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Wax Lyrical About Oral, Win a LELO Ora!

January 24, 2014


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Earlier this week, we introduced you to the Ora, LELO’s brand new oral sex simulator. (And it’s actually elegant and sophisticated! Which isn’t at all surprising in a LELO toy — but it’s hugely surprising in an oral sex simulator.) Anyway, we have one of these gorgeous pleasure objects to give away, and all you have to do is woo us with your best haiku on oral sex! We’ll publish our favorite haikus here on EMandLO.com, and our very favorite of all will win an Ora by LELO. Here are the rules:

1. Post a haiku in the comments section below, or submit via our contact form here — enter as many times as you like! Just remember to follow the 5/7/5 syllable format.

2. Deadline is end of day Friday, January 31st (so we can get the winner’s toy out before V-Day!).

3. Bonus points for any haikus that are 100% metaphorical.

4. Bonus points for any haikus that feature images from nature.

5. Automatic disqualification for anything too graphic.

6. You must be 18 or over to enter.

8. When you fill out the comment section below or send us a haiku via our contact form, make sure you include a viable email address (which we will keep private) so we can contact you in case you win.

9. Winners who do not claim their prize by responding to the private email from Em & Lo within seven days forfeit their prize, at which time another best haiku will be chosen.

Happy Haiku-ing!

Read more about the Ora by LELO here




ORA, the World’s Most (Only?) Sophisticated Oral Sex Simulator

January 23, 2014


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Do the folks at LELO ever rest?

They’ve just launched another new, groundbreaking pleasure object: the ORA. Somehow they managed to make an oral sex simulator that’s actually elegant. The ORA offers long swirls and intense pulsations on and around the clitoris, with 10 varied stimulation patterns to choose from (which is great if you don’t always like having to direct your partner from up above).

The ORA includes:

  • 2 different massaging strokes: a swirling full-circle motion and a back-and-forth half circle for faster and more focused¬†stimulation
  • 10 stimulation modes controlled with an easy-to-use 3-button interface
  • New INTENSE Mode for 30% more intensity instantly (when you’re in the home stretch!)
  • Ultra-smooth body-safe silicone exterior
  • 100% waterproof
  • Rechargeable for 1 hour of uninterrupted use (though we imagine you won’t need that long)
  • 1-year warranty & 10-year quality guarantee

Just in time for Valentine’s Day — treat your partner or treat yourself! $169.



Funniest Reviews of the iPhone Spin the Bottle App

January 2, 2014


image via Rankopedia

The iPhone app “Spin the Bottle!” says you must be 17 to download it, but what 17 year old still plays Spin the Bottle?! There are 18,695 (and counting) reviews of this app, almost all of them hilarious. And not one of them, we’re willing to bet, is written by anyone 17 or older. Here are some of our favorites…

5 stars
this is an awesome app!!! i made out with 5 hot girls in 20 minutes!!! the one thing i have wrong with this game is if you land on your same sex. we just had to make a rule no kissing the same sex. maybe find a way to fix it??? great app though. two thumbs up!!!

1 star
Uh….ewwwww.¬†I had a dare to kiss a chic, and Ima chic. That’s discusying! It should say are you a boy or a girl…

5 stars
this game was awesome!! me n my friends played it FOREVER!!!! n when a guy landed on a guy they were just awkward n said “ummmmm…. i’ll pass” lmao XD it wuz hilarious

5 stars
I had to kiss a guy that I had a crush on for years and we had to kiss for 4 min and we started stripping!!!!

5 stars
I love this game i got to kiss a guy ive had a crush on for so many years and it was for 4 min. then one thing lead to another and now where the best couple at school =D

5 stars
daaaaayuuuum. i played this with like 10 hot chicks it was a whole night of action

5 stars
Made out with my girlfriend for 4 mins haha. She got a little jealous when I kissed her friends lol.

1 star
Gross. Its all griss except for the minty kiss. Jk its all gross

5 stars
Dude this is awsome I got two kisses at a party from this really hat girls eigyht

5 stars
I am lesbion and I kissed this girl for 4 min then she turned lesbion how great and then we got jiggy with it after if u know what I mean:)

1 star
Worset ever. I got hep C from using this app to kiss a chick. This is f’ed up.

