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Guess the Celebrity Casual Sex Quote

April 11, 2012

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photo via “The Voice”

Most of the time when celebrities are interviewed, they blab on about how talented the director was or what their craft means to them (yawn). But every now and then they’ll open up about something a little more racy. See if you can match up the following celebrities to their quotes about casual sex. (Scroll down to the bottom for the answer key.)

a) Russell Brand; b) Helen Mirren; c) Chelsea Handler; d) Madonna; e) Megan Fox; f) Drew Barrymore; g) Karl Lagerfeld; h) Cameron Diaz; i) Jake Gyllenhaal; j) William H. Macy; k) Shirley MacLaine; l) Colin Farrell; m) Joan Rivers; n) Jennifer Lopez; o) Elizabeth Taylor; p) Christina Aguilera (lyrics); q) Katy Perry; r) J.D. Salinger (The Catcher in the Rye); s) Lady Gaga; t) Jessica Alba

1. ”If you can’t get to know somebody, you shouldn’t be having sex with them. It’s okay at this point, in this day and age — we have grown up and we now know that we can’t be that free with your love.”

2. “I’ve only slept with men I’ve been married to. How many women can make that claim?”

3. “We thought sex was free. Sex is not free. There’s a price to be paid emotionally, physically, even legally. Sex isn’t a casual thing. It’s a huge thing.”

4. “I think casual sex some people are into, I definitely have been in my life at times. I think you find other things more important as time goes on.”

5. “I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with wanting sex. Never have.”

6. “A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.”

7. “For me, it’s not a past time, going out and meeting people and trying to hook up with people. That actually makes me feel disgusting. From a really early age, I was really sensitive to that. Getting your flirt on is the best thing in the world, but when it comes to sharing bodily fluids with a person I don’t know — no thank you.”

8. “I’ve always been a firm believer that casual sex is a good thing. There is too much fun to be derived from it for it to be anything but good.”

9. “I wasn’t into sexcapades, although I tried it once. I had three people in one day.”

10. “Sexuality and love can be different things. I can be attracted to a woman sexually, but it doesn’t mean I want to be in love with a woman. If I’m going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. We put these restraints and definitions on people, but it’s hard to define. ”

11. “A friend of mine once said, ‘You are devoted to your lover, but she has a thousand faces . . . If she’s not there, you must call her, for you have to see her . . . three, four times a day — making love with your lover of a thousand faces.’ That’s how he described my epic promiscuity.”

12. “I personally only like high-class escorts. I don’t like sleeping with people I really love. I don’t want to sleep with them because sex cannot last, but affection can last forever. I think this is healthy. And for the way the rich live, this is possible. But the other world, I think they need porn.”

13. “I do think, as a rule, when two friends have sex it really creates a bit of a pickle. But, pickle or not, no regrets. Delightful pickles.”

14. “I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand. I’ve only been with two men my entire life — my childhood sweetheart, and Brian.”

15. “Everyone probably thinks that I’m a raving nymphomaniac, that I have an insatiable sexual appetite, when the truth is I’d rather read a book.”

16. “People equate sexy with promiscuous. They think that because I’m shaped this way, I must be scandalous — like running around and bringing men into my hotel room. But it’s just the opposite.”

17. “I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.”

18. “If you look back in history it’s a common double standard of society. The guy gets all the glory the more he can score while the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore. I don’t understand why it’s okay [that] the guy can get away with it and the girl gets named.”

19. “The Playboy Mansion, coke, and the rise of all that — Guccione and Hefner always pushed it as liberation, but it didn’t seem like that to me. That was women obeying the sexualized form created by men — though maybe we always do that, because we want to be attractive. But I was kind of a trailblazer because I demanded to do it my own way. I’d say, ‘I’m not having it put on me by someone else.’ I didn’t want to be the sort of puritanical good girl with a little white collar who says, ‘Don’t shag until you get married.’ ”

20. “Sex is something I really don’t understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away.”

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ANSWERS:

1) s – Lady Gaga; 2) o -Elizabeth Taylor; 3) j – William H. Macy; 4) i -Jake Gyllenhaal; 5) t – Jessica Alba; 6) m – Joan Rivers; 7) q – Katy Perry; 8 ) l – Colin Farrell; 9) k – Shirley MacLaine; 10) h – Cameron Diaz; 11) a – Russell Brand; 12) g – Karl Lagerfeld; 13) f – Drew Barrymore; 14) e – Megan Fox; 15) d – Madonna; 16) n – Jennifer Lopez; 17) c – Chelsea Handler; 18) p – Christina Aguilera (lyrics); 19) b – Helen Mirren; 20) r – J.D. Salinger (The Catcher in the Rye)

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Top 10 Celebrities with Awesome Porn Names

March 8, 2012

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A recent article in Salon about trends in porn names (disturbingly, there is apparently a “direct correlation between trendy baby names and porn stars’ names”) got us thinking about celebrities whose names are perfectly designed for a post-career-slump porno. Here are our top 10 favorite male and female celebrities with porn names:

  1. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen (she even spells Tiffani with an i!)
  2. Tiffani Thiessen (sorry, Tiff, but your new “grownup” moniker is barely less porny than the original)
  3. Britney Spears
  4. Scarlett Johansson
  5. Megan Fox
  6. Demi Moore (the “classy” porn star name)
  7. Lisa Bonet
  8. Evangeline Lilly (the “sophisticated” porn star name)
  9. Angelina Jolie
  10. Courteney Cox

Read the men’s Top 10 list at SUNfiltered



The Oscars: If the Academy Weren’t So Afraid of Sex

February 27, 2012

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photo via Flickr

When the Oscars primarily entail being lectured by a bunch of narcissistic celebrities about how awesome and important their jobs are, when the highlight is Sacha Baron Cohen spilling the Bisquick ashes of Kim Jong Il all over “Bryan” Seacrest’s $1000 suit on the red carpet, and when the most scandalous moment of the night revolves around determining whether J. Lo is accidentally (or purposely?) showing areola or not, then you know you’ve got to make things a little more interesting. Here’s how: imagine what movies would have won if the Academy wasn’t so afraid of sex:

Best Supporting Actress: Melissa McCarthy – for her portrayal of unbridled, uninhibited, unapologetic sexuality outside the strict boundaries of “ideal” femininity.

Best Documentary: PINA – for their shirtless, muscular, sweaty dancing, aw yeah.

Best Animation: CHICO & RICO – When there’s kissing in the sample footage, there’s little doubt which is the sexiest animated film.

Best Supporting Actor: Christopher Plummer – They actually got it right.

Best Original Score: TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY – It’s the only soundtrack you’d want to do it to. Okay, you wouldn’t actually want to do it to it. But it’s the only one that captures the drama of sex. Sort of.

Read the rest of this post, including Best Song, Best Actress and Best Oscar Moment, on SUNfiltered

 



Em & Lo’s 2011 hOtSCARS

February 24, 2012

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photo of Oscar in a giant condom via Flickr

In honor of awards season, we have determined our own winners (and losers) when it comes to love, romance, sex and sexism in the movies of 2011. (Beware: there are some spoilers in the categories below.)


Most Awkward (i.e. Realistic) Sex Scene
Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids

Best Depiction of Condom Use During Sex
No Strings Attached

Best Male Full Frontal
Michael Fassbender in Shame

Worst Male Full Frontal
The Hangover Part II

Best Sexual Harassment
Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids

Most Unrealistic Sexual Scenario
Rachel Evan Wood’s happy-go-lucky booty call with one dude while preggers with another married man’s kid

Best Young Love
Like Crazy

Least Sexy Movie About Sex
A tie between Shame and A Dangerous Method, both starring Michael Fassbender (poor guy)

Most Anti-Climactic Sex Scene
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Yawn Part 1

Most Offensive Poster
The Change-Up

Least Deserving R-Rating
Beginners (while two hetero adults kissing is perfectly innocent, two gay adults kissing is apparently risque)

Best Merkin
Evan Rachel Wood in Mildred Pierce

Least Romantic Depiction of Paris Ever
Midnight in Paris

Gratuitous Nudity as “Art”
Melancholia

Best Crossdressing
Albert Knobbs

Worst Crossdressing
Jack and Jill

Best Gay Kiss
J. Edgar

Please-Make-It-Stop Ensemble Cast Rom Com
New Year’s Eve

Best Parody Tagline
The American version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (“All the rape, no subtitles”)

Best Case for Contraception
We Need to Talk About Kevin

and finally

The Austin Powers Strategically Placed Cantaloupe Award
Crazy Stupid Love 

 

This post originally appeared on EdenFantasy



Our Go-To Comedian for Gay Rights, Women Lib & Proper Fisting Technique

February 6, 2012

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We both enjoy playing Texas Hold ‘Em, but of the two of us, I (Lo) enjoy it a little too much. So much so that when I just need a night away from it all, I go to Foxwoods to play the low limit table with a bunch of 65 year old men, half of whom have a drinking problem, the other half of whom have a gambling problem. It’s not as sinful or sexy as Vegas, naturally, but it does the trick.

