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Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelor Finale (Juan Pablo)

March 11, 2014

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photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell

  1. When your partner’s family tells you he’s rude, he makes his mama cry, he won’t stick around when things get hard, he’s not an easy guy, he’s self-centered, he’s a know-it-all, he’s simple, he watches TV all day, and there will be lots of fighting, dump him.
  2. When your partner’s dad is more affectionate, more complimentary, and quicker to say “I love you” than your partner, dump him.
  3. When someone says “I love you” don’t respond with “Thank you” or a high-pitched, mildly frightened “Woooh!”
  4. Don’t mention the possibility of having children together if you’re not serious about the relationship. And don’t mention a ring if you’re not going to use it — it’s not a god-damned dangling carrot!
  5. When someone uses the phrase “It is what it is” to describe their relationship with you, dump him. In fact, if someone you’re dating uses the phrase “It is what it is” to describe anything, dump him.

The moral of this season of “The Bachelor”? DON’T DATE JUAN PABLO!



Blog Snog: Inside the Lives of a Couple Making Amateur Porn

March 7, 2014



A Brief History of Love, from the New Book “Love Sense”

March 7, 2014


The new book Love Sense by clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson tries to take some of the mystery out of that big emotion. While that may not sound very romantic, Johnson is dedicated to the scientific exploration of love so that we may have better, more-fulfilling, more intimate long-term relationships — especially in a world where independence, isolation and non-monogamy are growing more common. Her book offers real-life examples and practical exercises, based on the Emotionally Focused Therapy she developed in her own practice. Below is an excerpt from the first chapter, which outlines a brief history of love and why it still matters in the 21st century.


Love Sense” by Dr. Sue Johnson

from Chapter 1

My memories are full of the sounds and sights of love: The ache in my elderly grandmother’s voice when she spoke of her husband, gone nearly fifty years. A railway signalman, he had courted her, a ladies’ maid, for seven years on the one Sunday she had off each month. He died of pneumonia on Christmas Day after eighteen years of marriage, when he was forty-five and she just forty.

My small enraged mother flying across the kitchen floor at my father, a former naval engineer in World War II, who stood large and strong in the doorway, drinking her in with his eyes, and she, seeing me, stopping suddenly and fleeing from the room. She left him after three decades of slammed doors and raised fists when I was ten. “Why do they fight all the time?” I asked my granny. “Because they love each other, sweetie,” she said. “And watching them, it’s clear that none of us knows what the hell that means.” I remember thinking, “Well, I won’t do this love thing, then.” But I did.

Telling my first great love, “I refuse to play this ridiculous game. It’s like falling off a cliff.” Weeping just months into a marriage, asking myself, “Why do I no longer love this man? I can’t even pinpoint what is missing.” Another man smiling quietly at me, and I, just as quietly, leaning back and letting myself plunge into the abyss. There was nothing missing.

Sitting, years later, watching the last of the ice finally melting on our lake one morning in early April and hearing my husband and children walking through the woods behind me. They were laughing and talking, and I touched for a moment the deepest joy, the kind of joy that was, and still is, entirely enough to fill up my heart for this lifetime.

Anguish and drama, elation and satisfaction. About what? For what?


Love can begin in a thousand ways—with a glance, a stare, a whisper or smile, a compliment, or an insult. It continues with caresses and kisses, or maybe frowns and fights. It ends with silence and sadness, frustration and rage, tears, and even, sometimes, joy and laughter. It can last just hours or days, or endure through years and beyond death. It is something we look for, or it finds us. It can be our salvation or our ruin. Its presence exalts us, and its loss or absence desolates us.

We hunger for love, yearn for it, are impelled to it, but we haven’t truly understood it. We have given it a name, acknowledged its force, cataloged its splendors and sorrows. But still we are confronted with so many puzzles: What does it mean to love, to have a loving relationship? Why do we pursue love? What makes love stop? What makes it persist? Does love make any sense at all?

