Comment of the Week: Dug-Up Dirt Is Inadmissible Evidence

Sometimes our comments of the week are really funny, sometimes they’re extremely informative. This week, we thought this one would be good fodder for debate:

Bit of a broad question… it’s like asking “Do men cheat?” Some men do, some men don’t, some women do, some women don’t. I dumped my GF hard and fast for snooping on me a few months back. Two words: inadmissible evidence. I will not even discuss whatever a woman may find if she snoops on me. I immediately shut the discussion down and break up. Even if she makes her way back into my life, she will never, ever get closure from me regarding what what she saw. That’s my default policy on snooping: inadmissible evidence. You don’t even have the right to mention it to me.

Johnny, commenting on “Wise Guys: Do Men Snoop on Their Partners?” Please to discuss:

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11 Comments on "Comment of the Week: Dug-Up Dirt Is Inadmissible Evidence"

5 years 6 months ago

You are dead wrong, lovely87. Some people are curious, nosy, suspicious… there will always be snoops.

But let me differentiate between a snoop and a raid.

Snooping is unwarranted. No evidence, or only circumstatial evidence, to suggest fault.

In a raid, you’re quite convinced something’s wrong, and YOU INTEND TO BREAK IT OFF when you find proof.

See, too many women think they can dig up stuff that’s really none of their business (like the aforementioned porn mags), and give you shit about it indefinitely. Or demand that you change.

Richard’s got the right idea. You looked for trouble, and you found it. Now that’s YOUR problem. Deal with it privately. Don’t drag me into it. Assess your findings, and decide privately whether you can deal with them. Then either break up, or just shut up about it.

5 years 6 months ago

If people didn’t lie and give other people reason to doubt then snooping wouldn’t happen… period

5 years 7 months ago

I, out of sheer intuition,opened a drawer of my BF and found evidence he cheated on me, this was extremely painful and as yet I have not decided what to do. Yes I snooped but found the truth,I would rather this happen now than find out a few more years down the line….Cheating is wrong….snooping, I think , means the person being cheated on already knows something is wrong…

5 years 8 months ago

If you are in the wrong, then you have done wrong. No matter who finds out certain information and in whatever manner.. the person who cheats is bad… plain and simple.

5 years 8 months ago

Well, a couple of things. My personal creed is that if you go looking for trouble and find it, that’s your problem. So, if you snoop on a BF or GF and find something, you need to take a step back and figure out how serious the relationship is and then make a decision at that time. I know age is no delimiter, but young people tend to be more, well, experimental, than older or more settled people typically are. At least that was true in my case. No matter what my situation was, if the opportunity presented itself, even if I was the instigator, it happened. By not being in the top 10% in looks or $$, I had the rest of the world as a playground. (The basic rule I found was that top-10%ers went after each other first and the rest of us second. Sure, I managed a few, but mostly I was quite content with the other 90% of the real world…very low maint. and more fun, too.) How content? Well, let’s just say that if Tiger is a “sex addict” with 15, what would you call someone with 300+?

OK, now, personal story. In looking for something one day in my house, I STUMBLED UPON bad news. Unfortunately, it happened when we were older, married, with a child. No, things had not been good (her problem) for a while, but I was brought up to believe that once you said those vows you were bound to them, given that you were not with an axe murderer, etc. She had other ideas. This is exactly why I had a fun youth–so I could settle down as an adult, and that only came VERY LATE (45) in my life and hers (40). I realize that some out there reading this don’t believe that people that old are alive, but we ain’t no different than 18, just wiser. You’ll figure it out when you get there. Anyway, confront I did, and we gave it a go, but now it is over and, like Rod Stewart, I had to buy her a house.

So, I still maintain that if the relationship is not serious, don’t go looking for trouble if you don’t want to find it. If it is serious–married or the like–and you happen to find trouble, go after it. Those vows have to mean something. Is this a double standard??