When I went this past weekend, I had the added delight of catching one of our favorite comedians at the casino’s comedy club: Myq Kaplan. He was a finalist on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing” in 2010, he’s been on all the major late-night shows and Comedy Central, and his latest CD was “one of iTunes’ top ten best-selling comedy albums in 2010” (of course, that’s coming directly from his own website, so who knows — we’re going with it). The great thing about Kaplan is that his brand of comedy satisfies our inner liberal activists and our outer sex writers. And this past weekend’s set did not disappoint: he covered the stupidity of homophobia, the overrated-ness of anal sex, the correct technique for fisting, the inherent gayness of Genesis, sex-related Harry Potter puns, transgender issues, his openness to open relationships, and how the word “sexism” is too sexy for it’s own good. Sex themes + smarts + math jokes = swim fan! The fact that he’s a vegan is just a little liberal cherry on top.

So check him out! He’ll be at the West Bank Cafe’s Laurie Beechman Theater in Time Square this Wednesday at 7pm (see the Comic Diversity show) and you can download his Vegan Mind Meld CD from iTunes or buy it from Amazon.

 • This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
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Did Mariah Carey Invent the Sexy Santa Look?

December 22, 2011

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Earlier this week on our site, we asked our Wise Guys what was up with the sexy Santa lingerie thing. Which naturally lead us to thinking about Mariah Carey, and how she basically owns the entire sexy Santa category, not to mention the sub-category of soft-core porn Santa. We know she didn’t exactly invent the look — scantily clad Santa’s helpers have been around for decades, and someone saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus years ago — but she’s made it her own again… and again… and again (Google-image-search “Sexy Mariah Santa” if you can handle even more).

Well, just in case anyone dared to think that the arrival of twin babies would cause Mariah to zip up her Santa suit to cover her cleavage, she recently unveiled — quite literally — her 2011 edition of Sexy Mariah Santa. This time around, it’s in a video for her remake of “All I Want For Christmas” with Justin Bieber. In the video, Mariah is apparently supposed to be a vintage animated Christmas card and Justin Bieber acts like he’s her awkward new stepson. She bumps and grinds against a wall while Bieber and his boy buddies push shopping carts around Macy’s looking for presents. Because when you find yourself alone in a Macy’s after hours with a Sexy Mariah Santa who could eat you for breakfast — you need backup, dudes.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered



I Heart Kevin Smith

September 8, 2011

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Lo here: Em has always been a Howard Stern fan. As a staunch, man-hating feminist, I never got on board. Too many sad strippers willing to be reduced to body parts for love and attention — at least in the K-Rock days. No, for provocative, foul-mouthed, sex-related audio content, I’ll take Kevin Smith’s Hollywood Babble-On with Ralph Garman any day. Now they’re by no means above female objectification, but they believe in equal opportunity objectification. Take for example, their regular segment on Liam Neesson’s infamously large endowment (“Liam Neesson’s cock is so big….”). Smith will even admit on air to homoerotic urges without fear or shame (hello, Thor!). They do a show every week loosely arranged around all things entertainment-industry — so if you’re an US Weekly junkie like Em, you can get your celeb gossip AND your dick jokes all in one place!

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered



Weiner Doll Is a Whole Lot More Fun Than Ken

June 20, 2011

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It was only a matter of time before the Anthony Weiner dolls went on sale — his weirdly hair-free chest is practically begging for a Ken doll version. Enter HeroBuilders.com, home of the Obama Rambama doll and the Sarah Palin action figure, amongst others. They are currently selling two Weiner dolls, both clad in white gym clothes with “Tweet This” on the shorts. The $39.95 version is disappointingly G-rated under his pants, just like Ken and G.I. Joe. The adults only version, at $49.95, doesn’t leave the goods to your imagination. ”No one is buying the one without the penis,” said HeroBuilders President Emil Vicale.

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Beyonce, Who Run the World? Not Girls.

June 10, 2011

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Beyonce’s latest hit “Run the World” is a girl-power anthem, sort of: “Who run the world? Girls” over and over. Maybe it’s aspirational. Eh, probably not. We think this smart and harsh take by Vlogger “Nineteen Percent” is a better breakdown of the song: we don’t run the world, we do get disrespected, gypped at work, beat up, raped…. It’s a not-so-gentle reminder: let’s not get too complacent, ladies! There’s still much work to be done.

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Blocking a Sex Tape Is Like Getting Toothpaste Back in the Tube

June 9, 2011

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J.Lo in wax via Flickr

We never thought we’d say this, but we feel kind of bad for Jennifer Lopez. Apparently she made a sex tape of sorts — there was no actual sex in it — with her ex-hubby on their honeymoon back in 1997, and now he’s shopping it around. J.Lo fought to stop him, but an L.A. judge recently ruled that she had no case against him. Which means he can now sell to the highest bidder. (Rumor has it that, in lieu of sex, you see him spanking her most famous asset.) And sure, a celebrity making a sex tape and expecting it to stay private, what an idiot, right? But it’s not like this was some random drunken hookup. This was her husband. On their honeymoon.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered