Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

Halloween on Amazon

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Good Vibes Bat Crop

LEVI's on Amazon


Archive | Uncategorized RSS feed for this section

28 “Pretty Woman” Quotes to Use When Online Dating

October 20, 2014

0 Comments

We loved the Buzzfeed experiment where a woman sent Tinder guys the emails from You’ve Got Mail, but we found a movie that’s even better suited for online dating. Here are the top 28 lines from Pretty Woman that could come in handy when online dating. Use if you dare!

 

The Pickup Line Approach

“Hey yo, baby!”

 

The Fishing for a Compliment Approach

“People put you down enough, you start to believe it.”

“The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?”

 

The Here’s-Your-Compliment Approach

“I think you are a very bright, very special woman.”

“I think you have a lot of special gifts.”

“Very few people surprise me.”

 

The Small Talk Approach

“Don’t you just love Prince?”

“What’s your dream?”

 

The Trivia Approach

“Did I mention, my leg is 44″ from hip to toe?”

 

The Princess Approach

“I want the fairy tale.”

“When I was a little girl, my mama used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would- I would pretend I was a princess… trapped in a tower by a wicked queen. And then suddenly this knight… on a white horse with these colors flying would come charging up and draw his sword. And I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me.”

 

The Warts-and-All Approach

“My special gift is impossible relationships.”

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

 

The Stalker Approach

“That’s my favorite name in the whole world.”

“I called and called, where were you last night?”

“I’d like you to spend the week with me.”

“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.”

 

The Booty Call Approach

“I appreciate this whole seduction thing you’ve got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I’m a sure thing.”

“I got red, I got green, I got yellow… I’m out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left… the condom of champions… the one and only… nothin’ is gettin’ through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?”

“I could just pop ya real good and get outta here.”

 

The Highbrow Approach

People’s reactions to opera the first time they see it is very dramatic; they either love it or they hate it. If they love it, they will always love it. If they don’t, they may learn to appreciate it, but it will never become part of their soul.

 

The Sugar Daddy Approach

“I’m gonna treat you so nice, you’re never gonna let me go.”

 

The Home Comforts Approach

“Let’s watch old movies all night… we’ll just veg out in front of the TV. Be still like vegetables. Lay like broccoli.”

“You and I are such similar creatures.”

 

… And Finally, When an Online Dater Blows You Off, Take the High Road

“It must be difficult to let go of something so beautiful.”

“Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.”

“You’re forgiven.”

“I say who, I say when, I say who.”

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com



Comment of the Week: Communicate or Cut Him Loose!

October 1, 2014

0 Comments

photo via Flickr

This week, ¬†our favorite comment came from TK in response to the “Your Call: The Relationship Is Great, the Sex Not So Much.” We love it when our readers deliver tough love so eloquently!:

Most people who write in to advice columnists “know” the answer already. You may love this guy to bits, but please wake up: you DON’T have a healthy relationship. People treat us the way we allow them to. You set the stage for your dissatisfaction when you went for en entire year without making your sexual needs known. And when you had the “awkward conversation” (see: “this relationship is not healthy” comment above) he made half-hearted attempts to please you. I think you answered your own question with the “he isn’t even trying” comment. You two either need to get real comfortable communicating with each other (which is going to take a lot more awkward conversations before it gets better) or you need to realize now that you’re incompatible. If he really is going to “give up altogether” if you keep asking for your needs to be met, he’s not relationship material, despite how much you think you love him.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Blog Snog: Women Don’t Watch Straight Porn

September 26, 2014

0 Comments


photo via The Frisky



Wise Guys: Which Is Better, Oral or Intercourse?

July 15, 2014

0 Comments

apples_orangesphoto via Flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If guys had to choose between only intercourse or only blowjobs for the rest of their life, which do you think most guys would choose?”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think most guys would choose blowjobs, but they really should be choosing intercourse. BJs are the best thing to happen to sex since sliced bread, but with added perks (let’s just say it’s like taking your car in for an oil change and getting a free car wash). Most men don’t get as many blowjobs in their daily routine as they’d like, so the prospect of guaranteed hummers for life is a dream come true. But it’s a devil’s bargain. Blowjobs are awesome, but they’re unsubstantial — mere icing on the cake. And a man can’t feel truly satisfied on a diet of sugar frosting alone. At some point he’s going to want to connect meaningfully with his partner. And by the time he gets to be 30 or 40 he may even want to have a baby. (Yes, men have biological clocks too. Ours are not as prominent as women’s, they’re more like pocket watches, but we have them.)

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I think most guys would struggle with this one, but then decide that intercourse would be the better choice. There are more variations of intercourse, for one thing.¬† There’s more skin contact which is always nice. Giving her pleasure at the same time is a big turn on.¬† The fact that intercourse is active rather than passive makes it a more likely choice for guys.¬† We like to do stuff… like aggressive pelvic thrusting.

Read the rest of this entry »



Blog Snog: “Love Actually” Is Actually Not a Good Movie

November 8, 2013

0 Comments



Top 15 Worst “Sexy” Halloween Costumes

October 20, 2013

0 Comments

We recently published a top 10 list — only slightly tongue in cheek — of “sexy” Halloween costume ideas for men, in an attempt to balance out the playing field this October 31st. To highlight exactly why the world needs more¬†Sexy John Boehner Crying and Sexy Walter White, here is a top 15 list of the worst “sexy” Halloween costumes for women. All of these costumes actually exist.

