Em & Lo: Sex. Love. And Everything in Between. » Toys http://www.emandlo.com Your daily dose of advice, news, and stories about sex, love, and other important stuff. No yoga mat required. Tue, 31 Mar 2015 16:50:21 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 I Dropped My Ben-Wa Balls on Date Night http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/i-dropped-my-ben-wa-balls-on-date-night/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/i-dropped-my-ben-wa-balls-on-date-night/#comments Thu, 12 Feb 2015 12:00:34 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31998

by Alex Alexander for YourTango  |  photo of Lelo’s Luna Beads Noir

I think we can all blame Fifty Shades of Grey for our knowledge and misconceptions about Ben-Wa balls — or at least I can. I’ve known about the existence of them for a long time — and it’s why I always giggled when Ben Wallace took the court during an NBA game — but I never imagined myself actually putting them into play (sports pun!) In case you’re not familiar, Ben-Wa balls go by a dozen different names: Kegel exercisers, pleasure balls, vaginal exercise balls, duotone balls, vaginal beads, orgasm balls and love balls to name a few. They’ve been around since a Japanese courtesan called Rino-Tama discovered their pleasurable benefit and have since had both a medical and naughty use, but it wasn’t until Christian Grey gave Anastasia a set in the first ’50 Shades’ book that their popularity really took off.

Medically, they’re used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, as you have to keep your vagina clenched to keep them in. There are also versions that are connected by string (usually silicone) and as you tug on the string you use your Kegel muscles to keep them in. It’s basically like tug-of-war with your vagina. (Not sure what your Kegel muscles are? Imagine someone told you to stop peeing mid-stream. Those are them.) They can also help with urinary incontinence as well as tightening up the ol’ girl after childbirth, since your Kegel muscles are also the muscles that get all riled up during an orgasm. Basically, strong Kegels = strong climax.

Still with me? Good.

In addition to medical use, rumor is when you use Ben-Wa balls during everyday activity, the friction and motion they cause from within, combined with a clenching of your muscles, can bring about orgasm, or at least teasing pleasure. Naturally, I had to see for myself.

My first reaction was, “Whoa, these are heavy for such little balls!” but I remained steadfast to use them to their full potential. I washed them well and inserted them one at a time. It was tricky to get them up to what felt high enough in my vagina, but I figured in was in, right? Wrong. As soon as I took one step to the side, they slid out onto the floor. Undeterred, I tried to insert them lying down. I hiked my hips up into the the air and gave them a good solid shimmy — hopefully moving them higher, so they wouldn’t fall out. I stood up, making sure to keep my muscles contracted. (After all, that was part of the challenge wasn’t it?) After about a minute of serious – and I mean serious – clenching, I realized I wasn’t going to be able to walk, much less make it through an entire night with my vagina clenched that tight — in fact, she was beginning to go numb. I eased up ever so slightly, waiting for them to slip out. Surprisingly, they didn’t. SUCCESS! After a few minutes passed, I felt like I might be in the clear, so I proceeded to get dressed for my date that night with my husband.

Shortly after, my husband joined me in the bathroom to finish up a few things himself and that’s when it happened.

I went to step around him when one ball popped loose. I must have not felt it slide down! (To be fair, my Kegel muscles were still recovering from a lack of oxygen.) It fell to our stone tile floor with a ‘THUD’ before I could even register what was happening. My husband and I locked eyes, as my cheeks turned not 50 Shades Of Grey but…50 Shades of Red. “Uh, did that just fall out of your…?” my husband asked. And as soon as he did, that’s when I felt the other little guy break free, landing on the ground and rolling to its final resting place at my husband’s foot.

Ever been standing in the bathroom with your lover as two steel balls fall out of your skirt? No? Just me?

That was the beginning and the end of the pleasure balls. I accepted that the combination of the ball’s weight and small size with my birthed-two-children vagina was a coupling never meant to be – until two weeks later when I went out and bought bonus-sized silicone balls that promised to do their job with more efficiency and less, you know, droppage.

However, my pride still hasn’t allowed me to try them. And the sound of steel balls dropping onto stone rings forever in my ears.

