Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!


Archive | TV RSS feed for this section

Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Andi on Hometown Dates)

July 8, 2014

0 Comments

.

  1. When wooing someone — especially someone with an intellectual career — avoid these decidedly unsexy words and phrases: “it’s hard work,” “don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty,” “gumption,” “there’s no limits for a woman on a farm,” and “homemaker” (even if the person wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home parent, there’s something so negatively old-fashioned about that word).
  2. Be aware of your “tells” on a date, e.g. a frowny-mouth relationship-barometer (the deeper the frown, the more turned off/disingenuous/full of it you are). Don’t give away your true feelings before you’ve given things a real chance. And if you have figured out your true feelings, then divulge them, don’t hide them behind your liar’s scowl.
  3. Don’t talk about your relationship like you’re doing a post-game interview: “I’ve worked hard for this, I’m ready for it, and I’m gonna give it 110%” (Josh).
  4. When you look exactly like your date’s mom and sister, consider that a HUGE red flag.
  5. Another HUGE red flag? When a close relative of your date tells you that his habit of “over-caring” can be totally “annoying.”  Cut bait asap, just like Andi did.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Andi in Belgium)

July 1, 2014

0 Comments

photo courtesy of ABC/Geert Vanden Wijngaert

  1. It’s honorable to take the process of falling in love seriously (Marcus), but would it kill you to crack a joke once in a while? There’s a reason why people rank “sense of humor” as one of the most important qualities they look for in a mate.
  2. To quote Nick: “You’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.”
  3. Guys, it’s great to be in touch with your emotions and allow yourselves to cry, even publicly (Nick, Dylan) — sincerely — but now you’ve got to work on being able to express your emotions, whether good or bad, verbally. Tripping over your words (Nick), being uber-vague about your feelings (Nick, Josh) — these things are only mildly endearing for so long.
  4. Sour grapes aren’t very appealing. You can’t control how others (Nick) behave, you (all the other bachelors) can only control your own behavior and hope that it will serve you karmically in the end. So don’t be the nice guy who becomes a bad guy by railing against the original bad guy.
  5. Never stay at a hotel that will give any rando who knows your name a key to your room!

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Amy Schumer Doesn’t Feel Bad About Your Abortion

June 25, 2014

0 Comments

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: We fucking love Amy Schumer. She’s spit-your-drink funny and she’s feminist, whether she’s talking about casual sex or body image or fisting… or abortion. On this latter topic she particularly tickles us: We’d always assumed that a good abortion joke was hard to pull off, but Amy Schumer makes it seem as easy as, well, Plan B. She even calls it “aborsh”! Here are our five favorite Amy Schumer abortion jokes:

1. “I have an excuse, actually, why I’ve been drinking so much. I haven’t said this out loud yet — this is exciting — I’m drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody’s being evicted.”

2. [On Her Best Friend's Pregnancy] “I’ll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, ‘You guys, I’m keeping this one.”

3. “It’s a weird age. They’re like, ‘Amy, I’m pregnant.’ And I still don’t know whether to be like, ‘Congratulations,’ or ‘Do you need a ride?’”

4. “There’s nothing more awkward than going to the first birthday party of a little girl when you told her mom to get rid of her — because the kid can tell.”

And yes, yes, we know that Plan B is not an abortion, but “4 quotes about abortion and one about the morning after pill” just didn’t have the same ring to it…

5. “You feel like such a dirty whore buying Plan B. It is so embarrassing because it’s over the counter but you have to ask your pharmacist, and they know what you want but they make you ask. They’re lookin’ at me, I’m like, you see where my eyeliner is, just give it to me.”

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelorette (Andi, Week 5)

June 17, 2014

0 Comments


screenshot from ABC’s “The Bachelorette”

  1. When trying to express your most romantic feelings, do not say “You are awesome,” as if you’re at some sporting event marveling at an epic play, bro.
  2. Don’t be a poor sport on a date. Join in, lighten up and have a laugh. (That said, if your date makes you mime…in public…in France, not only should you feel free to sulk, you should feel free to dump your date.)
  3. We’ll say it again: don’t be a poor sport on a date: If you don’t love to cook or feel inadequate in the kitchen but find yourself there on a date, roll with it, put in a modicum of effort, and make fun of your lack of culinary prowess. Do not pout and whine, “I don’t know how my mom makes her awesome mash potatoes, I just eat ‘em,” you big retro meathead.
  4. Think about what a Bachelor/Bachelorette producer would have you do on a date to be more romantic, and then do it. (No way did Brian come up with that restaurant kitchen make-out idea to make up for the kisses he didn’t steal in Andi’s apartment kitchen — that was pure producer prodding, and it totally worked.)
  5. Ladies, very rarely does “fancy” up-done hair look better than casual flowing hair. Less is often more, so when in doubt, walk away from the matronly up-do that takes hours to accomplish by a high-end stylist who secretly hates all women and is exacting their revenge through said ugly up-do.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelorette (Andi, “The Journey So Far”)*

June 10, 2014

0 Comments

  1. If you’re going to talk politics on a date, then the only appropriate response to the topic of Benghazi is “Bring it on!”
  2. It’s gauche to ask your date about the ancient indiscretions of their partner, especially if said date was the Secretary of God Damn State.
  3. If you’re going to tell your date how dead broke you once were, don’t talk about having to somehow finance your houses (plural) back then. Be sensitive to the genuine financial hardships your date might have experienced in the past or may be experiencing right now.
  4. The discussion of scrunchies has no place on a date, whether you’re running for President of the United States or not.
  5. While on a date, don’t try to disguise your age, especially not with a schmear of Vaseline over the camera lens. Be proud of your extensive journalistic experience and own your wrinkles.
*This week’s “Bachelorette” show was a one-hour recap of the season so far that made room for Diane Sawyer’s exclusive ABC News interview with Hillary Clinton which aired on Monday night. 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Why Lo Won’t Watch “Game of Thrones” Anymore

June 9, 2014

0 Comments

Lo wanted to pen a smart, thoughtful piece on all the serious, misogynistic, pro-rapey problems with “Game of Thrones” that have made it unwatchable for her, but after reading Bethany Jones’ piece ‘Game of Thrones,’ Sex and HBO: Where Did It Go Wrong For TV’s Sexual Pioneers? over at Indewire’s “/bent” blog last week, there was no point: Jones nails it. At three pages, it’s a tome of an internet article, but it’s so worth it! The piece is funny, erudite, well-researched, and spot on. It should be required reading for any GOT fan.

Here’s one small taste, in which she uses one of our favorite philosophical party tricks to expose just how fucked-up the “sex” scenes in Game of Rapes, er, Thrones are:

So let’s imagine another scenario. Let’s imagine that in the background of most episodes of “Game of Thrones” we saw dark-skinned semi-naked people casually or brutally humiliated because of their race: lynchings, gratuitous beatings, n-words thrown about, all the horrible theatre of race-hate, say. Imagine that the incidental exposition scenes of “Game of Thrones” didn’t take place in a brothel but in a slave market, for no real reason. And in a slave market where the slaves showed signs of contentment and arousal at the point of sale. Imagine that in the background of incidental scenes of “Game of Thrones” we saw dark-skinned people being tarred and feathered, or whipped, or branded, just incidentally. And imagine that the camera dwelt lingeringly on the small physical details of these acts, just for the hell of it. And then, as a finishing touch, imagine that all of this was done spuriously, as a departure from the source material and for no meaningful narrative gain, but just to spice up the action, to show some pecs and tits, to give an impression of grittiness, to get some people off. Imagine a non-white person was subjected to the most violent instance of racial hatred, and then appeared to forget about it in the following episode. Imagine if having resisted being beaten, and imagine whilst saying ‘no, no’ to their abuser, they shifted their body in an ambiguous way, a way that could have been interpreted as inviting further punishment but could also have been seen as self-protection. Imagine if this meant we were told it was no longer an instance of racial hatred but a mutually consenting act.  Imagine we were asked to forget all we know about the historical and contemporary power dynamics that structure and inform racial violence.

Would you think that was ok, HBO? And how many people would think that was ok?

If you read only this, then you are doing yourself a disservice: you’ll miss the exact moment Jones declares that HBO jumped the sex shark, how ill-informed about and indifferent to rape the director of one now-infamous GOT rape scene (pictured above) is, and how a 1976 BBC production featuring a young, mad, sadistic king who trusses up a naked woman and kills her (sound familiar?)  is less sexist than this “modern” HBO show. This is the stuff brilliant PhD dissertations are made of — except, lucky for us, Jones gets to use phrases like “frathouse flatulent ether” here. Sanity is coming!

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 10 Love Lessons from The Bachelorette (Andi, Ep 3 & 4)

June 3, 2014

1 Comment

photo courtesy of ABC/David Moir

  1. On a date, do not go on and on about what a nerd you were in high school — that’s a story best told after they’ve fallen in love with the totally rad person you are today.
  2. That said, do wear cool, memorable pants.
  3. Never underestimate the power of unexpected flowers and a sweet note.
  4. Never airbrush on a six-pack (we’re pretty sure the producers insisted on “enhancing” Marcus’s).
  5. If you have something on your mind that’s bothering you, you owe it to your date to let them know so they don’t take it personally. No need to go into great detail, just give them a heads up that you’re having an off day.
  6. Men, follow the example of this season’s group of bachelors: they’re affectionate (not just with Andi but with each other), they talk about their emotions easily, they’re not afraid to cry, etc. After all, it’s alright to cry, crying gets the sad out of you…
  7. “Not everything happens for a reason.” Finally someone said it! Thank you, Marcus!
  8. If your natural serious face makes you look like you’re smelling something really bad, you might want to work on some alternative expression with practice in a mirror.
  9. If you don’t feel chemistry with each other, don’t try to force something that’s not there. Just walk away from the relationship with grace and dignity.
  10. If someone you dated very briefly dies, don’t go on and on about how hard it is for you.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 5 Love Lessons from “The Bachelorette” (Andi, Ep 2)

May 27, 2014

0 Comments

photo courtesy of ABC/Todd Wawrychuk

  1. Don’t let your snowboard instructor (ballroom dance instructor, pottery instructor, etc) touch your date more than you.
  2. Don’t show your date your anus on your second date, whether accidentally or not.
  3. You can ask your date “What’s the worst thing about your parents?” as long as A) you’re not wasted, B) you’re not being filmed, and C) you seriously want to know and it wasn’t just the first question that popped into your drunk head.
  4. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: don’t get blotto on an early date. That said, in the same vein, don’t be such an uptight wet-noodle that you poop all over the party when someone who’s had a stressful day (becoming a professional stripper competing with some of the most ripped torsos in America on national television) overindulges at said soiree (where he’s being plied with drinks and underfed while continuing to compete with these Adonises) — you don’t have to give a bro a rose, but give a bro a break.
  5. Date Fashion-Don’ts: A) Don’t get dressed up fancy when the majority of people where you’re going will be wearing sleeveless tees, camo shorts and sneaks. B) Don’t wear anything you don’t feel comfortable in. Case in point: Andi was walking around with shoulders hunched up like Quasimodo in an attempt to avoid a wardrobe malfunction at her rose-ceremony cocktail party. And finally C) Don’t over-mix-and-match. For example, you can mismatch your shirt and tie, and you can mismatch your shirt and socks, but you can’t mismatch all three (that’s overkill, Marquel).

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Top 5 Love Lessons from The Bachelorette (Andi, Ep 1)

May 20, 2014

1 Comment

photo courtesy of ABC/Rick Rowell

  1. When on a date, follow the same rule of the writer: show, don’t tell. Do not say “I have a lot to offer” as your opening gambit. Prove it by being charming, smart, funny, compassionate and so on.
  2. Do not refer to your date as “ma’am” at any point, even if you’re just trying to be polite (we’re talking to you, “Yes ma’am” Marquel).
  3. Don’t have a type. As Andi wisely noted, she’s always been attracted to a particular type of guy but she’s still single, so it’s probably time to mix things up. Keeping an open mind when it comes to dating will only increase your chances of finding love.
  4. Know when to stop drinking on a first date. Did you notice all the guys drinking tea and coffee by the end of the evening? Now that’s refreshing.
  5. If you have to explain your name by saying “It’s ‘anal’ with an ‘m’,” have your name legally changed (we’re talking to you, Emil).

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



@Midnight’s #FilthyCelebrities Hashtag War

March 14, 2014

0 Comments

Our favorite show (besides “True Detective,” and the second season of “House of Cards,” and “The Bachelor,” duh) is @Midnight hosted by the adorable Chris Hardwick (of “Shipmates” fame!). It’s a late night Comedy Central game show wherein three comedians (different each night) compete to make the funniest jokes about that day’s Internet “news,” memes and viral videos. Our favorite segment — “#Hashtag Wars” — is a play-along-on-Twitter game where you come up with funny-clever responses to that night’s given hashtag: recent hashtags have included #BadSciFi (“Alien Vs. To Catch A Predator”), #SpringBreakBooks (“A Clockwork Orange Spray Tan”), and #RuinABand (“Faith No S’mores”) — the show features the winning submission on the next night’s show.

The featured hashtag this past Wednesday night/Thursday morning’s show was #FilthyCelebrities (host’s examples were “Bryan Cram-some-in” and “B.J. Novak”). So, since we were actually up for once and watching live (instead of watching it on TiVo like a full week later), and since we ostensibly write about filthy stuff, we submitted a few. Okay, we tweet-arrhea-ed a whole slew of submissions, which we think might have broken the Internets, since our tweets didn’t show up in the feed (only on our account page). Needless to say, we didn’t win. @Rich_Fulcher’s “James ‘Get In My Van’ der Beek” won. We think @ryanmaglunob — who submitted “Larry the Kegel Guy” — was robbed. Below, please to enjoy our first (and failed) attempts at battling in a Hashtag War:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com: