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“For a Good Time Call…” Contest!

September 8, 2012

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***THIS CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED***

We’re suckers for swag. And for sex-positive movies with strong, independent, female characters. So it was fortuitous when the people behind the new Focus Features movie “For a Good Time Call…” offered to give our readers the chance to win the following prize package:

  • $100 Visa gift card to have a Good Time at the movies!
  • “For a Good Time Call…” T-Shirt
  • Nail Polish Set
  • Cell Phone Cover w/ microfiber cloth
  • Retro Phone Handset with cord

All you have to do is follow us on Twitter (@emandlo) between now and EOD EST next Thursday, Sept 13th and you’ll automatically be entered for the random drawing on Friday, the 14th. If you’re already following us, then get a few friends to follow us and if they win, have them split the prizes with you — including taking you to see this movie about two polar opposites who find themselves sharing an apartment, launching a phone sex business and actually becoming friends.



Top 10 Reasons Why SECRETARY Is Better Than FIFTY SHADES

September 7, 2012

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You’ve got to give the Fifty Shades of Grey books credit. The erotic trilogy by E.L. James has single-handedly made BDSM mainstream (now everyone knows what a safe word is), been a boon to the sex toy industry (hello, love beads!), and improved the sex lives of many a long-married couple (a chapter a day will keep the couple’s therapist away!). But that doesn’t mean the series is without its faults, or that there aren’t better depictions of BDSM relationships in popular culture — or at the very least, one better depiction. The 2002 indie film SECRETARY, a Sundance favorite, blows FIFTY out of the water, if you ask us. Here’s why.

10.
Grey was here first. E. Edward Grey is the name of the dominant boss played by James Spader in SECRETARY. Almost ten years later, E.L. James names her dominant lover Christian Grey. Perhaps it was an homage.

9.
It’s an award-winner. FIFTY may be a record breaker (it’s the fastest-selling paperback of all time) and a crazy money maker (E.L. James’s net worth is apparently a cool $15 mil), but it’s never going to win any literary awards. SECRETARY was nominated for a Golden Globe (best actress in a musical or comedy) and three Chlotrudis Awards (best actor, actress and adapted screenplay), among others; and it won an Independent Spirit Award (best first screenplay) and a Gotham Award (breakthrough performance, Maggie Gyllenhaal), among others.

8.
More likable protagonist. With all her Oh my!s and the countless Holy shit!s and all the submitting to the whims of her controlling stalker boyfriend, Ana Steele can get a little cloying. Without any magical qualities (like a scent, only detectable to vampires, that makes them swoon), Ana just isn’t convincing as The One to turn a control freak (in and out of the bedroom) into the marrying kind overnight. Especially not with that unruly hair! The flaws of Lee Holloway, on the other hand, are not only believable, but relatable (to a certain extent), and make her a sympathetic character. Plus, it’s really hard not to like Maggie Gyllenhaal.

7.
More believable love interest. A 27-year-old gazillionaire with impossible abs (and ne’er a single crunch to be found in all three books) and a million employees who has time to get both a sailing certification and a pilot’s license falls head-over-heels in love with a naive, dorky virgin utterly devoid of charm and can give her her first orgasm ever from nipple play alone??? Yeah right. Much more realistic is the socially awkward, emotionally sensitive Lee and her creepy-seeming and ultimately conflicted love interest — both of whom are pretty normal looking. Plus, this Grey actually does do sit-ups.

6.
No gratuitous product placement. FIFTY SHADES is a marketing agent’s wet dream: Apple, Audi, Blackberry, Converse, Louboutins, Neiman Marcus, Twinings….we could go on (E.L. James sure does). It’s the most shameless thing about the books! (And these brand-names aren’t dropped in a knowing, ironic way, a la Bret East Ellis. Nope, just lazy writing. Either that or E.L. James figured that these brand names would be comforting and homely and relatable amidst all those butt plugs and spreader bars.) Admittedly, it’s been a while since we’ve watched SECRETARY (we’re catching up when it airs on Sundance all this month — click here for the schej), but the only brand we can recall is Cosmo magazine, and it’s referenced in a characteristically cheeky way.

5.
More honorable origins. SECRETARY was based on a short story by literary power house Mary Gaitskill. FIFTY was based on online fan fiction, which was based on the Y.A. Twilight series by Stephanie Meyers.