More from YourTango:

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An Antidote for Feeling Fifty Shades of Blah in the Bedroom http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/an-antidote-for-feeling-fifty-shades-of-blah-in-the-bedroom/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/an-antidote-for-feeling-fifty-shades-of-blah-in-the-bedroom/#comments Wed, 11 Feb 2015 21:00:04 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=32022

If the upcoming Fifty Shades movie is making you feel like your own sex life is a little drab in comparison — just a single shade of grey, as it were — then we are prescribing you a dose of the video above, “50 Shades of Pleasure,” made by Trojan with our hilarious director friend Laura Murphy, creator of MTV’s “Girl Code.” This is not your standard issue promotional video; if the ninja part doesn’t make you laugh out loud, then we guess you just have a cold heart (either that, or a troubling personal history with ninjas).

We have long believed in the power of humor to help lower people’s defenses when it comes to the often uncomfortable topic of sex. Most people don’t want to admit that they need help in bed, or that they’re in a rut, or that they might not know as much as the next guy or gal — or even just that their sex life might be a little more fun with a dab of lube and a friendly sex toy. And it’s amazing how many people feel nervous or embarrassed or tongue-tied talking about what they like in bed — even with someone they’ve been sleeping with for years! This is why we always do our best to be funny* when we talk about sex and relationships — it’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the naughty, kinky, dirty sex talk go down. (*Yes, we said try. We realize our eighties pop culture references aren’t for everyone.)

Okay, so now that you’ve watched the video, we’re assuming you’re sweetened up and ready to admit that maybe your sex life isn’t as perfect as it could be. Don’t worry, you’re in a friendly crowd: Recent research found that one in two couples said their sex life could use a booster shot.  And almost 15 percent of women reported that their most recent sexual event involved little to no pleasure or arousal. Ouch!

Happily, Trojan has more up its sleeve than ninja gags and warm fuzzy feelings about your other half. Here are two simple ways to get out of the grey area in bed:


Trojan Lubricants Tonight It Takes 2 To Play

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Lube is not a crutch! For women, natural lubrication doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with sexual arousal. She may be ready mentally, but her body could use a little catching up. (Smoking, caffeine, booze, weed, stress, the menstrual cycle, and cold medicine can all diminish a woman’s natural lubricant, too.)  Adding extra lubrication, like Trojan Tonight It Takes 2 To Play, means your sensitive parts can take more stimulation and more kinds of stimulation without getting over-sensitive. Plus, lube helps prevent chaffing and the condom from breaking. Oh, and: Sex with lube just feels good — even better than it does without! Have we convinced you yet? Then check out the dual action of Trojan’s Pre-Game and Game Time lubricants. Again, you’ll be in good company: A study found that more than 80 percent of lubricant users believe lubricants increased the pleasure factor, with nearly 50 percent claiming it helped them achieve an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. Check out Trojan’s entire line of lubricants here.


Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet

Did you know that using a vibrator in bed with a partner is now, basically, mainstream? (If that’s disappointing for you to hear, you may have to break out some fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold, too! Or better yet, a Red Room of Pain.) Yep, it turns out that almost half of all women have used a vibrator with a partner one or more times, and 60 percent of women agree that vibrators can make partner sex more exciting. And the men are hardly sulking, either: 70 percent of them agree that vibrators can enhance a woman’s sexual relationship with her partner. Ready to join the very sexually satisfied majority? The Trojan Vibrations Vibrating Bullet is the perfect gateway drug, as it were: powerful, discreet, and quiet. Be in control or hand over the controls to your partner, depending on your mood! Check out Trojan’s entire line of vibrating sex toys here.


This post is sponsored by Trojan

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Fifty Shades of Luxury: How to Shop for Toys Like Christian Grey http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/fifty-shades-of-luxury-how-to-shop-for-toys-like-christian-grey/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/fifty-shades-of-luxury-how-to-shop-for-toys-like-christian-grey/#comments Wed, 11 Feb 2015 12:00:31 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31841

LELO’s 20-karat gold Luna Beads Luxe | Sponsored Post

One of our theories about why the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy sold so well (despite terrible writing and a thin, derivative plot) is that it’s dripping with wealth. The private jets and the fancy gifts and the luxurious home are like a spoonful of sugar that help the kink go down. It’s the same with sex toys, we’ve found: If a sex toy is a cheap plastic thing costing five bucks, it seems tawdry and dirty. On the other hand, if a vibrator is Swarovski-encrusted and costs a week’s — or a month’s! — wages, then it automatically seems more sophisticated.

But the sex toy snobs are actually onto something, because in the world of vibrators and dildos, you get what you pay for. Sure, those Swarovski crystals aren’t exactly necessary, but if you spend a little extra for a quality sex toy, you’ll be rewarded with something that is (a) good for your body (and not dripping with carcinogens), (b) good for the environment,  (c) pleasant to hold and behold, and (d) actually gets the job done.

