Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

Good Vibes Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Christmas Story Lamp on Amazon


Archive | Celebrities RSS feed for this section

Top 10 Joan Rivers Quotes About Sex

September 5, 2014

0 Comments

Joan Rivers died yesterday at the age of eighty-one, and we can’t be the only ones to be relieved that she died due to complications following throat surgery — and not, say, while getting another face lift. Because we want to remember her not for her plastic face (she liked to joke that when she died, they’d donate her body to Tupperware) but for the groundbreaking, glass ceiling-smashing comedian that she was. Some people might call her ballsy, but we prefer to say: The woman had labes. She once joked, “At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.” Meryl, ya hear that? We really think you should show up.

Without further ado, here are our top ten favorite Joan Rivers quotes about sex and love. (If some of your favorites are missing, it’s because we excluded her most self-deprecating jokes, especially the ones she made later in life, about her own body and her lack of sex appeal.)

1. A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.

2. It was a Jewish porno film… one minute of sex and nine minutes of guilt.

3. My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.

4. All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

5. It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up who.

6. Never floss with a stranger.

7. Half of all marriages end in divorce — and then there are the really unhappy ones.

8. Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say “My wife makes a delicious cake” to some hooker?

9. My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.

10. Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



What Kind of Feminist Are You: Miley, Beyonce, or Pharrell?

May 1, 2014

1 Comment

Time magazine just announced its list of the top 100 most influential people, declaring this to be “the year of pop feminism.” Their evidence? The lyrics, quotes, and attitude of BeyoncĂ©, Pharrell (“Blurred Lines” notwithstanding)… and Miley Cyrus. “BeyoncĂ©, Miley and Pharrell aren’t just accidental feminists,” according to Time. “They’ve actively promoted women’s empowerment through their songs, videos, and interviews, making feminism a explicit part of their respective public images.

The first person to agree with this assessment would be Miley Cyrus, who recently declared herself to be “one of the biggest feminists in the world.” Which would put her, presumably, in the same league as Betty Friedan, Bella Abzug, and Gloria Steinem. It’s not your mother’s feminism, though (assuming you were lucky enough to be raised by a woman who was comfortable with that F-word).

These three might be the new face of pop feminism, but they aren’t exactly working from the same feminist playbook. Read on to find out which kind of pop feminism you most closely identify with…

 

Miley Cyrus: Feminism Means I Can Be Funny, Raunchy, and Loud, Just Like a Guy, a.k.a. You Say Objectification, I Say Fearless

  •  “I’m one of the biggest feminists in the world because I tell women not to be scared of anything.”
  • “I’m a feminist in the way that I’m really empowering to women. I’m loud and funny and not typically beautiful.”
  • “Guys watch too much porn. Those girls don’t exist. They’re not real girls. And that’s like us watching romance movies. That’s girl porn, because, like, those guys do not exist.”
  • “For me, it’s not even that I’m a feminist. I’m for anybody. I’m for everybody, for everything. I don’t care what you wanna do in your life, or who you wanna be with, who you wanna love, who you wanna look like.”
  • “I told my mom, ‘I’m not buying another magazine until I can get past this thought of looking like the girl on the cover’. She said, “Miley, you are the girl on the cover,’ and I was, like, ‘I know, but I don’t feel like that girl every day.’ You can’t always feel perfect.”

Beyoncé: Feminism Means I Can Be Rich and Powerful and Simultaneously Imperfect and a Perfectionist, Just Like a Guy

  • “I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I do believe in equality. Why do you have to choose what type of woman you are? Why do you have to label yourself anything?”
  • “I’m over being a pop star. I don’t wanna be a hot girl. I wanna be iconic.”
  • “We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead.”
  • “Power’s not given to you. You have to take it.”
  • Finally, here’s the Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie quote Beyoncé sampled in her song “Flawless”: “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.’ Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors – not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.”