5 stars
I’m a boy and I kiss a hot chick. She was really hot

4 stars
It’s so cool just add more kisses with tongue and stuff like that

2 stars
I got to kiss my crush, of course I pretended that I didn’t want to because it probably would have seemed weird for him if I acted like I did. But the fact that I also had to kiss my friend is STUPID! It should totally ask u if u r a boy or girl!

4 stars
This is great and everythings cool and smoochy EXCEPT a rlly lame one “shake hands” i mean seriously

5 stars
Best app ever I got to makout with somebody that hated me Now she going out with me

1 star
Needs to be more dirty like taking your clothes of and sleeping!!

4 stars
So it was good but things like blow in ear or kiss elbow should be taken away and replaced with like, go in the closet and make out for 3 mins while the door is locked. Or at least add more action! Well I reccomend this game for bisexual because I did me, my crush, my fave you tube star, and my bff. I got her at least 5 times in 3 mins so it was creppy!

3 stars
I liked this guy for along time and I got the four min one and it was way longer than that and no we did not do it the door wouldn’t open so we just started making out and like ya so I think you should get it and it’s freeeee!!!! But if dont like like I said it’s free and if you wanna do it befor your it can help you and no I did not do it yet so yes Ima virgan and that’s how I want it till I’m married okay by the time your reading this your probly like WTF haha well peace out peps like I said it’s free get it!!!

3 stars
Some of the kisses presented are a bit creepy, such as “kiss your partners freckles.” If you want this app to be a winner, then make it so you can create your own answers. And also, asking someone to “look up” what a butterfly kiss is rediculous.

4 stars
Please add the French kiss

4 stars
This is good if u arent scared to kiss ppl

5 stars
Awesome It’s kinda stupid how it says 18+ when u buy it but I bought it anyway

5 stars
Hot!!!! This game is cool and all but there is no good things in here. I recommend u put better kissing options but dont puss gross stuff like kissing feet or anything i just wanna kissing my crush.

5 stars
Reaaallly fun me and my friends play all the time and even when it repeats better for us haha get this app its reallly cool and helps parties tht arent going so well

5 stars
This got 3 hickeys from smockin’ hot girls get it

4 stars
I mean it’s a pretty good app and everything but come on who’s gonna play spin the bottle on an iPhone all u need is hot girlz and a bottle. It’s still pretty sweet though

1 star
Omg Its not even dirty

1 star
Omg shake hands what the crap is that

5 stars
This game is SO worth it. So people say that shaking hands is stupid, it’s not! What if you got someone you don’t like? Then that saves u.

1 star
I faked my age and did it. It scared me

4 stars
Make it a two players also because my Girlfriend likes to play only with me! Please do it


Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide

December 19, 2013


This is our five-part series on sexy gift giving this holiday season. We start with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks and work our way up with gifts priced around $25, $50, $100 and $150+. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!

Gifts for Around $10


Gifts for Around $20


Gifts for Around $50


Gifts for Around $100


Gifts for $150+




Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: Big Spender Edition

December 12, 2013


This is the fifth & final installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving this holiday season. We started with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks, followed by gifts priced around $20,¬†$50¬†and $100, and now we’re at the $150 and over mark. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the music lover:








KOHLER K-9245-CP 2.5 GPM Moxie Showerhead and Wireless Speaker, Polished Chrome

This showerhead with wireless rechargeable speaker streams your personalized music playlists, like your “Barry White Love Songs” list. Aw yeah.



For the music snob:


Bose SoundLink Mini Bluetooth Speaker

Excellent audio performance from the portable, wireless and most compact Bose speaker available — its 7-hour battery life will outlast your Sting-esque tantra sessions.


For the tablet addict:





All-New Kindle Fire HDX 8.9″ Tablet

Light large-screen tablet, with HDX display, ultra-fast performance, and front and rear cameras — you know, just a trifle.



For the one with a good eye:







Canon EOS Rebel T3 12.2 MP CMOS Digital SLR with 18-55mm IS II Lens and EOS HD Movie Mode

We’re pretty sure that jargon translates into “takes excellent naughty photos.”



For the TV junkie:






TiVo Roamio Pro HD Digital Video Recorder and Streaming Media Player (TCD840300)

Replace their user-unfriendly cable-based DVR with something more elegant. Makes cuddle time on the couch that much more enjoyable.



For the rock star (wannabe):














Schecter Damien Special Electric Guitar – Crimson Red

You can play out your groupie fantasies.



For the uber-fit:


Nike+ SportWatch GPS Powered by TomTom

Put accurate time, pace/speed, BPMs, heart rate, calories burned, and distance information right in their hands. Then they’ll be putty in¬†your¬†hands.



For the one with the “bad back” (wink wink):






The Smart Wand Body Massager

Give her an upgrade from her beat-up old Hitachi Magic Wand.



For the one with cold feet: 







Nest Learning Thermostat

They’ll be able to control their home temperature remotely from a smartphone, laptop or tablet so their love nest will be all warm and cozy when they return home — with or without a guest.



For the Christian Grey:












Majestic International Men’s Wesley Robe

Wrap your fella in 100% grey silk and let the “Fifty Shades” scenes practically roleplay themselves.



For the woman who has everything:





LELO’s Exclusive 24-Karat Gold Plated Pleasure Object, “Olga”

This gold-plated pleasure object comes presented in an elegant wooden gift box, complete with manual, satin pouch for stylish storage and a 1-year LELO warranty.

only $3,490!


For the man who has everything:





LELO’s Distinguished Gentleman’s Plug, “Earl”

This male-G-spot massager comes presented in an elegant wooden gift box, accessorized with matching cufflinks (but of course), manual, satin pouch for stylish storage and a 1-year LELO warranty.

only $2,590!


Now go check out affordable gifts around 10 bucks, the $20 fare, the gifts priced around $50, and the $100 numbers. Happy shopping!

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $100 Edition

December 11, 2013



This is the fourth installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving this holiday season. We started with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks, moved onto $20 fare, followed by gifts priced around $50, give or take a ten or two. Now we’re at the $100 mark. (Stay tuned for the $150+ edition.) They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the photographer:








“Helmut Newton: SUMO”

A 464-page tribute to one of the 20th century’s most influential, intriguing and controversial photographers.



For the voracious reader:









Kindle Paperwhite

There’s no screen glare in bright sunlight when you’re reading on the beach with one hand (it’s over 30% lighter than iPad mini). The battery will outlast your week-long vacation and there’s a built-in reading light for late-night climactic endings you can’t put down.



For the super-organized:





Fellowes Saturn SL 9.5 Inch Laminator (5213201)

Turn it on and it’s ready for some hot lamination with its 9 1/2-inch entry in just minutes, aw yeah.



For the facial hair grower:






Shaving Gift Set with Merkur Safety Razor

Also comes with a chrome-plated bowl, soap dish (with shaving soap), badger hair brush, and stand.



For the uninitiated:







LELO’s Alia Personal Massager

A my-first-vibe that’s small, elegant, discreet, beautiful, with a gold accent that’s perfect for this gift-giving season.



For the playgirl:










Carole Hochman “Midnight” Short Wrap Robe

A cool, machine-washable robe with piping detail and quilted texture — like a sexy smoking jacket for gals.



For the posture-obsessed:








Gaiam Balance Ball Chair

Like regular sex, it’s great for your back health.



For the smooth operator: 







Belkin WeMo Switch and Motion Sensor

Control your electronics from anywhere with the home automation app for smartphones and tablets — great for turning on the mood lighting before they bring their date home.



For the “Fifty Shades” fan:









Em & Lo’s Kinky Play Kit

Everything a newbie needs to start making their Ana & Christian fantasies a reality.



For the hopeless romantic:







BARSKA Starwatcher 400x70mm Refractor Telescope w/ Tabletop Tripod & Carry Case

What could be more romantic than gazing up at the stars together?



Now go check out affordable gifts around 10 bucks, the $20 fare, and then gifts priced around $50, give or take a ten or two. Happy shopping!

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $50 Edition

December 11, 2013


This is the third installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving this holiday season. We started with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks, moved onto $20 fare, and are now at the gifts priced around $50, give or take a ten or two. Stay tuned for the $100 and $150+ editions. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the older gay gentleman:








“Tom Bianchi: Fire Island Pines, Polaroids 1975-1983″

Sun, sex, camaraderie and reverie.



For the music lover:







HMDX Jam Plus Portable Speaker

Portable and wireless, so you can have a sex playlist going no matter what room you’re christening.



For the over-taxed:





LELO’s Etherea Silk Cuffs

Have them lie back and relax while you do all the work for a change.



For the dancing machine:









Just Dance 2014

Because even adults (drunk or sober) sometimes just have to dance. Be warned: scoring high on this game of smooth moves could lead to scoring in other ways.

$30-$70 (depending on the system)


For the romance novel enthusiast: 








Kindle¬†(Wi-Fi, 6″ Display)

Because on a Kindle, nobody knows what you’re reading!



For the rolling stone:






AHAVA Time to Energize Travel Kit for Men

Includes Foam-Free Silk Shave, Exfoliating Cleansing Gel, Soothing After-Shave Moisturizer and Men’s Travel Bag.



For the beauty queen:







Sixteen ultra-pigmented eye shadows infused with soothing botanicals plus a mini Behind The Scenes Eye Primer for color that lasts — because sometimes the difference between getting a little somefin’ somefin’ is a smokey eye. (Plus, it’s made without sulfates, petrochemicals, phthalates, GMOs, or triclosan!)



For the beauty sleeper:





Chezmoi Collection White Goose Down Alternative Comforter

Because why should a cute little goose have to die just because you want to get all snuggly warm with your partner?

$38-40 (depending on size)


For the wifey:










Calvin Klein Women’s Essentials Long Sleeve Night Dress

Because her PJ’s are getting a little gnarly.



For the water hogger:









LED Color Changing Showerhead

Turn your shower into a disco pick-up scene.



For the beer drinker:









Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Chiller, 2-Pack

Helping them keep their beer cold just might make them hot for you.



For the art appreciator:








“George Platt Lynes: The Male Nudes”

Elegant, cinematic nudes in a hardcover that evoke 1940s Hollywood.



For the new mom:







Luna Beads

The best-selling Kegel weight & pleasure bead system on the planet (note: this gift will probably go over best if given by a girlfriend or sister rather than husband!).




Now go check out affordable gifts around 10 bucks, the $20 fare, and $100 gifts!

Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $20 Edition

December 10, 2013


This is the second installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving¬†this holiday season. We started with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks and are now at the gifts priced around $15 and $25. Stay tuned for the $50, $100¬†and $150+ editions. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the vegetarian:








“Crazy Sexy Kitchen: 150 Plant-Empowered Recipes to Ignite a Mouthwatering Revolution” by Kris Carr

150 delicious, nutrient-dense recipes designed to nourish the mind, body, and soul.



For the “Fifty Shades” fan:









Maya Banks’ “Breathless” Trilogy Boxed Set

USA Today said: “For an erotic, BDSM book, this one fits the bill.”



For the long-term partner:








SEX: How to Do Everything” by yours truly, Em & Lo

Because sometimes a couple needs some inspiration (with tasteful pictures!).



For the macho man:





Art of Manliness Collection

Two books in a cigar box with 6 drink coasters — it’ll make him want to be a better man.



For the athlete: 









Philips ActionFit Sports Earhook Headphones

Lightweight and sweat-resistant — sounds perfect for a sex workout. So maybe get two!



For the facial-obsessed:








Olay Pro-X Advanced Cleansing System 0.68 Fl Oz, 1-Count

Not that kind of facial! This is for people really into cleaning their skin (whether or not it’s after a defilement is up to them). And 1,000 Amazon reviewers love it.



For the facial hair grower:






Van Der Hagen Men’s Luxury Shave Set

Upgrade his shaving routine for less scruff burn during oral.



For the ethical facial hair grower:







Parker Safety Razor SYNTHETIC Bristle Shaving Brush with Blue Wood Handle & Free Stand

Because why should a cute little badger have to die just because you want your partner to have baby-bottom skin?



For the humble wine lover:






Libbey Vina 12-Piece Stemless Red and White Wine Glasses

They’ll toast to your great gift-giving skills.



For the domestic goddess:







DC Comics Wonder Woman Apron

Funny, functional, and also kind of hot.



For the domestic god:







DC Comics The Flash Apron

We’ll say it again: Funny, functional, and also kind of hot.



For the entirely inappropriate:








Cards Against Humanity

5,000 Amazon reviewers give it 5 stars. One of its “selling points” is that “0% of the proceeds will be donated to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.” Whomever you give this to will be the life of the party they bring it to.



For the sensualist:







LELO’s Tantra Feather Teaser

Adult tickle time in a fancy box.



For the game-night enthusiast:









I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions

Sex-writer icon Susie Bright offers up 30 sealed prompts (all in a little gift box) to help make date night more daring.




Em & Lo’s Sexy Holiday Gift Guide: $10 Edition

December 9, 2013


This is the first installment of our five-part series on sexy gift giving. We start here with the affordable gifts around 10 bucks, then, over the next few posts, we’ll work our way up with gifts priced around $25, $50,¬†$100¬†and $150+. They’re not all sex toys, so you’re sure to find something for every adult on your shopping list!


For the child of the ’80s:










“In the Pleasure Groove: Love, Death, and Duran Duran” by¬†John Taylor

The hottest member of one of the best bands from the ’80s tells his tale of rock’n'roll, sin, and redemption — with lots of pics!



For the foodie:

Amco Rub Away Bar

Don’t let them bring their garlic fingers to bed.



For the sex toy collector:







LELO Toy Cleaning Spray

Help them keep their toys shiny and new (and 99.9% germ free)!



For the tech geek:

Quirky Cordies Desktop Cable Management

There are few things sexier than neatly arranged power cords and charging accessory cables.



For the sausage lover: 









“Little Book of Big Penis” (Taschen Pocket Series) edited by¬†Dian Hanson

150 massively endowed models from the 1940s through the 90s. Not that size matters.



For the butt man (or woman):









“Little Book of Butts” edited by Dian Hanson

150-plus pics of female badonkadonk.



For the facial hair grower:






Proraso Shaving Soap, Eucalyptus & Menthol, 5.2 oz (150 ml), New Formulation

A smooth face — all the better to kiss you with.



For the wine aficionado/alchy:










Oster Electric Wine-Bottle Opener

“Drink wine. This is life eternal…” It could also be love eternal after you give this gift. Plus, 1,534 Amazon reviewers can’t be wrong.



For the tensed up:









Ignite Me Massage Candles

Burn the candle, blow out the flame, and drizzle.



For the “Fifty Shades” fan:









“150 Shades of Play” by yours truly, Em & Lo

We didn’t write this review, we swear!: “Em & Lo are irreverent, smart and funny feminists out to demystify the world of kink. Best of all, I caught up on all the juicy info and how-tos without enduring the pain of reading a single page of the Fifty Shades trilogy! Smartly written in an A-Z dictionary style with the book’s other terms usefully bolded throughout. Also loved the sometimes hilarious illustrations.”



For the traveling businessman:









Tenga Egg Masturbation Sleeve

For when you can’t be with the one you love. Peel the outer layer like you would a hard-boiled egg, then crack open the shell to reveal an ‚Äúona-cup‚ÄĚ — each one offers a unique internal texture. Get different strokes from different yolks!



The LELO Holiday Gift Guide for Couples

December 5, 2013


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Beautiful, elegant pleasure objects for couples, made with high quality materials and the latest technology, make the perfect holiday gift for a partner — they say “I love you, you’re sexy, and we’re worth it!” After all, it’s the gift that you both get something out of: more pleasure, more sensation, more sexy-time fun! Below are LELO’s Top 4 Couple’s Toys:

1. IDA

IDA is the world’s first ever couple’s massager that vibrates for external pleasure AND rotates for internal pleasure. It’s worn by the woman; controlled by either partner with the handheld remote; and enjoyed by both, of course!

2. HULA Beads

You know the pleasure beads made famous by Fifty Shades? These are 100 times better! Hula Beads combine rotations AND vibrations for the first time ever. Like the IDA, ¬†you or your partner can control the “spin from within” with the remote.

3. TOR 2

This is LELO’s elegant take on the vibrating couple’s ring. The TOR 2, worn by the man, can extend his presence, while increasing both partner’s pleasure with powerful, near-silent vibrations targeted at the clitoris. It’s their couple’s massager that started it all!


4. LYLA 2

LELO’s remote-control technology is at it again. With the LYLA 2 pleasure egg you can hand the controls over to your partner — and it will work from 108 feet away! Which gives new meaning to making eyes across a crowded room. (Also great for intimate at-home parties of two.)

Free Shipping Through Dec 31st!

Order by Dec 16th to Get by Xmas!