So while E.L. James doesn’t name-drop when it comes to sex accoutrements in the book (funny, because she brand-name-drops on every other page!), we’re fairly sure that Christian Grey would go high-end with some of LELO’s fancy-schmancy toys. Here are a few toys we think he’d like, all part of LELO’s Luxe Collection:


Luna Beads Luxe

These are a high-end version of their bestselling Luna Beads, which in turn are LELO’s modern version of the Ben Wa balls that Christian Grey uses on Anastasia Steele. Worn one or two at a time, Luna Beads Luxe are offered in either stainless steel or 20-karat gold, and their price points are pure Christian Grey (stainless steel retails for $2090; gold for $3090). Which makes them (a) the most exclusive pleasure beads in the world and (b) most likely out of your price range! But, hey, every vagina likes to splurge every now and then.

Like LELO’s original Luna Beads ($47) — and their stylish counterpart, Luna Beads Noir ($34, and also very Fifty) — these golden kegel balls (seriously, isn’t it worth the investment just to say you own a pair of golden kegel balls?!) respond to a woman’s movements while she wears them, subtly vibrating internally. And if they’re worn regularly over time, they lead to longer and stronger orgasms. (Hello? Priceless!)

Christian Grey famously told Anastasia that he would like to dictate her gym schedule, in order to keep her in shape for marathon kinky sex sessions. We’re pretty sure he would have assigned her a kegel workout with Luna Beads Luxe, too, had they been available at the time. Possible plot twist for the movie, perhaps? Also, can we all please now agree to show up to the cinema for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie actually wearing our kegel balls? That way we’re guaranteed some pleasure from the experience, no matter how bad the dialogue turns out to be. Not to mention, you get the brag value of being able to drop the following line into casual conversation: I have a vagina of steel.



This is the high-end version of LELO’s classic, silky smooth, pebble-like vibrator the Lily (still one of our favorites!). It comes in stainless steel or 24K gold plate and has a deep and resonant vibe. And the metal surface offers additional sensual benefits against bare skin, for people who like playing around with hot and cold. The Yva is small, discreet, and quiet (just like Ana, ha ha). As LELO says, “Bring her as a discreet guest to the most exclusive gatherings.” It comes in a gorgeous wooden storage box, in case you’re planning on gifting the Ana in your life.



The Olga is LELO’s luxe G-spot pleasure object.  Again, it is crafted in either stainless steel or 24K gold plate, and the metal offers those sensual hot or cold elements against naked bodies. One end is designed to reach and stimulate the G-spot area, while the other end is more old school. Also comes in a wooden box for fancy-pants gift giving.



LELO calls Earl “the most distinguished gentleman’s plug in the world.” Who wouldn’t agree that Christian Grey could use one of those?! It is elegantly sculpted out of stainless steel or 24K gold plate. Because Christian Grey wouldn’t put just anything where the sun don’t shine. The metal is incredibly hygienic and can also be hot or cold against the skin. This luxe plug is designed to offer deep internal stimulation, including male G-spot massage.  LELO says, “Use EARL as you wish, whether it be with a partner for added enjoyment or as a secret companion, worn discreetly.” Oh, and here’s an incentive to gift the Mr. Grey in your life: It comes in an elegant wooden box, and is accessorized with matching cufflinks! The grey tie you’ll have to buy yourself.



The $15,000 Inez (the gold version) is the most exclusive vibrator ever made. Guaranteed to make your other sex toys feel shabby and insignificant! Both the stainless steel and 24K gold-plate versions feature an energetic buzz, and, like all the other luxe toys, the metal offers bonus hot and cold sensations against bare skin. Five pre-programmed stimulation modes and a virtually silent vibrator engine guarantee “discreet yet reassuring company,” to use LELO’s oh-so-classy description.



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Fifty Shades of Shopping http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/fifty-shades-of-shopping/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/fifty-shades-of-shopping/#comments Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:08:32 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31953

Everything to make your ladies’ night screening of the movie or your 50-Shades-themed Valentine’s Day weekend even sillier (and maybe, in a few cases, sexier…maybe).  

