an old grand seaside hotel is enough to get this Belgian movie on our list. But her and her¬†sapphic sidekick’s¬†sensually sadistic seduction of two sad honeymooners scream sexy with a capital S. (That’s a lot of esses.)
Bonus: ¬†DoD reminds us of another disturbing seventies flick: Andy Warhol’s Flesh for Frankenstein (1974), an over-the-top camp concoction that shamelessly mixes sex and gore until the two are indistinguishable.

 

5. Don’t Look Now (1973)


Super creepy movie about the tragic death of a daughter from the perspective of the two parents trying to keep reality from descending into horror (yeah, good luck with that!). It’s beautifully shot in Venice, which is sexy in and of itself, but what makes it stand out is the incredibly realistic sex scene between husband and wife intercut with post-sex shots of them getting ready for the evening. One of the most intimate sex scenes ever made. Just remember it was the 70s — hopefully you can get past the flute music and Donald Sutherland’s perm.

 

6. Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)


It’s about the sexual awakening — and then some — of a conservative, virginal couple (Susan Sarandon and Barry Boswick) ¬†in the hands of Frank N. Furter (Tim Curry), the mad scientist who’s incredibly and inspiringly comfortable in his “transvestite” skin. Almost every song in this twisted cult classic send up of old sci-fi and B-horror is an ode to sensuality.¬†”Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me” sung by Sarandon’s Janet is pretty obvious (“I wanna be dirty/Thrill me, chill me,¬†fulfill me”) but there’s no sexier line than the one from “Rose Tint My World” sung by the newly empowered Janet: “I¬†feel released/Bad times deceased/My confidence has increased/Reality is here.”

 

7. The Hunger (1983)


Another Susan Sarandon vehicle, The Hunger is¬†the only one on our list not to get a fresh rating on RottenTomatoes.com. But come on, it’s got Catherine Deneuve and David Bowie as vampire lovers! (Pictured above.) That’s the definition of sexy. Add to that the lesbian “love” scene between Deneuve and Sarandon, plus the kickass soundtrack (with Bach’s Cello Suite #1 alongside Bauhaus’s goth classic, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”), and we’re giving this a thumbs up.

 

8. Angel Heart (1987)


Spoiler alert: If you can get past the the fact that the sex scene involves an adult (played by Mickey Rourke) fucking a minor (played by Lisa “Cosby Show” Bonet)…who’s mother is his ex-lover…whom he murdered…and who, it turns out, is his daughter from that dead ex-lover…whom he will kill after they have sex…by shooting her in the freakin’ vajayjay, well then that scene is pretty damned hot (emphasis on the damned).
 

9. American Psycho (2000)


We realize that by including American Psycho in this list, we’re guilty of the same kind of sexually shallow, consumeristic, image-conscious obsession the movie (based on the Bret Easton Ellis book) is making fun of with its¬†sexually shallow, consumeristic, image-conscious obsessed, serial-killing main character. But it’s not often that movies gaze so lovingly and longingly (however ironically) at the idealized male form (yet another reason Hollywood needs more female directors like this one’s, Mary Harron). So Christian Bale’s chiseled pecs and glutes earn the film a spot on our list.
 

10. Thirst (2009)


In his 1996 essay “Hail the Returning Dragon, Clothed in New Fire,” David Foster Wallace argued that obstacles are what make sex meaningful and sexy (dragons got in the way of maidens, AIDS got in the way malaise-inducing free love). South Korea’s Thirst is a tale with some serious obstacles: he’s a Catholic priest, she’s a married woman; he’s a vampire, she’s not…not yet at least. It doesn’t get much more forbidden than that.


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28 “Pretty Woman” Quotes to Use When Online Dating

October 20, 2014

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We loved the Buzzfeed experiment where a woman sent Tinder guys the emails from You’ve Got Mail, but we found a movie that’s even better suited for online dating. Here are the top 28 lines from Pretty Woman that could come in handy when online dating. Use if you dare!

 

The Pickup Line Approach

“Hey yo, baby!”

 

The Fishing for a Compliment Approach

“People put you down enough, you start to believe it.”

“The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?”

 

The Here’s-Your-Compliment Approach

“I think you are a very bright, very special woman.”

“I think you have a lot of special gifts.”

“Very few people surprise me.”