Read the top 5 reasons why SECRETARY kicks FIFTY butt…

SECRETARY airs on the SUNDANCE Channel throughout Sept 2012 at the following times:

  • 8:00PM FRI, SEP 7
  • 1:45AM SAT, SEP 8
  • 8:00PM TUE, SEP 11
  • 1:20AM WED, SEP 12
  • 10:00PM SUN, SEP 30
  • 3:50AM MON, OCT 1


Top 10 Sexiest Foreign Films

September 4, 2012

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American exceptional-ism? Phooey! Countries across the pond have better food, more civilized health care, and way sexier films (what a buzzkill a Puritanical national origin can be). And our friends at the Sundance Channel aren’t afraid to embrace their frisky foreign friends: check out their line-up anytime, and chances are you’ll find a cool film with subtitles, bisexuality and equal opportunity nudity. Inspired by some of their recent indie imports, we’ve compiled a top 10 list of the sexiest foreign films. They’re not all necessarily erotic, with lots of skin. Nor are they all uplifting, life-affirming tales of carnal romance with happy endings. After all, we’re talking about European endeavors here. But they do focus on issues of sexuality and sensuality in artful ways — and that’s sexy.

10.
THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING (1998)
Promoted as “A lovers story” on the poster, the movie is based on the 1984 novel of the same name by Milan Kundera. Tomas is a womanizing brain surgeon in Communist Czecholslovakia with a compulsion to see the unique individualism of every woman that’s visible only in her orgasm. Um, yeah, right. But the strength and independence of his longtime lover Sabina (Lena Olin) and his obvious tender affection for Tereza (Juliet Binoche) help make Daniel Day Lewis’s Tomas likeable. What Magritte did for the artistic appeal of the bowler hat, Olin does for its erotic potential.
9.
SEX & LUCIA (2001)
We’ve long recommended Polaroids as a great way to take naked pictures of yourself and your luvva: no negatives or immediate digital files; a lack of crisp detail to hide imperfections, and an automatic retro artiness to them. So it was nice to see an example of just this in the Spanish erotic drama SEX & LUCIA starring Paz Vega. Is some of the nudity gratuitous? Perhaps. But what can we expect from a movie with the word “Sex” in the title?
8.
THE DREAMERS (2003)
How could we not include this film? It made the cut in our Top 10 Cinematic Love Triangles, and director Bernardo Bertolucci was number 4 in our Top 10 Directors Not Afraid of Nudes. He directed THE DREAMERS more than 30 years after his infamous LAST TANGO IN PARIS. Now some might say that earlier film should have made this here list of sexy imports, but in this day and age it comes across as more silly than sexy. (Maybe seeing Marlon Brando at 70 in that Larry King interview ruined it for us — those pants! Plus, we would never recommend butter as anal lube.) So we’re picking his 21st century take on an attractive and dairy-free (albeit incestuous) threesome in 1960s Paris.
7.
TIE ME UP! TIE ME DOWN! (1990)
This is the story of a mental patient, obsessed with a former porn star, who beats, kidnaps, binds and gags her in the hopes that she’ll fall in love with him when she gets to know him better. The fact that she eventually does makes our inner radical feminists gag, but it’s hard not to include a movie that a) was directed by Spain’s sex-obsessed Pedro Almodavar, b) stars a smoldering Antonio Banderes,  pre-Melanie-Griffith, and c) moved the MMPA to create the NC-17 rating.
6.
AN AFFAIR OF LOVE (1999)
Also known as “A Pornographic Affair,” this little French film is super sexy for what it doesn’t show, what it leaves to our wildest imaginations. Via a magazine ad, a woman finds a stranger to fulfill her sexual fantasies: without exchanging names, they meet in a hotel room once a week to do who knows what. But as is always the case, reality (i.e. love) creeps into life and ruins the fantasy.

For more sensual cinema, don’t miss the films airing Saturday nights at Midnight during LOVERS LOUNGE, a night of uncut, uncensored, boundary-pushing films sure to earn their TV-MA.



Top 10 Tangled Love Triangles in Film

August 28, 2012

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The tangled love triangle is such a cinematic trope that we could probably put together a list for every year (or a list of Top 10 love triangles with bad ’80s haircuts… or Top 10 love triangles starring Reese Witherspoon…). We decided to limit this list to love-triangle films we actually enjoyed (and not in a guilty-pleasure kind of way) — which is why you won’t find the Bella-Edward-Jacob affair here, despite the ubiquity of “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” merchandise. Same goes for PEARL HARBOR (2001), which attempted to make the love triangle a heroic response to war; or WILD THINGS (1995), which accessorized the love triangle with hot tubs and champagne (and was really more of a lust triangle, anyway); or INDECENT PROPOSAL (1993), which theorized the love triangle as a financial and real estate decision; or MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING (1997), which was a terrible movie despite championing off-key karaoke.

10. Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN (2001)
This is one of those rare love triangles that has something for everyone, whether you’re an indiphile, an unabashed lover of weepie romances, a subtitles-only film snob, or an avid consumer of soft-core porn. And the guy-on-guy action is a pleasant surprise for straight women (and gay men) who like to roll their eyes at the champagne-and-hot-tub, two-girls-and-a-guy love triangles that are a Hollywood favorite. It’s rare for on-screen sex to be both realistic and scorching hot, but this movie, er, nails it.

9. THE DREAMERS (2003)
Leave it to Bernardo Bertolucci to add a hint of incest to the classic love triangle. Set in Paris (of course it is), this film tells the story of an American student and film lover who befriends a French brother and sister who are equally passionate about film (of course they are) and each other. We’re pretty sure that you could put any three film students in Paris for a few weeks and some kind of tangled love triangle would ensue — especially when they’re as attractive and as fond of nudity as these three.

Artsy-European-student-triangle runner-up: In the Spanish movie 3SOME (2009) — airing on the Sundance Channel August 17 — a woman goes to art school and decides she wants to explore sex (shocking, we know). She meets a guy who has a buddy… you know where this is going, right? A threeway relationship, natch. “It’s not normal,” she says. “But we’re not normal,” the guy argues. We’re artists.” Yep.

8. HEARTBEATS (2010)
This film’s original French title is LES AMOURS IMAGINAIRES (the filmmaker is Quebecois), which is a lot more fitting — because only two out of the three people in this movie (which airs on the Sundance Channel August 18) appear to be aware of the love triangle. By the way, you’ll notice that love triangles that take place outside the U.S. are much more likely to be M-M-F (god bless ‘em) — and this uber-stylized film is no exception. Francis and Marie are best pals — he’s a gay man, she’s a straight woman — who fall for the same guy, a blithely gorgeous and androgynous traveler of undetermined sexuality named Nicolas. The three share a bed because Nicolas is broke, but the only hanky-panky that takes place is in Francis and Marie’s rich fantasy lives. Not surprisingly, their friendship doesn’t exactly weather this storm. It’s like a hipster Quebecois remake of JULES AND JIM (1962).

Runner-up imaginary love triangle: FIGHT CLUB (1999) — sure, the sex was real, but there was no steamy triangle with Brad Pitt; that part was all in Edward Norton’s head. And can you blame him, really?

7. VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (2008)
Woody Allen may be all-American (or, at least, all-NYC), but even he chose to he set his love triangle in Spain. Scarlett Johansson plays an American student traveling in Europe who, naturally, ends up in a domestic threeway with wild artist (Javier Bardem) and his crazy-jealous ex-wife (Penelope Cruz). We could tell you about the snappy dialogue or the intricate plot twists, but do you even care at this point? You’ve got pretty much the most attractive love triangle in the entire history of human entanglement. What more do you need? For one of them to go all psycho with a knife? Done.

6. THE GRADUATE (1967)
Oh, Mrs. Robinson, you never stood a chance against your daughter. Here’s to you, anyway.

5. BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY (2001)
It’s inspired by the classic love triangle in Pride and Prejudice, but only in BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY do the two men competing for the same woman’s attention (Hugh Grant and Colin Firth) actually roll around on the street together in a full-on, glass-shattering brawl. The fighting is even funnier in the sequel, BRIDGET JONES: EDGE OF REASON (2004) — airing on the Sundance Channel August 13th and 19th — when the action is more girly cat-fight, complete with hair-pulling, ineffectual kicking, and a chase around a fountain.

4. CASABLANCA (1942)
They’ll always have Paris, and we’ll always have one of the most enduring — and heart-wrenching — love triangles of all time.  Most of the time we’re incredibly grateful that this movie was made before the era when endings were “audience-tested” — but there’s a teeny-tiny part of us that wishes there were a version out there where Bogart gets the girl. Is it possible that every cinematic love triangle since CASABLANCA has been trying to make amends for Bogart’s sacrifice?