Fifty Shades Wine (White & Red 2-Pack), $32

Fifty Shades Vermont Teddy Bear, $99


Fifty Shades of Grey – The Classical Album, $5 (mp3, instant) $9 (cd, Prime)


Original Fifty Shades Original Movie Soundtrack, $12 (mp3, instant; cd, Prime)


Fifty Shades Inspired Blush (get it?), $70


Sterling Silver Handcuff Necklace, $34


Official Fifty Shades of Grey Tie Necklace, $195 (Prime)


50 Shades-Themed 3-Candle Set, $25 (Prime)


Fifty Shades Inspired 6-pc Nail Polish Set, $30


Fifty Shades Shot Glass, $10


Happy Ending Fortune Cookies – 50 Shades Edition, $12


Fifty Shades of Hay Nightshirt, $29


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How to Use a Flogger Like Christian Grey http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/how-to-use-a-flogger-like-christian-grey/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/how-to-use-a-flogger-like-christian-grey/#comments Thu, 05 Feb 2015 12:09:32 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31812

The following is from our very own naughty dictionary, 150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink. Bolded words signify individual entries that appear elsewhere in the A-to-Z section of the book. Anything with a tie icon

 indicates an activity or prop mentioned in the Fifty Shades series (symbolic of the famous woven tie Christian Grey uses to restrain Anastasia Steele). The idea being: look up something you’re interested in and, from there, make it a choose-your-own-adventure book by following any bolded words that pique your interest to their own dedicated entry. Or just start at A and don’t stop ‘til you get to Z—or ‘til you’re compelled to try something out with your partner, whichever comes first!:



The pom pom of the BDSM world. (“Give me a W! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a P!”) A popular flagellation tool, a flogger consists of a fairly stout handle and several “tails” of equal length (from one- to three-feet long) made of leather, suede, nylon, pleather, rubber, or even ribbon. Depending on the number of tails, their length, their material, and whether they have knots or beads at their ends, the sensation a flogger provides can be anywhere from soft to holy-fucking-shit.

Beginners should go with a well-made, small, light-impact flogger: they’ll evoke more giggles than actual cries of pain. Avoid heavy-leather, braided, beaded, or knotted tails in the beginning. As with most BDSM equipment, you don’t want to scrimp: A cheaply made flogger won’t be balanced correctly (making it harder and heavier to wield), its tails won’t land in the same spot (what you want), and/or the edges of the tails will be sharp (what you don’t want). Try companies that specialize in making floggers, like Bare Leatherworks—with their Midsize Cowhide Flogger, the handle feels great, you can give your partner a good whack without it hurting them, and it makes your victim’s butt jiggle, too! For the kind of posh flogger you might find in the Red Room of Pain, there’s LELO’s Sensua Suede Whip (available also in red!).

To make sure you’ve got good aim, practice on inanimate objects first. Work on your different strokes: twirling, backhand, infinity symbol. Don’t graduate to animate objects—that have of course given you their consent—until you’ve got the eye and aim of a national darts champion. The ends of the tails should be hitting only the safe zones: lower buttocks, thighs, and upper back (not the spine or neck!). As a beginner, it’s a good idea to protect areas you don’t want to hit with clothing, a towel, blanket, or pillow, just in case you accidentally let the tails “wrap” around the body beyond these safe zones—the epitome of poor form. (Another good reason to have your bottom lying down if you’re a beginner.)

See flagellation for more important safety info. A.k.a. cats. Mini-floggers for genitorture are called flails, pussywhips (ha!), or ballwhips.

For more on other kinky endeavors and accoutrements for newbies, pick up a copy 150 SHADES OF PLAY, on sale now at Amazon, in paperback or e-book!

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How “Fifty Shades” Has Changed Sex Over the Past Several Years http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/how-fifty-shades-has-changed-sex-over-the-past-several-years/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/how-fifty-shades-has-changed-sex-over-the-past-several-years/#comments Wed, 04 Feb 2015 13:56:22 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31717 sponsored post

As if the palpable global anticipation for the first movie adaptation of E.L. James’ erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” wasn’t evidence enough, our friends over at LELO have actually quantified just how influential the story of Ana, Christian and his woven tie have been on the world’s sexual habits. They surveyed over 10,000 women from 8 countries over the past few years and discovered that the interest in kinky accessories inspired by “Fifty Shades” served as a gateway to enjoying other intimate objects and activities:


The Year Vanilla Turned Grey

(click for infographic)

Women were becoming more adventurous. Sex out of the bedroom was on the increase, sex toys were on the increase and kinky liaisons were on the increase too. Sales of whips and teasers increased by more than 50% and sales of Pleasure beads increased by more than 200%. Fifty-eight percent of global sex toy owners were expected to use premium personal massagers with their partner.




The Kink Continues

(click for infographic)

The kinky liaisons between the sheets continued throughout the first two quarters of 2013 with women everywhere feeling a new sense of sexual empowerment. But by the end of 2013 LELO witnessed a shift in how women wanted their pleasure.  Sales of BDSM accessories, like whips and teasers, reached a plateau in the last quarter of 2013 compared with sales of premium couples’ massagers and vibrating couples’ rings worn during intercourse, which increased by 82%. By the end of 2013, 72% of sex toy owners used massagers or rings with their partner.




The Year of the Vanilla Revolution

(click for infographic)

LELO’s Global Sex Survey revealed women emerged from their kinky ‘Fifty Shades’ phase with liberated attitudes, finding ways beyond novelty and kink to enhance intimacy with their partners.

In 2014 LELO shows that 1 in 5 women have been involved in a threesome (double that of 2012’s findings). Similarly more than half of women in a relationship have made a home movie, and over a third have had sex in a public place. More women have lived out their fantasies over the past 2 years but a whopping 80% said their fantasy didn’t live up to expectations. Either women have become more sexually confident since “Fifty Shades,” or they’ve become more confident talking about their sex lives.

Kinkier ‘novelty-based’ products like whips and hand cuffs have still plateaued, but are expected to take a sharp rise around the release of the movie. However, sales of couples’ massagers, vibrators worn during intercourse, like IDA and Tara have increased by as much as 82% this year and are expected to continue to rise.


2015: Predictions for the Future of Sex

We would guess that immediately after Valentine’s Day next year, when the “Fifty Shades” movie premieres, LELO will be absolutely pummeled by increased requests for handcuffsblindfolds and teasers, not unlike Christian Grey on Ana’s bare bottom. Sales of kinky accessories will plateau (until the next movie in the series comes out), but by then even more women will have become comfortable buying and using bedroom accessories with their partners. A regular visit to LELO will be as normal as a dental checkup — but certainly much more pleasurable (unless, of course, you’re into pain).



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A Guide to the Toys in “Fifty Shades of Grey” http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/a-guide-to-the-toys-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/02/a-guide-to-the-toys-in-fifty-shades-of-grey/#comments Mon, 02 Feb 2015 13:07:01 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31684

Say what you will about the literary merit of E.L. James’s Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, but you can’t deny the sexual curiosity they’ve ignited, the sexual knowledge they’ve imparted and the sexual delight they’ve given, where most readers are concerned. The result has been a boon for the sex toy industry, thanks to all the props Christian Grey has in his museum chest in the Red Room of Pain.

In fact, an official line of “Fifty Shades” toys was launched, but in order to appeal to a mass market, they’re pretty cheap, which means they’re cheaply made and a bit cheap looking. In other words, Christian Grey wouldn’t be caught dead with any of them in his luxury Red Room of Pain. Buying a la carte is a better way to go. We’ve done the leg work for you: here’s a review of some of the items you too can procure to live out your Ana fantasies, from mild to hardcore, affordable to expensive, but all quality made:


As Christian knows, you dampen one or two senses, it heightens the rest, particular your sense of touch. In the trilogy, they use an airline sleeping mask, which we’re all for. But come on, billionaire Grey has to steal the in-flight paraphernalia for his kinky fuckery? Not buying it. More plausible would be an elegant silk number like LELO’s Intima Collection, perhaps in red to match the blood red walls of his upstairs dungeon. If you need to improvise, scarves work well — just be sure to tie the knot to the side so your blindfold-ee doesn’t have to lie on it.

Wrist Restraints

Christian uses everything from the iconic woven tie on the cover of the first book to metal handcuffs, from leather cuffs to silk ones. Ties will work if you’ve got nothing else handy, but they can also pinch if they’re tied too tightly, cutting off circulation, which is a no no. And you read about the booboos Ana got from the metal handcuffs. As for the cable ties Christian bought from Ana in the hardware store: Don’t go there! (Way too dangerous for newbies. See our book “150 Shades of Play” for why). No, best to go with purpose-made cuffs that keep you secure without causing bodily harm, like Etherea Silk Cuffs for more vanilla play, Sutra Chainlink Silk & Suede Cuffs for Red Room play. If you indeed are thinking about re-enacting any “50” scenes, read up on our 10 Rules of Wrist Restraint.

Wand Vibrators

Often sold as “back massagers,” these big boys are for external stimulation, usually of the clitoris. They pack such a powerful punch that the recipient of its vibrations may get over-sensitized. Which, if you’re into sensual torture, could be just the tool for you. The most famous is the Magic Wand, but has their own beautiful line of “Smart Wands” that are rechargeable and waterproof!

Bicep Cuffs (or Armbinders)

Just like purpose-made wrist restrains, accept they attach to your biceps and hook behind your back (NSFW!), limiting movement and sticking your boobs out for you. You can also improvise with a set of wrist cuffs, as long as they’re big enough for your biceps, fit comfortably and don’t keep falling down around your elbows. Or go for a hip corset with attatched wrist restraints.

Vaginal Balls

Also known as Ben Wa Balls, Geisha Balls, or Vaginal Beads. They can be free-floating, or connected by a cord. They can be hard and shiny, or made of softer material. Inside each is a weight that moves when you move, causing your vaginal muscles to involuntarily contract. The sensation is subtle and will be better at promoting pelvic floor health — which should be a priority — than it will be at giving you instantaneous orgasms. In fact, you can wear them and pretty easily forget about them. That is, of course, unless you’ve got a hot 27-year-old billionaire spanking you at the same time. LELO has the bestselling beads in the world, including a luxury 20-karat gold version for Grey-types. Read much more about balls and beads from us here.

Arnica Cream

This is a “pain relieving gel for bumps, bruises, sprains, sports injuries & over-exercising.” Applied after a bottom spanking (as Christian did on Ana’s red tush), this ointment may reduce bruising. You can also try applying beforehand as well. Either way, you get a nice sensual butt massage out of it. Read up on our Spanking Tips here.


Disciplinary devices for horses and errant submissives. Newbies should use it for teasing and tantalizing, not beatings. (Or for simply completing an outfit.) The power of a crop swing should equal that of an enthusiastic love pat, and only then should its target be the fleshiest parts of someone’s bottom. Anywhere else, and you’d be wise to use the impact of a feather.  Reread the scene from the first Fifty Shades, and do what the kinder, gentler Grey does (“This is not going to hurt. Do you understand?”) with something like the  GoodVibes Riding Crop.

Spreader Bars

Stiff bars, usually two to three feet long, with a cuff at either end, used to force the wearer’s ankles or wrists into a spread eagle pose during bondage play — most bars can be adjusted, depending on how much yoga your own “Ana” practices. They’re handy if you don’t have bedposts for attaching cuffs to. Instant self-contained bondage! Sure, your prisoner could still get up and walk around if they were particularly coordinated, but they’d look mighty funny doing so. And you’re not going to believe this, but Amazon sells one for a mere $35 bucks – and it’s available via Prime!

Nipple Clamps

The kind Christian uses are bejeweled “tweezer clamps.” GoodVibes sells the official Fifty Shades version with beaded charms (they’ll do fine). They also have Alligator-Style Clamps on a chain. All versions have rubber tips and are adjustable, so you can start with a very light squeeze. Test the grip on your inner wrist. And remember those playground fights? The less skin you pinch, the more it hurts, and the bigger and wider the clamps are, the less they’ll hurt.  Grab the nipple close to the base, or even on the areola, for a gentler hold. Test them on yourself first before you put them on anyone else (yes, men have nipples too!) — that way, you know what you’re both getting into. Just remember, you don’t want to go too tight or for too long (no more than 10, 15 minutes). And it’s gonna hurt like hell when you take them off, so ease the tension off them slowly — at least until you become more accustomed to playing around with them.


The pom pom of the BDSM world. (“Give me a W! Give me an H! Give me an I! Give me a P!”) A popular flagellation tool, a flogger consists of a fairly stout handle and several “tails” of equal length (from one- to three-feet long) made of leather, suede, nylon, pleather, rubber, or even ribbon. One of Christian’s had little beads on the ends, which beginners should steer clear of (too dangerous): instead, go with a well-made, small, light-impact flogger like the Sensua Suede Whip. That and a light touch will evoke more giggles than actual cries of pain.

Butt Plugs

The anal area is chock-full of nerve endings just dying for some attention. And a butt plug can do that for you — filling you up, giving your sphincter something to contract around, and raising all-over goose bumps when it’s finally removed (you know you know that feeling). But you’ve got to start small with a little finger and then work up to an inanimate object, but only one designed specifically for the tush (lest you end up in the E.R. with an embarrassing story to tell). As with any toy, go for safe, hygienic materials, quality design and durability: the Little Flirt is a good start for both guys and gals. If you’re a genuine “Christian,” then you can afford the 24K gold-plated Earl for gentlemen (what’s a measly $2590?).

St. Andrew’s Cross

This is a piece of bondage furniture for serious kinksters (they are pretty pricey) named for the X-shaped cross that Saint Andrew was allegedly crucified on. It features restraining points at the wrists, ankles, and sometimes the waist. We can’t imagine all the soccer moms devouring Fifty Shades are really going to install a bondage cross in their basement next to the storage boxes of winter hats and coats, but here are a few examples from Metalbound.com for you anyway.



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And the Winner of Our #LoveResolution Contest Is… http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/and-the-winner-of-our-loveresolution-is/ http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/and-the-winner-of-our-loveresolution-is/#comments Mon, 05 Jan 2015 19:03:26 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31325
The LELO Ina

@AkashaZarafshan! Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a brand new INA WAVE from LELO!  The ultimate rabbit vibe for pleasure connoisseurs (with 10 vibration patterns & adjustable speeds) is now yours, thanks to your enthusiastic public display of resolving to love better in 2015!

It was a very close race between @AkashaZarafshan and @DavidWindmuller. And since we want everyone to make out in the end, like David said, we’ll be sending him a copy of our latest book, “150 Shades of Play: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink,” now available in ridiculously affordable e-book form!

Below are all the entries:





Akasha Zarafshan @AkashaZarafshan

  • Make love, not war
  • Enjoy some “me time” more often
  • Live every day like it might be the last
  • Enjoy life to the fullest, also between the sheets
  • Do the rub-a-dubbin’ more often
  • Do some actual humping on “hump day”
  • Study the art of body language
  • Study the art of tantric sex, because sometimes “less is more” does NOT apply
  • Stop postponing everything
  • Under the motto “the more the merrier,” have a threesome
  • Work hard, play hard
  • Not use chocolate as a substitute for sex
  • Be the best person I can be
  • See failure as a lesson learnt
  • Never give up
  • Visit my family and loved ones more often
  • Be more awesome than last year
  • I’m gonna lose weight and e.x.e.r.c.i…IS THAT CAKE?
  • Be more optimistic and less sarcastic. Like I won’t screw that up right away…
  • Be more selective in making bad decisions
  • Stop drinking*      *(when I pass out or all the booze is gone)
  • Turn over a new leaf, but I will probably end up smoking it
  • Stop waiting for change to simply happen to me, only I can make it happen
  • Don’t spend too much time wearing pants

David Windmuller @DavidWindmuller

  • Hit her G-spot with my tongue
  • Eat more fiber
  • Finally shear off my comb-over
  • Ask how her day was
  • Stop being jealous of my girlfriend’s undulating, vibrating, bulbous LELO
  • Accept the fact that girls poop
  • Clean the toilets and do the wash before she gets home
  • When I come up 4 air from burying my face in her bum, stop repeating the lame joke, “Everyone makes out in the end”
  • Instead of trying to “fix” everything, sometimes just listen and give a big hug – it really helps
  • Stop feeling guilty about my spa days and date nights; they make me a better mommy and wife.
  • Allow him to hit the town with his smokin’ hot female friend; she was here long before I was.
  • Tolerate his orgasm farts
  • Whisper more sweet nothings and dirty, horny things in her ear

Insatiably Taken @InsatiablyTaken

  • To sext more often





  • I resolve to try to develop a more sex-positive outlook
  • I resolve to stop waiting on an external force to change what can I myself
  • I resolve to search for, understand, and redefine love outside of misleading mainstream portrayals


Dave Wolgast ‏@DaveRef 

  • I resolve to be more present in 2015


For those of you who didn’t win/enter, you can still get yourself or someone you love a beautiful new INA WAVE to start off 2015 with a bang!



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Resolve to Love Better & You Could Win a LELO Ina Wave! http://www.emandlo.com/2014/12/resolve-to-love-better-you-could-win-a-lelo-ina-wave/ http://www.emandlo.com/2014/12/resolve-to-love-better-you-could-win-a-lelo-ina-wave/#comments Mon, 22 Dec 2014 13:47:19 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31225
The LELO Ina

It’s that time of year again, when we think of all the things we’re terrible at, all the ways we’re failing as human beings, all the minor adjustments that will finally make our lives better, if not perfect. It’s mostly an exercise in futility and self-hatred, but there can be a silver lining to aspiring to be better — namely, the rare cases in which we actually do become better. Well, we’ve got to start somewhere and wishing for something may sometimes make it so.

So we’ve teamed up with LELO to encourage you to think of all the ways you’d like to love better in 2015. If you resolve well, or often enough, you could win a brand new INA WAVE,  the ultimate rabbit vibe for pleasure connoisseurs that rises and falls like an expert lover’s fingers, has 10 vibration patterns with adjustable speeds, and is 100% waterproof and rechargeable!


