For those of you who are gift-wrapping challenged, Lelo is offering a festive red and gold holiday sleeve for the box of their new egg massager through December 19th — for free! The “Lyla”, part of their new Insignia line, is controlled via wireless remote with an unprecedented range of up to 12 meters/39 feet. Boasting 8 stimulation modes, two unique SenseMotion™ settings also allow you to alter the vibration intensity by moving the controller in the palm of your hand. The holiday edition Lyla is available in all 3 color options, made with FDA-approved body safe silicone, including charger, user manual and full 1-year warranty. For 139 bucks, you could give some serious geek love this Christmas.
The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn’t be. Below are four sex product fails — don’t even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You’ve been warned:
Bacon Lube — J&D’s wants the world to taste like bacon, so they made bacon salt, and baconnaise, bacon ranch, even bacon lip balm. So we guess it was only a matter of time before they made bacon lube. They say it started out as an April Fool’s prank but then got so many requests that they had to follow through with bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Fortunately it’s only available for a limited time.
Erotic Energy Drinks — As if Red Bull weren’t bad enough: Â Big Cock cola and Little Pussy passion fruit drink are now available in Las Vegas. Of course they are.
Horror Dildos — We try not to judge other people’s fantasies. And we know “The Walking Dead” is a really, rilly popular show for some reason (character like-ability can’t be one of them). But we draw the line at zombie dildos. Haven’t seen something this inappropriate sinceDivine Interventions, a.k.a. the Jesus dildos.
We’re giving you even more opportunities to win a new luxury toy from the Insignia line by Lelo in our Sex Toy Haiku Contest!
New Deadline: we’re extending the deadline until next end of the day Wednesday, the end of November, for those of you who need a little more time to get the creative juices flowing.
New Rules: we’re still giving away a $179 Oden couples ring with SenseMotion technology to the winner of a random drawing from all who Tweet their sex toy haikus with the hashtag #EmAndLoHaikuContest, BUT for those of you who’d like to enter but don’t want all your Twitter followers to see your sex-related mini poetry (hi Mom!) we’re now allowing you to enter more discreetly by either sending yours in via our contact form OR posting them into the comments section below to win an extra prize!
New Prize: this extra prize — a $139 Lyla egg-like massager from Lelo’s Insignia line — will be awarded to the author of the best written sex toy haiku. So that means you can enter as many times as you’d like — whether via Tweet, contact form, or comments — until you think you’ve got it right!
So let’s review the details:
FOR EITHER PRIZE:
Deadline is end of day Wednesday, November 29th, 2011.
For ease of reading, separate each haiku line with a slash.
Remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format.
You must be 18 or over to enter.
Winners who do not claim their prize by responding to the private email from Em & Lo within 7 days forfeit their prize, at which time another random drawing will be made and/or another best haiku chosen.
FOR THE RANDOM DRAWING:
Tweet a sex-toy themed haiku (feel free to make your haiku as obvious or as vague as you wish)
The Tweet must contain the hashtag #EmAndLoHaikuContest
The Tweet must also contain the following link back to this post: http://tinyurl.com/8y5z68z (Twitter will probably automatically truncate it even further)
Here’s an example of how your Tweet should be formatted:Â #EmAndLoHaikuContest You are beautiful/And you never break my heart/Who needs a boyfriend? http://tinyurl.com/8y5z68z
Tweet as many times as you like for the random drawing or the best haiku contest, but understand that your name will only be added once for the random drawing to win the Oden.
As of Tuesday, November 22nd, your odds are very, very good that you will win!
FOR THE “BEST HAIKU” CONTEST:
Enter as many haikus as you like (but please don’t write 25 crap haikus as this will not increase your chances of winning either contest).
You can either Tweet them OR send them to us via our contact form (choose “contest entry” from the pulldown menu) OR post them in the comments below.
If you opt to send them in or post them below, make sure you include a viable email address (which we will keep private) so we can contact you in case you win.
“Best Haiku” winner will be chosen based on the quality of their haiku-writing skills as judged by Em & Lo.
We’ve teamed up with our friends at Lelo to give away a brand new, luxury, wireless remote-controlled, vibrating couples’ ring: the Oden. This is a $179 sex toy, people! The Oden is part of Lelo’s new Insignia line of pleasure objects that allows you or your partner to control the sensations wirelessly with just the tilt of a hand. Yes, iPhone and Wii technology has finally made it into your bedroom.
To enter:
Tweet a sex-toy themed haiku (feel free to make your haiku as obvious or as vague as you wish)
The Tweet must contain the hashtag #EmAndLoHaikuContest
The Tweet must also contain the following link back to this post: http://tinyurl.com/8y5z68z (Twitter will probably automatically truncate it even further)
For ease of reading, separate each haiku line with a slash
Remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format
Here’s an example of how your Tweet should be formatted:
#EmAndLoHaikuContest You are beautiful/And you never break my heart/Who needs a boyfriend? http://tinyurl.com/8y5z68z
Deadline is next Wednesday, November 23rd. You must be 18 or over to enter. One entry per person please. All entrants who follow the above rules will be entered into the contest and one winner will be drawn at random.
When it comes to sex toys, men get the short end of the stick. Besides butt plugs (a.k.a. the short end of the stick, ba dum ching!), there’s just not that many innovative options — a few massage sleeves, a couple of love rings, and some blow-up dolls (and, if you ask us, blow up dolls are not really a viable option). So when something new in the world of men’s sex toys hits the market, it’s BIG news (at least in our world).
