Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!
Burlesque and Retro Lingerie

Good Vibes Spring Sex Toys

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Amazon's Sexy Spring Dresses

Archive | TV RSS feed for this section

Top 10 Reasons Why Don Draper Would Make a Terrible Boyfriend

March 26, 2012

1 Comment

photo via amctv.com

The fifth season of MAD MEN premiered last night on AMC with a two-hour special, and Don Draper did nothing to change our minds about his relationship potential. Peggy may worry that he’s a kinder, cuddlier Draper, but we have no such concerns. After all, she didn’t see him resolve a domestic dispute by pretend-raping his wife. (What was up with that weird retro porn scene anyway?!) Here are our top ten reasons why Don Draper would make a terrible boyfriend:

  1. He drinks and smokes constantly, and we’ve never seen him even pop a mint, let alone brush his teeth. Imagine the morning breath.
  2. Oh wait, that’s right: he’d never sleep over.
  3. Which is probably because he knows that if you saw his un-slick bed-head (we imagine it’d look something like this), you’d never have sex with him again.
  4. Zero sense of humor. Zip. Then again, if Don Draper started to smile a lot, it might look like this — you got a rare glimpse of it in last night’s episode when he was shaving. No wonder he doesn’t tell a lot of jokes.
  5. No cunnilingus. (Just a wild guess.)
  6. Rampant — pathological, even — infidelity. In fact, this could really be points 1 through 10 as far as we’re concerned, but that wouldn’t make for a very entertaining list.
  7. All his anger and denial and repression might look good on the surface (again we reference the dorky smile), but can you imagine living with that on a daily basis? It’s way too much existential angst for a man who doesn’t believe in therapy (or surprise parties). In fact, the closest he came to dealing with his issues (and how he’d roll his eyes at the word “issues”) — one of his major issues being that his mom was a prostitute and his dad was too cheap to spring for a condom – was when he asked a prostitute to slap him during sex. Talk about baggage, Oedipus.
  8. He once said, “I don’t feel anything.” And it wasn’t because he’d fallen asleep on his arm. Sure, lots of women fantasize about changing a man, but that’s too much damn work. The dude flat-lined already.
  9. He’s kind of a fuddy duddy old square despite it all. (Remember that scene in the jazz club with his downtown artist mistress? Not to mention his stony reaction to his swingin’ surprise party last night.)
  10. He dates by type and you can never be all of them — in fact, he doesn’t want you to be all of them. He prefers to date one type at a time and then move on. He’s cycled through the all-American dream girl-slash-model, the bohemian artist, the wealthy sophisticated heiress, the mother figure, the accomplished peer, his mirror image in a skirt (Bobbie), the swooning secretary… As Faye told him at the end of season four, he only likes the beginnings of things — and we don’t see that changing anytime soon.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
• Get the 
SUNfiltered RSS feed

Car Crash Sex on TV

December 7, 2011


We recently ran a post on EMandLO.com about television shows with hot sex scenes, but if we’re being honest, the stuff that really floats our boats is the hilarious, cringe-worthy stuff that just seems a lot more realistic — after all, sex is often awkward, full of miscommunication, with some head bonking and disappointment, maybe tears. Which is why we loved, loved, LOVED last night’s episode of “New Girl” on Fox. We’ll admit, we were pretty eh about the pilot — it was close, but no cigar. So we never scheduled a second date with the show. But a friend encouraged us to give it another chance last night and we are so glad we did — because we can’t remember the last time we laughed so hard, especially not from of a television show (we’re talking tears and stomach pain). Not to get your hopes up, but it’s one of the best sex scenes we’ve ever seen on TV* — it should win an Emmy. We liked it so much, we went online so we could watch the earlier “penis” episode (officially titled “Naked”), which also did not disappoint. Oh, if only the same could be said for sex.

Now “New Girl” is fictitious comedy, and so the laughter last night’s scene elicited came freely, without any hesitation or guilt. It was truly joyous to guffaw at the characters on the screen. Not so with the giggles you’ll get watching TLC’s The Virgin Diaries — and that’s just the promo. These are real people, adults who’ve waited a looooooooong time to get it on. And so watching the car crash that is a bride and groom kissing (anyone!) for the first time ever is excruciatingly painful, not just because they look like, as Jimmy Kimmel described it (at minute 11 of his monologue), a mama bird regurgitating chewed up food into her baby’s mouth, but because you really feel bad about laughing about them. Not bad enough, of course, to not mention it on your blog the next day.

*Here’s the set up of the New Girl roleplaying scene: Jess recently broke up with her boyfriend of six years, so she hasn’t had sex with anyone else in a really long time. With a new guy on the scene, she’s afraid she’s out of the loop on sex trends and techniques, so she buys some lingerie, watches 5 straight hours of porn, and gets terrible advice from her male roommates about roleplaying. For some reason, the clip ends before the scene does (premature cessation!), so if you want to watch how the hookup ends, you’ll have to wait until next week to catch “Bad in Bed” online here (though unlike saving sex until marriage, it’s worth the wait).

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered Blog
• Get the
Naked Love RSS feed

Why Is Sex Fun?

August 31, 2011


The Discovery Channel is in the middle of airing a series called Curiosity. Current and upcoming episodes include “What Sank the Titanic” and “Is There a Parallel Universe?” Not sure how we missed the last one, “Why Is Sex Fun?” hosted by Maggie Gyllenhaal. We couldn’t find any upcoming airings listed in our Tivo, but you can find plenty of clips online, both on theDiscovery Channel website and on YouTube. The show takes a scientific look at the salacious, with a great bit on how the clitoris is not just a little external nubbin, but a great network of ennervated tissue that runs deep throughout the genitals (something you don’t see that often on mainstream TV or in scientific discussions for that matter). You’ll also see an orgasm in the brain, intercourse on an ultrasound and the first vibrators ever made on display at New York’s Museum of Sex. (We’re guessing this last bit is why Gyllenhaal hosted: her new movie out this fall, HYSTERIA, is a period rom-com about the invention of the vibrator in Victorian times. That’s what marketing nerds call synergy. Check out the new trailer here.)

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the
Naked Love RSS feed

Sexist Bill Maher on Sexism

July 22, 2011


We’re two of those poor HBO-less saps who have to wait until the following Wednesday to get the free podcast of the previous Friday night’s episode of “Real Time with Bill Maher.” And so we only just discovered his final “New Rule” from last week: “Republicans have to stop thinking up intricate, psychological explanations for why liberals don’t like Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann. Let me save you all some time. Are you ready? Because they’re crazy people.” Now, Bill Maher is not exactly what we’d call a feminist icon, and he’s pretty selective about which sexism he shuns — he’s definitely not down with the systemic misogyny of religions like Islam which allow women to be stoned for exposing an ankle and which consider rape not a crime but a punishment, but he loves to talk about stereotypical dumb blondes with big tits and nagging sexless ball-and-chain wives. It’s tough, because otherwise his political views are very compelling. So when he delivers a smart, spot-on New Rule like last week’s — in which he explains how Palin and Bachmann aren’t dumb because they have boobs but because they are boobs, and how inherently sexist the Bible is — we can forgive him the pig that he his.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the
Naked Love RSS feed

Let’s Talk About Sex (a Documentary)

April 8, 2011


Its title may be tired, but the documentary LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX is as relevant and necessary as ever in a country that’s schizo about sex, with teens paying the price in crazy rates of pregnancy and STDs. A winner of the Youth Award at the Mostra de Ciencia e Cinema Festival and an official selection of the Provincetown International Film Festival, the documentary (watch the trailer) airs tomorrow night (Sat, April 9) at 10pm on The Learning Channel (TLC). It may be the first show on that channel that’s actually educational and enlightening (hello? Cake Boss? Say Yes to the Dress? I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant?!?).

Read the full post on SUNfiltered

Wave of (Female Genital) Mutilation

April 5, 2011


ActivistResource.org apprised us of a 2009 documentary being screened in our neck of the woods (Hudson Valley) tonight called Mrs. Goundo’s Daughter, so we checked out the trailer. It’s the story of one woman’s quest to save her young daughter from the horrors of the African tradition of female genital cutting. In her native Mali, up to 85% of women and girls undergo clitoral excision, which can result in lifelong pain, infection, infertility and even death. After watching the trailer, you’ll think “This is crazy! How can people still think this is a good idea? Thank goodness I live in a Westernized country.” But then we’d point you to this report on the increase in labiaplasty by Hungry Beast (a television show in Australia where they can show a lot more — warning: this is NSFW). After seeing a young woman get her nerve-rich inner labia hacked off by choice, you’ll reconsider your Western superiority.

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the
Naked Love RSS feed

Zions, and Mormons, and Polygs, Oh My!

March 31, 2011

1 Comment

photo by Stephanie Sinclair for the New York Times Magazine

There seems to be Mormonism and polygamy in the air lately (at least for us), so we wanted to spread the love to you and you and you and…:

  • Escape — Just finished this crazy page-turner of a memoir from Carolyn Jessop, one of the few women to escape The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or FLDS (of Warren Jeffs infamy) with her 8 kids (and 8 is a low number for this radical polygamist sect). She recounts how the cult basically imprisons women as sex/baby-making slaves — you’ll boggle over how something like this could exist in America in the 21st century. Katherine Heigl is slated to make the movie version of the book (which, we hate to admit, we’re morbidly excited about).
  • Sister Wives — This TLC TV series is in the middle of its second season. With only 4 sister wives (who seem allowed to express their opinion) and their mere 16 kids, the Browns look like the Cleavers compared to the FLDS clans. Still, we really wish the show would delve a little deeper into the religious justification for the double standard of multiple wives but not multiple husbands (in Season 1, when his first wife of 20 years asked him to imagine her taking another husband, husband Kody admitted the thought sickened him — hmmm, funny how that works).
  • The Book of Mormon — Everyone’s raving about this new Broadway musical by the dudes behind South Park, including Jon Stewart, who said it’s “so fucking good it makes me angry.” Think Urinetown and Jerry Springer: The Musical rather than Wicked or Brigadoon.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

“Sex in America with Lisa Ling”

March 15, 2011


At least, that’s what Ling’s new show on OWN (Oprah’s new tv network) should be called, instead of “Our America with Lisa Ling.” After all, four of the first five episodes focus on matters of sexuality: There’s “Pray the Gay Away,” “Transgendered Lives,” “The State of Sex Offenders,” and tonight at 10pm “Online Brides” (all re-air several times over the next week). The first three (which we’ve seen) all take a very personal and intimate look at how these issues are affecting real people — it’s fascinating stuff, all shot very cinematically. The only drawback is how each episode is framed with a series of rhetorical questions posed by Ling’s stiff narration — a voice that mistakes monotone for gravitas…

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

The Onion’s “Invention of the Handjob”

January 27, 2011


Last week, the Onion News Network premiered on IFC and artfully accomplished what The Daily Show tries to: mercilessly skewering the 24-7 cable news industry (the subtitle is, after all, “News Without Mercy”). It’s exactly what a fake news show should look like, adopting all the slick, epilepsy-inducing bells and whistles of cable news shows and featuring beautiful, dead-behind-the-eyes presenters.  And since this is cable, they take full advantage of their ability to throw a lot of inappropriate sex into the mix: don’t miss their “This Day in History” segment on the invention of the handjob. It’s all online, but you can catch their second TV television episode tomorrow night in their regular Friday-night 10pm/9pmC slot on IFC.

Read the full post on SUNfiltered

The Wisdom and Wit of Snooki

January 20, 2011


Somehow in the post-holidays hangover, we missed the fact that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi — a.k.a. the Jersey Shore star with a pouf — made her debut as a novelist earlier this month, with A Shore Thing. Yep, she’s the one who once admitted she’d only read two books, Twilight and Dear John. (Which might explain why Snooki’s novel contains both a Bella and an Edward — not exactly the most common names overheard on a Jersey boardwalk.) We’re too busy reading George Eliot right now to actually read her entire snook, as we like to call it, but we have been enjoying reading the following brief excerpts out loud while lounging around in our silk pajamas and feeding each other grapes. Just in case you were expecting Hemingway, the cover helpfully explains that the novel is about “a girl [named Gia] looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore).”

  • “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
  • “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
  • “Only several months old, her boobs were virgin territory. She was eager for Tony to touch them, curious if it’d feel sexy, despite a slight post surgical loss of sensation.”
  • “Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
  • “I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”
  • “Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”

Read more excerpts at SUNfiltered