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I Heart Kevin Smith

September 8, 2011

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Lo here: Em has always been a Howard Stern fan. As a staunch, man-hating feminist, I never got on board. Too many sad strippers willing to be reduced to body parts for love and attention — at least in the K-Rock days. No, for provocative, foul-mouthed, sex-related audio content, I’ll take Kevin Smith’s Hollywood Babble-On with Ralph Garman any day. Now they’re by no means above female objectification, but they believe in equal opportunity objectification. Take for example, their regular segment on Liam Neesson’s infamously large endowment (“Liam Neesson’s cock is so big….”). Smith will even admit on air to homoerotic urges without fear or shame (hello, Thor!). They do a show every week loosely arranged around all things entertainment-industry — so if you’re an US Weekly junkie like Em, you can get your celeb gossip AND your dick jokes all in one place!

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Weiner Doll Is a Whole Lot More Fun Than Ken

June 20, 2011

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It was only a matter of time before the Anthony Weiner dolls went on sale — his weirdly hair-free chest is practically begging for a Ken doll version. Enter HeroBuilders.com, home of the Obama Rambama doll and the Sarah Palin action figure, amongst others. They are currently selling two Weiner dolls, both clad in white gym clothes with “Tweet This” on the shorts. The $39.95 version is disappointingly G-rated under his pants, just like Ken and G.I. Joe. The adults only version, at $49.95, doesn’t leave the goods to your imagination. ”No one is buying the one without the penis,” said HeroBuilders President Emil Vicale.

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Beyonce, Who Run the World? Not Girls.

June 10, 2011

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Beyonce’s latest hit “Run the World” is a girl-power anthem, sort of: “Who run the world? Girls” over and over. Maybe it’s aspirational. Eh, probably not. We think this smart and harsh take by Vlogger “Nineteen Percent” is a better breakdown of the song: we don’t run the world, we do get disrespected, gypped at work, beat up, raped…. It’s a not-so-gentle reminder: let’s not get too complacent, ladies! There’s still much work to be done.

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Blocking a Sex Tape Is Like Getting Toothpaste Back in the Tube

June 9, 2011

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J.Lo in wax via Flickr

We never thought we’d say this, but we feel kind of bad for Jennifer Lopez. Apparently she made a sex tape of sorts — there was no actual sex in it — with her ex-hubby on their honeymoon back in 1997, and now he’s shopping it around. J.Lo fought to stop him, but an L.A. judge recently ruled that she had no case against him. Which means he can now sell to the highest bidder. (Rumor has it that, in lieu of sex, you see him spanking her most famous asset.) And sure, a celebrity making a sex tape and expecting it to stay private, what an idiot, right? But it’s not like this was some random drunken hookup. This was her husband. On their honeymoon.

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Loving Hating Gwenyth

January 19, 2011

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We always knew Gwyneth Paltrow was kind of annoying, but we didn’t realize it was “official” until we read the recent Time magazine review of her new movie “Country Strong,” which wasn’t so much a movie review as it was an account of how much people love to hate this her. For a recent example of the special kind of annoying she can be and the hilarious ire it can inspire, check out Videogum’s pitiless breakdown of Paltrow’s new advice to fellow working moms.

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Can Best Friends Be Sex Friends?

January 13, 2011

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You gotta love a movie trailer with lots swear words, nudity, sex scenes and menstruation references. We don’t think we’ve looked forward to an Ashton Kucher vehicle since “Dude, Where’s My Car,” but the “restricted” trailer (NOT one of the many sanitized-for-tv versions) for his next flick, “No Strings Attached,”"co-starring the ever-present Natalie Portman (fingers crossed she’s an anti-”Garden State” romantic lead), gives us hope.

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The Raw Sex Scenes of Blue Valentine

September 14, 2010

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One of the films we’re most excited to see in the next few months is the indie-flick 12 years in the making, “Blue Valentine,” starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling and out December 31st. It’s an intimate portrait — almost documentary style — of a relationship/marriage over the course of several years, cross-cutting between different time periods. There was very little rehearsing, lots of time spent together in character before shooting, picking fights on the days they were filming fights. The two actors are on the cover of W magazine this month, with an interview by Lynn Hirschberg inside, in which they discuss, among other things, the very intense sex scenes:

LH: In Blue Valentine, out December 31, you and Ryan Gosling have an extremely raw and very naked sex scene.

MW: We never rehearsed anything, and those were really dark days. We shot the beginning of our relationship first, and it was fun and alive. Then we did the sex scenes and it was…toxic. Ryan and I had stopped relating to each other as Ryan and Michelle. Those scenes took forever. I had a long drive from set to home each night, and I would roll down all the windows and turn up the music as loud as I could and hang my head out the window like a dog and scream. It was my escape.

LH: Did you get nervous during those scenes?

MW: When I work I’m not nervous. Work is this fabulous free zone. There’s no judgment. My problems arrive when I’m not working. At a photo shoot, for instance, I feel like a sham. I feel like they’re trying to cover up what’s wrong with me. It’s probably not true, but just my dirty mind at work.

LH: How about the sex scene? The couple is fighting, and it’s the angriest, most realistic sex scene I’ve seen in a film in years.

RG: You mean the trying-not-to-have-sex sex scene? It was hard…a lot of times actors can trick people into thinking something is happening when it’s not happening, and we had to call ourselves out on anything that didn’t feel honest. Actors become very professional and proficient about watching out for each other’s light and not stepping on each other’s lines. All of these things are artificial, and you have to strip that away if you’re going to achieve a sense of intimacy. In real life sex is messy, and we wanted to get at that wonderful messiness.

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Sex Degrees of Separation

July 9, 2010

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We, Em & Lo, worked with and are friends with (and Lo was apt-mates with) Jessica Baumgardner, who married Irad Eyal, which is our connection to the new book “Sex Degrees of Separation.” Irad has just turned his unhealthy obsession with celebrity hook-ups into an exhaustive encyclopedia that combines the idea of “six degrees of separation” and the game “six degrees of Kevin Bacon” with an emphasis on romantic ties and bodily fluids. Any “Us Weekly” subscriber (that would be Em) will be awed and amazed by the scope of this book, which includes extensively diagrammed connections between everyone from Paris Hilton to Diddy to, yes, Kevin Bacon. The graphic designers must be relaxing in a mental institution after this complicated project, which Irad compares to untangling a thousand iPod headphones that have been in your bag for a week. Em knows what guilty pleasure reading she’s bringing to the beach this weekend.

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Perez Hilton Says Something Smart

May 26, 2010

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We never thought we’d say this, but Perez Hilton has a point. We’re usually not fans, but he’s got a good bit on the importance of coming out on the fabulous site Big Think, which interviews hundreds of experts, from hedge-fund managers to neuroscientists, to help us plebs make better decisions and form more erudite opinions (well that, and to give us excellent cocktail party conversation fodder). Maybe because the clip is only a few minutes long, he doesn’t have time to annoy us or say anything stupid, but with a gem like this we can (almost) forgive all those juvenile doodles of errant ejaculation on celebrity photos:

It would be infinitely better for the community if Anderson Cooper came out, if Kevin Spacey came out, if Jodie Foster came out.  Why?  Because visibility is key.  The more straight people see that there are gay folks out there, the easier it is for us to achieve change, the easier it will be for us to get marriage equality, the harder it is for people to hate.



Christina Aguilera Replaces “Vajayjay” with “Woohoo”

May 11, 2010

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We’re predicting the big pop hit of the summer is here — and it’s a going to be an anthem for girls nights out all over the country. For Christina Aguilera’s new song “Woohoo” featuring Nicki Minaj (from her album Bionic out this June) is all about the joys of cunnilingus. Best line ever: “All the boys think it’s cake when they taste my (woohoo), you don’t even need a plate, just your face, ha.” Ha indeed! Of course, “all the boys” sounds like she’s open for a booming business — and you know, you’ve got to be careful about STDs even with cake tasting (oral herpes can become genital herpes like that!). We also must take issue with a few of the other lines: “I’m a little tipsy, play along with me” suggests women can’t be proud of their vulvas and want them pleasured exclusively unless they’re drunk. Ugh. “I know I probably shouldn’t but uhh I’m feeling good” suggests that good girls shouldn’t enjoy receiving oral attention, since that would be so unladylike. Ugh. That said, the overall message of the song — if you dare to think of this as a “One To Grow On” moment — is that women enjoy and deserve oral sex too. For far too long there’s been an imbalance, especially among young sexually active people, to think fellatio is de rigueur and cunnilingus is de gross. Here’s hoping this song, in all it’s crassness, helps even the playing field. Woohoo!

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