Comment of the Week – Can Married People Have Opposite-Sex Friends?

photo by stevendepolo

Let’s clarify that question: Can/should straight married people have opposite-sex friends? Which begs the question, can/should gay married people have same-sex friends? These questions were inspired by the following recent comment:

I have found that even though I’ve been married for years, I never spend time alone with my husband’s male friends, even men who are part of a couple that my husband and I are super close to. We can have plenty of friendly banter when the couples are all together, but the odd time when one of his friends has stopped by and my husband’s not home, the friend and I seem to have an almost stilted conversation, NEVER any of the playful banter that happens when we’re all together, because I think we’re both very aware of never crossing any lines…

SS commenting on the post “Your Call: My Friend Keeps Hitting On My Wife”

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38 Comments on "Comment of the Week – Can Married People Have Opposite-Sex Friends?"

Reality Check
5 years 6 months ago

good conversation… Thanks for the posts this was fun.

Here is my last post.

I would never wish for specs hubby to cheat on her. I just asked if she has had the thought i listed above.

I just made some suggestions. As I will make again.

People have a tendency to deceive themselves. When they are lost in self deception and some exterior thought contradicts their pseudo convictions, they will fight and hold onto their right to live in self deception, getting upset and justifying actions. A justification is just and excuse to do something wrong. These individuals love to keep the water muddy.

Thanks Fuzzy.

It is interesting that it is assumed I am straight, monogamous, and not bi.

5 years 6 months ago

Huggs! :)

Madamoiselle L
5 years 6 months ago

Oh, when I said “We” I was referring to those of us who DO have friends of different genders.

But, thanks, RC. Spes and I finally agree on something. 😀 Gimme a hug, girl!

Madamoiselle L
5 years 6 months ago

“reality check” said: “That flip flop title of bi-sexual suggests self serving motives and connotates a single lifestyle. Is it fair to call yourself bi if you are in a monogamous relationship and can say i only want to be with and care for the person i am currently with?” END QUOTE YES! I know plenty of Bi people who have settled down with a partner, in a monogamous relationship, with one sex or an other. They are NO less likely to than a straight or Gay or Lesbian person would. Also, I know many bis in committed, monogamous relationships. They are no more likely to stray than anyone else. The fact that their pool of potential lovers is slightly larger doesn’t dictate ethics, as Spes said.

But to say Spes’ dh “used to be bi-sexual” would be close to saying that Straight people “used to be straight” before getting married and no longer are. (because they won’t be having sex with “others” of the opposite sex, just their spouse) Just because one has committed oneself to an other, doesn’t mean their orientation changes or who they are still attracted to changes, it means they have found someone they want to share their lives with.

Saying that Spes’ husband would be “likely to cheat” on her with an other man is a horrible thing to say. He’s no more likely to cheat with “an other man” than any straight man would be to cheat on his wife with a woman. Simply because someone has attraction to both sexes doesn’t mean they can’t fall in love with someone from one or an other sex and NOT cheat. Your insinuation is ridiculous. And none of the bisexuals I know are any more “self serving and selfish” than any Straight, Gay Lesbian or Other. I don’t think you know that you KNOW any bisexuals, RC.

WHERE did I say I was bi? If I was, I’d be happy to say so, but I have never said I was. {shrug) Whatever…

5 years 6 months ago

Oh dear gods. All of them……I AM bi, and polyamorous, and neither fact has an effect on the other. I had multiple partners–who know about each other, and don’t care—before I decided that I liked all the flavors of people that wanted to like me back. I also have dear friends of both genders that I have no sexual interest in.

And for pity’s sake, while it is indeed disrespectful of the theoretically monogamous partnership, having the male member of said partnership go all heavy-handed and lay down the law isn’t going to solve the problems inherent in that relationship. Period.