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What Every Mom Wants for Mother’s Day

May 8, 2015

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A room of one’s own…specifically, a hotel room…in which to masturbate. That’s the message of the funny music video by The Pump and Dump, called “Hotel Room“:

While watching the video, we realized the singer’s voice sounded familiar…and then it hit us: “Walk of Shame“! — another funny music video we highlighted on this site years ago by comedian Shayna Ferm (much lower production values, but hey, it was only 2008):

Back then, she was backed by “the Upper Deckers.” Now, two kids later (not unlike yours truly), she’s joined forces with “MC Doula” to create The Pump and Dump Show, “a raucous evening of comedy, inappropriate music, prizes, drinking, swearing and commiseration in Denver, Colorado…sure to make you laugh your c-section scar open” every month.

Sometimes they take their show on the road. We just want to know when they’re coming to the Hudson Valley!

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New Web Series: “Swipe Click Bang”

March 24, 2015

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The new web series from director Michael Sasso called “Swipe Click Bang” is about the mating habits of Millennials in the age of Tinder. Each webisode focuses on one couple who’ve just met through a hookup app and are either about to do it, are doing it, and/or just did it. According to Sasso, the show is an official selection at the HollyWeb and LA Webfest festivals and is nominated for 4 awards, including Outstanding Series.

Swipe Click Bang” is pretty safe for work, at least in terms of nudity (there is none). And, with only six episodes less than 7 minutes each, the show already feels incredibly inclusive: There are gay couples (both male and female), interracial couples, and some average body types. Topics covered include safer sex, body insecurity, casual sex etiquette, virginity, and the potential dangers around meeting strangers. Some moments are funny, some are painful, some are awkward, and some are painfully awkward — just like real sex. We didn’t have high hopes — the production values are pretty modest — but thanks to the clever writing (“talons”!) and decent acting (save maybe for #3), we got sucked in and happily watched all five. Below, you can too. (Short on time? Check out #2 and #6.)

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TBT: Stephen Fry on the Catholic Church’s Obsession with Sex

March 19, 2015

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Lo listens to YouTube debates on religion for fun. (Seriously, it makes doing the dishes so much more entertaining.) She just came across an oldie-but-a-goodie: A 2009 “Intelligence Squared” debate entitled “The Catholic Church Is a Force for Good in the World” featuring Archbishop John Onaiyekan and Ann Widdecombe (with a voice only a Monty Python fan could love) arguing for the motion, and Stephen Fry and Christopher Hitchens arguing against it (and crushing it). In his opening statement, Fry makes a few excellent points about sex that were just too good not to share again here six years later:

It is the strangest thing with this church. It is obsessed with sex. Absolutely obsessed. Now they will say, they will say we with our permissive society and our rude jokes are obsessed. No, we have a healthy attitude: we like it, it’s fun, it’s jolly. Because it’s a primary impulse it can be dangerous and dark and difficult. It’s a bit like food in that respect, only even more exciting. The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that, in erotic terms, is the Catholic Church in a nutshell.

Here’s the excellent 10-minute clip which features the above, along with Fry condemning the widespread cover-up of child rape among priests, the homophobia the Church spreads, and their campaign against condom-use in AIDS-riddled African countries. You can view the debate in its entirety at IntelligenceSquared.com.

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Watch the Entire “Fifty Shades” Movie Online Right Now!

February 6, 2015

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Okay, it’s not exactly the entire movie. But from these five sneak-peak clips that ran on the Today Show this past week, you basically get a complete picture (lots of awkward pauses, dubious chemistry, lame Christian Grey hair). Are we still gonna see it? Hells yes! But now, you don’t have to. Here they are, in what we’re guessing is chronological movie-scene order:

“We offer an excellent internship program.”

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 
“Ok… rope, tape, cable ties. You’re the complete serial killer.”

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 
“You’re energetic this morning.”
“I’m making pancakes!”