 

 

1. Sexy Deer

What’s sexier: Deer in headlights facing down an S.U.V. on the highway, or petrified deer about to be shot down by a hunter? Road kill is sooo hot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Sexy Nemo

Come on, seriously? You’re Nemo?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Sexy Skunk

The worst part about skunk sex? The post-coital tomato sauce bath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Sexy Chinese Takeout

Mmmm, don’t you just love the smell of leftover Chinese takeout in the morning?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. Sexy Waldo

We guess you could have fun with a “Where’s Waldo’s penis” treasure hunt…?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. Sexy Good Sandy

Really? You couldn’t just go as Bad Sandy?
It’s kind of like going as Sexy Hannah Montana.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Sexy Clown

Way to scare all of us, not just the children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Sexy Mime

Ha ha ha ha ha. What? Sorry, we  have no words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. Sexy Elmo

Hasn’t poor Elmo been through enough sexual trauma already?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. Sexy R2D2

It’s just not fair to raise a poor nerd’s hopes like that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11. Sexy Sock Monkey

It’s like you’re actually trying to make some pedophile’s day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

12. Sexy Crayon

If you’re so determined to be sexy that you’re going to sex up a Crayola¬†costume, why would you stick a miniature traffic cone on your head? We just don’t get it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. Sexy Keg

Tap this keg, geddit? It’s like a date rape costume!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14. Sexy Garfield

We never thought we’d say this, but there’s a fine line between looking like Garfield the cat and looking like a Hooters waitress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15. Sexy Bacon

Okay, now you’re just f*&#ing with us, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Last Chance to Get Mom a Truly Unique Mother’s Day Present!

May 8, 2013

0 Comments

Lelo’s Etherea Silk Cuffs

This week is your last chance to get something for Mother’s Day. Sure, you could do flowers…again. Or you could get her something she’ll¬†really¬†enjoy: our award-winnging book,¬†150 SHADES OF PLAY: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink!

ORDER FROM AMAZON WITH TWO-DAY DELIVERY (OR PRIME) BY THUR AFTERNOON — OR ONE-DAY DELIVERY BY FRIDAY AFTERNOON — TO GET IT BY SATURDAY!

Here us out: Mom’s loved the¬†Twilight¬†series, but secretly wished there was more sex in it. Along comes the¬†Fifty Shades¬†series, which is essentially¬†Twilight¬†fan faction, and there’s tons of sex….kinky¬†sex. Moms across the country go gaga for it, so much so that it’s dubbed “mommy porn.”

There are just a few problems:

  • Fifty Shades¬†doesn’t tell moms how to incorporate any of this stuff into their own lives
  • it doesn’t mention specific quality products or where to get them
  • it perpetuates myths about kink
  • it even promotes some very dubious (i.e. unsafe) behaviors and techniques

A mom friend of ours recently wrote us, saying she’s been married for a¬†loooooong¬†time and needs some new ideas, asking which book of ours we would recommend. We told her¬†150 SHADES OF PLAY: while it does cover some intense kinky stuff, it also covers the basics; it’s not visually graphic; it has a great sense of humor, which makes it fun and non-intimidating to skim with a husband or partner; it gives readers a vouyeristic look into how extreme some people can get with BDSM which might make them feel more comfortable and confident to try new,¬†mildly¬†kinky things. Because let’s face it: a little toy or light bondage is nothing compared to pony play!

Plus, it just won a 2013 Ippy Award!

So when making the mom in your life a Mother’s Day care package this coming May, remember: flowers are nice, but floggers are nicer.



What’s Your Take on Chest Hair?

March 25, 2013

7 Comments


photo via Flickr




Blog Snog: 3 Inexpensive But Romantic Holiday Gifts

November 30, 2012

0 Comments

photo via Flickr



Ancient Pompeii Graffiti Reveals Potty Mouths, Penis Jokes

August 9, 2012

0 Comments

photo via flickr

A friend just emailed us a link to this collection of awesome (and dirty!) graffiti from Pompeii. We know it seems like it couldn’t possibly be real, but Pompeiana.org seems like a legitimate academic site. (They describe themselves as “an online resource for all things Pompeian… a place for original research by scholars in the fields of art, archaeology, architecture and classics.” And the site is packed with stuffy academic papers — seems like an awful lot of work to go to for a prank.) And besides, Pompeii is known for its phallic and erotic artifacts (and, we suppose now, its poop jokes).

Back in the ancient world, graffiti was actually taken pretty seriously as a form of writing — people would respond to each other’s witticisms, write poetry, draw pictures, etc. And, occasionally, brag about conquests or pine for loved ones or just note that they’d been by. That is, until Mount Vesuvius erupted in A.D. 79 and buried their city under 36 hours’ worth of ashes and stone. But as architects continue to excavate this lost city, more and more graffiti is being uncovered.

Below are some of our favorites, translated from the original Latin of course. We love that the compliments (“Sollemnes, you screw well!”)¬†are as enthusiastic as the insults (“Phileros is a eunuch!”). A bit of graffiti like the following would vastly improve our public bathroom experiences…

Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!

Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.

I screwed the barmaid.

Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.

Read the rest of this post on SUNfiltered

RELATED POSTS FROM EM and LO: