Funny sex scenes — at least, those that are meant to make you laugh — are often our favorite kind. Ironically, they tend to portray much more realistic on-screen sex than their serious, sultry counterparts. In funny sex scenes, you get weirdness, kink, awkwardness, jealousy, fantasy — oh yeah, and condoms. For some reason, the only time you see latex on screen is when the sex is supposed to be funny. Below are ten of our favorite funny sex scenes — though not all of them were initially intended to be funny (weâre looking at you, Clive Owen). By the way, if youâre wondering where AMERICAN PIE and PORKYâS are: we took the liberty of limiting this list to scenes that made us laugh. And weâre not — nor have we ever been — fourteen-year-old boys.
10. THE MEANING OF LIFE (1983)
The Brits may not excel at Olympic opening ceremonies, but they sure do excel at making sex funny. This Monty Python film features the weirdest sex-ed lesson in the history of cinema — but actually, itâs a lot more helpful than most real-life sex ed these days.
A Catholic school teacher, played by John Cleese, asks his male students how to get the âvaginal juicesâ flowing. âRubbing the clitoris, sir?â asks one boy. Cleese responds, âWhat’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate.â He discusses other methods, from stroking thighs to nibbling earlobes. In case of performance anxiety, he suggests: âTonguing will give you the best idea of how the juices are coming along.â
But itâs when Cleese pulls down a four-poster murphy bed from his classroom wall that things get really weird: he proceeds to have matter-of-fact intercourse with his wife in front of the students to demonstrate how things work, while simultaneously reprimanding the students for not paying attention or passing notes. Only Cleese could seem so earnest and likeable in this position.
9. BANANAS (1971)
No one does awkward, neurotic sex quite like Woody Allen, and the results are usually hilarious. Which is fortunate, because we donât think we could stomach Allen in a straight-up sex scene. Itâs hard to pick just one, but a favorite of ours is when Howard Cosell joins a newlywed couple in their hotel room — complete with cheering crowd — to give a live, on-the-spot telecast of their honeymoon night, a la ABCâs Wild World of Sports. Itâs all done in the style of a boxing match, with a starting bell and Woody Allen making his entrance with a white towel around his neck. Cosell gives running commentary as the marriage is consummated under a shiny peach blanket, then climbs into bed with the couple for the post-coital interviews. Our favorite Cosell commentary? âHeâs wearing a green corduroy suit.â
8. AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)
Funny sex isnât limited to comedies — take the macabre movie AMERICAN PSYCHO. Christian Bale, as Patrick Bateman, hosts two prostitutes and explains to them the genius of Phil Collins. “I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, rather than as a solo artist,â he tells them, and the tone of his voice lets them know they shouldnât even think about disagreeing. âAnd I stress the word artist. This is âSussudio.â Great great song.” Bale then proceeds to have sex with the two women — Â to âSussudioâ! — while vamping in the mirror: he points at himself, winks, flexes his muscles, and runs his hand through his hair like Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. Itâs not exactly slapstick, but the dark humor is a welcome relief in this bleak tale.
7. SHOOT ‘EM UP (2007)
Funny sex isnât always intentional. At least, weâre assuming we werenât meant to laugh when Clive Owen is interrupted, mid-sex with Monica Belluci, by a gang of men with guns and never once removes his penis from her vagina, despite dodging bullets and slaying multiple attackers. He rolls off the bed, spins across the floor, bounces off objects, and, for the finale, pushes Belluci against the wall for her orgasmic climax. She has her eyes closed the entire time and itâs unclear whether sheâs clueless about all the gunshots or simply turned on by them. Either way, she gets her happy finish. We know: it sure sounds like a joke, but we think it was meant simply to be hot and action-packed. Perhaps the filmmakers knew that the hormone-addled guys in the audience would just go with it — this is Monica Belluci weâre talking about, after all.
