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Did You Blow Mother’s Day? 13 Belated Gift Ideas (w/Overnight Shipping)

May 11, 2015

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Did you blow Mother’s Day yesterday? Did that homemade card just not cut it? Below are some great gifts (for any budget) available online with expedited shipping (except the cake — you’ve got to put some elbow grease into that one.)

 

1.

“Relax Me” Fizzy Bath Balls

$6 each

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These individually wrapped balls turn a bath into a bubbly cocktail of aromas and soothing salts. A calming mixture of luscious oils, baking soda, and intoxicating fragrance, Relax Me is the perfect ending to Mom’s extra-long day (and they’re all extra-long). Choose from English Lavender, Pear Vanilla, Pomegranate Mint, or Morning Dew. They’re body-safe and animal-product free, contain natural ingredients, and are made in the USA.

 

2.

“I Take You” Novel

$18

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
It’s the smartest, sexiest, funniest (like, hilarious) beach read on the shelves right now! If she’s a little saucy, your mom’ll love it.

 

3.

Soft Sleeping Mask

$10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help Mom get a better night’s rest with soft and comfortable mask. The elastic band allows for a snug fit without putting undue pressure on the eyes. And, hey, if she can find another use for it — wink, wink, kink, kink — good for her!

 

4.

Luna Beads

$34

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Know a new mom? Or maybe an older one with sneeze-pee issues? Help them out with the best selling Kegel exercisers in the world: Luna Beads are designed to strengthen and tone pelvic floor muscles to improve pelvic health (which will probably intensify orgasms, but you don’t have to tell Mom that if you don’t want to). Made from body-safe materials and easy to clean, Luna Beads can be worn one or two at a time for a custom workout.

 

5.

Rhubarb Rose Cake

TBD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, this one you don’t buy, you bake. But it goes great with champagne! According to creator Molly Shuster on Eat Boutique, “Paired with some loose garden flowers and bubbly champagne, this cake makes a very festive spread for my Mom on her special day. This little cake conveys a lot of my appreciation, but most importantly, it allows a little time to share a toast, a conversation, and some good laughs.” Aw, sweet, sensual, not sucky! The how-to’s are here.

 

6.

Contour Ceramic Massage Stones

$26

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who needs massage therapy more than moms? This award-winning, body-friendly, double-fired porcelain massager by JimmyJane is hygienic, non-porous, and easy to clean. These versatile massagers can be warmed up or cooled down for added sensation and their shapes allow for limitless possibilities for sensual or deep-tissue massage techniques (dome face down for long, smooth strokes, or flipped over for pressure point stimulation with the rounded corners).

 

7.

Flickering Touch Massage Candle

$29.90

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Made from all natural soy wax, Shea butter and apricot kernel oil, Lelo’s Flickering Touch Massage Candle melts into a pool of luxurious massage oil designed to nourish and moisturize skin with natural vitamin E. These Lelo candles have a burn-time of up to 35-hours and come in three light scents: Black pepper & pomegranate; snow pear and cedarwood; vanilla and creme de cacao.

 

8.

“What Makes a Baby” Book

$16.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not exactly a sensual gift, but almost any mom will feel warm and fuzzy reading this awesomely inclusive book of reproductive love to their kids. Visually engaging, informative, and supportive, “What Makes a Baby” explains to kids from any kind of family where they came from. It’s a great jumping-off point for more discussion with kids about bodies and families by a certified sexuality educator (Cory Silverberg) and an award-winning artist/illustrator (Fiona Smyth). For preschool-age 8.

 

9.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Movie

$19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your mom was a fan (and, really, what mom wasn’t?), then getting her her own copy of the first “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie is a no brainer: she can watch it (and re-watch it and re-watch it…) whenever she wants! It’s got an unrated version (aw yeah), an alternate ending (probably better), and a teaser for “Fifty Shades Darker.” The DVD comes out Friday, but you can preorder today and choose 1-day shipping to get it there by Mom’s Day.

 

10.

Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum

$88

Steer clear of the trashy celebrity perfumes by the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney, and go for pure, classic class: Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum is a fresh and sensual fragrance with fruity top notes of blackcurrant, fresh green apple and bright bergamot. Heart notes of cedar wood, jasmine, and moss are intensified with warm notes of sandalwood for a rich and sensual tone. Warm notes of musk and vanilla smooth the base. Presented in a glass, 100ml bottle. Made in France, natch.

 

11.

Yoga for Beginners Boxed Set

$21

If Mom isn’t into yoga yet, it’s just a matter of time. Help her pull the yoga trigger with this popular 3-DVD box set that contains Yoga for Stress Relief, AM-PM Yoga for Beginners, and Essential Yoga for Inflexible People (and you know what flexibility is good for). Forty different routines focus on different physical and mental aspects of yoga, such as building strength, improving flexibility, reducing stress, etc.

 

12.

Molton Brown Seamoss Stress-Relieving Hydrosoak

$30

Is Mom in need of a deep-sea de-stress? Of course she is! She can dive into the blue waters of Molton Brown’s oceanic bath salts, made with marine extracts, Dead Sea salts and horse chestnut. The scent is energizing and the scrub clarifying.

 

13.

Original Magic Wand

$54.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, okay, we know. But seriously, this is an awesome stress-melting back massager. Really. Whatever else Mom might figure out to do with it in the privacy of her own bedroom is her business — you don’t need to know about it.

 

 



13 Last-Minute Mother’s Day Gifts That Don’t Totally Suck

May 6, 2015

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Flowers are okay. But moms like other stuff too: soft stuff, scented stuff, stress-relieving stuff, sexy stuff. Okay, so maybe you don’t want to get your Mom (or the mother of your children) a big ol’ dildo for Mother’s Day. But let’s try to think outside the vase. Below are some great gifts (for any budget) that she’ll really appreciate as a living, breathing human being (not a “domestic goddess”). All are available online with expedited shipping (except the cake — you’ve got put some elbow grease into that one.) Whatever you do, don’t get her another Edible Arrangement!

 

1.

“Relax Me” Fizzy Bath Balls

$6 each

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These individually wrapped balls turn a bath into a bubbly cocktail of aromas and soothing salts. A calming mixture of luscious oils, baking soda, and intoxicating fragrance, Relax Me is the perfect ending to Mom’s extra-long day (and they’re all extra-long). Choose from English Lavender, Pear Vanilla, Pomegranate Mint, or Morning Dew. They’re body-safe and animal-product free, contain natural ingredients, and are made in the USA.

 

2.

“I Take You” Novel

$18

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
It’s the smartest, sexiest, funniest (like, hilarious) beach read on the shelves right now! If she’s a little saucy, your mom’ll love it.

 

3.

Soft Sleeping Mask

$10

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Help Mom get a better night’s rest with soft and comfortable mask. The elastic band allows for a snug fit without putting undue pressure on the eyes. And, hey, if she can find another use for it — wink, wink, kink, kink — good for her!

 

4.

Luna Beads

$34

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Know a new mom? Or maybe an older one with sneeze-pee issues? Help them out with the best selling Kegel exercisers in the world: Luna Beads are designed to strengthen and tone pelvic floor muscles to improve pelvic health (which will probably intensify orgasms, but you don’t have to tell Mom that if you don’t want to). Made from body-safe materials and easy to clean, Luna Beads can be worn one or two at a time for a custom workout.

 

5.

Rhubarb Rose Cake

TBD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, this one you don’t buy, you bake. But it goes great with champagne! According to creator Molly Shuster on Eat Boutique, “Paired with some loose garden flowers and bubbly champagne, this cake makes a very festive spread for my Mom on her special day. This little cake conveys a lot of my appreciation, but most importantly, it allows a little time to share a toast, a conversation, and some good laughs.” Aw, sweet, sensual, not sucky! The how-to’s are here.

 

6.

Contour Ceramic Massage Stones

$26

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Who needs massage therapy more than moms? This award-winning, body-friendly, double-fired porcelain massager by JimmyJane is hygienic, non-porous, and easy to clean. These versatile massagers can be warmed up or cooled down for added sensation and their shapes allow for limitless possibilities for sensual or deep-tissue massage techniques (dome face down for long, smooth strokes, or flipped over for pressure point stimulation with the rounded corners).

 

7.

Flickering Touch Massage Candle

$29.90

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Made from all natural soy wax, Shea butter and apricot kernel oil, Lelo’s Flickering Touch Massage Candle melts into a pool of luxurious massage oil designed to nourish and moisturize skin with natural vitamin E. These Lelo candles have a burn-time of up to 35-hours and come in three light scents: Black pepper & pomegranate; snow pear and cedarwood; vanilla and creme de cacao.

 

8.

“What Makes a Baby” Book

$16.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not exactly a sensual gift, but almost any mom will feel warm and fuzzy reading this awesomely inclusive book of reproductive love to their kids. Visually engaging, informative, and supportive, “What Makes a Baby” explains to kids from any kind of family where they came from. It’s a great jumping-off point for more discussion with kids about bodies and families by a certified sexuality educator (Cory Silverberg) and an award-winning artist/illustrator (Fiona Smyth). For preschool-age 8.

 

9.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” Movie

$19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If your mom was a fan (and, really, what mom wasn’t?), then getting her her own copy of the first “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie is a no brainer: she can watch it (and re-watch it and re-watch it…) whenever she wants! It’s got an unrated version (aw yeah), an alternate ending (probably better), and a teaser for “Fifty Shades Darker.” The DVD comes out Friday, but you can preorder today and choose 1-day shipping to get it there by Mom’s Day.

 

10.

Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum

$88

Steer clear of the trashy celebrity perfumes by the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney, and go for pure, classic class: Burberry for Women Eau de Parfum is a fresh and sensual fragrance with fruity top notes of blackcurrant, fresh green apple and bright bergamot. Heart notes of cedar wood, jasmine, and moss are intensified with warm notes of sandalwood for a rich and sensual tone. Warm notes of musk and vanilla smooth the base. Presented in a glass, 100ml bottle. Made in France, natch.

 

11.

Yoga for Beginners Boxed Set

$21

If Mom isn’t into yoga yet, it’s just a matter of time. Help her pull the yoga trigger with this popular 3-DVD box set that contains Yoga for Stress Relief, AM-PM Yoga for Beginners, and Essential Yoga for Inflexible People (and you know what flexibility is good for). Forty different routines focus on different physical and mental aspects of yoga, such as building strength, improving flexibility, reducing stress, etc.

 

12.

Molton Brown Seamoss Stress-Relieving Hydrosoak

$30

Is Mom in need of a deep-sea de-stress? Of course she is! She can dive into the blue waters of Molton Brown’s oceanic bath salts, made with marine extracts, Dead Sea salts and horse chestnut. The scent is energizing and the scrub clarifying.

 

13.

Original Magic Wand

$54.95

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, okay, we know. But seriously, this is an awesome stress-melting back massager. Really. Whatever else Mom might figure out to do with it in the privacy of her own bedroom is her business — you don’t need to know about it.

 

 



Turn Your Headphones Into a Sex Toy

April 17, 2015

0 Comments

photo via Flickr

You know the basic idea of sensory deprivation, right? You limit one or more senses, and the others get stronger. Limit everything but touch, and your orgasm will feel like the center of the universe. You may have done this without even knowing you were practicing sensory deprivation — with a blindfold, for example.

But here’s a sense you might not have played with before: hearing. Well, ear plugs aren’t just for construction workers and insomniacs, and noise-canceling headphones aren’t just for prissy cubicle workers. Controlling your partner’s soundtrack (or lack of one) takes sensory deprivation to a whole new level, especially when combined with a blindfold. If white noise is too nerdy for you, make a booty mix on your smartphone and have your partner listen to it through headphones.

Headphones and earplugs insulate your partner from aural clues and distractions like your breathing or the dog barking, making it harder for them to anticipate your touch. They can only hear you when you choose to lean in real close and lift their headphones. This all helps your partner focus — exactly what that prissy cubicle worker is going for, too, except the object of focus in this case is not what’s happening on a spreadsheet but, rather, what’s happening on a bedsheet.

MORE LIKE THIS FROM EMandLO.com:



10 Ways to Avoid the E.R. – A Sex Toy Safety Review

April 8, 2015

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LELO’s Ina 2 and Ida (sponsored post)

Recently, the Washington Post reviewed data from the Consumer Product Safety Commission and found that sex-toy-related injuries have been on the rise, dramatically spiking after the whole Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. (WP has a great chart.) Despite easier access to higher quality toys and a lot more helpful info on how to choose and use toys effectively and safely these days (a la sites like yours truly), people obviously don’t do their homework and often take the cheap and lazy route. Go, Amerrca! Just goes to show, Fifty Shades IS NOT A SEX MANUAL.

Below are some of the most common (and not so common) toy injuries that required hospitalization in recent years and how they could have easily been avoided. You’ll be happy to know, no one died (which makes them kind of hysterical).

1. “PUT METAL RING ON PENIS, UNABLE TO REMOVE”
Metal penis rings (aka cock rings) are only for the very experienced or the very stupid. This is one of the most common toy-related cases in ERs, just behind FBRs (see below): the blood rushes in during arousal, but it can’t get out because the metal’s so unforgiving. If you get your dick and/or balls stuck in a metal ring, we see bolt cutters in your future — and do you really want bolt cutters so close to your junk? Best to opt for a love ring (our preferred gentler-kinder term) that can either be undone (with a velcro strap, buckle, snap or tie) OR stretched easily enough to get around excessive engorgement (such as a silicone ring).

2. “CUT ON THE METAL EDGE OF A VIBRATOR”
Yikes! No decent sex toy will have sharp edges or rough seams. Those are cheap novelties “not intended for actual use.” Here’s where investing in your sex life comes into play. Pay a little more for a high quality toy made with body safe materials and designed ergonomically for your most sensitive bits — you’re worth it! For your money, you can’t go wrong with a LELO.

3. “NECKLACE CAUGHT MASSAGE MACHINE DX: ASPHYXIATION, CARDIAC ARREST”
Oh dear. Please familiarize yourself with your “massager” before you get jiggy with it: know how to turn it off quickly, in the dark, by feel alone. And consider taking off any jewelry that might get in the way: rings, necklaces, big earrings. By the way, this incident happened to a 61-year-old man: good for him for experimenting with toys at his age, but a necklace? Remember: Keepin’ it classy could save your life.

4. “RECTAL PAIN … AFTER USING PLASTIC TOY PENIS”
Again, let’s avoid cheap plastic items when it comes to our treasured family jewels. Invest in 100%, waterpoof, non-porous silicone toys.

5. “CAME TO ED WITH PENIS SLEEVE STUCK IN VAGINA”
If a sex toy is reputable, it will come with instructions for use (as well as care and cleaning tips). Make sure you get one with those kind of instructions (again, LELO is a winner here) and then follow them. Don’t use in a way it wasn’t intended. For example, penis sleeves are meant to go around penises, not inside vaginas. If this was one of the rare sleeves that can be used as a penis extender with a partner, then there’s no way it should have gotten stuck (see #7).

6. “VAGINAL TEAR WITH PAIN AND BLEEDING AFTER SELF STIMULATION WITH DILDO”
Here’s where knowing your own body comes into play. If you’re a petite 100-pound professional ballerina, then a mammoth, unrealistically sized dildo called “The Pounder” is not for you. Another great sex toy to use in conjunction with vibes and dildos? Quality lube. It will help keep things going smoothly and prevent rug burn. (And it’s not cheating — there are many reasons why your desire may not match your own wetness — so give yourself a helping hand.) At the risk of sounding like a broken record, high quality toys made of body-safe material will help you avoid the pitfalls of cheap novelties: rough seams, toxic phthalates, allergic reactions, etc. Finally, you may like it rough, but avoid doing serious damage. There’s the line: don’t cross it.

7. “SMALL VIBRATOR USED BY PT & HUSBAND,INSIDE VAGINA; BECAME STUCK, UNABLE TO REMOVE”
Again, to get a little Greek on you: know thyself. Learn the basics of genital anatomy and examine yourself. The vagina is only a few inches long. Without a doctor going in, or a baby coming out, nothing’s really getting past the cervix into the uterus. A small vibrator, ben wa balls, or a piece of a cheap broken vibrator may nestle into the crevice between the cervix and the very back of the vagina; but by bearing down and reaching in, most women should be able to retrieve it themselves (just get over your silly heebie jeebies — it’s your own body, fer chrissakes!). If your fingers are stubby, hopefully your lover’s are longer. As long as you go with a modern, quality toy made for the vagina, nothing’s getting “lost.”

8. “USED A PENIS PUMP AND IT GOT STUCK ON PENIS”
Just say no to penis pumps. Instead, learn to work with what you’ve got and become an exceptional lover so size truly doesn’t matter (here’s a great place to start).

9. “VIBRATOR/DILDO STUCK IN RECTUM”
The overwhelming majority (like 83%, according to the Washington Post) of injuries happen when people — and not just guys, plenty of gals too! — put something up their butts that they shouldn’t. The official terminology is “foreign body removal” (FB Removal). That can’t feel good, for your ass or your pride. We’ve said it a thousand times, we’ll say it again: when it comes to your anus, only use made-for-play sex toys that are non-porous and have a flared base. Otherwise, your butt will act like a greedy Dyson and you’ll have to go to the E.R. and sites like ours will invariably make fun of you for it.

1o. “PAIN TO TOE AFTER DROPPING HER BACK MASSAGER ON FOOT”
Um, just try to be less clumsy…?

 

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I Dropped My Ben-Wa Balls on Date Night

February 12, 2015

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by Alex Alexander for YourTango  |  photo of Lelo’s Luna Beads Noir

I think we can all blame Fifty Shades of Grey for our knowledge and misconceptions about Ben-Wa balls — or at least I can. I’ve known about the existence of them for a long time — and it’s why I always giggled when Ben Wallace took the court during an NBA game — but I never imagined myself actually putting them into play (sports pun!) In case you’re not familiar, Ben-Wa balls go by a dozen different names: Kegel exercisers, pleasure balls, vaginal exercise balls, duotone balls, vaginal beads, orgasm balls and love balls to name a few. They’ve been around since a Japanese courtesan called Rino-Tama discovered their pleasurable benefit and have since had both a medical and naughty use, but it wasn’t until Christian Grey gave Anastasia a set in the first ’50 Shades’ book that their popularity really took off.

Medically, they’re used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, as you have to keep your vagina clenched to keep them in. There are also versions that are connected by string (usually silicone) and as you tug on the string you use your Kegel muscles to keep them in. It’s basically like tug-of-war with your vagina. (Not sure what your Kegel muscles are? Imagine someone told you to stop peeing mid-stream. Those are them.) They can also help with urinary incontinence as well as tightening up the ol’ girl after childbirth, since your Kegel muscles are also the muscles that get all riled up during an orgasm. Basically, strong Kegels = strong climax.

Still with me? Good.

In addition to medical use, rumor is when you use Ben-Wa balls during everyday activity, the friction and motion they cause from within, combined with a clenching of your muscles, can bring about orgasm, or at least teasing pleasure. Naturally, I had to see for myself.

My first reaction was, “Whoa, these are heavy for such little balls!” but I remained steadfast to use them to their full potential. I washed them well and inserted them one at a time. It was tricky to get them up to what felt high enough in my vagina, but I figured in was in, right? Wrong. As soon as I took one step to the side, they slid out onto the floor. Undeterred, I tried to insert them lying down. I hiked my hips up into the the air and gave them a good solid shimmy — hopefully moving them higher, so they wouldn’t fall out. I stood up, making sure to keep my muscles contracted. (After all, that was part of the challenge wasn’t it?) After about a minute of serious – and I mean serious – clenching, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to walk, much less make it through an entire night with my vagina clenched that tight — in fact, she was beginning to go numb. I eased up ever so slightly, waiting for them to slip out. Surprisingly, they didn’t. SUCCESS! After a few minutes passed, I felt like I might be in the clear, so I proceeded to get dressed for my date that night with my husband.

Shortly after, my husband joined me in the bathroom to finish up a few things himself and that’s when it happened.

I went to step around him when one ball popped loose. I must have not felt it slide down! (To be fair, my Kegel muscles were still recovering from a lack of oxygen.) It fell to our stone tile floor with a ‘THUD’ before I could even register what was happening. My husband and I locked eyes, as my cheeks turned not 50 Shades Of Grey but…50 Shades of Red. “Uh, did that just fall out of your…?” my husband asked. And as soon as he did, that’s when I felt the other little guy break free, landing on the ground and rolling to its final resting place at my husband’s foot.

Ever been standing in the bathroom with your lover as two steel balls fall out of your skirt? No? Just me?

That was the beginning and the end of the pleasure balls. I accepted that the combination of the ball’s weight and small size with my birthed-two-children vagina was a coupling never meant to be – until two weeks later when I went out and bought bonus-sized silicone balls that promised to do their job with more efficiency and less, you know, droppage.

However, my pride still hasn’t allowed me to try them. And the sound of steel balls dropping onto stone rings forever in my ears.

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An Antidote for Feeling Fifty Shades of Blah in the Bedroom

February 11, 2015

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If the upcoming Fifty Shades movie is making you feel like your own sex life is a little drab in comparison — just a single shade of grey, as it were — then we are prescribing you a dose of the video above, “50 Shades of Pleasure,” made by Trojan with our hilarious director friend Laura Murphy, creator of MTV’s “Girl Code.” This is not your standard issue promotional video; if the ninja part doesn’t make you laugh out loud, then we guess you just have a cold heart (either that, or a troubling personal history with ninjas).

We have long believed in the power of humor to help lower people’s defenses when it comes to the often uncomfortable topic of sex. Most people don’t want to admit that they need help in bed, or that they’re in a rut, or that they might not know as much as the next guy or gal — or even just that their sex life might be a little more fun with a dab of lube and a friendly sex toy. And it’s amazing how many people feel nervous or embarrassed or tongue-tied talking about what they like in bed — even with someone they’ve been sleeping with for years! This is why we always do our best to be funny* when we talk about sex and relationships — it’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the naughty, kinky, dirty sex talk go down. (*Yes, we said try. We realize our eighties pop culture references aren’t for everyone.)

Okay, so now that you’ve watched the video, we’re assuming you’re sweetened up and ready to admit that maybe your sex life isn’t as perfect as it could be. Don’t worry, you’re in a friendly crowd: Recent research found that one in two couples said their sex life could use a booster shot.  And almost 15 percent of women reported that their most recent sexual event involved little to no pleasure or arousal. Ouch!

Happily, Trojan has more up its sleeve than ninja gags and warm fuzzy feelings about your other half. Here are two simple ways to get out of the grey area in bed:

 

Trojan Lubricants Tonight It Takes 2 To Play

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Lube is not a crutch! For women, natural lubrication doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with sexual arousal. She may be ready mentally, but her body could use a little catching up. (Smoking, caffeine, booze, weed, stress, the menstrual cycle, and cold medicine can all diminish a woman’s natural lubricant, too.)  Adding extra lubrication, like Trojan Tonight It Takes 2 To Play, means your sensitive parts can take more stimulation and more kinds of stimulation without getting over-sensitive. Plus, lube helps prevent chaffing and the condom from breaking. Oh, and: Sex with lube just feels good — even better than it does without! Have we convinced you yet? Then check out the dual action of Trojan’s Pre-Game and Game Time lubricants. Again, you’ll be in good company: A study found that more than 80 percent of lubricant users believe lubricants increased the pleasure factor, with nearly 50 percent claiming it helped them achieve an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. Check out Trojan’s entire line of lubricants here.

 

Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet

Did you know that using a vibrator in bed with a partner is now, basically, mainstream? (If that’s disappointing for you to hear, you may have to break out some fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold, too! Or better yet, a Red Room of Pain.) Yep, it turns out that almost half of all women have used a vibrator with a partner one or more times, and 60 percent of women agree that vibrators can make partner sex more exciting. And the men are hardly sulking, either: 70 percent of them agree that vibrators can enhance a woman’s sexual relationship with her partner. Ready to join the very sexually satisfied majority? The Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet is the perfect gateway drug, as it were: powerful, discreet, and quiet. Be in control or hand over the controls to your partner, depending on your mood! Check out Trojan’s entire line of vibrating sex toys here.

 

This post is sponsored by Trojan



Fifty Shades of Luxury: How to Shop for Toys Like Christian Grey

February 11, 2015

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LELO’s 20-karat gold Luna Beads Luxe | Sponsored Post

One of our theories about why the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy sold so well (despite terrible writing and a thin, derivative plot) is that it’s dripping with wealth. The private jets and the fancy gifts and the luxurious home are like a spoonful of sugar that help the kink go down. It’s the same with sex toys, we’ve found: If a sex toy is a cheap plastic thing costing five bucks, it seems tawdry and dirty. On the other hand, if a vibrator is Swarovski-encrusted and costs a week’s — or a month’s! — wages, then it automatically seems more sophisticated.

But the sex toy snobs are actually onto something, because in the world of vibrators and dildos, you get what you pay for. Sure, those Swarovski crystals aren’t exactly necessary, but if you spend a little extra for a quality sex toy, you’ll be rewarded with something that is (a) good for your body (and not dripping with carcinogens), (b) good for the environment,  (c) pleasant to hold and behold, and (d) actually gets the job done.

So while E.L. James doesn’t name-drop when it comes to sex accoutrements in the book (funny, because she brand-name-drops on every other page!), we’re fairly sure that Christian Grey would go high-end with some of LELO’s fancy-schmancy toys. Here are a few toys we think he’d like, all part of LELO’s Luxe Collection:

 

Luna Beads Luxe

These are a high-end version of their bestselling Luna Beads, which in turn are LELO’s modern version of the Ben Wa balls that Christian Grey uses on Anastasia Steele. Worn one or two at a time, Luna Beads Luxe are offered in either stainless steel or 20-karat gold, and their price points are pure Christian Grey (stainless steel retails for $2090; gold for $3090). Which makes them (a) the most exclusive pleasure beads in the world and (b) most likely out of your price range! But, hey, every vagina likes to splurge every now and then.

Like LELO’s original Luna Beads ($47) — and their stylish counterpart, Luna Beads Noir ($34, and also very Fifty) — these golden kegel balls (seriously, isn’t it worth the investment just to say you own a pair of golden kegel balls?!) respond to a woman’s movements while she wears them, subtly vibrating internally. And if they’re worn regularly over time, they lead to longer and stronger orgasms. (Hello? Priceless!)

Christian Grey famously told Anastasia that he would like to dictate her gym schedule, in order to keep her in shape for marathon kinky sex sessions. We’re pretty sure he would have assigned her a kegel workout with Luna Beads Luxe, too, had they been available at the time. Possible plot twist for the movie, perhaps? Also, can we all please now agree to show up to the cinema for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie actually wearing our kegel balls? That way we’re guaranteed some pleasure from the experience, no matter how bad the dialogue turns out to be. Not to mention, you get the brag value of being able to drop the following line into casual conversation: I have a vagina of steel.

 

Yva

This is the high-end version of LELO’s classic, silky smooth, pebble-like vibrator the Lily (still one of our favorites!). It comes in stainless steel or 24K gold plate and has a deep and resonant vibe. And the metal surface offers additional sensual benefits against bare skin, for people who like playing around with hot and cold. The Yva is small, discreet, and quiet (just like Ana, ha ha). As LELO says, “Bring her as a discreet guest to the most exclusive gatherings.” It comes in a gorgeous wooden storage box, in case you’re planning on gifting the Ana in your life.

 

Olga

The Olga is LELO’s luxe G-spot pleasure object.  Again, it is crafted in either stainless steel or 24K gold plate, and the metal offers those sensual hot or cold elements against naked bodies. One end is designed to reach and stimulate the G-spot area, while the other end is more old school. Also comes in a wooden box for fancy-pants gift giving.

 

Earl

LELO calls Earl “the most distinguished gentleman’s plug in the world.” Who wouldn’t agree that Christian Grey could use one of those?! It is elegantly sculpted out of stainless steel or 24K gold plate. Because Christian Grey wouldn’t put just anything where the sun don’t shine. The metal is incredibly hygienic and can also be hot or cold against the skin. This luxe plug is designed to offer deep internal stimulation, including male G-spot massage.  LELO says, “Use EARL as you wish, whether it be with a partner for added enjoyment or as a secret companion, worn discreetly.” Oh, and here’s an incentive to gift the Mr. Grey in your life: It comes in an elegant wooden box, and is accessorized with matching cufflinks! The grey tie you’ll have to buy yourself.

 

Inez

The $15,000 Inez (the gold version) is the most exclusive vibrator ever made. Guaranteed to make your other sex toys feel shabby and insignificant! Both the stainless steel and 24K gold-plate versions feature an energetic buzz, and, like all the other luxe toys, the metal offers bonus hot and cold sensations against bare skin. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine guarantee “discreet yet reassuring company,” to use LELO’s oh-so-classy description.

 

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Fifty Shades of Shopping

February 9, 2015

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Everything to make your ladies’ night screening of the movie or your 50-Shades-themed Valentine’s Day weekend even sillier (and maybe, in a few cases, sexier…maybe).  

Fifty Shades Wine (White & Red 2-Pack), $32

 
Fifty Shades Vermont Teddy Bear, $99

 

Fifty Shades of Grey – The Classical Album, $5 (mp3, instant) $9 (cd, Prime)

 

Original Fifty Shades Original Movie Soundtrack, $12 (mp3, instant; cd, Prime)

 

Fifty Shades Inspired Blush (get it?), $70

 

Sterling Silver Handcuff Necklace, $34

 

Official Fifty Shades of Grey Tie Necklace, $195 (Prime)

 

50 Shades-Themed 3-Candle Set, $25 (Prime)

 

Fifty Shades Inspired 6-pc Nail Polish Set, $30

 

Fifty Shades Shot Glass, $10

 

Happy Ending Fortune Cookies – 50 Shades Edition, $12

 

Fifty Shades of Hay Nightshirt, $29


 
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How to Use a Flogger Like Christian Grey

February 5, 2015

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The following is from our very own naughty dictionary, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon

 indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the Fifty Shades series (symbolic of the famous woven tie Christian Grey uses to restrain Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you’re interested in and, from there, make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don’t stop ‘til you get to Z—or ‘til you’re compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:

F

 floggers

The pom pom of the BDSM world. (“Give me a W! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a P!”) A popular flagellation tool, a flogger consists of a fairly stout handle and several “tails” of equal length (from one- to three-feet long) made of leather, suede, nylon, pleather, rubber, or even ribbon. Depending on the number of tails, their length, their material, and whether they have knots or beads at their ends, the sensation a flogger provides can be anywhere from soft to holy-fucking-shit.

Beginners should go with a well-made, small, light-impact flogger: they’ll evoke more giggles than actual cries of pain. Avoid heavy-leather, braided, beaded, or knotted tails in the beginning. As with most BDSM equipment, you don’t want to scrimp: A cheaply made flogger won’t be balanced correctly (making it harder and heavier to wield), its tails won’t land in the same spot (what you want), and/or the edges of the tails will be sharp (what you don’t want). Try companies that specialize in making floggers, like Bare Leatherworks—with their Midsize Cowhide Flogger, the handle feels great, you can give your partner a good whack without it hurting them, and it makes your victim’s butt jiggle, too! For the kind of posh flogger you might find in the Red Room of Pain, there’s LELO’s Sensua Suede Whip (available also in red!).

To make sure you’ve got good aim, practice on inanimate objects first. Work on your different strokes: twirling, backhand, infinity symbol. Don’t graduate to animate objects—that have of course given you their consent—until you’ve got the eye and aim of a national darts champion. The ends of the tails should be hitting only the safe zones: lower buttocks, thighs, and upper back (not the spine or neck!). As a beginner, it’s a good idea to protect areas you don’t want to hit with clothing, a towel, blanket, or pillow, just in case you accidentally let the tails “wrap” around the body beyond these safe zones—the epitome of poor form. (Another good reason to have your bottom lying down if you’re a beginner.)

See flagellation for more important safety info. A.k.a. cats. Mini-floggers for genitorture are called flails, pussywhips (ha!), or ballwhips.

For more on other kinky endeavors and accoutrements for newbies, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon, in paperback or e-book!



How “Fifty Shades” Has Changed Sex Over the Past Several Years

February 4, 2015

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As if the palpable global anticipation for the first movie adaptation of E.L. James’ erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” wasn’t evidence enough, our friends over at LELO have actually quantified just how influential the story of Ana, Christian and his woven tie have been on the world’s sexual habits. They surveyed over 10,000 women from 8 countries over the past few years and discovered that the interest in kinky accessories inspired by “Fifty Shades” served as a gateway to enjoying other intimate objects and activities:

2012:

The Year Vanilla Turned Grey

(click for infographic)

Women were becoming more adventurous. Sex out of the bedroom was on the increase, sex toys were on the increase and kinky liaisons were on the increase too. Sales of whips and teasers increased by more than 50% and sales of Pleasure beads increased by more than 200%. Fifty-eight percent of global sex toy owners were expected to use premium personal massagers with their partner.

 

 

 2013:

The Kink Continues

(click for infographic)

The kinky liaisons between the sheets continued throughout the first two quarters of 2013 with women everywhere feeling a new sense of sexual empowerment. But by the end of 2013 LELO witnessed a shift in how women wanted their pleasure.  Sales of BDSM accessories, like whips and teasers, reached a plateau in the last quarter of 2013 compared with sales of premium couples’ massagers and vibrating couples’ rings worn during intercourse, which increased by 82%. By the end of 2013, 72% of sex toy owners used massagers or rings with their partner.

 

 

2014:

The Year of the Vanilla Revolution

(click for infographic)

LELO’s Global Sex Survey revealed women emerged from their kinky ‘Fifty Shades’ phase with liberated attitudes, finding ways beyond novelty and kink to enhance intimacy with their partners.

In 2014 LELO shows that 1 in 5 women have been involved in a threesome (double that of 2012’s findings). Similarly more than half of women in a relationship have made a home movie, and over a third have had sex in a public place. More women have lived out their fantasies over the past 2 years but a whopping 80% said their fantasy didn’t live up to expectations. Either women have become more sexually confident since “Fifty Shades,” or they’ve become more confident talking about their sex lives.

Kinkier ‘novelty-based’ products like whips and hand cuffs have still plateaued, but are expected to take a sharp rise around the release of the movie. However, sales of couples’ massagers, vibrators worn during intercourse, like IDA and Tara have increased by as much as 82% this year and are expected to continue to rise.

 

2015: Predictions for the Future of Sex

We would guess that immediately after Valentine’s Day next year, when the “Fifty Shades” movie premieres, LELO will be absolutely pummeled by increased requests for handcuffs, blindfolds and teasers, not unlike Christian Grey on Ana’s bare bottom. Sales of kinky accessories will plateau (until the next movie in the series comes out), but by then even more women will have become comfortable buying and using bedroom accessories with their partners. A regular visit to LELO will be as normal as a dental checkup — but certainly much more pleasurable (unless, of course, you’re into pain).

 

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