Pharrell: Feminism Means We’ve Still Got a Lot to Fight For,  But In the Meantime, Women Make Me Happy

  • “Women not being paid the same as men is completely unfair. In a world where every man, along with every woman benefits from … a [woman's] agreement to give birth, something that we [men] cannot do, it doesn’t make sense to me at a time when we’ve had a space station that’s been orbiting the world for close to 20 years and we have a rover sending information back and forth on the surface of Mars, in 2014, we are trying to tell women what they can and can’t do with their bodies.”
  • “When you think about a night where there’s late-night talk-show hosts and it’s mostly women, that’s a different world. Right? A world where seventy-five percent of the prime ministers and the presidents were women: That’s a different world. That’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna happen when Hillary wins.”
  • “If women wanted to shut down this country, economically, they could just not go to work. If they wanted to kill off our species, they’d just decide not to have babies. And there’s going to be a huge shift, a huge shift. There will be a time when women get paid as much as men. There will be a time when, like, 75 percent of our world leaders will be women. All the presidents and prime ministers. There will come a time. And I’m going to be on the right side of that shift when it happens.”
  • “Slowly and surely we can eat away at that illusion, that hallucination the planet is under that this is a male-dominated world. It is not a male-dominated world but a male-dominated perception in this world.”
  • “I want to support women, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make another song where girls’ behinds are everywhere.”

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 10 Male Celebrity Feminists Andrew Garfield Could Learn From

April 25, 2014

1 Comment

Emma Stone went viral this week when she called out her boyfriend, Andrew Garfield, for his casual sexism during a Q&A session promoting The Amazing Spider-Man 2. When a little boy asked Garfield how Spider-Man got his costume, he said: “He made it. He made it with his bare hands. He sewed it… It’s kind of a feminine thing to do, but he really made a very masculine costume.” At which point Stone said, “It’s feminine, how?” Garfield then stumbled and blushed and before eventually settling on the idea that  ”We all have feminine in us, young men.”

Clearly Emma Stone is not shy about educating her boyfriend in all matters relating to feminism, but we thought Andrew Garfield might find additional inspiration in these awesome quotes from male celebrities who are unabashed feminists. Guys, take note: For some women, these quotes are hotter than porn.

1. John Legend
“All men should be feminists. If men care about women’s rights the world will be a better place. We are better off when women are empowered, it leads to a better society.”

2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
“My mom brought me up to be a feminist. … She would always point out to my brother and me that our culture does often portray women like objects. For example, we would always watch Lakers games as a family, but my mom would always point out every time the cheerleaders come on, ‘Okay, so look, here’s the story that gets told: The men get to be the heroic skilled athletes and the women just get to be pretty.’ She didn’t mean any offense to any individual woman who was working as a cheerleader, but she wanted me and my brother to be aware of it because we see these images on TV, in the movies, and on magazines all the time. And if you don’t stop and think about it, it just sort of seeps into your brain and that becomes the way you perceive reality. I do call myself a feminist. Absolutely! It’s worth paying attention to the roles that are sort of dictated to us and that we don’t have to fit into those roles. We can be anybody we wanna be.”

3. Seth Meyers
“When you work with the sort of really strong women that I work with, the idea that anyone would want to make [reproductive] decisions for them is hard to wrap your head around.”

4. Louis C.K.
“How do women still go out with guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally and historically, we’re the number one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease.”

5. Ryan Gosling
“You have to question a cinematic culture which preaches artistic expression, and yet would support a decision that is clearly a product of a patriarchy-dominant society, which tries to control how women are depicted on screen. The MPAA is okay supporting scenes that portray women in scenarios of sexual torture and violence for entertainment purposes, but they are trying to force us to look away from a scene [depicting cunnilingus] that shows a woman in a sexual scenario, which is both complicit and complex. It’s misogynistic in nature to try and control a woman’s sexual presentation of self.”

6. Prince Harry
“When women are empowered, they immeasurably improve the lives of everyone around them — their families, their communities, and their countries. This is not just about women, we men need to recognize the part we play too. Real men treat women with dignity and give them the respect they deserve.”

7. Jay Baruchel
“I’m constantly annoyed [by] how terribly written most females are in most everything — and especially in comedy. Their anatomy seems to be the only defining aspect of their character, and I just find that untruthful and it straight-up offends me. A lot of the strongest people I know are chicks. And as a viewer, I get a kick out of watching real characters. So I take it upon myself to clean that shit up and write actual women. And I like writing strong women, because as a straight male, there’s nothing more attractive to me than a strong girl.”

8. Ashton Kutcher
“I think there’s so much that’s not said about sex in our country, even from an educational level…the one thing they teach about is how to get pregnant or how to not get pregnant, but they don’t really talk about sex as a point of pleasure for women. … That creates a place where women aren’t empowered around their own sexuality and their own sexual selves.”

9. Mark Ruffalo
“When I heard the story [of my mother's illegal abortion] I was aghast by the lowliness of a society that would make a woman do that. I could not understand its lack of humanity; today is no different. What happened to my mother was a relic of an America that was not free nor equal nor very kind. My mother’s illegal abortion marked a time in America that we have worked long and hard to leave behind. It was a time when women were seen as second rate citizens who were not smart enough, nor responsible enough, nor capable enough to make decisions about their lives. It was a time that deserved to be left behind, and leave it behind we did, or so it seemed. We made abortion and a woman’s ability to be her own master a Right. That Right was codified into law. That law was the law of the land for decades. My own mother fought to make herself more than a possession; she lived her life as a mother who chose when she would have children, and a wife who could earn a living if she so chose. I want my daughters to enjoy that same choice. I don’t want to turn back the hands of time to when women shuttled across state lines in the thick of night to resolve an unwanted pregnancy, in a cheap hotel room just south of the state line. Where a transaction of $600 cash becomes the worth of a young woman’s life.”

10. Joss Whedon
“[I write strong women characters] because of my mother. She really was an extraordinary, inspirational, tough, cool, sexy, funny woman. And that’s the kind of woman I’ve always surrounded myself with, my friends and particularly my wife, who is not only smarter than and stronger than I am, but occasionally taller too. I think it also goes back to my father and my stepfather, because they prized wit and resolve in the women they were with above all things and they were among the rare men who understood that recognizing someone else’s power doesn’t diminish your own.”

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Sex and Dating Advice from Matthew McConaughey

February 21, 2014

1 Comment

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how Matthew McConaughey has reinvented himself as a Serious Actor, launching himself out of the chick flick ghetto (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past et al) and into Oscar-nominated territory with Important Movies like Dallas Buyers’ Club. But what we want to know is, how has his characters’ approach to love and sex changed over the years, and over the movies?

Turns out, it’s not just McConaughey’s Rust Cohle in HBO’s True Detective who has a bit of a philosophical bent. It was there from the start — it’s just been honed over the years, you might say. So here is a chronological timeline of McConaughey’s advice on love and sex over the years, according to his characters.

 

1993: Dazed and Confused

“Man, it’s the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain’t that piece of paper, there’s some other choice they’re gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N. ”

“That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”

 

1997: Contact

“Is the world fundamentally a better place because of science and technology? We shop at home, we surf the Web… at the same time, we feel emptier, lonelier and more cut off from each other than at any other time in human history.”

 

2001: The Wedding Planner

“[My fiance] is great. But… what if what I think is great really is great, but not as great as something greater?”

 

 

 

 

2003: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

“Andie: True or False: All’s fair in love and war.
Ben: True.
Andie: Great answer.
Ben: Good question!”

“Andie: Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Ben: Who’s Princess Sophia?
[Andie points at his crotch]
Andie: Little, big, little, big… I don’t know… we will find out!
Ben: You can’t name my member… Princess Sophia.
Andie: Yes, I can!
Ben: If you are gonna name my… member, you have to name it something hyper masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King!”

“Guys, a woman’s purse, alright, it’s her secret source of power. Alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about.”

