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A Round-Up of Thoughtful Spankings Over the Miley Cyrus Spectacle

August 30, 2013


There’s been a LOT of talk this week over Miley Cyrus’s performance at last week’s VMAs. Here’s some of our favorite analysis:



The 10 Best and Worst Moments from the 2013 VMAs

August 26, 2013


photo via MTV.com


1. Lady Gaga’s 26 costume changes into smaller and smaller outfits, ending in a Little Mermaid-inspired seashell/thong number. She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?

2. Miley Cyrus’s self-demotion to porny arm candy during her Blurred Lines “duet” with Robin Thicke (or was it the simulated rimming during “We Can’t Stop?).

3. Kevin Hart’s improvised — and painfully unfunny — stand-up bits, amounting to nothing more than drooling over Lady Gaga’s butt cheeks (twice!) and calling *NSYNC fat and farty.

4. A$AP Rocky’s shameless plug for his new album in the middle of a serious statement about gay rights.

5. Katy Perry’s “ring girls” in string bikinis. Why not subvert the whole macho boxing genre with scantily clad ring boys?



1. Lady Gaga’s unitard-clad, average-physiqued backup dancers.¬†She’s just fucking with us at this point, right?

2. Taylor Swift caught on camera saying “Shut the fuck up” while One Direction presented the Best Female Pop Video nominees.

3. Justin Timberlake’s classy & graceful greatest hits medley performance in honor of his Vanguard award (which he accepted with class & grace).

4. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s Best Social Message Video win for “Same Love.”

5. Can’t believe we’re saying this: Kanye “Jesus” West’s subdued performance of “Blood to the Leaves,” which was simply¬†his black-out silhouette in front of a nature still. Refreshing!



We Are So Over Celebrities Playing Strippers

August 8, 2013


Celebrities playing strippers seems to be a sort of rite of passage, a self-inflicted casting couch: Lindsay Lohan, Kristen Stewart, Salma Hayak, Olivia Wilde, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Daryl Hannah, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei, Julianne Hough, Diane Lane, Demi Moore, Elizabeth Berkley, Rose McGowan… we could go on. WTF? And to balance it out, you get the cast of The Full Monty plus Channing Tatum.

Maybe celebrities playing strippers are just the grown-up, well-paid version of college sorority girls who use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a “sexy cat” or “sexy nurse” or “sexy French maid” or “sexy stripper” (ha). Whatever it is, we’re over it.

But actually, you know what we’re more over than celebrities playing strippers on film? Celebrities talking about the crazy diets and work-outs they submitted themselves to in order to “prepare” for their role as a stripper. Because every real-life stripper totally spends hours a day in the gym with a personal trainer and hires a fancy personal chef to prepare kale a hundred different ways to trick her body into feeling satisfied.

The latest contender in this field is Jennifer Aniston, who plays a (yawn) stripper in the new comedy We’re the Millers. “I was on a very like, you know, greens and vegetables and lean proteins and kale,” Aniston said¬†of her diet plan. “When I really wanted to have a cheat day,” she said, “I had to have a kale chip.”

Because that’s totally what strippers do to unwind after a hard day on the pole: Treat themselves to a kale chip. Not a bag of kale chips, mind you, but a single kale chip. In Hollywood, it’s only hard out there for a stripper because she’s so goddamned underfed.


Can You Beat the Urge to Stray with One Freebie a Year?

August 1, 2013


photo via flickr

“If I tell my child, ‚ÄėNo pizza, no pizza, no pizza,‚Äô what does he want more than anything Pizza!‚ÄĚ

And so it is with her husband and sex, claims Russian pop star Masha Lopatova. She is married to Andrei Kirilenko, a basketball player for the Brooklyn Nets — and she has told him he can sleep with one woman a year, for one night only.

We like her reasoning: After all, the forbidden is always more desirable. And so far, it seems to be working: Kirilenko claims he hasn’t acted on the offer yet.

‚ÄúIf something isn‚Äôt allowed you, you want to get it,‚ÄĚ he said. ‚ÄúBut if it is allowed to you, you will not need it.‚ÄĚ

But here’s the catch: The agreement is not reciprocal. So what happens, a decade into the marriage, if Lopatova suddenly experiences her urge to stray and is doubly frustrated because (a) she’s not allowed to and (b) her husband IS allowed to?

Also, what if¬†Kirilenko sleeps with one woman one time and then wants the forbidden thing: to see that woman again — without waiting 365 days to do so?

What do you think: Can this sort of arrangement bolster monogamy and help a good marriage last longer? Or is it a recipe for disaster if the arrangement is so one-sided? Is it even possible to curb the urge to stray with a once-a-year freebie like this?


What We Talk About When We Talk About Angelina Jolie’s Boobs

May 14, 2013

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photo via Flickr

Angelina Jolie wrote an op ed in the New York Times today about her decision to have a preventive double¬†mastectomy¬†in order to greatly reduce her risk of breast cancer, which she had an almost 90% chance of getting due to a “faulty” gene (BRCA1)¬†which greatly predisposes carriers to the disease.

Her acting career — indeed her¬†celebrity career — has often revolved and relied on her otherworldly beauty (which includes bodily proportions more akin to Barbie than the average woman). Case in point: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was basically a vehicle for her boobs. Her body has been a fantasy and jealousy maker for both men and women (and not just respectively speaking). And as is the case with any celebrity, but especially one who’s part of an elite power couple known for their physical beauty, her body has been something we feel we own in some way with our Us Weekly ogling.

Which is why this op ed comes as such a shocker. How could she willingly remove these money-making, awe-inspiring assets? Especially without consulting us? She’s taken away the essence of her identity!

Which of course she hasn’t.¬†Jolie could have quietly undergone the procedure, gotten the reconstruction and moved on. But by going public, she’s teaching us several valuable lessons:

- Celebrities aren’t superhuman. Even though being filthy rich can often help with medical matters, celebrities are still just people made of cells that can be prone to illness and disease. They get old (try as they might to fight it) and they die, sometimes accidentally, sometimes prematurely, sometimes naturally. We won’t find double mastectomies featured in Us Weekly’s “Celebrities, They’re Just Like Us” column, but maybe we should.

- Boobs don’t make the woman. We are not defined by our body parts, no matter how much pop culture and porn insist we are. Breasts aren’t just for show — they’re for feeding our babies, for our own pleasure, and sometimes they’re for nothing and nobody. (What woman hasn’t wished them away during a jog or on a hot day or when walking past a bunch of construction workers?) A woman’s worth is comprised of so much more: her intellect, her personality, her accomplishments, her career, her family, her values. Just as “being a man” should not be defined by penis size. (For instance, most people are familiar with Jolie’s enhanced curvature in Tomb Raider, but few know that it was her work abroad on that movie that led her to become involved in important¬†humanitarian¬†causes around the world ‚ÄĒ priorities, people!).

- Speaking of priorities, we as a culture would do well to take breasts off their pedestal, be a little more mature and less ravenous about the accidental nip slip, and not require their gratuitous display in every rated R movie. It might result in women not hating their own boobs so much. It might result in less plastic surgery, especially of the elephantine variety. It might result in more respect for women, which ultimately translates into better pay, more power, and less sexism and violence against women. You know, the little things.



An Interview with This Week’s “Modern Love” Writer, Laurie Sandell

April 3, 2013


photo by Alexandra DeFurio

Our good friend, colleague, and fellow shameless Bachelor ¬†fan, Laurie Sandell, is a successful¬†freelance magazine writer (Marie Claire, New York, In Style), graphic memoirist (The Impostor’s Daughter), nonfiction book author (Truth and Consequences: Life Inside the Madoff Family) and coffee shop dweller (18th Street Coffee Shop in Santa Monica). This past weekend, her wonderful essay “How to Break Up with a Two Year Old” was the “Modern Love” column in the New York Times Styles section this past Sunday — her first Times piece! In it, she tells her story of how falling in love with a man, then falling in love with his little girl, then eventually having to break up with¬†both¬†of them ultimately convinced her that she wanted a baby no matter what, partner or no. Now 15 weeks pregnant, Laurie did us the honor of answering a few of our nosy questions about it all:

WHEN YOU LINKED TO YOUR ARTICLE ON FACEBOOK, you mentioned the “surprise” at the end — was this your coming out party to a lot of friends and acquaintances as a now single pregnant woman thanks to artificial insemination?¬†

Many of my friends had no idea I was pursuing this, and part of the surprise came from the fact that it happened so quickly–on the first try, in fact. It was definitely nerve-wracking to share this news in such a public venue–especially because I first submitted the piece when I was only six weeks pregnant and not yet out of the woods–but it’s been a wonderful experience, all around.

Have you just been bathing in the warm glow of praise and adoration all weekend? And what are people more impressed by: this being your first NY Times piece or this being your first pregnancy?

I have been amazed by the number of people who read the Times. I’ve written hundreds of cover stories for major national magazines over the years, and have never gotten close to this level of response. I think I’ve heard from everyone I’ve ever known, offering kudos, support and maternity clothes. I think my age factors into it, too; I’m 42, so a lot of friends and family assumed that I wasn’t going to have kids. I just wish I’d done this years ago. I first visited a fertility doc at the age of 37, but couldn’t pull the trigger. I felt like I was choosing between a husband OR a baby. Now that I’m pregnant, all the pressure has lifted. I feel just as confident about meeting someone as I did, before, but I don’t have to worry about the biological clock. And so many friends have rallied around me, I haven’t felt lonely for even a minute.

Any nay sayers about going this route? 

No one in my own life, but I did stumble across a neo-conservative website having a lively discussion about my piece and single motherhood in general. They tore my character to shreds.

What do you think are the cons of single parenthood?

It’s really hard to tell because my child isn’t here yet. But several of my closest friends are single moms, and they say that the hardest part (aside from the financial pressure and the exhaustion) is not having someone to share the milestones with. But I’ve always been incredibly social with a big group of friends, so it’s hard for me to believe that I’m going to feel that way.

What do you think are the pros? 

I have to admit, I love the idea of making the big decisions on my own, at least in the beginning. I’ve always been very independent and I think I would find it hard to negotiate big childcare decisions with another person, especially if our opinions differed. That said, I hope to integrate someone into my life someday, so I want to learn how to do that.

How do you hope this will affect your dating/love life? How do you think it will?

For one thing, I hope this takes the pressure off in general. As soon as you hit 35, you start hearing whispers about how your fertility is going downhill, and men hear those whispers, too. So it can be hard to find a guy to date who wants kids, but doesn’t feel pressured by the fact that you’re going to want them soon. I think it caused me to jump into a few relationships too quickly. Now I feel like I have the luxury of slowing down and really taking my time getting to know someone. I also feel like I’m going to be meet a better quality guy. True commitment-phobes will run for the hills!

In your Modern Love piece, you talk about how breaking up with your boyfriend was doubly painful because of your love for his baby daughter.  Can you offer any advice about dating someone with a young child? 

Oh, God. I would do EVERYTHING differently. For starters, I met his daughter right away. I would never do that again. The first three months are always a kind of honeymoon period; you don’t really know the person, you just think you do. So I would not allow anyone to meet my child, nor would I want to meet his, until we’d really gotten to know each other and knew that the relationship was serious. Leaving that little girl was absolutely heartbreaking for me, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was hard on her, too, though I was told by several psychologists I consulted that she was young enough that she wouldn’t be affected, and that it would be easier for her if I did not stay in her life.

Do you think it’s different when kids are older?

When kids are older, I think it’s even more important to tread carefully. I have good friends who are single mothers with older kids, and generally, they do not let anyone meet their kids until things get serious. Even then, they’ll sleep in separate bedrooms for more than a year when they’re at each others’ homes. It used to sound very extreme to me, but I totally get it now.

What’s the best/funniest/worst piece of advice (solicited or unsolicited) about parenthood you’ve received so far?

I just interviewed Sofia Vergara for a cover story for a women’s magazine, and she went on and on for about 15 minutes about buying a girdle after I give birth. She said that none of her friends in Columbia have the “pooch” that American women get, because they all run out and buy girdles. She said, “All of your organs fall down, like, ploop! And you have to hold them in.” It was pretty hilarious.

Finally, and most importantly, you do a lot of celebrity profiles which gives you access to a lot of star-studded events, so: what’s Sean from The Bachelor really like?¬†

Ha! I just met him. I was doing a story on Lisa Vanderpump from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and I got to go to the live taping of Dancing With the Stars. Of course, I only had eyes for Sean. He is so not my type–I have never been into blonde jocks–but in person, he is just this dreamy, musclebound manly man who looks like a gymnast. I am willing to make an exception for him and date a blonde jock; I am even willing to forgo sex before marriage, if that’s what it takes. But I’m not exactly the poster child for that in my condition.


Top 10 Celebrity Sex Toy Endorsements

April 1, 2013


You know how major celebrities like Brad Pitt and George Clooney stoop to appear in advertisements overseas — especially in Asia — on the promise that the ads never show in the U.S.? They shill for everything from cars to booze in ads that look impossibly fake because we are shielded from them.

