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We Are So Over Celebrities Playing Strippers

August 8, 2013

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Celebrities playing strippers seems to be a sort of rite of passage, a self-inflicted casting couch: Lindsay Lohan, Kristen Stewart, Salma Hayak, Olivia Wilde, Natalie Portman, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Daryl Hannah, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei, Julianne Hough, Diane Lane, Demi Moore, Elizabeth Berkley, Rose McGowan… we could go on. WTF? And to balance it out, you get the cast of The Full Monty plus Channing Tatum.

Maybe celebrities playing strippers are just the grown-up, well-paid version of college sorority girls who use Halloween as an excuse to dress like a “sexy cat” or “sexy nurse” or “sexy French maid” or “sexy stripper” (ha). Whatever it is, we’re over it.

But actually, you know what we’re more over than celebrities playing strippers on film? Celebrities talking about the crazy diets and work-outs they submitted themselves to in order to “prepare” for their role as a stripper. Because every real-life stripper totally spends hours a day in the gym with a personal trainer and hires a fancy personal chef to prepare kale a hundred different ways to trick her body into feeling satisfied.

The latest contender in this field is Jennifer Aniston, who plays a (yawn) stripper in the new comedy We’re the Millers. “I was on a very like, you know, greens and vegetables and lean proteins and kale,” Aniston said of her diet plan. “When I really wanted to have a cheat day,” she said, “I had to have a kale chip.”

Because that’s totally what strippers do to unwind after a hard day on the pole: Treat themselves to a kale chip. Not a bag of kale chips, mind you, but a single kale chip. In Hollywood, it’s only hard out there for a stripper because she’s so goddamned underfed.

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New Documentary: AFTER TILLER (Out Sept 20th)

August 7, 2013

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An official Sundance selection and winner at the Sarasota and the Full Frame Documentary film festivals, AFTER TILLER explores the controversial subject of third-trimester abortions in the wake of the 2009 assassination of practitioner Dr. George Tiller. The procedure is now performed by only four doctors in the United States, all former colleagues of Dr. Tiller, who “risk their lives every day in the name of their unwavering commitment toward their patients.” The Hollywood Reporter said of the film, ““Whether one is pro-life, pro-choice or without an opinion on the issue, After Tiller provides personal insight into a heart-wrenching, complex reality.” It’s out on September 20th — go see it.



LELO Pleasure Objects Have a Cameo in “The Wolverine”!

July 29, 2013

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sponsored post

According to movie goers of The Wolverine, the latest summer blockbuster based on the Marvel Comics superhero, LELO makes a special cameo amidst all of the action and high-flying stunts.  Items like the dual-action vibe Soraya™ and the wearable couples’ massager Tiani ™ 2 make an appearance in a scene in which Hugh Jackman, as Wolverine, finds himself in a love hotel in Tokyo, Japan, where much of the film takes place.

We’re told that it’s a fleeting scene though – so keep your eyes peeled!

It’s not their first foray into mainstream entertainment: LELO has been seen on TV shows around the world (like on Inside Amy Schumer), and their G-spot vibrator GIGI™ had a very big role in a comedy film out of Hong Kong recently. However, The Wolverine marks their first appearance in a big budget Hollywood movie.

The Wolverine, the sequel to 2009’s X-men Origins: Wolverine, is out in theaters worldwide now.

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Next Movie We Want to See: “Thanks for Sharing”

June 28, 2013

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Not because it has Gwenyth Paltrow in it — that’s almost enough to keep us away. But add Mark Ruffalo with a script about sex addiction co-written by the co-writer of “The Kids Are Alright” and we are there. That it features Pink’s movie debut is just icing.

 

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Watch This, Not That: 5 MORE Netflix Date Movies to Watch (& 5 Not To)

June 14, 2013

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Last week we reviewed some great love stories available on Netflix Instant — along with our opinions on which were best for date night and which were probably best saved for quiet moments alone with a pint of ice cream and your favorite sweatpants. And with so many good options to choose from, we’re back with more recommendations!


1. Awkward Love
Watch Lars and the Real Girl, NOT Dark Horse

Dark Horse is the gentlest of the Todd Solondz movies, but considering he’s made such feel-goods as Welcome to the Dollhouse, Happiness, and Storytelling (aargh), that’s not saying much. For a cringeworthy movie that’s much sweeter and more positively hopeful, go with Lars, with the bonus of golden-boy star Ryan Gosling.


2. Iconic Horror
Watch Nosferatu, NOT Rosemary’s Baby

The classic ’60s flick starring Mia Farrow’s Vidal Sassoon haircut is basically a movie about date rape and a metaphor for anti-choice zealotry. Not exactly a fun Saturday night. Plus, there’s an orgy scene with lots of naked old people. ’Nuff said. Better to go with the one of the first-ever of the genre: Nosferatu. Sure, it’s silent, and it’s almost 100 years old, and it’s German Expressionist, but don’t let that scare you. It’s one of those films everyone should watch — so why not watch it together? The tragic ending is way more romantic than almost any other horror available on Netflix Instant (except maybe Let the Right One In, which is great if you prefer your scary stories from this century). And since it’s a mere 81 minutes long, have yourself a bloodcurdling double feature with The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari!


3. Italian Costume Drama
Watch A Room With a View, NOT Zeffirelli’s Romeo and Juliet

You might think, How could we go wrong with the quintessential Shakespearean romance in the hands of an Italian master? Well, it’s long, and there’s a lot of complaining. Stick with a witty Edwardian period piece by Merchant and Ivory that’s based on the E.M. Forster novel, shot beautifully all over Italy and just oozing romance. No double suicide or annoying whining to contend with!


4. May-December Relationship
Watch Manhattan, NOT Lost in Translation

If we have to watch some relatively unattractive older man win the heart of an incredibly good-looking much younger girl, we’ll take Woody Allen’s neurotic over Bill Murray’s depressive any day — and so should you.


5. TV Series
Watch The L Word, NOT House of Cards

Don’t get us wrong: House of Cards is a great show — and the first original series on Netflix. But the sex in it is way more about power than love, or even lust. There’s prostitution, pedophilic-ish relationships, and hand-job rapes on dying cancer patients (no joke!). If you like the sex on your shows to actually be sexy — at least when you’re watching with someone you hope to have sex with later — you can’t do much better than Showtime’s ode to modern Sapphic love, The L Word.

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Watch This, Not That: 5 Netflix Instant Date Movies to Watch (& 5 Not To)

June 7, 2013

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There are some gems on Netflix that you can watch instantly, and many of them are especially good for a date night. But choose wisely: some are perfect for cuddling up on the couch together, while others just seem that way.

 


1.Recent Indie RomCom:
Watch Safety Not Guaranteed, NOT No Strings Attached

The huge star power of No Strings Attached (starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher) doesn’t hold a candle to the adorable power of Safety Not Guaranteed (starring…we couldn’t even tell you). It’s sweet, smart and funny — everything you want in a date movie (and in a date!). Meanwhile, NSA is totally forgettable (just like you wish all your bad dates could be).

 


2. Tested Love: 
Watch 2 Days in Paris, NOT Like Crazy

They both are about the harsh realities of real relationships, but one is frenetically funny and the other just fizzles out.

 


3. Homoeroticism:
Watch Brokeback Mountain, NOT Heavenly Creatures

Well before his Lord of the Rings empire, Peter Jackson directed Heavenly Creatures, a small, stylish indie starring then-unknown Kate Winslet and featuring a lot art, fantasy, and gothic romance between two kindred spirits in undies and ankle socks. One prob for date night, though: it ends in bloody murder. For a gay love story that also ends in murder but much less graphically, try Brokeback Mountain – it can teach you and your date a thing or two about passion, forbidden or not.

 


4. Lost Love:
Watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, NOT Blue Valentine

Most of the promo materials for Blue Valentine tried to trick us into believing it was a hot, passionate, romance about crazy love. Nope! If you’re up for a movie about love dying, make it one that is simultaneously about love (and hope) triumphing over experience. It also doesn’t hurt that ESotSM is visually stunning, incredibly clever, and totally innovative.

 


5. Older Foreign Love Story:
Watch Cinema Paradiso, NOT Like Water for Chocolate

They’re both classics from the late 80s/early 90s, but for date night, we’d suggest the one that focuses on love, kisses and movies, rather than the one that focuses on love, digestion and bodily functions.

 

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The Great Movie Kiss Off: The Notebook vs. Brokeback Mountain

February 5, 2013

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All those kisses during the Superbowl commercial breaks on Sunday night got us in the mood to talk about macking. To summarize: loved the Audi John-Hughes-style prom night kiss (though it only really works if we assume she did give him her consent to kiss her at some earlier point — maybe a note passed in math class? — otherwise it’s a bit sexual assault-y); really loved Will Ferrell’s mysterious bus ride smooch that you might have missed; really wished GoDaddy had had the balls to make that sexy + smart kiss actually hot and not awkward mouth-noisy icky (and we kind of hate the implication that a person can’t be both sexy AND smart).

Anyway, if you ask a room of people about the best movie kiss ever, chances are that rainy scene from The Notebook starring Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling will get more than a handful of votes.

But if you ask us, the kiss that wins is the one between Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. Don’t get us wrong, that Notebook kiss is good smooching, too — we just think the Brokeback one is even better. It’s rougher and more dangerous — not out in the hills or by a lake, but at home where one of their wives could show up at any moment! Everything is on the line, everything, but they just can’t deny their love! See? (Apologies for the unfortunate music overlay):

So, in honor of all the V-Day smooching soon to be upon us, we’d like you to vote on your favorite kiss. Watch the Notebook scene here and the Brokeback scene here and then pick your favorite (or suggest your own, even hotter alternative).


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LAST CHANCE to Win a Valentine’s Day Dinner & a Movie from Fandango!

February 1, 2013

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****THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED****

Our friends over at FANDANGO want to make your Valentine’s Movie Date Night a hit! And we want you to help us get the word out about our new book, 150 Shades of Play. Fandango wins, we win, and hopefully YOU win too! Here’s how to play:

Between now and Sunday February 10th, include the title 150 Shades of Play along with this link — http://say.ly/pEj4J7E –  in a Tweet or a Facebook Post, let us know you’ve done so, and you’ll be automatically entered to win Fandango’s awesome Date-Night prize:

  • a $100 Visa Gift Card
  • a $30 Fandango Gift Card

Post that link as many times as you like, because the more you post, the more chances you’ll have to win! (Mentioning the book as an excellent Valentine’s Day gift may not help you win the contest, but it will endear you to us for always and ever!) Let us know whenever you Tweet or FB post by immediately emailing a screenshot of the post to us here, including your name and US mailing address (no PO Boxes), which we promise to keep private;  on a Mac, Command+Shiftshift+4 lets you drag and capture an area of the screen; click here for instructions on taking screenshots on either a PC or a Mac. <Don’t skip this part or your post won’t count! The deadline for entry is EOD EST on Sunday, February 10th, 2013. One lucky winner will be drawn at random and announced on our site the next day, with the prize arriving before Valentine’s Day.

While you’re waiting to win the Fandango Movie Date Night prize, check out their VALENTINE’S DAY MOVIE GUIDE for tips on the perfect movie to see together. Supplement your prize (or have a backup if you don’t win) with a cute VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT CARD FROM FANDANGO for your sweetie (see below). And don’t forget to order a copy of 150 SHADES OF PLAY for after the movie!



What’s Your Favorite Incest Plot-Line?

January 17, 2013

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Flowers in the Attic

Our Bodies, Ourselves. Judy Blume. Flowers in the Attic. If you grew up in the ’80s, chances are these books had a pretty big impact on your sexual development. In other words, as far as V.C. Andrews’ book goes, you probably have a bit of a thing for incest plot-lines. Forbidden love, up in the attic, with your hot sibling! Swoon. But it’s not the only story to explore the erotic potential of fictional incest. Think Angels and Insects, for example, or all those daytime soaps where two lovers find out they’re actually siblings separated at birth. Bummer for them! Hot for the rest of us!

So, tell us… what other titles belong in this incest genre? It could be a book, movie, TV show, highbrow, lowbrow, whatever. We’ll compile a list and publish it on our site soon. You’re welcome.

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Top 10 WTF Sex Scenes

January 15, 2013

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All top ten lists are, by their nature, subjective, but this one is especially so — because one person’s “WTF” sex scene is another person’s monkey spanking material. (Exhibit A: we’d qualify a lot of porn as WTF.)

A few qualifications: David Lynch probably deserves a place in this list (okay, David Lynch definitely deserves a place in this list!), but because we’ve already written an entire post dedicated to his effed up sex scenes, we left him off this time. And LAST TANGO IN PARIS should probably be on here, but we are just so damn sick of talking about that freakin’ butter scene. The SHOWGIRLS pool scene is hilarious and weird and WTF hall of fame-worthy, but we already covered that one, too.

Also, we tried to steer clear of most cinematic depictions of rape, because it didn’t seem right to include those scenes alongside crushed-chicken sex and apple-pie onanism. “WTF” just seems a little too jokey of a response to the graphic violent sexual assault in a movie like IRREVERSIBLE. Oh, and we mostly stayed away from horror movies, too, even though it’s kind of a rule of thumb that the scarier the movie, the more messed up the sex is — we just didn’t have the stomach to go there (if you do, you’ll probably enjoy this list).

Which is not to say that some of the sex in the list below isn’t kill-me-now bleak. In fact, you’ll probably want to rent MARY POPPINS after making it to number one. But just in case you actually want more, check out our earlier post, The 20 Most Disturbing Sex-Themed Movies.

10. CRASH (1996)
James Spader plays a TV commercial producer who enjoys lots of vanilla sex with his wife until he’s involved in a car crash and overnight finds himself aroused by three-car pile-ups and the injuries they cause. Turns out there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way (we suppose this notion was more shocking back in 1996, when there wasn’t an internet chat room for every fetish under the sun). The entire movie is pretty WTF, but the, er, climactic moment occurs when Spader’s character has sex with Rosanna Arquette’s open leg wound. Yep, he did. Please don’t make us type that again.

 

9. PINK FLAMINGOS (1972)
Does it count as a WTF if it’s a John Waters film? Isn’t his name on the billboard kind of a heads-up? You say, “WTF, I want my money back” and the ticket guy says, “WTF, it’s a John Waters movie, what did you expect?” But even for Waters, the scene where a couple has sex with a live chicken between their bodies is out there. And that’s no rubber chicken. It’s an actual, freshly dead chicken from the butcher shop that gets crushed between them while they do it. We’re pretty sure that chicken didn’t consent to be in a three-way chicken snuff film. (Apparently, the crew ate it afterwards.)

 

8. THE DOOM GENERATION (1995)
How to pick just one fucked up sex scene from this fucked up road movie that makes FREEWAY look like THE LITTLE MERMAID? Could it be when a teen boy eats his own semen? Or how about when another teen boy is castrated by a pair of garden shears, shortly after a MMF threeway? No, we think the winner is when Rose McGowan’s character is raped with a statue of the virgin Mary. Yep, that’ll do it.

 

7. AMERICAN PIE (1999)
Masturbation is as American as apple pie! The “feel-good” movie of the year. We’re annoyed at ourselves for including this in the list, but how could we not? That would be like compiling a list of the Top 10 Movie Sex Scenes Involving Dairy Products and leaving out Marlon Brando and the butter.

 

6. HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
We will forgive Lea Thompson anything — even her TV show CAROLINE IN THE CITY — because she starred in SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL. But we wonder whether she can forgive herself for starring in HOWARD THE DUCK. In this movie, her character strips down to her underwear and attempts to seduce a talking duck, who is on Earth to stop some kind of alien invader. Check out their flirty banter as they lie in bed together (in other words, Thompson read this script and then agreed to star in this movie):

Howard the Duck (checking out Thompson’s butt in her skimpy undies): “I have developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy.”
Thompson: “I can’t seem to find the right man.”
Duck: “Maybe it’s not a MAN you should be looking for.”
Thompson (coy): “Do you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?”
Duck: “Like they say, doll, love’s strange. We could always give it a try.”

She proceeds to fondle him and his duckie plume gets a hard-on, which he embarrassedly apologizes for like he’s just come all over her thigh. She climbs on top of him and Duckie freaks out and says he can’t do it. “I was just kidding,” she says (riiiight), and then the movie goes on like we weren’t just about to witness Lea Thompson having alien duck sex. For the record, this was a Spielberg and Lucas production. WTF?

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