6. THE NAKED GUN: FROM THE FILES OF POLICE SQUAD (1988)
We love ourselves a little latex humor! (And why is it only in comedies that characters talk about safe sex? Remember KNOCKED UP?) Leslie Nielsen, as Frank Drebin, a supercop on a moral high horse (except for the kinky sex toys he buys), is about to get naked with Priscilla Presley, and she tells him, all breathy and bedroom-voiced, âI want you to know, I practice safe sex.â He responds, all studly-voiced and meaningful eye contact, âSo do I.â White sheer curtains blow in a gentle breeze in the softly lit room — cut to the couple, each clad in a full body condom (complete with over-sized packaging on the nightstand). The sound of rubber on rubber as they leap onto the bed together probably turned on more than a few fetishists across the country.
5. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
Remember how we said that filmmakers often feel freer to get kinky when the sex is being played for comedic value? Enter Jamie Lee Curtisâs Wanda — a cross-dresser with a serious foreign language fetish — and her boyfriend Otto, played by Kevin Kline. Otto seduces Wanda with a string of Italian words and songs, including, as he places her black lace stocking over his face, a cry of âBenito Mussolini!â He takes breaks to sniff his own armpits, then breathes in the scent of one of her knee-high boots, before inflating it to imitate an elephant, and then beating himself with it. No wonder Kline won the Oscar for this movie — his O-face alone is worth a golden statue.
4. EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX *BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK (1972)
Like we said, Woody Allen is a comic sex genius — we canât even pick just one film of his, let alone one scene (and even though Allenâs got two slots on this list already, his movie SLEEPER really belongs, too, for the scene when he gets stuck alone in the orgasmatron).
Pretty much any scene from EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW movie would qualify (hello, sheep bestiality!), but weâre going with Woody-Allen-as-bespectacled-sperm. Itâs not exactly erotic, but thereâs something kind of endearing about the immense group effort that goes on inside the guy as he segues from dinner date to intercourse. And Allen is hilarious as a neurotic sperm who fears he may be headed for a pointless end in a condom or worse. âWhat if heâs masturbating, I might wind up on the ceiling. What if itâs a homosexual encounter?â Our favorite moment, though, is when a priest is dragged into mission control during a flagging erection crisis and accused of âtampering with the machinery in the cerebral cortex, turning up the guilt reflex.â
3. OFFICE SPACE (1999)
Oh Bill Lumbergh, how we love you and your TPS reports. Weâre going to have go ahead and say that our favorite Lumbergh moment is when Peter (Ron Livingston) has a nightmare about Lumbergh (Gary Cole) having sex with Peterâs girlfriend. Mmm-kay? Nightmare-Lumbergh is oiled up, mid-coitus, and says, âYou can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left.â He stops to take a sip from his coffee mug and adds, âYeah, thatâs it.â
Runner-up worst-nightmare sex: Â John Cusack, in HIGH FIDELITY (2000), imagines his ex-girlfriend having ecstatic sex with his long-haired hippie upstairs neighbor (Tim Robbins). Cusackâs voice-over: âNo one in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex you are having with Ian… in my head.â Meanwhile, Nightmare-Robbins licks the womanâs neck, bears his teeth in a raunchy grimace, and spreads his arms wide to shimmy.
2. TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE (2004)
Oh man, we just looked up this scene to refresh our memory, and happened upon the original, uncensored, two-minute long version of the puppet sex scene in this movie. Thereâs puppet poop play! Puppet watersports! (And weâre not talking windsurfing.) Puppet salad-tossing! But even the much cleaner final cut that made it into the movie — less than a minute long — is simultaneously hilarious and wrong. Some of the sex positions are not humanly possible — and even if they were, you could never show them in an R-rated movie. We love the swift transition from candle-lit chest-stroking and sensually intertwined legs to hardcore doggy-style fucking — all to the tune of a romantic power ballad. Pretty impressive for a plastic doll with no penis.
1. SKIN DEEP (1989)
More latex humor! In this classic scene, a philandering woman offers her lover (John Ritter) one of her partnerâs condoms, and it turns out to be glow-in-the-dark blue. When Rick, the man of the house, returns, Ritter jumps into a closet, while Rick dons a red glow-in-the-dark condom as a sexy surprise… but the real surprise is when he finds Ritter in the closet. Man fighting ensues. Oh, did we mention that the lights are out for most of this scene? Which means that the entire thing plays out via two bobbing, erect, disembodied, condom-clad penises. Now thatâs a sword fight.
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