1. A little dab’ll do ya. They were talking about Brylcreem, but every time we hear this we remember it’s time to stock up on lube.
2. Let your fingers do the walking. We think we’ve probably co-opted this Yellow Pages slogan pretty much every time we’ve written about the importance of a little handwork during intercourse. Just look at how erotic their logo is (above) — it’s practically obscene!
It wouldn’t be the Super Bowl without a bunch of sex-filled commercials to excite, offend or turn off. Kissing is still the sex act of choice for advertisers (thankfully), so here’s a round up all the big, bold and (only sometimes) beautiful Super Bowl ad kisses.*
GoDaddy.com’s “Perfect Match”
If you’ve seen or heard about any Super Bowl commercial, it’s this one from reliably tasteless GoDaddy, created by their female(!) chief marketing officer and starring their female spokesperson Danica Patrick. In previous years, they’ve relied on women with careers (police officers, TV interviewers) suddenly becoming strippers or on the stereotypical “bimbo” having a wardrobe malfunction. None of that this year (thank heavens for small mercies). No, this year GoDaddy decided to offend with the suggestion that people can’t be both sexy and smart, that all beautiful women are dumb and need a smart man to get by. Then they added gorily juicy horror movie sound effects to the kissing, just to make it that much more cringe-inducing. Somehow, their ad exec manages to deny the ad’s sexism with a straight face in this interview with Forbes.
Old Milwaukee’s “Bus Kiss”
This ad — starring a mustachioed Will Ferrell in a tank top making out with an older Asian woman on a bus — aired in only three cities, but it’s gotten national attention for its weirdness. In the category of awkward Super Bowl kisses, this one is FAR superior to GoDaddy’s. With kissing that’s passionate and even tender, the couple seems genuinely into it. Unlike the GoDaddy stinker, this ad you cannot look away from.
Bell’s “Viva Young”
Apparently, you’re never too old to party: an elderly gang busts out of the retirement home to pull an all-night rager, including dance-club makeout sessions and bathroom stall hookups. Again, unlike the GoDaddy ad, this commercial is not gross, it’s inspiring! Who, no matter how old, could argue with the tagline at the end “Viva mas”? We hope we’re still kissing like that at 80. Hell, we hope we’re still kissing like that at 45.
Initially, we loved this John-Hughes-esque ad: high school boy is heading off to prom dateless, but Dad gives him the keys to the suped-up Audi and this gives him the courage to make a move on the prom queen. It’s a romantic underdog story…until you think about the kid totally taking the girl by surprise and planting one on her without her consent. Then it becomes a bit sexual-assault-y. Like, hey, even cute sensitive loner boys can become sexual aggressors and take what’s rightfully theirs from passive girls if they just drive the right car! Of course, the prom queen doesn’t pull away — she’s into it — so we’ll just imagine that she gave him her blessing in a note passed to him earlier that day in AP Calculus.
There definitely seemed to be something more going on between this man and his horse besides grooming and feeding, if you know what we mean. The kiss is quick, but we swear there was tongue!
Ad Your Voice 2012 is giving all you creative types out there a chance to create a cool political ad that could help defeat Mitt Romney in November. ¬†Send them your ads ‚Äď gut-splitting, fist-shaking, tear-jerking video shorts between 30 and 60 seconds long ‚Äď in support of Obama-Biden. The deadline is October 22nd, but the sooner you get it to them (by next week if possible), the better chance you’ll have of getting some real support behind it. Their panel of luminaries, led by¬†Bill Maher,¬†Scarlett Johannson¬†and the award-winning producers at¬†Park¬†Pictures, will review the ads. If they think your video has what it takes to help get Obama reelected, they will offer you a $10,000 honorarium and work with you and a top director to make the ad primetime-ready for wide distribution on TV and online.
Remember, GOP Super PACs are amassing close to a $1 billion war chest to support Mitt Romney ‚Äď many times more than what pro-Obama Super PACs hope to bring in. Which means Democrats must learn to fight above their weight class.¬†We can‚Äôt hope to out-fundraise Rove and the Koch brothers, but we can out-message them. Get shooting!
