Let’s clarify that question: Can/should straight married people have opposite-sex friends? Which begs the question, can/should gay married people have same-sex friends? These questions were inspired by the following recent comment:
I have found that even though I’ve been married for years, I never spend time alone with my husband’s male friends, even men who are part of a couple that my husband and I are super close to. We can have plenty of friendly banter when the couples are all together, but the odd time when one of his friends has stopped by and my husband’s not home, the friend and I seem to have an almost stilted conversation, NEVER any of the playful banter that happens when we’re all together, because I think we’re both very aware of never crossing any lines…
— SS commenting on the post “Your Call: My Friend Keeps Hitting On My Wife”
good conversation… Thanks for the posts this was fun.
Here is my last post.
MLandSpecssay”thank,gawd”
I would never wish for specs hubby to cheat on her. I just asked if she has had the thought i listed above.
I just made some suggestions. As I will make again.
People have a tendency to deceive themselves. When they are lost in self deception and some exterior thought contradicts their pseudo convictions, they will fight and hold onto their right to live in self deception, getting upset and justifying actions. A justification is just and excuse to do something wrong. These individuals love to keep the water muddy.
Thanks Fuzzy.
It is interesting that it is assumed I am straight, monogamous, and not bi.
Huggs! 🙂
Oh, when I said “We” I was referring to those of us who DO have friends of different genders.
But, thanks, RC. Spes and I finally agree on something. 😀 Gimme a hug, girl!
“reality check” said: “That flip flop title of bi-sexual suggests self serving motives and connotates a single lifestyle. Is it fair to call yourself bi if you are in a monogamous relationship and can say i only want to be with and care for the person i am currently with?” END QUOTE YES! I know plenty of Bi people who have settled down with a partner, in a monogamous relationship, with one sex or an other. They are NO less likely to than a straight or Gay or Lesbian person would. Also, I know many bis in committed, monogamous relationships. They are no more likely to stray than anyone else. The fact that their pool of potential lovers is slightly larger doesn’t dictate ethics, as Spes said.
But to say Spes’ dh “used to be bi-sexual” would be close to saying that Straight people “used to be straight” before getting married and no longer are. (because they won’t be having sex with “others” of the opposite sex, just their spouse) Just because one has committed oneself to an other, doesn’t mean their orientation changes or who they are still attracted to changes, it means they have found someone they want to share their lives with.
Saying that Spes’ husband would be “likely to cheat” on her with an other man is a horrible thing to say. He’s no more likely to cheat with “an other man” than any straight man would be to cheat on his wife with a woman. Simply because someone has attraction to both sexes doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love with someone from one or an other sex and NOT cheat. Your insinuation is ridiculous. And none of the bisexuals I know are any more “self serving and selfish” than any Straight, Gay Lesbian or Other. I don’t think you know that you KNOW any bisexuals, RC.
WHERE did I say I was bi? If I was, I’d be happy to say so, but I have never said I was. {shrug) Whatever…
Oh dear gods. All of them……I AM bi, and polyamorous, and neither fact has an effect on the other. I had multiple partners–who know about each other, and don’t care—before I decided that I liked all the flavors of people that wanted to like me back. I also have dear friends of both genders that I have no sexual interest in.
And for pity’s sake, while it is indeed disrespectful of the theoretically monogamous partnership, having the male member of said partnership go all heavy-handed and lay down the law isn’t going to solve the problems inherent in that relationship. Period.
“Reality Check” your ignorance is remarkable. If someone is attracted to both genders, then they are bisexual. Period. Just because a bisexual commits to a monogamous relationship doesn’t mean they now only find the gender that the person they’re in a relationship with attractive. Also, they’re have been many homosexuals who have, for various reasons (thankfully this is becoming less prevalent), married someone of the opposite sex (heterosexual marriage). The homosexual didn’t suddenly become bi or heterosexual. WHICH GENDER ONE IS ATTRACTED TO DICTATES ONE’S SEXUALITY, not simply who their current partner is.
And no, I’m not worried that my husband will cheat on me with a man, just as I’m not worried he’ll cheat on me with a woman, because SEXUALITY DOESN’T DICTATE ONE’S ETHICS.
Lastly one can be honest with themselves and still not share your opinion. The reality of one’s life and their own motives can be vastly different than another person’s (including yours).
personal attacks, pretty mature…
sorry if i offend. maybe i made a mistake, it was not my purpose to make a personal attack on the the bi community. Personally i have no problem with bi-sexual individuals or the community. Live you life the way you want to. My point was to illustrate frame of mind thought process behind actions, and not leave that group out of the conversation because someone else mentioned the group, (similar to my “friends with genitalia of your liking” reference, to keep homosexual individuals in the conversation)I probably should have said something along the lines of bi’s are just finding their way to eventually be with that one person that fulfills them, if they can be monogamous. That flip flop title of bi-sexual suggests self serving motives and connotates a single lifestyle. Is it fair to call yourself bi if you are in a monogamous relationship and can say i only want to be with and care for the person i am currently with?(man and woman coupling=heterosexuality, man and man/woman and woman=homosexualality, monogamous individuals in a current state would fall into one of those groups) wouldnt there be a tendency to stay in relationships on the short term (1-4 years) to feed an appetite for the oppositesex in the long term if the bisexual title is held onto? How would that appetite be fed, while in a monogamous relationship? anyways..
hi ML, why would you write “NOT bi”, then included yourself in the group with “WE” when explaining if a person was bi they would not have any friends, along my statements line of thinking. is there some deception going on here? but going with the statement you made, i agree with you that if the statements i made were the way it should be, then bisexuals will have no friends, yes i know it is ridiculous, my point suggests, suggests, suggests, an explanation of bi related to being self serving / selfish.
My overall point is people should be honest, selfless, (and lets add caring, and whole hearted). If you dont agree with this statement, that would suggest that you believe honesty, selflessness, caring, and wholeheartedness are bad characteristics to have. Do you have a tendency to use people? good luck to you.
hi specs… Would it be a stretch to suggest that you have had the thought that your current husband would cheat on you with a man? If you feel that your hubby is going to be with you for the remainder of your and his time on the planet and he wholeheartedly loves you… then maybe you could define him as he truly is in the present… a heterosexual, and say “he used to be bisexual”. I hope selfishness does not rear its ugly head in your relationship and I hope you are not in a temporary situation.
P.S. Rachel’s first comment speaks volumes on the initial topic of this page.
@ “Reality Check” (Because apparently that’s all you need to call yourself in order to act like you know all the facts. Who, knew?)
Well, if nothing else proves that you’re a truly pathetic case, the fact that both Madamoiselle L and I agree that you are indeed a very sad, deluded creature, should hammer it home.
Also, my husband is bisexual, and NOT at all what you accuse bisexuals of being, and neither are any of my bisexual friends and family. As I’ve stated before, my ex-husband is one of my closest friends, and I certainly don’t want ANYTHING romantic to do with him again.
I would feel pity for the sad life you’ve chosen for yourself, but when you act all-knowing, as if your opinion is fact, you lose even my pity.
I suggest you seek counseling, as your mentality is quite unhealthy for you and those who may actually care about you.
Good luck to ya.