 

The Small Talk Approach

“Don’t you just love Prince?”

“What’s your dream?”

 

The Trivia Approach

“Did I mention, my leg is 44″ from hip to toe?”

 

The Princess Approach

“I want the fairy tale.”

“When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess… trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight… on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me.”

 

The Warts-and-All Approach

“My special gift is impossible relationships.”

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

 

The Stalker Approach

“That’s my favorite name in the whole world.”

“I called and called, where were you last night?”

“I’d like you to spend the week with me.”

“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.”

 

The Booty Call Approach

“I appreciate this whole seduction thing you’ve got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.”

“I got red, I got green, I got yellow… I’m out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left… the condom of champions… the one and only… nothin’ is gettin’ through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?”

“I could just pop ya real good and get outta here.”

 

The Highbrow Approach

People’s reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don’t, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.

 

The Sugar Daddy Approach

“I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.”

 

The Home Comforts Approach

“Let’s watch old movies all night… we’ll just veg out in front of the TV. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli.”

“You and I are such similar creatures.”

 

… And Finally, When an Online Dater Blows You Off, Take the High Road

“It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.”

“Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“I say who, I say when, I say who.”

 

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Blog Snog: 10 Books That Will Make You Deathly Afraid of Marriage

October 10, 2014

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Photos of the Week: Lip Pics by Olena Chernenko

October 9, 2014

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Generally speaking, Olena Chernenko creates surreal, Alice in Wonderland-style images (check her out on Getty Images). Specifically, she seems to be a bit obsession with lips: plump, painted, just kissed, about to be kissed, used or even abused. The result is mouth-watering photography…


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Poll: Is Ben Affleck More or Less Attractive After His Appearance on “Real Time”?

October 8, 2014

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Okay, we know this is a stretch for a sex & relationships website, but we just are having so much fun reading all the debates over last week’s episode of Real Time, in which host Bill Maher and guest Sam Harris, a “new atheist” author, clashed with actor Ben Affleck over whether it’s appropriate to criticize the ideology of Islam, or whether that smacks of racism and xenophobia. There have basically been two camps of response: “Ben Affleck for president!” and “Aw man, now I’m not going to get to see Gone Girl because I don’t want to support this bloviating idiot.” Watch the clip below, if you haven’t already, and let us know where you fall.


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The 10 Most Romantic “Monster” Movies

October 8, 2014

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It’s Halloween time, when every network piles on the scary movies. We’re not ones for blood and gore, but give us a good love story, and we’ll happily take a fright or two. Not that these ten flicks are all that frightening, or blood-curdling, or horrifying — they’re mostly pretty tame compared to the usual October fare. (The scariest thing about this list is the prevalence of bad 80s hairdos and synth pop throughout.) No, these 10 films probably won’t turn your blood cold; instead, they’ll warm your heart. By the way, as a matter of principal, we left off the Twilight trilogy completely — not only did we use romance as a criteria, we used quality, too. Warning: spoilers ahead!

1. Bram Stoker’s Dracula

A lot of people like to claim that Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 rendition of the 19th century novel is the truest to the book, despite the fact the entire love story between Dracula and Mina — the central element of the movie — was nowhere in Stoker’s manuscript! (And there certainly wasn’t any half-man half-beast date rape in the novel, either.) But that doesn’t make the flick any less romantic: A guy who forsakes God, becomes a vampire, and waits 400 plus years just to be with you again? That’s not scary, that’s sweet. (What’s scary are Keanu Reeves’ and Winona Ryder’s horrendous British accents.)

 

2. The Corpse Bride

Tim Burton’s 2005 stop-motion animated fantasy details the Victorian era love triangle between a shy woman (Emily Watson), her awkward fiance whom she’s just met (Johnny Depp), and the ghost who wants to marry him herself (Helena Bonham Carter). Having been killed on her wedding day, ghost Emily is eternally always a bridesmaid, never a bride — but when she finally gets the chance to tie the knot, she realizes that when you love someone you have to set them free. Awwwwwww! Honorable mention goes to Burton’s Nightmare before Christmas for the love story between Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, and animated rag doll Sally — their duet in the final scene is one of the sweetest love songs ever:

 

3. The Fly

Probably the grossest of the films in our list, 1986′s The Fly, directed by David Cronenberg (of course), stars Jeff Goldblum as the mad scientist working on teleportation and Geena Davis as the reporter who falls for him. (That the two were falling in love in real life during the filming only adds to their on-screen chemistry.) Not only is The Fly about a guy with a god complex slowly becoming a disgusting fly-man hybrid after a sci experiment gone wrong, it’s also about the dangers or jealousy, the inherent right of women to have autonomy over their own bodies, and the tragedy of loving someone who’s really, really wrong for you.