Well, it turns out that the latest trend in secret international endorsement campaigns is sex toys!* Yes, some seriously A-list types have signed up to promote sex toys… but only overseas. In fact, many of the below campaigns appear only on foreign radio — in various foreign languages other than English — so there are no incriminating images to get forwarded around the Internet. The print and TV ads usually come with seriously restrictive “secrecy clauses” and huge potential damages rewards if the content makes it online.

Here are ten of our favorite super-secret celeb-sex toy couplings:

  1. Justin Bieber and the B-Bomb Vibrating Silicone Butt Plug in South Korea.
  2. Angelina Jolie and the Luna Beads Noir (post-birth kegel exercising with a Fifty Shades twist!) in China.
  3. Seth Rogen and the Heavenly Heart Vibrating Cock Ring in Lithuania.
  4. Katy Perry and the Sweet Cakes Cupcake Vibrator in Japan.
  5. Ben Affleck and the Happy Rabbit Vibrator in Estonia.
  6. Taylor Swift and the Rechargeable Lipstick Vibrator in Japan.
  7. Jennifer Lawrence and the Couture Strap-On Harness in the Czech Republic.
  8. Lindsay Lohan and the Under the Bed Restraint System in Turkey.
  9. Ashton Kutcher and the Bound to Please Nipple Clamps in Venezuela.
  10. Miley Cyrus and Liquid Silk Lube in Turkey.


*Disclaimer: Yes, it’s April 1st. Happy April Fool’s!




Top 10 Lessons Learned from The Bachelor, Season 17, “The Return of Sean’s Abs”

March 12, 2013

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  1. Never be a narc. It won’t get you laid or married. Ever. (We’re talking to you, Kacie.)
  2. If you want your music career to go nowhere, get booked on The Bachelor (even more effective if the couple you’re supposed to perform for breaks up before you strum your first note).
  3. If you’re going to an amusement park for a date, wear sensible shoes and an outfit with a sensible hemline, ESPECIALLY if your date is basically wearing gym shorts.
  4. “Accidentally” pooping your pants might actually be an effective way to garner sympathy and attention from a man (or at least Sean). For example, after the faux stairway spill and the fabricated baby breakdown in the club hallway, we were surprised this wasn’t one of Tierra’s later tactics. Future¬†Bachelor¬†contestants take note.
  5. The volleyball competition will now become the obligatory group date for every future season of The Bachelor. (Let us pray the same can be said for every future season of The Bachelorette.)
  6. Missing an appendage does not automatically make you an interesting person. (On that note, another tangential lesson learned:¬†Just because you don’t have an elbow doesn’t mean you can get out of wearing elbow pads at the roller derby.)
  7. If you ever want to be truly, deeply loved, never talk about your inner “sparkle” to anyone. In fact, it’s probably best if you forget about your sparkle all together.
  8. Eating bugs is a great way to show a guy you like that you will put ANYTHING in your mouth.
  9. Don’t judge a book by its cover.* Who would have guessed that Sean’s last girlfriend was black, or that he, the life-long Texan and conservative born-again virgin, would end up picking the feisty part-Filipino tattooed vegan from Seattle? (*Of course, this lesson does not apply to situations in which the “book” in question is a contestant ¬†on¬†The Bachelor¬†or¬†The Bachelorette. In those cases, judge away!)
  10. Bachelors who chose temporary abstinence are bad for the ABC show’s brand. This season treated Sean’s recent choice of celibacy like a secret teddy bear collection, acting like it didn’t exist, instead giving lots of sexy airtime to Sean’s special relationship with his bar of soap in the shower. And while we’re all for a little equal opportunity objectification (you know, just to help balance the scales a bit), we also would have liked a little more attention paid to the fact that a grown man with amazing abs and a gleaming smile actively decided to forgo casual sex. But oh no, that would waterdown The Bachelor mythology that all men have to have sex, that intercourse always happens in the fantasy suites, and that the power of the show alone miraculously turns these guys into faithful fiances overnight. We’re not saying abstinence is a choice everyone should make, or that some God should be dictating what you do or don’t do with your genitals, but being thoughtful and deliberate about your sex life, especially if you’re a straight guy in this society, is a nice change of pace from what’s usually presented on television when it comes to sexuality. Too bad ABC didn’t embrace it. Then again, this is The Bachelor we’re talking about — our expectations should be about as low as a pole at a Trinidadian limbo competition.