2006: Failure to Launch

“I’m not afraid of love. I love love. Look, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends, right? And sometimes I’m the rebound guy. Other times, when I get lucky, I’m the “explore new areas of your sexuality” guy. But every single time, we have fun. Thank you. I have fun, they have fun. It’s good for me, it’s good for them. And I would argue that it’s damn good for civilization as a whole.”

[You're going to let her walk away?] “I’m giving her space, Mr. Axelrod. Now, I’m going after her.”

 

2009: Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn’t happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less.”

“Get over [him cheating on you]. It was years ago! With some slutty friend of yours! A friend, incidentally, that you’re not even mad at. And you know why? Because you don’t actually care. You love Paul so much you forgave him the second you heard, and that’s what scares you.”

“I’ve been in your shoes. You know what? It scared the hell out of me too. What if she hurt me? What if she left me? What if she died? It would have been the end of me. So I cut it short, before she ever could. And you know what? It was the biggest mistake I ever made. And you’re making the same mistake right now, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to sit by and watch. You’ve got to risk love, Sandra! I didn’t and look at me! I’m a lonely ghost of a man. It doesn’t mean that you’re never going to get hurt, but the pain you feel will never compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love. And from someone who’s felt a lot of both, trust me, regret beats pain every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Don’t run away. Don’t do it… Now. Do you still want to get married?”

“When did casual sex become a crime? Really? I mean, now a days being a single means, what? You’ve lost your way? That something is missing? Never mind that every night I swim in a lake of sex, and they fall asleep in each others arms, spooning.” [Spooning is nice.] ”Yeah, not as nice as forking.”

2012: Magic Mike

“You are the husband they never had! You are that dreamboat guy that never came along!”

 

 

 

 

2012: Mud

“People just sometimes forget why they fell in love in the first place.”

“Don’t judge your life on all of our mistakes.You’ll make plenty mistakes of your own, no need takin’ on everybody else’s.”

 

 

 

2013: The Wolf of Wall Street

“You gotta stay relaxed. Do you jerk off?” [Uh, I don't know, like two, three times a week?] “Okay, you’re going to want to raise those numbers. You’re in the fucking minor leagues. Me, I jack it twelve to fifteen times a week. Twice a day. Once in the morning after I work out, once after lunch. If you don’t do it, the stress of this job, it’ll make you explode. Or worse, you’ll implode. You don’t wanna implode. … I want to jerk off, but that’s not why I do it. I do it because I need to.”

 

 

2013: Dallas Buyers Club

“Watch what you eat and who you eat.”

 

 

 

 

 

2014: True Detective

[Can you imagine if people didn't believe? All the things they'd get up to?] “Exact same thing they do now, just out in the open.” [past]

“I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware, nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself, we are creatures that should not exist by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self; an accretion of sensory, experience and feeling, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. Maybe the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.” [present]

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



R.I.P., Maggie Estep

February 19, 2014

0 Comments

We were introduced to Maggie Estep‘s work more than ten years ago, when Nerve.com, where we were both editors at the time, published her fiction. Here are the opening lines to her short story Devil in Her Eye, published on Nerve in 2002:

She wasn’t the kind of girl to make a bishop kick in a stained glass window, but she got to me all the same. Her name was Sylvia. Dirty blonde. Five-foot-four, 122 pounds, thighs just shy of ample. She was quiet. Seldom looked at you straight on, but once she did, you never forgot it. Which is what happened. She looked at me. Right into me.

And I melted. I’m not the kind of guy to go around melting, mind you. I’m pushing thirty-five. I’ve been locked up a few times, and when I wasn’t Inside, I worked on the back side of racetracks. Mucking horse shit and what have you.

I’m not a melter. But Sylvia got me.

Her writing sticks with you, and this stuck with us. (You can read the story in full here.) Neither of us ever met her, but then last week, Em went to a reading at Oblong Books in Rhinebeck, NY — it turned out Maggie Estep lived just one town north of us, and had contributed to an anthology about writers leaving New York called Goodbye to All That (hey, we did that, too!). She was charming, hilarious, brilliant, vibrant, and sweet, and Em departed the reading with secret plans to friend-stalk her. And then two days later, she had a heart attack, and two days after that she was dead. At fifty.