 

4. Ghost

The Dirty Dancing of ghost stories, this 1990 film is most famous for the threeway scene between Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Whoopie Goldberg. Just kidding, it’s most famous for increasing cultural interest in pottery classes and making super short hair on girls cool for the first time since Rosemary’s Baby. Despite the cheesy demon shadows and heavenly silhouettes, there really are some nice moments exploring the depths of love and loss.

 

5. Near Dark

Before Kathryn Bigelow won a Best Director Oscar for The Hurt Locker, she made this 1987 Western/biker movie, which Time Magazine called “the all-time teenage vampire love story.” It’s a blood-soaked star-crossed lovers story, you see, except with a happy ending: Mae, a vampire, and her victim Caleb, must escape the violent clutches of her disapproving, bloodsucking family in order to walk off into the sunrise together.

 

6. Warm Bodies

This is another Romeo and Juliet remake (the main characters are “Julie” and “R”) complete with balcony scene and a Hollywood happy ending. It’s about the transformative power of romantic love — so transformative in fact that it can turn zombies human again. If only it could make your partner’s irksome bad habits disappear, too. (Btw, is it wrong to think main dead guy Nicholas Hoult is hotter with his zombie makeup on?)

 

7. Only Lovers Left Alive

Written and directed by Jim Jarmusch, this 2013 vampire film captures the banality of long-term relationships (Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston’s marriage is centuries old), without giving up on the romance of true love. Or the potential for continued eroticism. This pasty yet sexy, depressed yet funny couple make marriage so cool. The kickass soundtrack doesn’t hurt, either.

 

8. Bride of Frankenstein

Poor Monster. So alone in world, so alienated. He just want love. Just want understanding. A friend, a mate, a bride. But when Dr. Frankenstein creates one for his monster, complete with awesome hair and wicked goth makeup, she’s just not ready to settle down. “She hate me. Like others.” Heartbroken, Boris Karloff and his neck bolts decide that if he can’t have her, no one else will — indeed, no one else should. “We belong dead.”

 

9. King Kong

Not one, but three versions of this story (1933, 1976, 2005) have accomplished the miraculous feat of making bestiality seem kinda sweet. After all, King Kong is a star-crossed — there’s that word again — love story about a giant gorilla with the hots for a normal-sized human. Like Frankenstein’s monster, he’s a misunderstood softie who just wants a little companionship, someone to bathe in waterfalls and climb up phallic symbols with. Is that so much to ask? Since none of the three versions ever attempted a happy ending, with Kong and his gal picking out china patterns together, we guess it is too much to ask.

 

10. A Chinese Ghost Story

Isn’t it always the way: you find someone you really click with and it turns out they’re a ghost beholden to an evil hermaphroditic tree spirit and betrothed to a demon warlord? But hey, if it’s true love, you may just have a fighting chance.

 

What movies did we miss? Remember, we were looking for romantic monster movies, not sexy scary movies — stay tuned for that list from us next week!

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Blog Snog: One Woman’s Search for a Happy Ending…Massage

October 3, 2014

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photo via YourTango


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Photographer of the Week: Sven Hagolani via Getty Images(NSFW)

October 2, 2014

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Please VOTE for EMandLO.com!

October 1, 2014

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All you ¬†have to do is press the pink “VOTE” button on our Kinkly page HERE!

 

Kinkly.com is holding a Sex Blogging Superheroes Contest: whichever blog gets the most votes from their fans gets not only the glory, but $500 in cash from our favorite pleasure object purveyors, LELO! And we could use it — writing a sex blog is not the lucrative career choice Carrie Bradshaw’s wardrobe had us all believing in. So if this site has ever:

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…then please take one second and anonymously click the “VOTE” button here — it’s that easy! We’ll love you forever for it.

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Em & Lo