Top 10 Breakup Songs Taylor Swift SHOULD Write

January 25, 2013

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 photo via WikiCommons

Taylor Swift cannot write a bad pop song. She apparently can’t write a song about anything other than breakups, either. While we are shameless Swifties, we’d definitely like to see her branch out more — if not to different subject matter, then at least to some more honest, less PG-13 tales of heartbreak. Here are some examples of the kind of breakup songs we’d love to see on her next platinum album:

  1. “Should Have Said the Safeword”
  2. “I May Miss You But My Cervix Won’t (Jackhammer)”
  3. “Pee on Me? Shame on You”
  4. “GGG, OMG”
  5. “You’re Vanilla, I’m Kinky, I Love You, Farewell”
  6. “Don’t Leave Me Breathless (The Erotic Asphyxiation Song)”
  7. “My Ears Are Not a Steering Wheel”
  8. “I Didn’t Wet the Bed, Der (Get Some Sex Ed, Sir)”
  9. “Faked It Every Time”
  10. “Size Doesn’t Matter (But That Don’t Mean I Won’t Sing About It)”


Top 15 Kinky Celebrities

December 19, 2012


Of course celebrities like to get kinky — why would they do it vanilla style when they can don an outfit, get into character, and make a scene? And in the bedroom, there’s always an appreciative audience, (and, one would hope, no bad reviews). When you think about it, it’s just surprising more of them aren’t outed as kinky f-ers. Here are our 15 favorite kinky celebs.

1. Rihanna

This is a woman who is completely comfortable talking about sex — when naked cellphone images of her were leaked online, she said she felt bad for any guy whose girlfriend didn’t send him nude pics. And she once said, “I think I‚Äôm a bit masochistic … I love to be tied up and spanked. I like to be whipped … But I prefer to be spontaneous. Using whips and chains is too planned ‚Ķ¬†you have to stop and look for the whip. I prefer them to use their hands.” Which we might believe — after all, we rave about the ease of spanking in our book,¬†150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink¬† — if she hadn’t been spotted exiting a Canadian sex toy shop with $1,000 worth of booty, including a riding crop… Own it, Rihanna!

2. Eva Longoria

“I‚Äôm not averse to being tied up with silk scarves,” Eva Longoria once said. “I like a man to take charge. There‚Äôs something very sexy¬†about being submissive.” (By the way, not to sound like party poopers, but silk scarves can tighten easily, cutting off circulation. Just as sexy — and way safer — are made-for-play silk cuffs like Lelo’s Boa Pleasure Ties.)

3. Nick Lachey

We have no idea how Nick gets down with his current wife, Vanessa Minnillo, but back when he was married to Jessica Simpson he got turned on wearing her shoes. “It was sort of a kinky thing we liked to get into,” he said. He’s also a huge fan of dirty talk. “I haven‚Äôt even realized my full dirty talk potential,” he said. “I think there‚Äôs some greater moments out there for me.” We like a man with a dream.

4. Carmen Electra

“A little pleasure, a little pain. It’s all about fun,” Carmen Electra said. “I love¬†going to different sex shops… and collecting the coolest handcuffs and naughtiest lingerie. That’s exciting for me.” She also hinted that she has discovered a kinky use for wire coat hangers. Hey, we’re all for D.I.Y. kinky sex toys — there’s a whole entry on them in our book, 150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink — but wire coat hangers? The association with back-alley abortions isn’t the sexiest (or safest) thing we can think of!

5. Ricky Martin

When a journalist asked Ricky Martin to describe the last porn movie he’d watched, he said, “Uh, do you really want me to go there? [Yes.] Uh, okay, golden showers. I love giving the golden shower. I‚Äôve done it before in the shower. It‚Äôs like so sexy, you know, the temperature¬†of your body and the shower water is very different.” Hey, as long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, no judgements, people! You can read more about kinks like this¬†in our new book,¬†150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.

6. Angelina Jolie

For a while there, Angelina Jolie was practically a spokesmodel for kinky sex — she even went so far as to say that S&M had changed her spiritually. And she was open about dabbling in knife and blood play during sex. (Both of which we consider serious edge play, a.k.a. too dangerous for you, sunshine! You can read more on both in¬†150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.) Sadly for the kink community, she said,¬†”Since I’ve been¬†with Brad, there’s no longer a place for … ¬†S&M in my life.” There goes our Mr. and Mrs. Smith pegging fantasy.

7. John Mayer

He famously described ex Jessica Simpson as sexual napalm, but John Mayer seems to be the one bringing all the kink to the table: He apparently enjoys feathers, ice cubes, whipped cream, anal play, and water sports (if you believe everything Perez Hilton says!).

8. Margaret Cho

She might not be the biggest celebrity on this list, but she’s probably the most experienced when it comes to kink — or, at least, the one who’s most open about it. She called vibrators “fantastic inventions,” she’s so-so about group sex, she enjoys sex parties (but mostly for the buffet), and she’s a full-on kinkster who identifies as a bottom. Describing her song “Bottom to Top,” she said, “I thought I was changing. So I wrote this song about the experience of changing¬†from a bottom into a¬†top. I think it‚Äôs a beautiful song. There‚Äôs never been a song written about that particular experience. I want to write love¬†songs like that, songs that fill in the gaps. But they need to be funny too.¬†Except, I don‚Äôt think I actually am a top. That‚Äôs the heartbreak. I think I‚Äôm still a bottom.” And in a line that should have been featured in our book, 150 Shades of Play¬†(damn it! we wish we’d found this earlier), she said, “I think kinky sex is normal. I think of BDSM as being just like anything else that you would do. It‚Äôs normal, it‚Äôs sex, it‚Äôs just your¬†own form of it.” Sing it, sister!

9. Shia Labeouf

Just to prove that it’s not only actresses who like to be dominated: Shia Labeouf apparently likes to have his hair pulled during sex.

10. Christina Aguilera

It should come as no surprise to learn that Christina Aguilera is into role-playing! She’s also said that she loves dressing up for sex and has different costumes, depending on her mood. It should also come as no surprise to learn that Katy Perry shares the same kink. (“Spice up things in the bedroom by pretending to be French,” Russell Brand offered as a sex tip, back when he was married to Katy Perry.)

11. Tommy Lee

He’s an out-and-proud foot fetishist. He explained his interest by saying,¬†”My mother was Miss¬†Greece in 1957. She’s gorgeous and she’s got beautiful toes. That’s one of the reasons I have a foot fetish today. When I was a kid I’d massage her feet.” Hey, the man knows from psychological imprinting! Fellow celebrity foot fetishists include Dita Von Teese (specifically, she enjoys having her feet worshipped) and Jack Black, who once told Playboy magazine, “They have to be clean. I‚Äôm not into, like, funky odors, but I do have¬†a bit of a foot fetish, yes. I find myself staring at feet. I like a heel. If she‚Äôs wearing clogs, that does something for me. Flip-flops. Sandals. Bare feet are the best.”

12. Nicole Kidman

We’d have to say that Nicole Kidman’s number one kink is teasing: She told GQ magazine, “I‚Äôve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I‚Äôve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy.” And she described her¬†marriage to¬†Keith Urban¬†as “raw” and “dangerous.” Way to leave everyone hanging!

13. Charlie Sheen

What hasn’t he tried? If the porn stars he sleeps with are to be believed, he’s into¬†spanking, role play, and “really kinky stuff.” Winner, winner, kink for dinner!

14. Britney Spears

According to Star magazine (ha), her home contains a “fantasy room” featuring ticklers, whips, handcuffs, paddles, mirrored ceilings, and an entire rack of sexy costumes. Or maybe that’s just what all the dirty old men would like to think. We actually like the idea of Britney reigning supreme in her own Red Room of Pain — it makes us feel better about the head-shaving nervous breakdown. Drew Carey and Penn Jillette are also rumored to have their own outfitted dungeons, but, understandably, people are less like to gossip about theirs.

15. Lady Gaga

One thing’s for sure: She’s not afraid of appearing kinky. After all, she has performed in public wearing a see-through nun costume, complete with crosses over the nipples and a micro-mini skirt. And she¬†was once interviewed peeing through her fishnet stockings at Berlin‚Äôs sex club the KitKat Club. Plus, she said she likes to leave her false eyelashes on her lovers’ pillows as a sort of kinky keepsake. Rumor has it she likes to dress up for sex, too — even occasionally donning a pair of fangs and encouraging her partner to bite her (you can read more about vampire sex in, yes, our book 150 Shades of Play). Whether or not the rumors are true, something tells us Lady Gaga doesn’t mind them.

150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink¬†¬†is on sale now!