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 
“I don’t do romance.”

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 
“This is my playroom.”
“Like your Xbox and stuff?”

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

 

Catch up on all our “Fifty Shades” posts in this Special Issue:



Crush of the Week: Potty-Mouthed Princesses Drop F-Bombs for Feminism

October 22, 2014

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Holy fucking shit, this video (below) is fucking awesome! We could watch it all week! It combines two of our favorite things: feminism and swear words. That it includes little girls not acting like little princesses is icing on the cake. Of course, the freakouts and insults in the comments section illustrates just how scary it must be for people invested in the sexist status quo to see women, especially little girls, defying their most basic gender-stereotypical imperatives: be cute, quiet and conforming. Wonder if it’s too late to get our daughters to go as Potty-Mouthed Princesses for Halloween?

 

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I F’ed Up Royal: A Tale of Infidelity, Told in Stock Photography

May 13, 2014

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Our friend Ben Weber just added a second series to I F’ED UP ROYAL, his hilarious and strange webseries about marriage and infidelity, told entirely via stock photography and “repurposed” photos. Don’t worry if you’re not caught up — you can watch an entire season in less time than it takes you to do a 7-minute workout. Episode one, season one, is above; you can watch every episode here.

By the way, if Ben looks familiar to you, it might be because you still obsessively re-watch old episodes of Sex and the City (hi, Skippy, a.k.a. dude #11 on BuzzFeed’s ranking of the 107 men of Sex and City); it might be because you have a particular fondness for Oscar Mayer commercials; or you could simply be mistaking him for Tom Hanks (you can hire him for that).

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The Exact Perfect Way to Have “The Talk”

April 2, 2014

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photo via Flickr

We don’t know how we missed Julia Sweeney talking about giving The Talk to her curious 8-year-old daughter, but it’s definitely worth a reshare/revisit four years later. Parents, watch and learn (in some cases what not to do):

 

 

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Hot & Cheap: How to Make a Home-Cooked Meal for a Dollar!

January 17, 2014

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Being able to cook is traditionally seen as sexy, but frugality? Not so much. But when you save money on food, think of all that leftover moolah you can apply to romantic dinners out, just-because gifts, and sex toy upgrades!

When we think of sexiness and frugality, we think of Jack Murnighan. We used to work with him back in the early days of Nerve.com. He was a PhD student of medieval literature who penned the column “Jack’s Naughty Bits,” in which he would eloquently introduce the raunchiest bits from the cannon. His voice was deep and smooth like butter. He danced at all those fabulous late-90s internet-boom parties with the sensuality of Sally Rand. And he drank four-day old coffee without shame — indeed, with pride.

Lo and Jack were roommates for five minutes and he would come home from Chinatown with a bag overflowing with exotic (or frightening, depending on your sensibilities)…ingredients? Yes, let’s go with ingredients. All for less than a dollar! No exaggeration. Then he’d make magic in our teeny tiny kitchen and have himself a feast within minutes. As an undaring vegetarian, I was spared many of his zanier experiments, but I could still appreciate the game he was mastering way back when: making interesting, satisfying, home-cooked meals for next to nothing.

Jack is now an executive at Disney (Nerve.com > Babble.com > Disney) where they’ve helped him launch his own online video series called DOLLAR MEALS, which he describes as “gourmandise on the super-cheap.” It’s been a long time coming. He’s as cute as ever, with a voice that’s still as smooth as butter, and he can cut the fat off pork with the sensuality of Sally Rand. Watch, learn, eat, enjoy!

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What to Do If You Bump Into Tom Hanks

September 11, 2013

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According to scientific research, at least 17% of you, our dear readers, still harbor a sex fantasy based on Elizabeth Perkins’ not-quite pedophilic crush in Big, and 11% of you occasionally indulge in a mermaid-related Splash fantasy. Also, 3% of you have a fantasy based on the Forrest Gump premature ejaculation scene. And let’s not even get started on “Woody.”

So, what would you do if you actually met Tom Hanks? Sure, it may never happen, but wouldn’t you rather be ready, just in case? Enter the hilarious short video Tom Hanks Fan Academy. It’s directed by our pal Valerie Weiss (who made the great film Losing Control that we wrote about last year) and stars another friend of ours, Ben Weber, who bears a striking (okay, more than passing) resemblance to Tom Hanks. (The hilarious Matt Olsen co-wrote the video and also appears in it.)

Enroll in the THFA today! Just maybe keep that Forrest Gump fantasy to yourself.

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The Best “Blurred Lines” Parody Yet!

September 3, 2013

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The Mod Carosel parody was pretty good, but a little too thin on the politics for our radical feminist tastes. Enter “Defined Lines,” the parody made by some University of Aukland law students for its Law Revue show last week. With its decent production values and pointed yet hilarious feminist message, it’s the Blurred Lines parody to end all Blurred Lines parodies. It even features a cameo by the purple Ina 2 vibe made by our beloved LELO! The video actually got taken down by YouTube for a few hours because, you know, double standards. But apparently the pushback was enough to get it back up. In case you miss them in the vid, the genius lyrics are below:

DEFINED LINES

Every bigot shut up (x 2)

Hey hey hey (x 3)

Boy you’d better quit all your sexist ways

So hear our manifesto of the modern age.

It’s time to undermine

The masculine confines

Coz we don’t wanna grind,

Gri-ii-iind.

You think that you’re so slick,

Let me emasculate ya!

Because your precious dick

Can’t beat my vibrator.

We’re feelin’ the frustration

From all the exploitation.

Prepare for your castration.

(Chorus)

So we can fuck this man’s world,

With all its bullshit,

Girls don’t deserve it.

We ain’t good girls:

We are scholastic,

Smart and sarcastic,

Not fucking plastic.

Listen mankind!

If you wanna get nasty,

Just don’t harass me:

You can’t just grab me.

That’s a sex crime!

Yeah we don’t want it -

It’s chauvinistic.

You’re such a bigot!

What you see on tv

Doesn’t speak equality,

It’s straight up misogyny.

Don’t want you to come on my face!

You think you’re hunky (hey hey hey)

You wanna hug me (hey hey hey)

Don’t you mean fuck me?

One thing I ask of you:

Don’t assume that we all just wanna screw.

Gotta respect me for me to be your boo.

We don’t want no scrubs, no we don’t approve.

Need a universal role reversal,

In real life not a dress rehearsal.

Gotta resist all the gender roles,

Time to put misogyny on parole,

Put exploitation on probation,

Time for you to witness our liberation!

There’s more to life than penetration,

And sexual discrimination.

So tonight we ignite our civil rights,

Resist chauvinism,

Win the fight,

Coz you’re livin large just like a montage

Of you and your friends actin’ out Entourage.

But we ain’t whores to do your household chores,

To make you a sandwich when we’re on all fours.

From history to herstory.

Know you got some opinions that we don’t agree.

Need to call my sister Joan of A-R-C,

Bake a feminist cake, Antoinette Marie.

Yeah, guys, we got spies,

Know all you wanna do is fertilise,

But avert your eyes from my thighs,

Never tell a bitch that she gotta drop a size.

You wanna box gap? Show me your six pack.

Wanna landing strip? You’d better get ripped.

I apologise if you think my lines are crass,

Tell me how it feels to get verbally harassed.

(Chorus)

So we can fuck this man’s world,

With all its bullshit,

Girls don’t deserve it.

We ain’t good girls:

We are scholastic,

Smart and sarcastic,

Not fucking plastic.

Listen mankind!

If you wanna get nasty,

Just don’t harass me:

You can’t just grab me.

That’s a sex crime!

Yeah we don’t want it -

It’s chauvinistic.

You’re such a bigot!

 
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