The right soundtrack can transform a so-so sexual encounter into something memorable (just ask Hollywood producers). And the wrong soundtrack? Well, that can really screw things up, as it were. Imagine: you’re feeling all lovey-dovey and want to hold your lover’s face while you make sweet missionary love… and then your partner puts on some hardcore punk. And what about when your partner wants to do it to Bob Dylan and you just plain don’t? So it goes in the newly released song from our friend John Wesley Harding (you might also know him as Wesley Stace, the author of novels including Misfortune and By George), “Making Love To Bob Dylan.” And yep, his stage name is taken from the Bob Dylan song and album title. Perhaps too much Malkovich Malkovich, as Entertainment Weekly notes. This hilarious video stars Jeneane Garofolo — you’ll have to watch to the end to see if the couple can compromise. Let’s just say that Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” is not involved.
CDZA (short for Collective Cadenza)¬†is a group of mostly Juilliard-trained music geeks (and we use that term in the most loving and respectful way) that “creates musical video experiments” — in other words, fun viral vids that play upon all sorts of musical themes and genres (think¬†“Evolution of Dance”¬†but with live musicians and no dancing). Ten months ago they created their inaugural “History of Lyrics That Aren’t Lyrics” (i.e. Sha na na na, doobie doobie doo, etc). Then a few months ago they started producing these videos regularly, one every other Tuesday. Some recent examples: “Mark Zuckerberg: The Musical” (“This is the dawning of the page that you share with us”) and¬†”Aces of Basses” (a literal tribute to the Swedish pop sensation using five acoustic upright basses).
Now there’s “History of Wooing Women.” It begins innocently enough with the 1955 classic “Only You” by the Platters and quickly runs through the next few decades with Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight,” The Beatles’ “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” Stevie Wonder’s “You Are the Sunshine of My Life,” The Police’s “Every Little Thing She Does,” and so on. But suddenly, around the mid-’90s, things take a turn for the obscene:
Today marks the second weekly installment of¬†the Onion’s new web series,¬†Sex House¬†– a parody of¬†The Real World/Big Brother/Glass House-type reality shows that pretend to be about something other than throwing a bunch of people into a Sartre-esque No Exit living sitch with a bunch of raging hormones and an endless supply of cheap vodka. It’s the first series from the Onion Digital Studio, which¬†according to the Huffington Post, will focus exclusively on non-news parodies. The other three web series premiering on its YouTube channel this past week include¬†Lake Dredge Appraisal¬†(think¬†Antiques Road Show¬†meets 1980s public-access TV),¬†Horrifying Planet¬†(think¬†National Geographic¬†meets¬†When Animals Attack¬†meets¬†American’s Funniest Home Videos) and¬†Troublehacking with Drew Cleary¬†(think vloggers with delusions of grandeur).
Yep, we just referred to ourselves in the third person…again. Remember a few weeks ago we told you we were going to be on The Interview Show in Brooklyn? No? Well,¬†here’s the video of us on Chicago comedian and humor columnist Mark Bazer’s show¬†anyway. We thought he was going to be asking us things like “What’s the weirdest advice question you’ve ever gotten?” or “What’s the best/worst thing about writing about sex?” You know, the fun cocktail conversations we never seem to have in real life.¬†Instead, Mark asked us real, honest-to-God sex advice questions. The nerve! It was like work, except without the benefit of us being able to pick and choose the questions we want to answer and spending hours polishing our responses to make ourselves seem effortlessly witty. The veil has been lifted.
When we were sent a link to the¬†new YouTube video “Bounce That Dick” on the Jenna Marbles channel, we didn’t know what to expect: some kind of safe-for-work sexual technique advice video by a porn star turned educator? Then, during the first 30 seconds, our hopes were raised, as the young “blogger and entertainer” began a rap parody, stating with much braggadocio, “I’ve been told since the day I started growing pubes to shake my ass. Well, guess what, my ass is fucking tired as shit. This time it’s your turn to wiggle your man junk for me. I wanna see you shake your muthafuckin penis, bitch.” Ever since we read Gloria Steinem’s essay¬†“What If Freud Were Phyllis?”¬†years ago, we’ve enjoyed the use of role reversals to expose sexism, racism, etc. But by the end of the vid, we were left a little cold…
If you’re an NPR junkie, you’re going to love this. It’s¬†an 11-minute spoof of a “This American Life” episode featuring a story about host Ira Glass making a celebrity sex tape. All the elements are there: Ira Glass’s go-to phrases, input from Alex Blumberg, the clever mood music, the end credits with a shout out to WBEZ general manager Torey Malatea. The Ira Glass impersonator’s tone is spot on (though he could have gone heavier on the speech impediment that makes Glass’s Ls sound like G-Ls, as in “This American Glife”). And it’s full of funny nods to other NPR shows: Fresh Air, Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me, Car Talk. There’s even a deep, thought-provoking and truly inspiring wrap up at the end that avoids any cheap jokes or crass puns, just as any real T.A.L. show would. We won’t give away who it is Glass ends up making his sex tape with, but it is someone who enjoys the sound of their own voice even¬†more.
If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at that iconic image of the bikini-clad woman sudsing up a muscle car or rollerskating along the boardwalk, then have we got two videos for you. First, the high budget one:¬†LMFAO’s “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” As our writer friend¬†Grant Stoddard recently put it in a Facebook post, never before has banana sling been so explicitly celebrated in a music video. And it’s shot in a way that gives the illusion of three-dimensionality, if you know what we mean. (Best line of the song? The chorus refrain “I work out.”) Yes, it’s funny and tongue in cheek, and yet the high production value gives it a weight that makes it feel like genuine equal-opportunity objectification…
As we have said here many times, we are massive FAILblog fans. We think it’s hilarious when people fall down (so long as they don’t get seriously hurt), especially if it happens at a wedding or when they’re trying to act sorta cool. When shit goes wrong and someone happens to capture it on video, the internet gets a little happier. But there is a sub-genre of shit-going-wrong videos that makes us clench our buttholes, and not in a good way: When a dude gets down on one knee and proposes in public…and his girlfriend says no (just Google “proposal gone wrong” if you’re not familiar with the genre).
What makes a guy so misinformed about something so big? So sure that she’ll say yes, when in fact she puts her face in her hands and runs away? In some cases it’s just one big staged event to make the Internet a happier place (Lo is convinced the above video is fake), but even this surely reflects the very real humiliation of public rejection for a rare, but growing (thanks to the web) breed of guy. Is it the same willful denial that lets him believe that the woman he’s hitting on in a bar actually wants to talk to him? Studies have found that men are inclined to misinterpret signals from women. Or is it in fact a subconscious means of forcing her to say “I Do” — because she wouldn’t dare reject him in the middle of a busy food court at the mall, in front of all the grandparents, would she? Would she?