Introducing the REV1000. While it gives the unfortunate impression of sticking one’s dick in a blender, with 7 speeds and 7 functions for a total of 49 different sensation combinations, the REV1000 has the potential to threaten straight women’s vaginal egos as much as The Rabbit Habit vibrator pummeled straight men’s penile ones. The UK makers, SexToys.co.uk, conducted their own consumer study with 100 blokes recruited by their PR company (they each received a REV1000 and filled out a survey) and found that “82% of men who tried it said it was the best sex toy they’d ever used.”
But before women start to worry they’ll be replaced by the robots, the survey also found that “over 70% of those who tried it said they would recommend the REV 1000 for building stamina to help them last longer during sex.”
The REV1000 is rechargeable, made with a Japanese motor, has an internal sleeve made of phthalate-free TPR that can be used with any lubricant, and is available now for 120 pounds (it can be shipped to the US for an additional 10 pounds). To get a good idea of how it works, watch the instructional video here. There’s also a promotional video, but it lamely associates stealing and assault against women with the product. As with most men’s sex toys, good taste is often hard to come by (ba dum ching!).
This Halloween, UK sex toy retailer Love Honey has a video series entitled “How to Defeat Zombies Using Sex Toys.” The production value is almost as good as anything on “The Walking Dead” (the difference being that you actually care about the characters in the sex toy videos — ha!). It’s a silly gimmick — one we admittedly have enjoyed playing with ourselves (see “How to Have Sex with a Vampire”)…
Halloween is a week today, so we guess you’ll be thinking one of two things: Either, “What’s a cute Halloween couples costume for me and my sweetie?” Or, “Which fake monster vagina should I have sex with on Halloween — the zombie vagina or the vampire vagina?” No?
Well, just in case you change your mind, it turns out that Fleshlight has released four special edition Halloween-themed toys, called the Fleshlight Freaks series. You know the Fleshlight, right? The basic model is spooky enough — it looks kind of like a flashlight filled with fleshy Play-doh, and you’re meant to stick your dick in it. Anyway, if that model is a bit ho-hum for you, you can now experiment with vaginas belonging to these fictional beasts: a vampire, a cyborg, a zombie, a Frankenstein’s monster (or rather, the vagina of the bride of Frankenstein), and an alien.
Believe it or not, sex toys weren’t invented by Sex and the City. In fact, the first evidence of sex toys dates back 30,000 years, and there are records and depictions of sex toy use in ancient Greece and Rome. There’s nothing quite that antique in Babeland’s Vintage Vibrator Museum, but you’ll find plenty of examples from the early 1900s. The first mechanical vibrators showed up in Britain and the U.S. during the late 19th century, where they were used to treat hysteria (literally, “womb disease”), which was considered the most common “disorder” among women; its symptoms were mental and emotional distress, thought to be brought on by the womb’s revolt against sexual deprivation. By some estimates, as many as three-quarters of all women suffered from this “hysteria,” and, in fact, mention of the ailment can be found as early as 4 BC. And no, they didn’t call them sex toys back then — nor did any of the devices even remotely resemble a bunny rabbit.
It’s always fun when something truly innovative comes along in the sex toy industry. Remember the first vibrating egg women could use internally? Or the first vibrating love ring worn by men during intercourse? Or the more recent We-Vibe worn by women during intercourse? Those all had a pretty high wow-factor when they first appeared on the scene.
Now our friends over at Lelo, one of our favorite “pleasure object” producers, have taken those three designs and given them a new twist with motion-sensor technology (the kind of thing in smartphones and video game consoles) that allows their vibrations to be controlled by the movement of a wireless remote control (that works up to 39 feet away!).
Check out the promotional “mood shot” above. See the hint of an enigmatic Mona Lisa smile on the woman’s face? That’s because she has a secret: while she and her man are dressed to the nines out and about on the town, she’s wearing a quiet egg vibe internally and he’s controlling its sensations (i.e. vibration speed and intensity) with that little hand-held remote control, either by pressing its buttons or — better yet — with a simple tilt, shake or sweep of the hand (that’s how the “SenseMotion” works). And since the remote control mirrors the vibes he’s creating, he can feel what she’s experiencing.
Tiani – A couple’s massager worn by the woman during intercourse to provide extra clitoral stimulation for her and extra sensation for him. The silicone is super flexible for comfort.
Oden – A love ring worn by him that adjusts to all sizes.
Lyla- The naughty egg massager we guessed was hiding in the pretty lady above, that can also be used externally by the couple.
All three toys are waterproof, rechargeable (though the remotes require two AAA batteries), and come with a 1-year warranty. Before these hit the shelves, Lelo beat their own record for number of pre-orders. They’re available now at Lelo.com and other retailers.
It’s one thing to open a sex museum somewhere like New York City or uber-permissive Iceland. But in Moscow? A stone’s throw from the Kremlin? Now that takes balls. The new Museum of Eroticism, the largest sex museum in Europe, is the brainchild of Alexander Donskoy, the one-time mayor of a small town near Moscow who was sent to prison and barred from politics soon after he decided to run for the presidency back in 2008 (coincidence? he thinks not).
Donskoy could be forgiven, therefore, for playing it a little safe, just to keep those balls of his out of the Russian prison system. Except he doesn’t. One of the pieces of “erotic art” on display features Putin and Obama in a fairy-tale forest, dressed as ancient tribal chiefs and poised on the verge of a sword fight, if you will. Swords fully unsheathed, in case you were wondering. A representative from the Kremlin protection unit asked Donskoy to remove the painting but he refused.
This post is sponsored by Lelo
The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn’t be. Below are four sex product fails — don’t even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You’ve been warned:
When it comes to sex toys, men get the short end of the stick. Besides butt plugs (a.k.a. the short end of the stick, ba dum ching!), there’s just not that many innovative options — a few 
December 8, 2011
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