The Cannes Film Festival is in full swing right now (May 16-27) and one of its special guests is one of our favorite pleasure-object producers: the high end Swedish design company, Lelo. They’re screening their very own short — okay, it’s a crummy commercial. But as with everything Lelo does, it’s beautiful, sleek, glamourous, luxurious and inviting — like their toys (although we never will get the appeal of squirming around on a bed of roses).

The 35-second spot features their award-winning couples massager (“Tiani“), their personal egg-like massager (“Alia“), and their dual-action vibe (“Soraya“). But what’s really cool about the “short”, is that during the festival’s opening and closing weekends, it’s being broadcast hourly on giant screens along the main thoroughfare outside of the Intercontinental Carlton on the Boulevard de la Croisette. A 50-foot dual action vibe on celluloid in public? Only in France!

Fortunately, you don’t need an invitation and a ticket to Cannes to check it out:

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If you forgot to celebrate Earth Day this past Sunday, Black Label is giving you until May 31st — from now until then, this online sex toy retailer with a fabulous no-phthalates policy (which stocks only items from our favorite quality manufacturers, like Lelo, Fun Factory, and We-Vibe) says they’re committing to planting a tree for every rechargeable sex toy they sell. They’ve already made their operation 100% carbon neutral by voluntarily purchasing Voluntary Carbon Units (VCU) to offset the greenhouse gas emissions their company produces, but they’ve also partnered with Carbon Neutral to take that a step further:

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There’s a new kid in the luxury vibrator town: The Duet by Crave, a clitoral stimulator created by an industrial designer and an engineer. They submitted the Duet for pre-release funding on the international design funding platform CKIE in August 2011, where they raised $104,000 from over 950 backers – 694% of the original target. And now this discreet and design-y vibe is finally being sold for $149 by two of our favorite online retailers, Babeland.com and GoodVibes.com. We must say it looks pretty cool: body-safe materials, rechargeable, waterproof, quiet…

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What’s the one sex toy you’d hate to live without? Your desert island sex toy, if you will. Leave your response in the comments section below (feel free to share your age, gender, relationship status, etc., if it’s relevant to your answer).

Retro Pocket Rocket by Big Teaze Toys

Pocket rocket vibrators have been around forever — since before sex toys got all fancy and high tech and, you know, effective. But there’s a reason the pocket rocket-style vibe has stood the test of time — it’s small and unassuming, but not so small that you wonder why you bothered. It fits easily in your nightstand or, yes, your pocketbook, and it’s not likely to give any guy a complex. But we were never really wowed by a pocket rocket aesthetically until now. Big Teaze Toys (makers of the original I Rub My Duckie) have just come out with their Retro Pocket Rocket, pictured above. How did no one think of this before?

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We know the suspense has been killing you. But now all will be revealed. Behold, the winners of our Sex Toy Haiku Contest sponsored by Lelo!  @fredofsnakes will be getting a luxury Oden couples ring with SenseMotion technology as the winner of a random drawing from all who Tweeted their sex toy haikus. The competition was tough for the Best Written Haiku, but a beautiful Lyla egg-like massager (also from the Insignia line) is on its way to Chloe, an MVP who submitted several excellent three-liners. Since we had so many great entries, we’re including them as honorable mentions below. Enjoy!

THE BEST HAIKU WINNER

by Chloe

The TV remote
from now on will always be
without batteries

THE RANDOM-DRAWING TWITTER WINNER

by @fredofsnakes

unlike some things, dear
you never bore or bother
only delight me

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Lyrical Award goes to Jillian:

I press, and you purr,
pebble-smooth against my skin;
a clockwork sweetheart.

The Stereotype Improvement Award goes to Chloe:

When ever they say
that us women love plastic
this is what they mean

The Amen Sister Award goes to Krista:

Too lazy to wax
That time of the month, fat day
You never complain

The Mortification Award goes to Frankie:

My nosy mother
Should have known better than to
Check the dishwasher.

The Subtle Yet Shameless Plea Award goes to Dutchyv1:

My partner would use
The sense motion controller
In a loving way

The Rhyme Time Award goes to Sara:

there is no guy here
only me and my plastic
oh how fantastic

The Flattery Will Get You Almost Everywhere Award goes to Miss Debauchery:

Em and Lo write books
That took me from awkward girl
To hot sex goddess.

The Appropriately Scandinavian Award goes to Donald:

Norse God Above All.
A Sex Toy mirrors your might,
Sold not at a Mall.

the e.e. cummings award goes to Danika:

bumblebee kisses
up from my knees to my lips
buzz, hum, murmur: click.

The Virginia Woolf Award goes to Courtney:

It spent months hidden/
At last, a room of my own/
PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB!

The Damn Batteries Award goes to K.F.:

Worked up for nothing
Because I forgot to buy
Batteries again

The Savvy Traveler Award goes to K.F.:

Vacation packing
Bathing suit and vibrator
Can buy the rest there.

The Sweetly Sexual Award goes to Ricardo:

Buzz buzz love, buzz buzz,
The sound that means we’re coming
closer, together.

The Mother’s Little Helper Award goes to Alex:

my little blue friend:
makes me smile while the kids nap.
(yes, I named him BOB.)

The Next Best Thing Award goes to Krista:

A lackluster date
A quick goodbye; at home waits
My long time lover

The Lost Love Award goes to Lisa:

Lost you in the move
I found pleasure in my hands
But I still miss you

One of our favorite toy creators, Jimmyjane, along with Ace Hotels, is giving you until EOD PST this Tuesday, January 31st to enter to win a two-night stay this year at the Palm Springs Ace Hotel that includes $500 for travel, a complete set of Jimmyjane’s award-winning FORM vibrators ($620 value) and a ton of sexified in-room amenities: a blindfold and cuffs, an erotic movie, a bullet vibe, a feather tickler, some kind of chocolate deliciousness from the Ace kitchen, Sir Richards condoms, Good Clean Love lubricant, and a roll of instant analogue film for the loaner vintage Polaroid you’ll find in your room. Caution: if you don’t win, you better have a backup present for February 14th ready to go.

Read more about the ongoing Jimmyjane/Ace partnership, including online gift packages, on SUNfiltered

Lover’s Prisoner Kit available at EdenFantasys.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would you tell a guy who was intimidated by the idea of his partner bringing sex toys into the bedroom?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): Men take a certain amount of pride in their bedroom abilities, and despite the fact that we intellectually know most women can’t orgasm from insertion alone, it bums us out. However, letting a guy know that his anatomy is acceptable (almost too acceptable, really) and that you just have different needs goes a long way towards soothing his ego. Throw in something about the mystery of female sexuality and that you’ll let him hold the device in question, thus providing him additional “skin in the game,” and it should be gravy. Unless he’s a jerk or a babyhead.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): The dead cliché answer would be to remind him that  they’re only called “toys” and “novelties” to get around puritanical blue laws. In reality, you could tell him, sex “toys” are tools for sex. Guys like tools. But here’s a more original approach: Tell him, if someone brings a Monopoly board into the den it would be a pretty good sign she’d like to play with you, right? So if your partner brings a sex toy into the bedroom that’s an even better sign she wants to play with you.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Get over yourself. And bend over.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

What’s a recession-friendly Valentine’s Day gift that will always be received gladly? Unilateral oral sex is a pretty good bet. Or perhaps a half-hour massage with no pressure to reciprocate. Or maybe dressing up as a cowboy and doing your best BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN impression. But how do you make such generous sexual offers feel like an actual gift that you planned in advance — as opposed to a last-minute, oh-shit-I-didn’t-make-it-to-the-mall-in-time present? A hand-written promise to talk dirty, unabated, for 20 minutes is kind of sweet (at least, it is if that’s your partner’s bag), but it can come across as a little half-hearted. A little unofficial, if you will. No witnesses, no signatures in blood, etc.

Enter Datevitation.com‘s love coupons. This site lets you build a custom coupon book — you get a choice of illustrations and you can either use their suggested wording or write your own. The options range from the PG — Bubble Bath, Pillow Fight, Make-Out Session, Stargazing — to the decidedly raunchy — 69, Rodeo, Tie Me Up. Pick a selection of favors for your partner (we’re particular fans of the illustrations accompanying the Sexual Fantasy and Kitchen Sex). Oh, and while we’re guessing that the whole coupon gift thing is probably a bit of a heterosexual trend, the site caters to all sexualities with its illustrations. A standard book of five coupons will set you back $15 (you can add additional coupons for $1 each). You need to allow time for printing and shipping — if you order now, your book will arrive in plenty of time for V-Day.

By the way, in some U.S. states (like California), it’s illegal to put expiration dates on coupons — but even if you’re in a state like New York that allows expiration dates, don’t expect your partner to go for this legal argument. Talk about awkward: you dump your partner before they get to cash in all their coupons and they show up at your wedding demanding that half hour of  of Wilderness Sex. So if you think your relationship might not last as long as the book of coupons, maybe a box of chocolates is a better idea instead. Anything else could get you reported to the Better Boinking Bureau.

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photo by plindberg

After your dad, your significant other is the most difficult person in the world to buy presents for. After all there’s so much pressure — you want it to strike the right note, convey your love, perhaps your desire, show just how well you know them, and at the same time be a surprise. So here are some gift guides to help you get it right with the one you love. (We know you need this because you still haven’t gotten them something yet, procrastinator):

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