In a few weeks, whether you’ve submitted a video or not, you’ll be able to vote on your favorite ones. Share them with friends and family, encourage them to ‚Äúlike‚ÄĚ their favorite videos via Facebook or vote for them on AdYourVoice2012.com, and just keep spreading the word. Because every view can mobilize a vote for Obama‚Äôs reelection! In other words, every view can save reproductive rights, secure marriage equality, educate our kids, and help women get paid the same as men for the same work.
We’ve all had our share of dubious Facebook friend requests — that regrettable one-night stand you’d almost succeeding in forgetting, your former therapist, your ex, your mom. But what about a Facebook request from your unborn child? A bunch of guys in Brazil were recently friend-requested by babies with their own name, plus the “Jr.” suffix. It turns out that these friend requests were actually from a condom company.
Spanx, for the uninitiated, is a line of slimming lingerie. Got a body part that’s a little bumpier or bulgier than you’d like? Chances are, Spanx makes a product to smooth it over. Spanx have long been one of Oprah’s “Favorite Things” and celebrities rave about them. Okay, female celebrities rave about them. But we have yet to hear Brad Pitt or Robert Pattinson admit that their physique is aided and abetted by supportive undergarments. Because most fans, we’re guessing, don’t want to know that Brad Pitt is wearing Manx (seriously, that’s the name of the version for men). It’s perfectly acceptable for women to gab, conspiratorially, about what comes between them and their Calvins — but men are supposed to find all that stuff “girly,” right up there with diet soda and gossip magazines. For the record, let it be stated that we have no idea if Brad Pitt has ever worn Manx. We’re just talking hypothetically here.
And hence the marketing dilemma for Spanx when it comes to their male products. Dr. Pepper got around a similar issue by joking that their new diet soda — men are renowned for avoiding the word diet — is “not for women.” But how do you convince men that they should be just as insecure about their bodies as women? Actually, scratch that — we’re pretty sure there are plenty of men who are just as insecure about their bodies as women. Rather, how do you convince men that it’s socially acceptable to spend money on a product — and then wear said product — that sculpts and defines their un-sculpted and ill-defined body?¬†Answer: You make him feel like a superhero! That’s right, because when Superman wears a leotard it’s not girly, right?
Conventional wisdom would have us believe that all women need extended foreplay — at least 30 minutes’ worth — to get anywhere near an orgasm, which may be one reason why quickies aren’t embraced more. The thinking goes that women, on average, take a lot longer to get in the mood and a lot longer to reach orgasm than men.¬†But just ask any woman who masturbates on a regular basis and she’ll probably tell you that she can climax in mere minutes on her own. In fact, studies have found that during masturbation, men take an average of two to three minutes to reach orgasm, and women are right behind them at just under four minutes.
Enter the book Got a Minute? 60 Second Erotica. It’s jam-packed with super-short erotic stories, for those times when your sexual attention is lacking. Skim one of the stories between hitting the snooze button and your second alarm, then hit snooze one more time for an actual, honest-to-god quickie.¬†And if you’re the kind of person who sometimes finds erotica, well, a bit cheesy, then these stories will be over before your inner literary snob has time to kick in!
The German ad agency Butter recently released a series of award-winning print ads — “Pin-Up Calendar 2010″ — for Eizo, a medical supply company which apparently specializes in medical imaging. While it effectively shows the quality of their radiographs, it also entertainingly pokes fun at the whole porn genre: You can see everything! Check out that hot coccyx! What’s disturbing is the fact there are certainly people out there who will find this not so much humorous as genuinely titillating. You can see each “month” here.
We just saw this awesome condom TV commercial from Trojan the other day. We’re not necessarily endorsing the product, just the ad. First of all, the tagline “You can’t wait to get it on”? Genius. How has this not been used to promote condoms before? Second, you gotta love the taboo busting: yes, women buy condoms, yes, women like sex, and no, you don’t have to be embarrassed about buying or using condoms. Ad agency The Joey Company made the commercial series for Trojan (there’s even better one here!)…