Read the rest of this entry »

Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelor (Juan Pablo, The Women Tell All)

March 4, 2014


photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell

  1. Ladies, never say you “think too much.” Serious reflection, internal debate, philosophical pondering — these are all good things in a woman, in a romantic partner, in a human being (even if they may seem surprising to Juan Pablo).
  2. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to non-exclusive relationships — anyone you’re dating should be made aware of the fact that you’re seeing other people. That said, do so delicately and with restraint — they don’t need to hear the details of your other relationships or be made to feel like one of many.
  3. It takes a real narcissist to look back on past relationships (whether those relationships occurred simultaneously or not) and profess “no regrets.” Really? Not a single, itty-bitty one? How about a little self reflection, humility and personal improvement by honestly admitting, even if it’s just to yourself, how you could have been a better partner. We’re sure you can think of something.
  4. The only way to deal with an ex who’s been hurt by you is with contrition. Don’t go on the offensive (and we mean that in both senses of the word).
  5. As an adult, you should be able to defend your position on gay marriage — or any other big political issue — in 60 seconds to your date. If you can’t, then it might be time for a little soul searching.


Blog Snog: All the Oscar-Winning Nude Scenes

February 28, 2014


Everyone You’ve Ever Dated, By 2014 Oscar-Nominated Roles

February 28, 2014


Did you get a weird sense of deja vu while Oscar-cramming all the movies before Sunday’s big awards show? It’s not just because you can chart your dating style based on the Oscar-nominated movies (as we explained last week) — it’s because this year’s crop of best acting nominees, in the lead and supporting roles, somehow manage to represent the archetypes of every person you’ve ever dated. To wit…

The One You Date for Their “Potential”: Christian Bale, American Hustle

On paper, these people are all wrong for you: Maybe they’re already married, for example, or unemployed, or a con artist. But there’s something charming about them — maybe it’s their incongruous body confidence, or their tenderness toward stray animals or children — that takes you off guard, and convinces you that they have the ability to be a great person. While you hang around waiting for this person to change, you find yourself forgiving everything from premature hair loss to infidelity.

The Bad Boy/Unavailable Woman: Leonard DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s lust at first type with these partners: You find it hard to believe that someone so hot/charming/rich/sought-after would be interested in little old you. As soon as you have sex for the first time — which may or may not be on the first date but, let’s be honest here, probably is — this person becomes a little more distant, a little harder to reach, a little less likely to call, a little more likely to show up drunk or high. You hang in there  – often through bouts of infidelity, emotional abuse, and unreciprocated oral sex — because you want to believe that you are the one to make this bad boy/unavailable woman change their playa ways. See also: Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave.

The High School Nerd Who Grew Up Hot: Sandra Bullock, Gravity

If only you’d noticed this person back in high school when there was zero competition and you had no date for prom! If only you’d joined chess club! If only you’d asked for their help on your college application essay! Instead, you track this person down on Facebook, many years later, and try to pretend that you’re more than just a superficial asshole who finds it hard to pay attention to what ugly people are saying. If this is true — hey, maybe you grew up to be a nice person — then this could be The One.

The One You Underestimate Because They’re Less Attractive Than You: Jonah Hill, The Wolf of Wall Street

This is the person you treat as Plan B — someone who will always pick up the phone when you call (or when you booty call), who will always be your plus-one when you’re invited to your cousin’s wedding, who will always boost your ego, and who will probably be willing to marry you if you don’t find someone better. You treat them like a back-up plan because they’re less attractive than you, or not as smart, or not as successful, or not as charming. And then they up and surprise you with a makeover/I.P.O./super-hot partner, and you’re left in the dust.

The One You Overestimate Because of Their Accent: Amy Adams, American Hustle

We’re talking to you, Juan Pablo Bachelor contestants! Before you take the relationship any further, ask yourself, would you still sleep date this person if they sounded like the Nanny/Peewee Herman? A sultry accent (even a fake one) can certainly make up for a nose like Gerard Depardieu, or a goiter, but it can’t make up for Tea Party-politics or an inability to ask an intelligent question.

The Hot Mess: Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

When you first meet, you’re incredibly turned on by this person’s brand of crazy, be it addiction or chronic narcissism or rage or stalking. You have wild, unpredictable sex — in public, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day. You have phone sex and kinky sex and group sex and acrobatic sex. Until, eventually, the sex starts to slow down — to, say, just once a day — and you realize that the craziness outside the bedroom isn’t worth the craziness inside it. See also: Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle; Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips.

The Surprise Hit: Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

This person woos you with persistence or proximity until you finally give in and go on a date. Or maybe you drunkenly hook up after happy hour drinks and then realize you actually kind of like them. Or a mediocre date ends in mind-blowing sex and suddenly the next date is awesome. This person is not your type, and they don’t check any of your boxes, but somehow, it works. When friends found out you dated this person, they’ll be all like, “You dated them?” and you’ll smile slyly and say, “You have no idea.”