Between now and Friday, January 2nd, Tweet your New Year’s love resolution on Twitter.com. Don’t forget to include these three things in your Tweet:

  1. the hashtag #LoveResolution
  2. @emandlo
  3. @Lelo_Official

Examples of a #LoveResolution might include “buy more flowers,” “make-out like a teenager,” and ”fight fair” (these will not be considered if you enter them as your own, duh.)

Feel free to submit your entries in the comments below also, though only Tweets that follow the guidelines above will be entered to win. Enter as many times as you like, though each entry should be a different resolution (NOT the same one over and over). You must be 18 or older to enter. And do NOT create multiple Twitter accounts to enter.

Deadline is EOD Friday, January 2nd, at 11:59 PST. We’ll pick one MVP winner (“MVP” being defined at our discretion) and announce the winning Tweet here on EMandLO.com as well as on Twitter on Monday, the 5th. If that winner does not claim their prize by replying to our private message within a week, a new winner will be chosen.

Good luck! And may the best resolve win an INA WAVE!

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Oh Come Let Us Adore Her G-Spot http://www.emandlo.com/2014/12/oh-come-let-us-adore-her-g-spot/ http://www.emandlo.com/2014/12/oh-come-let-us-adore-her-g-spot/#comments Wed, 10 Dec 2014 12:00:35 +0000 emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31066
The LELO Ina

The phrase “come hither motion” should be familiar to anyone who’s ever read anything about G-spot orgasms in women. It’s a very specific, very human touch (one or two fingers, usually), and it’s the key to stimulating a woman’s G-spot. And, as you might have discovered to your frustration, it’s not something a woman can easily do herself.

Until now. LELO just released two new toys, the INA Wave and the MONA Wave, which both feature a unique kind of motion called WaveMotion™. The toys feature a strong pivot that curls up and down to recreate the beckoning, come-hither motion of a lover’s fingers — a technology that has been long pursued in the sex toy industry. The INA Wave is a dual-action vibrator, more commonly known as a Rabbit-style toy — except this one also surges and plunges within you. And the MONA Wave is in the style of a G-spot massage — except, again, you guessed it, this one also surges and plunges within you. This animated gif (of the INA Wave) demonstrates the movement better than we ever could…

LELO’s admirable (and ambitious!) goal is to change the way a woman views her relationship with her body — and to help her take full ownership of her orgasm. As Steve Thomson, LELO’s Head of Marketing says, “Ownership of your orgasm is ownership of your body. This is a fundamental right as valid as any other, and one worth fighting for.” Yeah, yeah, we know: he’s in marketing. But still, it’s a concept impossible to argue with. And female sexual pleasure could use a good marketing campaign!

The idea behind these toys is that a woman can explore the full plethora of orgasms: clitoral, G-spot, blended, multiple, female ejaculation. Or, if you’re one of those people who are suspicious of the idea of different “types” or orgasm (hey, we get it) then think of it this way: Some orgasms stop and start. Some rise and fall. Some come from nowhere. Some come in, well, waves. Some are mild. Some go to eleven. And the WaveMotion™ will help you explore them all. Here are some more details about the two different toys…


INA Wave

The INA Wave is intended to help you experience blended orgasms. The tip rises and falls while it vibrates, as the flexible finger delivers powerful sensations to the clitoris, allowing you to enjoy a whole new spectrum of pleasure.


• The ultimate rabbit vibe for pleasure connoisseurs
• Rises & falls like an expert lover’s fingers
• 10 vibration patterns and with adjustable speeds
• 100% waterproof & rechargeable (2 hours’ use)
• Ultra-smooth, body-safe, all-over silicone design
• 1-year warranty, 10-year quality guarantee
• Insertable length: 110mm/ 4.3in.



The surging motion of the MONA Wave massages your G-spot like a lover’s fingers.



• Contoured design for targeted G-spot massage
• Rises & falls like an expert lover’s fingers
• 10 vibration patterns and with adjustable speeds
• 100% waterproof & rechargeable (2 hours’ use)
• Ultra-smooth, body-safe, all-over silicone design
• 1-year warranty, 10-year quality guarantee
• Insertable length: 110mm/ 4.3in.

All this and guess what? Free holiday shipping, too! The MONA retails for $179, and INA for $199. And yes, they will easily fit in any holiday stocking. Like we said, Oh come let us adore her… G-spot, clitoris, and more!

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