Runner-up for ne-plus-ultra love triangle: JULES AND JIM (1962). Francois Truffaut’s film has war, marriage, divorce, miscarriages, gun fighting, and suicide-by-cliff. (Oh, how French.) It’s been inspiring homages ever since — both on and off the screen.

3. DANGEROUS LIAISONS (1988)
Ain’t no love triangle like a 1760 love triangle! John Malkovich seduces married Michelle Pfeiffer on a dare from his control-freak ex Glenn Close. But when Malkovich actually falls in love, Close is royally pissed off — and thus ensues one of the most tortuous break-up scenes of all time: “It’s beyond my control,” Malkovich says again and again, in a line fed to him by Close. “Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?” Malkovich says to Close at one point. Close replies, “Immaturity?” A pretty key element to most love triangles, we’d say.

2. GONE WITH THE WIND
Finally, an all-American love triangle! It takes place in the middle of the Civil War, ferchrissakes. It’s too bad Scarlett O’Hara never read Les Liaison dangereuses — if she had, she might have realized a lot sooner that it was only an immature desire to chase the unavailable man which made Ashley even mildly attractive (even his name is timid). For future reference, Scarlett, when choosing between two men named Ashley and Rhett, always go with the Rhett.

1. SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL (1987)
We suppose the nineties was alright for love-triangle rom-coms (there was REALITY BITES in 1994), but man, did the eighties rock it. The top spot in this list is basically a tie between SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL and PRETTY IN PINK (1986), but we ended up choosing the former because of the ending (and for how awesome tomboy Mary Stuart Masterson looked as a cross-dressing chauffeur). Did you know that in the original script for PRETTY IN PINK, Andie stays with Duckie? But test audiences booed, so in the final cut Duckie gives his blessing for her to go after “richie” Blane. In SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL, on the other hand, it’s the loyal best friend (Masterson) from the same side of the tracks who gets the guy — and the diamond earrings. Who cares about Paris — we’ll always have John Hughes.

This post originally appeared on SUNfiltered

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Top 10 Sexiest Scenes Directed by Tony Scott, R.I.P.

August 22, 2012

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British-born Hollywood director Tony Scott (brother of fellow filmmaker Ridley) died this past Sunday when he jumped from a bridge in Los Angeles. We didn’t know the man so we can remember him only through some of our favorite moments that he directed on the screen (well, at least, our favorite sex-related moments)…

10. The best-ever euphemism for a topping male sex partner: wingman. As in, Iceman (Val Kilmer) saying, “You can be my wingman any time.” And Maverick (Tom Cruise) replying, “Bullshit! You can be mine.” From, of course, TOP GUN (1983).

9. Tony Scott worked frequently with Denzel Washington, and though he mostly directed him in action scenes (as opposed to sex or love scenes), Washington’s tough guys oozed sex appeal in Scott’s movies. (So much so that we, two grown women and mothers of two small children each, are forced to use phrases like “oozed sex appeal.” Apologies, dear readers.) Like in DEJA VU (2006), when a bad guy (played by Jim Caviezel) tells Washington, ”You better have some divine intervention, buddy. You’re gonna need it.” And Washington replies, “You better have some KY. You’re gonna need it.” Talk about a MAN ON FIRE (2004… another movie in which Scott directed Washington).

8. “I had to come all the way from the highway and byways of Tallahassee, Florida, to MotorCity, Detroit, to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And til this day, the events that followed all still seems like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he’d say, ‘That’s the way it goes, but don’t forget, it goes the other way too.’ That’s the way romance is… Usually, that’s the way it goes, but every once in a while, it goes the other way too.” — A prostitute named Alabama (Patricia Arquette) talking about her husband Clarence (Christian Slater) in TRUE ROMANCE (1993), directed by Tony Scott and written by Quentin Tarantino

7. When hot-shot stock car driver Cole (Tom Cruise) mistakes his new doctor Claire (Nicole) for a stripper in DAYS OF THUNDER (1990). Not because she’s wearing stripper shoes, but because his colleagues had previously sent him a stripper dressed as a cop who “pats him down,” notices his erection, and says, “Looks like we found something… A concealed weapon.” We should note that the script is excruciating: Cole later tells Claire “I’m more afraid of bein’ nothing than I am of bein’ hurt.” And at another point, she tells him, “Boy, you’re very quick,” to which he replies — of course he does — “You oughta see me drive.” (Cruise himself is credited as one of the screenwriters, which tells you everything you need to know. And Tony Scott once said that they started filming without a script: they were basically told to put Cruise in a fast car and they’d make a fast buck.) Despite all that, though, we kind of love the chemistry between Cruise and Kidman — this is the movie where they met. Oh how we miss eighties/early-nineties Cruise.

6. “I eat the pussy, I eat the butt, I eat every motherfuckin’ thang.” — Big Don (Samuel L. Jackson) in TRUE ROMANCE (1993). It was much funnier back then (despite the use of the P-word, which has always made our skin crawl), before screenwriter Quentin Tarantino started to annoy the shit out of us. In fact, we think the only thing worse than the word “pussy” is the idea of Quentin Tarantino saying the word “pussy.”

5. Maverick (Tom Cruise) in a bar, serenading his flight school teacher Charlie (Kelly McGillis, with a pink sweater draped over her shoulders) with “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” in TOP GUN (1986). We know that this scene, co-starring a pre-E.R. Anthony Edwards as Goose, has kind of lost its oomph after so many bad karaoke renditions (not to mention the whole Scientology thing), but take yourself back to the very first time you saw it: pure eighties magic.

Read the rest of the list on SUNfiltered

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How Technology Fixes Fairy Tales

August 1, 2012

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While Em was reading her daughter a bedtime story the other night, it occurred to her — because she has read the same stories hundreds of times and thus it is possible to think about potential posts for this blog while reading — that a swift exchange of contact info would have been a much easier way for the Prince to stay in touch with Cinderella. And if the Prince and Cinderella forgot to exchange digits before midnight, then a few minutes of Internet stalking — Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, et al — would have fixed that. It’s perhaps not quite as romantic as visiting every woman in the land with a missing shoe, but it’s a lot more convenient. Also, less gross. (Hello, Athlete’s foot. Google that, Prince Charming.)

Anyway, this got us wondering how many other fairy tales could be swiftly solved — or ruined, depending on your take — by technology:

Beauty and the Beast: If the Beast had just signed up for an online dating site like OKCupid, he and Belle could have fallen in love over the Internet while they talked about books and reading and romance… before ever exchanging photographs.

The Little Mermaid: Instead of saving the Prince from a storm and dragging him to the shore, she could have just cued up SPLASH on his Netflix account and he would have dived in looking for her, faster than you can say “Daryl Hannah in a fish suit.” Of course, if she did stupidly trade in her voice for a pair of legs, she could have always turned to the ultra modern technology of writing to spell it all out for him.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: If the Prince had taken just one goddamned CPR class in his entire life, then he would have known to check her airway and he would have found that piece of apple lodged in her throat. We’re partial to a Prince Charming who knows the Heimlich Maneuver, but maybe that’s just us.

The Emperor’s New Clothes: If you don’t believe a small child in the crowd who says you look ridiculous with no clothes on, perhaps you’ll believe a YouTube video that’s going viral with three million (and counting) hits.

The Princess and the Pea: Four words for you, sister: Sleep Number Memory Foam.

Rapunzel: We have seen the mountains men will scale and the rivers they will cross just to get laid. We have also seen the remarkably creative technological feats men have achieved just to make masturbation feel like getting laid. And so we refuse to believe that a motivated young man wouldn’t figure out a way to get into that tower. As it were.

Little Red Riding Hood: Either Little Red Riding Hood would be traumatized for life after these events… or else some kind soul would help her work through her issues with a little modern therapeutic BDSM-tinted role-play.

Read the rest of this list on SUNfiltered



Top 10 Scenes of Bare America

July 19, 2012

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In honor of the birth month of our nation, we collected the top 10 classic birthday-suit scenes from American movies with American themes. The fact that only a minority of them are healthy depictions of sex reflects our puritanical country’s fucked-up relationship with the topic. Feel free to light a sparkler and disrobe in patriotic solidarity — maybe you can make American sex a little more positive.

 

1.