The Secretly Needy One: Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

When you first start dating, this person is cool as a summer’s breeze. They’re confident, carefree, independent, and possibly even independently wealthy. But the deeper into the relationship you get, the more you realize that this person is an insecure black hole of neediness (and possibly even broke). Even worse, they resent their own neediness, which leads them to strike out at the people they need the most. You just better hope they don’t threaten suicide or social-media embarrassment when you dump them.

The Intellectual Connection: Judi Dench, Philomena

You make each other laugh, you make each other think, you make each other want to be better people. Unfortunately, however, this person just doesn’t inspire you in the sack. Everyone thinks you’re perfect for each other — especially you parents — and you probably are… if only you could get past that sex thing. Hey, maybe you’ll look each other up again on Facebook when you’re eighty and past caring about sex.

The One with Big Dreams: Bruce Dern, Nebraska

They tell you they want to be president (maybe of the local knitting club, you think). They tell you they want to make movies (but they never do). They talk about how awesome it would be to fly to Paris on a whim (you never go). They show you their poetry and ask if you think it’s good enough for The New Yorker (it never is). They have big hopes and dreams — for life, for love, for your relationship. But somehow, all you get out of the relationship is a beer belly and a commemorative baseball hat (and a sense that the relationship lasted a lot longer than it actually did).

The Delicate Flower: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

If only this person would realize what a catch they are! They’re sweet, smart, and fun to be around… until the sensitivity kicks in. A night in bed frequently ends in hugs and tears and warm cups of tea, while you rub their back and insist they’re good enough for you. Once in a blue moon, these hugs and teas and cups of tea are enough for this person to blossom into a ten-feet-tall sunflower, and you live happily ever after. More often, though, you end up feeling more like a therapist than a lover.

The Right Person, Wrong Time: Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

Maybe you were too young, or too stupid, or too ambitious, or too into blondes at the time, or too busy being a, you know, slave. Life’s like that sometimes. Fortunately for you, there’s Facebook. The one who got away can still be got back!

The One You Grew Apart From: Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

It was all so right, until it went so wrong. You were the envy of all your couple friends, and you used to look down your noses at couples who needed marriage therapy or spa weekends away from each other or forced date nights. But maybe if you’d allowed yourself a little marriage therapy or a spa weekend away from each other, or a cornball “date night,” you’d still be together. Or maybe you still would have slept with your executive assistant/tennis coach, who knows?

The One with the Bad Perm: Bradley Cooper, American Hustle

Everything about this relationship is perfect, except for their bad perm. Or maybe it’s their refusal to pluck their eyebrows. Or their inattention to pubic grooming. Or their preference for pleated khakis over flat-front pants. Or their goatee. If you can suck it up and move on from this trivial detail, you may well live happily ever after. But, more likely, you’ll obsess over this one thing until it snowballs into a serious relationship deal-breaker. Too bad.


The Bachelor’s Big Reveal: Juan Pablo & the Fantasy Suite Charade

February 26, 2014


photo courtesy of ABC/Guy D’Alema

Many episodes of The Bachelor of have been touted as “the most dramatic ever!” — last night’s truly was.

It has been a long-time coming: 18 seasons to be exact (and that’s not even counting all the spin-offs). But after yesterday’s fantasy suite episode of The Bachelor with Juan Pablo, the veils have finally dropped, exposing the show as the anti-fairy-tale it actually is.

Cynics and smart people have known all along it was a sham, but the producers have always taken great pains to perpetuate the fairy-tale myth. For instance, every bachelor follows the script which dictates that he have no clue who he’s going to choose until he wakes up on the morning of the final rose ceremony with sudden, miraculous clarity about his “one true love.” No conversations about religion or politics are ever aired (do they even take place?), because matters of the heart are supposed to transcend that. And the vast majority of the women the producers usually pick are not career-driven realists — they’re romantics with more traditional “family values” who feel like they’re old maids at 26 because they haven’t found “The One” yet.

But last night, the producers had to let all that go when one woman refused to play along: Andi, our hero.

Cracks in the facade began appearing earlier this season, when Juan Pablo’s flaws couldn’t be contained. First, while Juan Pablo was doing publicity events in real time between episodes #2 and 3, he went rogue, making homophobic statements during an interview: “…there’s this thing about gay people… it seems to me, and I don’t know if I’m mistaken or not… but they’re more ‘pervert’ in a sense. And to me the show would be too strong… too hard to watch [with a gay bachelor].” Those comments began chipping away at his Prince Charming exterior. He was being honest, but that’s something the producers don’t let bachelors get away with on the show, at least not while it’s in mid-season. Left to his own devices, Juan Pablo’s small-mindedness became abundantly clear before they’d even gotten out of the United States to more exotic date locales!

Next, came the slut shaming. The combination of bikinis, cocktails, competition, hot tubs and epic make-out sessions that stand-in for actual getting-to-know-you conversation led one contestant, Clare, to break protocol and actually make a move: she snuck out at 4am, knocked on his door, and invited him for a romp in the sea. Juan Pablo happily — and quickly — obliged (he couldn’t get his swimsuit on or his tongue out fast enough). The two engaged in some more make-out time – unscheduled and unsanctioned make-out time — in the rough ocean waves (which in our expert opinion involved major frottage, maybe some handwork, but most likely not penile penetration, despite the editors best efforts to make viewers think otherwise). And with that, Clare seemed like she had secured her position as the front runner.


That is, until the next day. Clare knew what she wanted and she went for it, so she had to be punished  – it didn’t fit The Bachelor script, nor did it fit Juan Pablo’s macho notion of how good girls behave. Even though he willingly and wholeheartedly participated, he realized he had been out-manned, so she needed to be taken down a peg. He gave her a paternalistic talking to, explaining it was wrong of her to do what she did, using the lame, made-up excuse of needing to set a good example for his daughter — a need he failed to honor in every subsequent episode by engaging in more bathing suit make-out sessions with at least 5 other women…by dating 7, 10, 15 women at a time…indeed by just being on this show (if we’re using the excuse he gave Clare as the measuring stick).

Other glitches in the Bachelor matrix presented themselves: Juan Pablo’s inability to deal with women’s emotions (“Don’t cry”, “Stop crying,” etc); his need to control them (“Look at me [when I'm talking to you]” in combo with his patented chin lift); his preference for kisses over conversation (something all bachelors could be accused of, thanks to the producers heavy hand in editing, but Juan Pablo takes the cake, and we’re guessing without that much help from them); his really poor timing in letting women go (he may not have known it was Cassandra’s birthday when he dumped her, but he knew he was going to dump Renee right after meeting her son — no way would he raise another man’s child); and the fact that before last night, one contestant (Sharleen) had already voluntarily bailed — an inexplicably rare occurrence in the warped world of The Bachelor.


But the last veil dropped last night, when “the fantasy suite turned into a nightmare,” as Andi put it. Like Sharleen (the other sharp, career-driven woman on the show), assistant district attorney Andi had had reservations about this “process” and JP all along, feeling uncomfortable with having to wait such an unnaturally long time for one-on-one encounters with someone she’s supposedly dating (a totally legitimate and understandable reaction that sane people who’ve seen this show wonder why more contestants don’t seem to have and express more often). When Andi brought JP home to meet her family, her father and sister openly expressed reservations. Even the language she chose to describe her feelings at that point reflected, perhaps inadvertently, her ambivalence: I think I feel like I could almost be kind of close to something akin to love (we’ve paraphrased for dramatic effect). It was as if, having come so far in the show and having enjoyed the world travel and having succumbed to the pressure of the cameras, she felt obligated to pretend to feel something she didn’t. It’s a phenomenon that happens to all the women (even within the first episode, when some women start making premature statements about the potential for love and marriage and kids with someone they just met!) — but with Andi, we could tell she didn’t believe it, and it was obvious that deep down, she could tell too.

So when Andi and Juan Pablo got to their fantasy suite — which is presented as a sex den by the producers but is probably more often a safe place for participants to let their guards down, be their truer selves, and get to the heart of important matters for the first time — the harsh reality of Juan Pablo (and the show itself) became clear. Without a thrilling activity (like bungee jumping or waterfall climbing), without an amazing view, without the cameras and microphones, and without sex, the two of them had a chance to talk, really talk. And Juan Pablo couldn’t deliver. Not because English is his second language, but because he is a sexist man who views women through a retro lens: they are sex objects, wives, and mothers, not independent individuals on equal par with men who might have their own ideas and opinions and careers. Women should be seen, not necessarily heard. They should bend to the light of the man. And their greatest goal should be to get married, have children, and support their husband. It’s the kind of world view that someone who’s arrogant enough to be The Bachelor and date this many people all at once in this manner would, unsurprisingly, have. And it’s the kind of world view that the set up of this show perpetuates. (The Bachelorette series tries but fails to even this effed-up playing field — there’s a reason there’ve been half as many episodes of The Bachelorette as The Bachelor).

Most of the women on this show are happy in this traditional role — at least while the mesmerizing cameras are rolling. Never before has someone rejected the script so wholeheartedly, nor brutally taken down a Bachelor mid-season. (Even revolutionary Sharleen’s adios was dampened by her tears, her lust and her lack of conviction.) But after spending real genuine quality time with Juan Pablo alone, Andi couldn’t stay silent: she had to tell the producers, Juan Pablo himself , and the world what a joke it all was:

The fantasy suite turned into a nightmare. I saw a side to him that I didn’t really like, and the whole night was just a disaster. I hope he did not think that went well. I really hope he did not think that that was a good date….Every time I started to talk about feelings or started to talk about, you know, something from my past or whatever, it was always him that started telling his own story. It was all stories about him, and not once did he really ask anything about me….I just started to realize that he didn’t really care about who I was, and what I thought, and what I want in life….It blew my mind that he thought that was okay to talk about [Clare's overnight date]….There’s just no filter with him…He thinks that he can say whatever he wants to say, and that everyone’s gonna laugh and still fall in love with him…but, you know, it gets to a point where it’s just offensive.

When she confronted Juan Pablo in broad daylight and in front of the cameras about the previous night, she asked him if he had any idea what religion she practices, what her politics are, how she intends to raise her children (he didn’t), revealing that it’s not just that the producers choose not to highlight these conversations, but that they don’t happen — at least not with Juan Pablo (and chances are, not with many other Bachelor-types as well). As with Sharleen, Juan Pablo didn’t fight for Andi, didn’t express regret or remorse, didn’t try to make amends — he simply shrugged his shoulders and dusted off his hands. After all, he doesn’t have to listen to the opinions of an uppity woman; he’s got plenty of other women to choose from — and not just the two remaining contestants, but all the idiot women who will line up after the show to get a piece of this celebrity frog, warts and all.

Andi’s unconventional departure from The Bachelor (with THE best in-car post-breakup confessional) was the equivalent of a Super-Bowl-sized home team win a long-time coming for all the progressive feminists who watch this show like a car crash. Hopefully, the producers will see that a more honest, more realistic portrayal, not only of the messiness of relationships, but of the strength and independence of different kinds of smart women — rather than the candy-coated charade of The Bachelor‘s Barbies & Kens — is what truly makes for the most dramatic episodes ever.


Your Dating Style, According to 2014′s Oscar-Nominated Movies

February 25, 2014


Last week we dished up sex and dating wisdom from Matthew McConaughey, according to the various characters he’s played over the years — from Dazed and Confused all the way through to True Detective. This week we’re going to let you figure out your love/sex/dating style, according to which is your favorite Oscar-nominated movie of the list below…

American Hustle

You like kinky power play and roleplaying (especially with wigs). And you approve of mind games, both in and out of the bedroom.

We fight and then we fuck, that’s our thing. – Rosalyn Rosenfeld

You’re nothing to me until you’re everything. — Sydney Prosser

She was the Picasso of passive-aggressive karate. — Irving Rosenfeld



Captain Phillips

You think that communication is the cornerstone of all good relationships, and you won’t give up until you’ve perfected this. You play by the rules, because that’s how good relationships prosper.

The problem is not me talking. The problem is you not listening. — Captain Phillips

I came too far, I can’t give up. — Muse

I got bosses. They got rules. — Muse

We all got bosses. — Captain Phillips



August, Osage County

You like to talk dirty, and you like to fight dirty, too. You’ll hang in there until the bitter end, even if it kills you.

Eat the fish, Bitch! — Barbara Weston

Oh… oh… I got a big bite of fear! And it never tasted so good! — Charlie Aiken

My wife takes pills, and I drink. That’s the little deal we’ve struck, a little paragraph in our marriage contract. — Beverly Weston

Barbara Weston: Marriage is hard.
Karen Weston: That’s one thing about mom and dad. You gotta tip your hat to anybody who can stay married that long.
Ivy Weston: Karen, he killed himself.


The Wolf of Wall Street

Sex and love — it’s all just mergers and acquisitions to you. Which means you want more-more-more of everything… and you’ll screw over what really matters to you in the process of acquiring more and merging more.

Jordan Belfort: [holding his child] Does Daddy get a kiss from both of his little girls?
Naomi Lapaglia: Oh, no. No, Daddy doesn’t even get to touch Mommy for a very, very… very long time.
Jordan Belfort: Daddy’s really sorry about what he said in the other room, he didn’t mean any of it!
Naomi Lapaglia: Daddy shouldn’t waste his time. And from now on… it’s gonna be nothing but short, short skirts around the house. And you know something else, Daddy? Mommy is just so sick and tired of wearing panties.
Jordan Belfort: Yeah?
Naomi Lapaglia: Yeah.
Naomi Lapaglia: [pushes him away with her legs] But no touching.
Jordan Belfort: Oh, god.



You like long walks in space, lots of extended, meaningful eye contact, and deep conversations about What It All Means. You like your personal space, but you also like being tethered to someone… it makes the abysss that much more bearable, no?

Matt Kowalski: So, what do you like about being up here?
Ryan Stone: The silence.




Who really knows what it all means? Who really knows what love is? Who really knows if this post even exists? In that case… screw it! You do what you want, screw who you want, love who you want.

I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity. — Amy

I wanted somebody to fuck me. I want somebody to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would have filled this tiny little hole in my heart, but probably not. — Theodore

Sometimes I think I have felt everything I’m ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I’m not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I’ve already felt. — Theodore

The past is just a story we tell ourselves. — Samantha

We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy. — Amy

The heart is not like a box that gets filled up; it expands in size the more you love. I’m different from you. This doesn’t make me love you any less. It actually makes me love even more. — Samantha

We spend a third of our lives asleep, and maybe that’s the time when we feel the most free. — Amy



You’re a commitment-phobe who thinks that holding onto your independence is the best way to protect yourself from heartbreak. The problem with this approach is, you never get any practice at serious, long-term relationships, so when The One (or someone you think is The One) comes along, you might leap into a forever commitment without really thinking things through.

Anna: Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?
Elsa: I said enough!
[In her fury, she conjures up an icicle wall around herself.

Anna: But I want to help!
Kristoff: No! I don’t trust your judgement!
Anna: Excuse me?
Kristoff: Who marries a man they just met?
Anna: It’s true love!


Before Midnight

You need to learn to appreciate comfortable silence in a long-term relationship. Just because you don’t have a fresh witty anecdote to share with your partner every minute of every day, doesn’t mean the “magic” has gone. In fact, you should consider it one of the benefits of long-term commitment, that you don’t have to perform constantly. Sometimes it’s okay to just be.

Jesse: You’re just like the little girls and everybody else. You wanna live inside some fairy tale. I’m just trying to make things better. I tell you that I love you unconditionally, I tell you that you’re beautiful, I tell you that your ass looks great when you’re 80. I try to make you laugh.
Celine: Okay.
Jesse: All right, I put up with plenty of your shit. And if you think I’m just some dog who’s gonna keep coming back, then you’re wrong. But if you want true love, then this is it. This is real life. It’s not perfect, but it’s real. And if you can’t see it, then you’re blind, all right, and I give up.



Top 5 Love Lessons from the Bachelor (Juan Pablo, Hometown Dates)

February 25, 2014


photo courtesy of ABC/Guy D’Alema

  1. Dudes: No sleeveless tees over long-sleeved ones (even if they’re attached and it’s supposed to be a “look”). In fact, better yet: No sleeveless tees, period.
  2. If one of the parents of your date asks for either a private dance performance or a private dance lesson from you, quickly but tactfully get your date back by your side to immediately dilute the creepy factor (just as JP did with Andi’s mom).
  3. It’s 2014. You don’t need to ask anyone’s father’s permission to propose marriage. But if you insist on asking for a blessing (or the more confrontational “Would you welcome me into this family?”), then ask both parents, not just the dad. (This applies to any ladies considering proposing as well.)
  4. Renee’s mom said it best: “We can love our pets; but you need to be in love with the [person] you want to be with.” Make sure you don’t just have a “pet,” or that you are the “pet.”
  5. Don’t meet the child of your date unless you’re sure you see a future together. And certainly don’t meet the child of your date the day before you dump them!


Blog Snog: Sex Duration in America, Mapped by State

February 21, 2014