Estep was best known as a slam poetry performer — she helped bring the genre into the mainstream, performing on MTV, HBO, and PBS… and how often does a poet whose work is ”characterized by gritty honesty, black humor and a post-punk brand of feminism”  (NY Times) get to do that? One of her most famous poems is the blisteringly sarcastic “Happy”, which she performed on the HBO show “Russell Simmons’s Def Poetry Jam” (watch her perform it in the video above, it’ll make you happy, no sarcasm):

To hell with sticking my head in the oven
I’m happy
I’m ridiculously, vengefully happy
I’m ripped apart by sunshine
I’m ecstatic
I’m leaping
I’m cutting off all my limbs
I’m doing circus tricks with forks

But the poem that we want to share in full today is the one that Beavis and Butthead poked fun at Estep for (not that she cared). The poem is called  ”Hey Baby,” and the topic is pretty appropriate for this site:

Hey Baby

So I’m walking down the street
minding my own business
when this guy starts with me
he’s suckin’ his lips goin’
Hey Baby
Yo Baby
Hey Baby
Yo

and I get a little tense and nervous
but I keep walking
but the guy, he’s dogging my every move
hey Miss, he says,
Don’t miss this!
And he grabs his crotch and sneers ear to ear
so finally, I turn around
Hey Buddy, I say
I’m feelin’ kinda tense, Buddy
I got a fuckin’ song in my heart
so come on,
Let’s go

I got a huge bucket of non-dairy creamer
and some time to kill
so let’s do it
we’ll make some foul-smelling artifical milk
and drink gallons and gallons and gallons of it

Get our bladders exceedingly full then
sit on the toilet together and let
the water run in the shower
and torture ourselves by not letting ourselves urinate
as the water rushes loudly
into the bathrub, okay?

We’ll do it together
writhe in utter agony
Just you and me
and I’ll even spring for some of that blue shit
for the toilet bowl, all right?
I mean, that’s my idea of a good time
so how bout it, you wanna?

The guy backs up a bit
Whatsa matter, Baby?
You got somethin’ against men?, he says
No, I say
I don’t have anything against men
Just stupid men

R.I.P., Maggie Estep., you were one of the good ones.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



2013 According to Miley Cyrus and Jennifer Lawrence

December 18, 2013

0 Comments


2013 was the year when two twenty-something women, Miley Cyrus, 21, and Jennifer Lawrence, 23, mouthed off — like, a lot. They both talked like they couldn’t give a sh*$, but we happen to think that JLaw (is that how the kids do it these days?) really doesn’t care what we think, while Miley’s quotes are a very calculated performance to raise her profile — but we guess you’ve got to give her props for that, in a way, because it’s working. Still, we’re team Jennifer all the way, but maybe that’s just ’cause we’re old. See what you think…

On Popularity

“Even people who want to hate on me, they can’t even shut down the fact that I’m literally what everyone is talking about. I don’t want to say that I’m on top right now — I feel like I’m kind of an underdog in a cool way. It’s almost punk rock to like me, because it’s not the right thing to do.” — Miley

“My main worry is that people will start hating what I hate about myself. I worry that everybody will think I am really annoying and just want me to shut up. Which would make so much sense because I annoy myself. … I guess I want people to know that if they are annoyed with me, I get it, it’s totally cool. Please forgive me.” — JLaw

On Substance Abuse

“I was just walking out of my room [at the MTV EMAs], and then I was like ‘Oh I have this [joint] in my bag, that will be really funny.’ I just did it mostly because I knew the fans in Amsterdam would love it, and they started going crazy when I did it.” — Miley

[Preparing for the Oscars] “I did a shot before.” — JLaw

On Other Celebrities

“[Steve Carell] always gives me the stank eye because I drive so fast. The other day, I was trying to reverse, and I almost hit a thousand things, and I was getting nervous because I could see him . . . I’m like, oh, my God, Dan in Real Life is watching me right now!” — Miley

“I turned into a perverted guy [at this party], I was following [John Stamos] into rooms and staring at his a**. … I just started really freaking out, and he asked me if I was on mushrooms, and I was like, ‘No, I am dead sober. This is just me.’ ” — JLaw

On Sleep

“I’m gonna sleep when I’m dead ’cause right now, this isn’t the time to be worried about how many hours of sleep you can get or how much you can hang out.” — Miley

“I don’t like going out that much. I’m kind of an old lady. After it’s 11, I’m like ‘Don’t these kids ever get tired?’ When I’m out, I think about my couch.” — JLaw

On Their Own Talents

“I haven’t really seen one bad comment about my twerk video. This is the first thing! All right, I can’t sing, I can’t act, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever!” — Miley

“Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’” — JLaw

On Their “Looks”

“It’s a strategic hot mess.” — Miley

“I really would not call myself a fashion icon. I would call myself somebody who gets dressed by professionals. [It's like], ‘Dance, monkey, dance’ right on the red carpet.’ I would call me more of a monkey.” — JLaw

On Beauty

“Beauty is the enemy . We try to conquer not feeling beautiful all our lives. It’s a battle that can’t be won. There’s no definition of beauty. The only way to achieve beauty is to feel it from inside without breaking down into individual physical attributes” — Miley

“Screw those people [who judge others based on appearance]. If you don’t look like an airbrushed model …you have to look past it. You look how you look. What are you going to do, be hungry every single day to make other people happy? That’s just dumb.” — JLaw

On Fat-Shaming

“By calling girls like me fat, this is what you’re doing to other people.” — Miley, via Twitter alongside a photo of an emaciated woman*

“I just think it should be illegal to call somebody fat on TV. If we’re regulating cigarettes and sex and cuss words because of the effect it has on our younger generation, why aren’t we regulating things like calling people fat?” — JLaw

On Each Other

“People will say, ‘Oh, Liam is so close to Jennifer Lawrence.’ Well, yeah — they shot a movie together! He’s supposed to ignore her because she’s a chick?” — Miley

[When asked about the sexualization of women in the entertainment industry like Miley Cyrus] “Sex sells, and for some disgusting reason young sex sells even more.”– JLaw

“Twerking with a dwarf? To each their own.” — JLaw

On Keepin’ It Real

“This is who I am. I think it’s only hard if you’re trying to be something you’re not. Being who you are is really easy.” — Miley

“I’m so aware of all the B.S. that surrounds Hollywood, and how everyone gets on this high horse and thinks that they’re curing cancer and it makes me so uncomfortable every time I see it. So I go in the exact opposite direction and end up saying something like ‘I’m pregnant!’ when I’m in two franchises.” — JLaw

On Camel Toe

[Not a word from Miley on this topic. She lets her revealing outfits speak for themselves]

“I was surprised at how little camel toe problem there was [when I wore the wetsuit in Catching Fire]. I was expecting a lot more.” — JLaw

On Being Quiet for Just Five Minutes

“I’ve never just been able to be alone, and I’m obsessed with being alone and hearing my thoughts. I’m trying to take this alone time — the five minutes I do have a day — to learn as much as I can.” — Miley

“My therapist said it would be good if for every hour, I tried to be quiet for five minutes. But I couldn’t really hear what she was saying because I was talking.” — JLaw

* Okay, so this one quote is not actually from 2013; turns out Miley had much less to say about fat-shaming once she shrunk herself to near-emaciated proportions.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



What to Do If You Bump Into Tom Hanks

September 11, 2013

0 Comments

According to scientific research, at least 17% of you, our dear readers, still harbor a sex fantasy based on Elizabeth Perkins’ not-quite pedophilic crush in Big, and 11% of you occasionally indulge in a mermaid-related Splash fantasy. Also, 3% of you have a fantasy based on the Forrest Gump premature ejaculation scene. And let’s not even get started on “Woody.”

So, what would you do if you actually met Tom Hanks? Sure, it may never happen, but wouldn’t you rather be ready, just in case? Enter the hilarious short video Tom Hanks Fan Academy. It’s directed by our pal Valerie Weiss (who made the great film Losing Control that we wrote about last year) and stars another friend of ours, Ben Weber, who bears a striking (okay, more than passing) resemblance to Tom Hanks. (The hilarious Matt Olsen co-wrote the video and also appears in it.)

Enroll in the THFA today! Just maybe keep that Forrest Gump fantasy to yourself.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



A Round-Up of Thoughtful Spankings Over the Miley Cyrus Spectacle

August 30, 2013

0 Comments

There’s been a LOT of talk this week over Miley Cyrus’s performance at last week’s VMAs. Here’s some of our favorite analysis:

 

 



The 10 Best and Worst Moments from the 2013 VMAs

August 26, 2013

0 Comments

photo via MTV.com

THE WORST

1. Lady Gaga’s 26 costume changes into smaller and smaller outfits, ending in a Little Mermaid-inspired seashell/thong number. She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?

2. Miley Cyrus’s self-demotion to porny arm candy during her Blurred Lines “duet” with Robin Thicke (or was it the simulated rimming during “We Can’t Stop?).

3. Kevin Hart’s improvised — and painfully unfunny — stand-up bits, amounting to nothing more than drooling over Lady Gaga’s butt cheeks (twice!) and calling *NSYNC fat and farty.

4. A$AP Rocky’s shameless plug for his new album in the middle of a serious statement about gay rights.

5. Katy Perry’s “ring girls” in string bikinis. Why not subvert the whole macho boxing genre with scantily clad ring boys?

 

THE BEST

1. Lady Gaga’s unitard-clad, average-physiqued backup dancers. She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?

2. Taylor Swift caught on camera saying “Shut the fuck up” while One Direction presented the Best Female Pop Video nominees.

3. Justin Timberlake’s classy & graceful greatest hits medley performance in honor of his Vanguard award (which he accepted with class & grace).

4. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s Best Social Message Video win for “Same Love.”

5. Can’t believe we’re saying this: Kanye “Jesus” West’s subdued performance of “Blood to the Leaves,” which was simply his black-out silhouette in front of a nature still. Refreshing!

 

MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:



We Are So Over Celebrities Playing Strippers

August 8, 2013

0 Comments

Celebrities playing strippers seems to be a sort of rite of passage, a self-inflicted casting couch: Lindsay Lohan, Kristen Stewart, Salma Hayak, Olivia Wilde, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Daryl Hannah, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei, Julianne Hough, Diane Lane, Demi Moore, Elizabeth Berkley, Rose McGowan… we could go on. WTF? And to balance it out, you get the cast of The Full Monty plus Channing Tatum.

Maybe celebrities playing strippers are just the grown-up, well-paid version of college sorority girls who use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a “sexy cat” or “sexy nurse” or “sexy French maid” or “sexy stripper” (ha). Whatever it is, we’re over it.

But actually, you know what we’re more over than celebrities playing strippers on film? Celebrities talking about the crazy diets and work-outs they submitted themselves to in order to “prepare” for their role as a stripper. Because every real-life stripper totally spends hours a day in the gym with a personal trainer and hires a fancy personal chef to prepare kale a hundred different ways to trick her body into feeling satisfied.

The latest contender in this field is Jennifer Aniston, who plays a (yawn) stripper in the new comedy We’re the Millers. “I was on a very like, you know, greens and vegetables and lean proteins and kale,” Aniston said of her diet plan. “When I really wanted to have a cheat day,” she said, “I had to have a kale chip.”

Because that’s totally what strippers do to unwind after a hard day on the pole: Treat themselves to a kale chip. Not a bag of kale chips, mind you, but a single kale chip. In Hollywood, it’s only hard out there for a stripper because she’s so goddamned underfed.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com: