Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

Archive | Toys RSS feed for this section

Turn Your Headphones Into a Sex Toy

April 17, 2015


photo via Flickr

You know the basic idea of sensory deprivation, right? You limit one or more senses, and the others get stronger. Limit everything but touch, and your orgasm will feel like the center of the universe. You may have done this without even knowing you were practicing sensory deprivation — with a blindfold, for example.

But here’s a sense you might not have played with before: hearing. Well, ear plugs aren’t just for construction workers and insomniacs, and noise-canceling headphones aren’t just for prissy cubicle workers. Controlling your partner’s soundtrack (or lack of one) takes sensory deprivation to a whole new level, especially when combined with a blindfold. If white noise is too nerdy for you, make a booty mix on your smartphone and have your partner listen to it through headphones.

Headphones and earplugs insulate your partner from aural clues and distractions like your breathing or the dog barking, making it harder for them to anticipate your touch. They can only hear you when you choose to lean in real close and lift their headphones. This all helps your partner focus — exactly what that prissy cubicle worker is going for, too, except the object of focus in this case is not what‚Äôs happening on a spreadsheet but, rather, what‚Äôs happening on a bedsheet.


10 Ways to Avoid the E.R. – A Sex Toy Safety Review

April 8, 2015


LELO’s Ina 2 and Ida (sponsored post)

Recently, the Washington Post reviewed data from the Consumer Product Safety Commission and found that sex-toy-related injuries have been on the rise, dramatically spiking after the whole Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. (WP has a great chart.) Despite easier access to higher quality toys and a lot more helpful info on how to choose and use toys effectively and safely these days (a la sites like yours truly), people obviously don’t do their homework and often take the cheap and lazy route. Go, Amerrca! Just goes to show, Fifty Shades IS NOT A SEX MANUAL.

Below are some of the most common (and not so common) toy injuries that required hospitalization in recent years and how they could have easily been avoided. You’ll be happy to know, no one died (which makes them kind of hysterical).

Metal penis rings (aka cock rings) are only for the very experienced or the very stupid. This is one of the most common toy-related cases in ERs, just behind FBRs (see below): the blood rushes in during arousal, but it can’t get out because the metal’s so unforgiving. If you get your dick and/or balls stuck in a metal ring, we see bolt cutters in your future — and do you really want bolt cutters so close to your junk? Best to opt for a love ring (our preferred gentler-kinder term) that can either be undone (with a velcro strap, buckle, snap or tie) OR stretched easily enough to get around excessive engorgement (such as a silicone ring).

Yikes! No decent sex toy will have sharp edges or rough seams. Those are cheap novelties “not intended for actual use.” Here’s where investing in your sex life comes into play. Pay a little more for a high quality toy made with body safe materials and designed ergonomically for your most sensitive bits — you’re worth it! For your money, you can’t go wrong with a LELO.

Oh dear. Please familiarize yourself with your “massager” before you get jiggy with it: know how to turn it off quickly, in the dark, by feel alone. And consider taking off any jewelry that might get in the way: rings, necklaces, big earrings. By the way, this incident happened to a 61-year-old man: good for him for experimenting with toys at his age, but a necklace? Remember: Keepin’ it classy could save your life.

Again, let’s avoid cheap plastic items when it comes to our treasured family jewels. Invest in 100%, waterpoof, non-porous silicone toys.

If a sex toy is reputable, it will come with instructions for use (as well as care and cleaning tips). Make sure you get one with those kind of instructions (again, LELO is a winner here) and then follow them. Don’t use in a way it wasn’t intended. For example, penis sleeves are meant to go around penises, not inside vaginas. If this was one of the rare sleeves that can be used as a penis extender with a partner, then there’s no way it should have gotten stuck (see #7).

Here’s where knowing your own body comes into play. If you’re a petite 100-pound professional ballerina, then a mammoth, unrealistically sized dildo called “The Pounder” is not for you. Another great sex toy to use in conjunction with vibes and dildos? Quality lube. It will help keep things going smoothly and prevent rug burn. (And it’s not cheating — there are many reasons why your desire may not match your own wetness — so give yourself a helping hand.) At the risk of sounding like a broken record, high quality toys made of body-safe material will help you avoid the pitfalls of cheap novelties: rough seams, toxic phthalates, allergic reactions, etc. Finally, you may like it rough, but avoid doing serious damage. There’s the line: don’t cross it.

Again, to get a little Greek on you: know thyself. Learn the basics of genital anatomy and examine yourself. The vagina is only a few inches long. Without a doctor going in, or a baby coming out, nothing’s really getting past the cervix into the uterus. A small vibrator, ben wa balls, or a piece of a cheap broken vibrator may nestle into the crevice between the cervix and the very back of the vagina; but by bearing down and reaching in, most women should be able to retrieve it themselves (just get over your silly heebie jeebies — it’s your own body, fer chrissakes!). If your fingers are stubby, hopefully your lover’s are longer. As long as you go with a modern, quality toy made for the vagina, nothing’s getting “lost.”

Just say no to penis pumps.¬†Instead, learn to work with what you’ve got and become an exceptional lover so size truly doesn’t matter (here’s a great place to start).

The overwhelming majority (like 83%, according to the Washington Post) of injuries happen when people — and not just guys, plenty of gals too! — put something up their butts that they shouldn’t. The official terminology is “foreign body removal” (FB Removal). That can’t feel good, for your ass or your pride. We’ve said it a thousand times, we’ll say it again: when it comes to your anus, only use made-for-play sex toys that are non-porous and have a flared base. Otherwise, your butt will act like a greedy Dyson and you’ll have to go to the E.R. and sites like ours will invariably make fun of you for it.

Um, just try to be less clumsy…?



I Dropped My Ben-Wa Balls on Date Night

February 12, 2015


by Alex Alexander for YourTango ¬†| ¬†photo of Lelo’s Luna Beads Noir

I think we can all blame¬†Fifty Shades of Grey¬†for our knowledge and misconceptions about Ben-Wa balls ‚ÄĒ or at least I can. I’ve known about the existence of them for a long time ‚ÄĒ and it’s why I always giggled when¬†Ben Wallace¬†took the court during an NBA game ‚ÄĒ but I never imagined myself actually putting them into play (sports pun!) In case you’re not familiar, Ben-Wa balls go by a dozen different names: Kegel exercisers, pleasure balls, vaginal exercise balls, duotone balls,¬†vaginal¬†beads,¬†orgasm¬†balls and¬†love¬†balls to name a few. They’ve been around since a Japanese courtesan called Rino-Tama discovered their pleasurable benefit and have since had both a medical and naughty use, but it wasn’t until¬†Christian Grey¬†gave Anastasia a set in the first ’50 Shades’ book that their popularity really took off.

Medically, they’re used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, as you have to keep your vagina clenched to keep them in. There are also versions that are connected by string (usually silicone) and as you tug on the string you use your Kegel muscles to keep them in. It’s basically like tug-of-war with your vagina. (Not sure what your Kegel muscles are? Imagine someone told you to stop peeing mid-stream. Those are them.) They can also help with urinary incontinence as well as tightening up the ol’ girl after childbirth, since your Kegel muscles are also the muscles that get all riled up during an orgasm. Basically, strong Kegels = strong climax.

Still with me? Good.

In addition to medical use, rumor is when you use Ben-Wa balls during everyday activity, the friction and motion they cause from within, combined with a clenching of your muscles, can bring about orgasm, or at least teasing pleasure. Naturally, I had to see for myself.

My first reaction was, “Whoa, these are heavy for such little balls!” but I remained steadfast to use them to their full potential. I washed them well and inserted them one at a time. It was tricky to get them up to what felt high enough in my vagina, but I figured in was in, right? Wrong. As soon as I took one step to the side, they slid out onto the floor. Undeterred, I tried to insert them lying down. I hiked my hips up into the the air and gave them a good solid shimmy ‚ÄĒ hopefully moving them higher, so they wouldn’t fall out.¬†I stood up, making sure to keep my muscles contracted. (After all, that was part of the challenge wasn’t it?) After about a minute of serious – and I mean serious – clenching, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to walk, much less make it through an entire night with my vagina clenched that tight ‚ÄĒ in fact, she was beginning to go numb. I eased up ever so slightly, waiting for them to slip out. Surprisingly, they didn’t. SUCCESS! After a few minutes passed, I felt like I might be in the clear, so I proceeded to get dressed for my date that night with my husband.

Shortly after, my husband joined me in the bathroom to finish up a few things himself and that’s when it happened.

I went to step around him when one ball popped loose. I must have not felt it slide down! (To be fair, my Kegel muscles were still recovering from a lack of oxygen.) It fell to our stone tile floor with a ‘THUD’ before I could even register what was happening. My husband and I locked eyes, as my cheeks turned not¬†50 Shades Of Grey¬†but…50 Shades of Red. “Uh, did that just fall out of your…?” my husband asked. And as soon as he did, that’s when I felt the other little guy break free, landing on the ground and rolling to its final resting place at my husband’s foot.

Ever been standing in the bathroom with your lover as two steel balls fall out of your skirt? No? Just me?

That was the beginning and the end of the pleasure balls. I accepted that the combination of the ball’s weight and small size with my birthed-two-children vagina was a coupling never meant to be – until two¬†weeks later when I went out and bought bonus-sized silicone balls that promised to do their job with more efficiency and less, you know, droppage.

However, my pride still hasn’t allowed me to try them. And the sound of steel balls dropping onto stone rings forever in my ears.

More from YourTango:

An Antidote for Feeling Fifty Shades of Blah in the Bedroom

February 11, 2015


If the upcoming¬†Fifty Shades movie is making you feel like your own sex life is a little drab in comparison — just a single shade of grey, as it were — then we are prescribing you a dose of the video above, “50 Shades of Pleasure,” made by¬†Trojan with our hilarious director friend Laura Murphy, creator of MTV’s “Girl Code.” This is not your standard issue promotional video; if the ninja part doesn’t make you laugh out loud, then we guess you just have a cold heart (either that, or a troubling personal history with ninjas).

We have long believed in the power of humor to help lower people’s defenses when it comes to the often uncomfortable topic of sex. Most people don’t want to admit that they need help in bed, or that they’re in a rut, or that they might not know as much as the next guy or gal — or even just that their sex life might be a little more fun with a dab of lube and a friendly sex toy. And it’s amazing how many people feel nervous or embarrassed or tongue-tied talking about what they like in bed — even with someone they’ve been sleeping with for years! This is why we always do our best to be funny* when we talk about sex and relationships — it’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the naughty, kinky, dirty sex talk go down. (*Yes, we said try. We realize our eighties pop culture references aren’t for everyone.)

Okay, so now that you’ve watched the video, we’re assuming you’re sweetened up and ready to admit that maybe your sex life isn’t as perfect as it could be. Don’t worry, you’re in a friendly crowd: Recent research found that one in two couples said their sex life could use a booster shot. ¬†And almost 15 percent of women reported that¬†their most recent sexual event involved little to no pleasure or arousal. Ouch!

Happily, Trojan has more up its sleeve than ninja gags and warm fuzzy feelings about your other half. Here are two simple ways to get out of the grey area in bed:


Trojan Lubricants Tonight It Takes 2 To Play

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Lube is not a crutch! For women, natural lubrication doesn‚Äôt necessarily go hand-in-hand with sexual arousal. She may be ready mentally, but her body could use a little catching up. (Smoking, caffeine, booze, weed, stress, the menstrual cycle, and cold medicine can all diminish a woman’s natural lubricant, too.) ¬†Adding extra lubrication, like Trojan¬†Tonight It Takes 2 To Play,¬†means your sensitive parts can take more stimulation and more kinds of stimulation without getting¬†over-sensitive. Plus, lube helps prevent chaffing and the condom from breaking. Oh, and: Sex with lube just¬†feels¬†good ‚ÄĒ even better than it does without! Have we convinced you yet? Then check out the dual action of Trojan’s Pre-Game and Game Time lubricants. Again, you’ll be in good company:¬†A study found that more than 80 percent of lubricant users believe lubricants increased the pleasure factor, with nearly 50 percent claiming it helped them achieve an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. Check out Trojan’s entire line of lubricants here.


Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet

Did you know that using a vibrator¬†in bed with a partner is now, basically, mainstream? (If that’s disappointing for you to hear, you may have to break out some fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold, too! Or better yet, a Red Room of Pain.) Yep, it turns out that almost half of all women have used a vibrator with a partner one or more times, and 60 percent of women agree that vibrators can make partner sex more exciting. And the men are hardly sulking, either: 70 percent of them agree that vibrators can enhance a woman‚Äôs sexual relationship with her partner. Ready to join the very sexually satisfied majority? The Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet is the perfect gateway drug, as it were: powerful, discreet, and quiet. Be in control or hand over the controls to your partner, depending on your mood! Check out Trojan’s entire line of vibrating sex toys here.


This post is sponsored by Trojan

Fifty Shades of Luxury: How to Shop for Toys Like Christian Grey

February 11, 2015


LELO’s 20-karat gold Luna Beads Luxe | Sponsored Post

One of our theories about why the¬†Fifty Shades of Grey¬†trilogy sold so well (despite terrible writing and a thin, derivative plot) is that it’s dripping with wealth. The private jets and the fancy gifts and the luxurious home are like a spoonful of sugar that help the kink go down. It’s the same with sex toys, we’ve found: If a sex toy is a cheap plastic thing costing five bucks, it seems tawdry and dirty. On the other hand, if a vibrator is Swarovski-encrusted and costs a week’s — or a month’s! — wages, then it automatically seems more sophisticated.

But the sex toy snobs are actually onto something, because in the world of vibrators and dildos, you get what you pay for. Sure, those Swarovski crystals aren’t exactly necessary, but if you spend a little extra for a quality sex toy, you’ll be rewarded with something that is (a) good for your body (and not dripping with carcinogens), (b) good for the environment, ¬†(c) pleasant to hold and behold, and (d) actually gets the job done.

So while E.L. James doesn’t name-drop when it comes to sex accoutrements in the book (funny, because she brand-name-drops on every other page!), we’re fairly sure that Christian Grey would go high-end with some of LELO’s fancy-schmancy toys. Here are a few toys we think he’d like, all part of¬†LELO’s Luxe Collection:


Luna Beads Luxe

These are a high-end version of their bestselling Luna Beads, which in turn are¬†LELO’s modern version of the Ben Wa balls¬†that Christian Grey uses on Anastasia Steele. Worn one or two at a time,¬†Luna Beads Luxe are offered in either stainless steel or 20-karat gold, and their price points are pure Christian Grey (stainless steel retails for $2090;¬†gold for $3090). Which makes them (a) the most exclusive pleasure beads in the world and (b) most likely out of your price range! But, hey, every vagina likes to splurge every now and then.

Like LELO’s original Luna Beads ($47) — and their stylish counterpart, Luna Beads Noir ($34, and also very Fifty) — these golden kegel balls (seriously, isn’t it worth the investment just to say you own a pair of golden kegel balls?!) respond to a woman’s movements while she wears them, subtly vibrating internally. And if they’re worn regularly over time, they lead to longer and stronger orgasms. (Hello? Priceless!)

Christian Grey famously told Anastasia that he would like to dictate her gym schedule, in order to keep her in shape for marathon kinky sex sessions. We’re pretty sure he¬†would have assigned her a kegel workout with Luna Beads Luxe, too, had they been available at the time. Possible plot twist for the movie, perhaps? Also, can we all please now agree to show up to the cinema for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie actually wearing our kegel balls? That way we’re guaranteed some pleasure from the experience, no matter how bad the dialogue turns out to be. Not to mention, you get the brag value of being able to drop the following line into casual conversation:¬†I have a vagina of steel.



This is the high-end version of LELO’s classic, silky smooth, pebble-like vibrator the Lily (still one of our favorites!). It comes in stainless steel or 24K gold plate and has a deep and resonant vibe. And the metal surface offers additional sensual benefits against bare skin, for people who like playing around with hot and cold. The Yva is small, discreet, and quiet (just like Ana, ha ha). As LELO says, “Bring her as a discreet guest to the most exclusive gatherings.” It comes in a gorgeous wooden storage box, in case you’re planning on gifting the Ana in your life.



The Olga is LELO’s luxe G-spot pleasure object. ¬†Again, it is crafted in either stainless steel or 24K gold plate, and the metal offers those sensual hot or cold elements against naked bodies. One end is designed to reach and stimulate the G-spot area, while the other end is more old school. Also comes in a wooden box for fancy-pants gift giving.



LELO calls Earl “the most distinguished gentleman’s plug in the world.” Who wouldn’t agree that Christian Grey could use one of those?! It is elegantly sculpted out of stainless steel or 24K gold plate. Because Christian Grey wouldn’t put just anything where the sun don’t shine. The metal is incredibly hygienic and can also be hot or cold against the skin. This luxe plug is designed to offer deep internal stimulation, including male G-spot massage. ¬†LELO says, “Use EARL as you wish, whether it be with a partner for added enjoyment or as a secret companion, worn discreetly.” Oh, and here’s an incentive to gift the Mr. Grey in your life: It comes in an elegant wooden box, and is accessorized with matching cufflinks! The grey tie you’ll have to buy yourself.



The $15,000¬†Inez¬†(the gold version)¬†is the¬†most exclusive vibrator ever made. Guaranteed to make your other sex toys feel shabby and insignificant!¬†Both the stainless steel and 24K gold-plate¬†versions feature an energetic buzz, and, like all the other luxe toys, the metal offers bonus hot and cold sensations against bare skin. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine guarantee “discreet yet reassuring company,” to use LELO’s oh-so-classy description.



Fifty Shades of Shopping

February 9, 2015


Everything to make your ladies’ night screening of the movie or your 50-Shades-themed Valentine’s Day weekend even sillier (and maybe, in a few cases, sexier…maybe).  

Fifty Shades Wine (White & Red 2-Pack), $32

Fifty Shades Vermont Teddy Bear, $99


Fifty Shades of Grey – The Classical Album, $5 (mp3, instant) $9 (cd, Prime)


Original Fifty Shades Original Movie Soundtrack, $12 (mp3, instant; cd, Prime)


Fifty Shades Inspired Blush (get it?), $70


Sterling Silver Handcuff Necklace, $34


Official Fifty Shades of Grey Tie Necklace, $195 (Prime)


50 Shades-Themed 3-Candle Set, $25 (Prime)


Fifty Shades Inspired 6-pc Nail Polish Set, $30


Fifty Shades Shot Glass, $10


Happy Ending Fortune Cookies – 50 Shades Edition, $12


Fifty Shades of Hay Nightshirt, $29


How to Use a Flogger Like Christian Grey

February 5, 2015


The following is from our very own naughty dictionary,¬†150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink.¬†Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon

¬†indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the¬†Fifty Shades¬†series (symbolic of the famous woven tie¬†Christian Grey¬†uses to restrain¬†Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you‚Äôre interested in and, from there,¬†make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don‚Äôt stop ‚Äėtil you get to Z‚ÄĒor ‚Äėtil you‚Äôre compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:



The pom pom of the¬†BDSM¬†world. (‚ÄúGive me a W! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a P!‚ÄĚ) A popular flagellation tool, a flogger consists of a fairly stout handle and several ‚Äútails‚ÄĚ of equal length (from one- to three-feet long) made of¬†leather, suede, nylon, pleather,¬†rubber, or even ribbon. Depending on the number of tails, their length, their material, and whether they have knots or beads at their ends, the sensation a flogger provides can be anywhere from soft to holy-fucking-shit.

Beginners should go with a well-made, small, light-impact flogger: they‚Äôll evoke more giggles than actual cries of pain. Avoid heavy-leather, braided, beaded, or knotted tails in the beginning. As with most BDSM equipment, you don‚Äôt want to scrimp: A cheaply made flogger won‚Äôt be balanced correctly (making it harder and heavier to wield), its tails won‚Äôt land in the same spot (what you want), and/or the edges of the tails will be sharp (what you¬†don‚Äôt¬†want). Try companies that specialize in making floggers, like Bare Leatherworks‚ÄĒwith their Midsize Cowhide Flogger, the handle feels great, you can give your partner a good whack without it hurting them,¬†and¬†it makes your victim‚Äôs butt jiggle, too! For the kind of posh flogger you might find in the¬†Red Room of Pain, there‚Äôs LELO‚Äôs Sensua Suede Whip (available also in red!).

To make sure you‚Äôve got good aim, practice on inanimate objects first. Work on your different strokes: twirling, backhand, infinity symbol. Don‚Äôt graduate to animate objects‚ÄĒthat have of course given you their consent‚ÄĒuntil you‚Äôve got the eye and aim of a national darts champion. The ends of the tails should be hitting only the safe zones: lower buttocks, thighs, and upper back (not the spine or neck!). As a beginner, it‚Äôs a good idea to protect areas you don‚Äôt want to hit with clothing, a towel, blanket, or pillow, just in case you accidentally let the tails ‚Äúwrap‚ÄĚ around the body beyond these safe zones‚ÄĒthe epitome of poor form. (Another good reason to have your bottom lying down if you‚Äôre a beginner.)

See flagellation for more important safety info. A.k.a. cats. Mini-floggers for genitorture are called flails, pussywhips (ha!), or ballwhips.

For more on other kinky endeavors and accoutrements for newbies, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon, in paperback or e-book!

How “Fifty Shades” Has Changed Sex Over the Past Several Years

February 4, 2015


sponsored post

As if the palpable global anticipation for the first movie adaptation of E.L. James’ erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”¬†wasn’t evidence enough, our friends over at LELO have actually quantified just how influential the story of Ana, Christian and his woven tie have been on the world’s sexual habits. They surveyed over 10,000 women from 8 countries over the past few years and discovered that the interest in kinky accessories inspired by “Fifty Shades” served as a gateway to enjoying other intimate objects and activities:


The Year Vanilla Turned Grey

(click for infographic)

Women were becoming more adventurous. Sex out of the bedroom was on the increase, sex toys were on the increase and kinky liaisons were on the increase too. Sales of whips and teasers increased by more than 50% and sales of Pleasure beads increased by more than 200%. Fifty-eight percent of global sex toy owners were expected to use premium personal massagers with their partner.




The Kink Continues

(click for infographic)

The kinky liaisons between the sheets continued throughout the first two quarters of 2013 with women everywhere feeling a new sense of sexual empowerment. But by the end of 2013 LELO witnessed a shift in how women wanted their pleasure.¬†¬†Sales of BDSM accessories, like whips and teasers, reached a plateau in the last quarter of 2013 compared with sales of premium couples’ massagers and vibrating couples‚Äô rings worn during intercourse, which increased by 82%. By the end of 2013, 72% of sex toy owners used massagers or rings with their partner.




The Year of the Vanilla Revolution

(click for infographic)

LELO‚Äôs Global Sex Survey revealed women emerged from their kinky ‚ÄėFifty Shades‚Äô phase with liberated attitudes, finding ways beyond novelty and kink to enhance intimacy with their partners.

In 2014 LELO shows that¬†1 in 5 women have been involved in a threesome (double that of 2012‚Äôs findings). Similarly more than half of women in a relationship have made a home movie, and over a third have had sex in a public place.¬†More women have lived out their fantasies over the past 2 years but a whopping 80% said their fantasy¬†didn’t¬†live up to expectations. Either women have become more sexually confident since “Fifty Shades,” or they‚Äôve become more confident talking about their sex lives.

Kinkier ‚Äėnovelty-based‚Äô products like whips and hand cuffs have still¬†plateaued, but are expected to take a sharp rise around the release of the movie.¬†However, sales of couples‚Äô massagers, vibrators worn during intercourse, like IDA and Tara have increased by as much as 82% this year and are expected to continue to rise.


2015: Predictions for the Future of Sex

We would guess that immediately after Valentine’s Day next year, when¬†the “Fifty Shades” movie premieres, LELO will be absolutely pummeled by increased requests for¬†handcuffs,¬†blindfolds and teasers, not unlike Christian Grey on Ana’s bare bottom. Sales of kinky accessories will plateau (until the next movie in the series comes out), but by then even more women will have become comfortable buying and using bedroom accessories with their partners. A regular visit to LELO will be as normal as a dental checkup — but certainly much more pleasurable (unless, of course, you’re into pain).



A Guide to the Toys in “Fifty Shades of Grey”

February 2, 2015


Say what you will about the literary merit of E.L. James’s¬†Fifty Shades of Grey¬†trilogy, but you can’t deny the sexual curiosity they’ve ignited, the sexual knowledge they’ve imparted and the sexual delight they’ve given, where most readers are concerned. The result has been a boon for the sex toy industry, thanks to all the props Christian Grey has in his museum chest in the Red Room of Pain.

In fact, an official line of “Fifty Shades” toys was launched, but in order to appeal to a mass market, they’re pretty cheap, which means they’re cheaply made and a bit cheap looking. In other words, Christian Grey wouldn’t be caught dead with any of them in his luxury Red Room of Pain. Buying a la carte is a better way to go. We’ve done the leg work for you: here’s a review of some of the items you too can procure to live out your Ana fantasies, from mild to hardcore, affordable to expensive, but all quality made:


As Christian knows, you dampen one or two senses, it heightens the rest, particular your sense of touch. In the trilogy, they use an airline sleeping mask, which we’re all for. But come on, billionaire Grey has to steal the in-flight paraphernalia for his kinky fuckery? Not buying it. More plausible would be¬†an elegant silk number like LELO’s Intima Collection, perhaps in red to match the blood red walls of his upstairs dungeon. If you need to improvise, scarves work well — just be sure to tie the knot to the side so your blindfold-ee doesn’t have to lie on it.

Wrist Restraints

Christian uses everything from the iconic woven tie on the cover of the first book to metal handcuffs, from leather cuffs to silk ones. Ties will work if you’ve got nothing else handy, but they can also pinch if they’re tied too tightly, cutting off circulation, which is a no no. And you read about the booboos Ana got from the metal handcuffs. As for the cable ties Christian bought from Ana in the hardware store: Don’t go there! (Way too dangerous for newbies. See our book “150 Shades of Play” for why). No, best to go with purpose-made cuffs that keep you secure without causing bodily harm, like¬†Etherea Silk Cuffs¬†for more vanilla play,¬†Sutra Chainlink Silk & Suede Cuffs¬†for Red Room play. If you indeed are thinking about re-enacting any “50” scenes, read up on our¬†10 Rules of Wrist Restraint.

Wand Vibrators

Often sold as “back massagers,” these big boys are for¬†external¬†stimulation, usually of the clitoris. They pack such a powerful punch that the recipient of its vibrations may get over-sensitized. Which, if you’re into sensual torture, could be just the tool for you. The most famous is the¬†Magic Wand,¬†but has their own¬†beautiful line of “Smart Wands”¬†that are rechargeable and waterproof!

Bicep Cuffs (or Armbinders)

Just like purpose-made wrist restrains, accept¬†they attach to your biceps and hook behind your back¬†(NSFW!), limiting movement and sticking your boobs out for you. You can also improvise with a set of wrist cuffs, as long as they’re big enough for your biceps, fit comfortably and don’t keep falling down around your elbows. Or go for¬†a hip corset with attatched wrist restraints.

Vaginal Balls

Also known as Ben Wa Balls, Geisha Balls, or Vaginal Beads. They can be free-floating, or connected by a cord. They can be hard and shiny, or made of softer material. Inside each is a weight that moves when you move, causing your vaginal muscles to involuntarily contract. The sensation is subtle and will be better at promoting pelvic floor health — which should be a priority — than it will be at giving you instantaneous orgasms. In fact, you can wear them and pretty easily forget about them. That is, of course, unless you’ve got a hot 27-year-old billionaire spanking you at the same time.¬†LELO has the bestselling beads in the world, including a luxury 20-karat gold version for Grey-types.¬†Read much more about balls and beads from us here.

Arnica Cream

This is a “pain relieving gel for bumps, bruises, sprains, sports injuries & over-exercising.” Applied after a bottom spanking (as Christian did on Ana’s red tush),¬†this ointment¬†may reduce bruising. You can also try applying beforehand as well. Either way, you get a nice sensual butt massage out of it. Read up on our Spanking Tips here.


Disciplinary devices for horses and errant submissives. Newbies should use it for teasing and tantalizing, not beatings. (Or for simply completing an outfit.) The power of a crop swing should equal that of an enthusiastic love pat, and only then should its target be the fleshiest parts of someone’s bottom. Anywhere else, and you’d be wise to use the impact of a feather. ¬†Reread the scene from¬†the first¬†Fifty Shades, and do what the kinder, gentler Grey does (“This is not going to hurt. Do you understand?”) with something like the¬†¬†GoodVibes Riding Crop.

Spreader Bars

Stiff bars, usually two to three feet long, with a cuff at either end, used to force the wearer’s ankles or wrists into a spread eagle pose during bondage play ‚ÄĒ most bars can be adjusted, depending on how much yoga your own “Ana” practices. They’re handy if you don’t have bedposts for attaching cuffs to. Instant self-contained bondage! Sure, your prisoner could still get up and walk around if they were particularly coordinated, but they’d look mighty funny doing so. And you’re not going to believe this, but¬†Amazon sells one for a mere $35 bucks¬†– and it’s available via Prime!

Nipple Clamps

The kind Christian uses are bejeweled “tweezer clamps.” GoodVibes sells¬†the official Fifty Shades version with beaded charms¬†(they’ll do fine).¬†They also have¬†Alligator-Style Clamps on a chain. All versions have¬†rubber tips and are¬†adjustable, so you can start with a very light squeeze. Test the grip on your inner wrist. And remember those playground fights? The less skin you pinch, the more it hurts, and the bigger and wider the clamps are, the less they’ll hurt. ¬†Grab the nipple close to the base, or even on the areola, for a gentler hold.¬†Test them on yourself first before you put them on anyone else (yes, men have nipples too!) — that way, you know what you’re both getting into. Just remember, you don’t want to go too tight or for too long (no more than 10, 15 minutes). And it’s gonna hurt like hell when you take them off, so ease the tension off them slowly — at least until you become more accustomed to playing around with them.


The pom pom of the BDSM world. (“Give me a W! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a P!”) A popular flagellation tool, a flogger consists of a fairly stout handle and several “tails” of equal length (from one- to three-feet long) made of leather, suede, nylon, pleather, rubber, or even ribbon. One of Christian’s had little beads on the ends, which beginners should steer clear of (too dangerous): instead,¬†go with a well-made, small, light-impact flogger like the¬†Sensua Suede Whip. That and a light touch will¬†evoke more giggles than actual cries of pain.

Butt Plugs

The anal area is chock-full of nerve endings just dying for some attention. And a butt plug can do that for you — filling you up, giving your sphincter something to contract around, and raising all-over goose bumps when it’s finally removed (you¬†know¬†you know that feeling). But you’ve got to start small with a little finger and then work up to an inanimate object,¬†but only one designed specifically for the tush¬†(lest you end up in the E.R. with an embarrassing story to tell). As with any toy, go for safe, hygienic materials, quality design and durability: the¬†Little Flirt¬†is a good start for both guys and gals. If you’re a genuine “Christian,” then you can afford the¬†24K gold-plated Earl¬†for gentlemen (what’s a measly $2590?).

St. Andrew’s Cross

This is a piece of bondage furniture for serious kinksters (they are pretty pricey)¬†named for the X-shaped cross that Saint Andrew was allegedly crucified on. It features restraining points at the wrists, ankles, and sometimes the waist. We can’t imagine all the soccer moms devouring¬†Fifty Shades¬†are really going to install a bondage cross in their basement next to the storage boxes of winter hats and coats, but here are¬†a few examples from Metalbound.com¬†for you anyway.



And the Winner of Our #LoveResolution Contest Is…

January 5, 2015

1 Comment

The LELO Ina

@AkashaZarafshan! Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a brand new INA WAVE from LELO!  The ultimate rabbit vibe for pleasure connoisseurs (with 10 vibration patterns & adjustable speeds) is now yours, thanks to your enthusiastic public display of resolving to love better in 2015!

It was a very close race between¬†@AkashaZarafshan¬†and¬†@DavidWindmuller. And since we want everyone to make out in the end, like David said, we’ll be sending him a copy of our latest book, “150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink,” now available in ridiculously affordable e-book form!

Below are all the entries:





Akasha Zarafshan @AkashaZarafshan

  • Make love, not war
  • Enjoy some “me time” more often
  • Live every day like it might be the last
  • Enjoy life to the fullest, also between the sheets
  • Do the rub-a-dubbin’ more often
  • Do some actual humping on “hump day”
  • Study the art of body language
  • Study the art of tantric sex, because sometimes “less is more” does NOT apply
  • Stop postponing everything
  • Under the motto “the more the merrier,” have a threesome
  • Work hard, play hard
  • Not use chocolate as a substitute for sex
  • Be the best person I can be
  • See failure as a lesson learnt
  • Never give up
  • Visit my family and loved ones more often
  • Be more awesome than last year
  • I’m gonna lose weight and e.x.e.r.c.i…IS THAT CAKE?
  • Be more optimistic and less sarcastic. Like I won’t screw that up right away…
  • Be more selective in making bad decisions
  • Stop drinking* ¬† ¬† ¬†*(when I pass out or all the booze is gone)
  • Turn over a new leaf, but I will probably end up smoking it
  • Stop waiting for change to simply happen to me, only I can make it happen
  • Don’t spend too much time wearing pants

David Windmuller @DavidWindmuller

  • Hit her G-spot with my tongue
  • Eat more fiber
  • Finally¬†shear off my comb-over
  • Ask how her day was
  • Stop being jealous of my girlfriend’s undulating, vibrating, bulbous LELO
  • Accept the fact that girls poop
  • Clean the toilets and do the wash before she gets home
  • When I come up 4 air from burying my face in her bum, stop repeating the lame joke, “Everyone makes out in the end”
  • Instead of trying to “fix” everything, sometimes just listen and give a big hug – it really helps
  • Stop feeling guilty about my spa days and date nights; they make me a better mommy and wife.
  • Allow him to hit the town with his smokin’ hot female friend; she was here long before I was.
  • Tolerate his orgasm farts
  • Whisper more sweet nothings and dirty, horny things in her ear

Insatiably Taken¬†‚ÄŹ@InsatiablyTaken

  • To sext more often




C ‚ÄŹ@PretendYouCare

  • I resolve to try to develop a more sex-positive outlook
  • I resolve to stop waiting on an external force to change what can I myself
  • I resolve to search for, understand, and redefine love outside of misleading mainstream portrayals


Dave Wolgast¬†‚ÄŹ@DaveRef¬†

  • I resolve to be more present in 2015


For those of you who didn’t win/enter, you can still get yourself or someone you love a beautiful new¬†INA WAVE¬†to start off¬†2015 with a bang!