PSYCHO (1960) - The fact that the character of Marion is seen in a bra at the beginning of the film was scandalous enough at the time — but to have her gruesomely killed while naked in the shower? Shocking! According to IMDB, there’s a rumor that the release board didn’t initially okay the film because they were convinced there was a nipple shot in the shower scene. Of course, there wasn’t — the cinematography and score were so well done, people’s imaginations just easily filled in the blanks. We can thank Hitchcock for launching a long, sordid American tradition of combining female nudity with unspeakable violence for cheap thrills and entertainment purposes.

2.


THE GRADUATE (1967) - Much like PSYCHO, THE GRADUATE’s most famous scene uses quick flashes of body parts. Of course, in this movie, the violence is all emotional and there is indeed a nipple shot. Mrs. Robinson (Anne Bancroft) famously tries to seduce Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman), a recent college grad who’s struggling to figure out what to do with his life, especially now that he’s realizing the lives of his parents’ generation aren’t necessarily something to aspire to (what with them all being evil succubi and whatnot).

3. 


KRAMER VS. KRAMER (1979) - Ushering in an era of divorce as an acceptable option for unhappy marrieds in America, this heartbreaking movie details the impact separation can have on a family, including the awkwardness of a parent’s new single sex life. In this scene, the 7-year-old son confronts his father’s first sex partner since the split in the hallway in the middle of the night — she, of course, is naked. If your parents got divorced when you were young, then you know how impactful this scene can be; if your parents got divorced when you were young and you watched this movie around the same time, then you know how gut-wrenchingly traumatic it can be.

4.


FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH (1982) - We had to put in at least one classic American teenage boy fantasy: Phoebe Cates in a red bikini climbing out of a backyard pool in slo-mo and undoing the front clasp of her top. This all happens in the mind of the senior boy jerking off to her inside in the bathroom until the fully clasped Cates accidentally busts in on him while looking for a Q-tip for her water-logged ears. Payback’s a bitch.

5. 


HAROLD & MAUDE (1971) - A classic movie that cautioned against American consumerism, celebrated the pursuit of happiness (no matter how untraditional that happiness is), and championed the right to literally — and theatrically — die. Plus, with its tender love story (and post-coital bed scene) between 79-year-old Maude and 20-something Harold, it was the first movie to acknowledge that the elderly are sexual people too — and this was years before Viagra! Revolutionary.

Read the rest of this list on SundanceChannel.com



Top 10 Movie Couples We Want to Double-Date

July 12, 2012

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Double-dating is at least as hard as plain old dating. First of all, there’s two of them and two of you, which means there are four potential relationships to negotiate — you’re trying to find a couple with whom you have four-way chemistry. That’s Nobel-level stuff happening there. And then there’s the lack of sex — unless you’re swingers, of course. You might forgive your date’s annoying dining habits (chewing with their mouth open, gesticulating with a fork) because you’re going to get some hot monkey lovin’ later on. But your double date? The best you can hope for is a double kiss on the cheek, European style. So they’d better be good company. Here are the top ten movie couples we wouldn’t mind double-dating with. (Though we can’t promise that our other halves would necessarily agree.)

10. Captain Von Trapp and the Baroness (SOUND OF MUSIC, 1965)

Sure, if we were seven years old and liked to skip a lot, we’d love to go to dinner with the Captain (Christopher Plummer) and Maria (Julie Andrews). Hey, maybe we could even put on a puppet show! But if it’s witty banter, heavy drinking, and good old-fashioned innuendo you’re looking for, then the Baroness (Eleanor Parker) wins hands down.

9. Loretta and Ronny (MOONSTRUCK, 1987)

Cher and Nicholas Cage — how could they do so right in this movie, and later go so wrong? It’s our fantasy to be on a double-date with this couple and have Cher slap someone in the face to wake them up to their life. Actually, maybe she could slap everyone at the table, each for whatever they needed to snap out of. And while we mostly prefer to avoid double-dating couples who fight in public, we’d kind of like to see these two go at it. We think we could learn a thing or two about how to lay it all out on the table… and, later, screw and make up. Also, Cage is eighteen years younger than Cher! We just want to be around that kind of magic.

8. Ennis Del Mar & Jack Twist (BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, 2005)

Normally, excessive P.D.A. is kind of a deal-breaker on a double date. First of all — ew, we’re eating! And second, who wants to double-date a couple who makes them feel like their own sex life is drab and monotonous? But with these guys (played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal): bring it on! We could even stand to see a little tongue. In the end, though, we just want to double-date these guys so we can reach across the table, squeeze their hands, and tell them it’ll all be okay if they’d just move to the West Village or San Francisco.

7. Harry Burns & Sally Albright (WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, 1989)

Since opposites usually attract, chances are one if you is high maintenance and the other isn’t. This would balance out a double date with Harry and Sally nicely. There would be lively debate, some fun rounds of Pictionary, maybe even some drunken dancing involving the White Man’s Overbite. One would just hope Sally would know NOT to pull out her female orgasm impression at the dinner table when guests are over.

6. David Norris and Elise Sellas (THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU, 2011)

This film was pretty unremarkable except for one, kind of amazing element: proper, grown-up, palpable chemistry between two characters (played by Matt Damon and Emily Blunt) that was equal parts brain and booty. It shouldn’t be that rare to see two smart, funny, beautiful people fall for each other’s intellect on screen, but it feels like it is. We just wanted that scene on the bus to keep going — which is why we want a double date. Because they seem like the kind of couple who could turn that buzzy charm on their dinner guests, too — rather than just sticking their tongues down each other’s throats. Oh, and if the waiter turns out to be an evil undercover agent from an alternate universe, then they’d probably come in pretty handy, too.

Read the rest of this list on SUNfiltered



Top 30 #VaginaMovieLines Tweets

June 19, 2012

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To follow up on our Vaginagate roundup post from yesterday, now that the trending on Twitter had died down, here are our top 30 picks for best #vaginamovielines Tweets of the past week, so you can avoid scrolling through the endless stream of mediocrity and get straight to the good stuff:

NEGATIVE (from the perspective of Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas, the would-be Emperor of vaginas):

  1. “Say ‘vagina’ again. Say ‘vagina’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say ‘vagina’ one more Goddamn time! ” (Pulp Fiction)
  2. “If I only had a vagina.” (The Wizard of Oz)
  3. “The first rule of Vagina Club: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT VAGINA CLUB.” (Fight Club)
  4. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a vagina.” (Gone with the Wind)
  5. “Frankly Vagina, I don’t give a damn.” (Gone with the Wind)
  6. “Whatever you do, don’t get it wet. And never, ever, feed it after midnight.” (Gremlins)
  7. “Is your muffin buttered? … Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?” (Mean Girls)
  8. “Love means never having to say ‘vagina’.” (Love Story)
  9. “I am SICK and TIRED of these MOTHERFUCKING VAGINAS on this MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!!!” (Snakes on a Plane)
  10. “Lions and tigers and vaginas, oh my!” (The Wizard of Oz)
  11. “What’s in the box?!” (Se7en)
  12. “I’m king of the vagina!” (Titanic)
  13. “I don’t like your vagina name. I don’t like your vagina face. I don’t like your vagina behavior, and I don’t like you, vagina. Do I make myself clear?” (The Big Lebowski)
  14. “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little vagina, too.” (The Wizard of Oz)
  15. “Vaginas? We ain’t got no vaginas. We don’t need no vaginas! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ vaginas!” (The Treasure of the Sierra Madre)

Read the 15 POSITIVE Tweets (from the perspective of Rep. Lisa Brown’s, brave defender of vaginas) on SUNfiltered

 



In Praise of Harold and Maude

June 14, 2012

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photo via flickr

You know the worst thing about the movie THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY? Not the semen hair gel gag, or the clogged toilet, or the zipper in the ball sac. Nope, it’s when Cameron Diaz’s character Mary declares that the movie HAROLD AND MAUDE (released this week for the first time on Blu-Ray) is the “greatest love story of our time.” We happen to think she’s right, but all of a sudden it became a bit trite to celebrate this 1971 love story about a 79-year-old free spirited woman and a 20-year-old guy who likes to fake his own suicide to freak out his mom.

Fortunately, we happen to think that people will be talking about MAUDE long after MARY is no more than a vague fragment of a memory about Cameron’s sticky hair do. And, trite or no, we will continue to rhapsodize about this extreme May-December love story. Because, as Maura Kelly notes in a great Atlantic article: “It’s hard to find a subsequent film that depicts an older person, particularly an older woman, with so much dignity and tenderness — as someone comfortable with her age, who is sexually active and quite attractive. That’s dismaying because seniors who age naturally can be babes, as Gordon makes clear, and they do have sexual needs and lives; to omit their reality is to omit part of the human experience.”

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered