This week’s Comment of the Week was in response to the following comment on the post “Wise Guys: Do Men Care What Labia Look Like?”:
So my boyfriend of three years just informed me that my lips looked like they have been used frequently. I am not quite sure how to take this. I have been with my fair share of people in my life, but I am almost 40. And exposed to more than my fair share of abuse. I knew they were darker and longer than some photos I have seen. He did precede the statement by saying he loved my body and he didn’t want me to take it wrong, but honestly I am not sure how to take it. We live a fair distance apart because of work and children but have known each other for more than 20 years so we do send a lot of photos and videos. We see each other on weekends but I now am more self conscious and don’t know what my options are. This makes me sad and fear that he doesn’t feel the same about me.
“F” immediately responded with the following:
Denise, tell him not to take it badly, but that his cock looks like it’s been overused.
Gosh, would you believe for a second that genitals can look overused? Unless you have bruises and have just given birth, I don’t see how. And in that case, bruises or baby, he should be supporting you, not making you feel insecure about how you look. The only reason he can say that is because he KNOWS you, so he knows how many people you’ve been with, and he can’t deal with that.
I strongly suggest you back off, and find someone who actually loves you and isn’t going to invent twisted ways to insult you rather than talk to you when he’s feeling insecure. Perhaps you can remain friends with that douche, but I’d suggest [you] stay away from him.
(A good counter-example to the crap he told you is this : consider female pornstars. How can they remain popular after banging so many people if their vaginas “started looking used up”, since you mainly get close-ups of their crotchs in their films?)
Is it the most articulate argument? No. Does F stoop to name-calling? Yes. But you gotta love a reader who swoops in to lift someone up after they’ve just been knocked down.
MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:
Wow. I’m glad I cut down on my usual name-calling and bad word writing and only stuck to mild insults. 🙂
I’d find a real man if I were her. He seems overly focused on the physical. While looking good for your partner is fine, when you say things like this guy did, you cross the line. What happens when she doesn’t get enough sleep one night? Is he going to claim she looks like Rocky after Apollo Creed got done with him in the first Rocky movie? This is just the tip of the iceberg and more insensitive comments are sure to follow.
“A good counter-example to the crap he told you is this : consider female pornstars. How can they remain popular after banging so many people if their vaginas “started looking used up”, since you mainly get close-ups of their crotchs in their films?”
And that dear friends, is as effective a response as ever I’ve heard. On any number of levels!
Not least because I’m pretty sure many of the kind of gentlemen who imagine their “ladies” genitals are looking “used” are… extraordinarily familiar with the genitals of porn stars.
This isn’t to imply they’re all porn-obsessed wankers. They’re not. (For instance I don’t doubt many men who’ve never looked at porn have nonetheless speculated about their partners “used” looks. And meanwhile there are plenty of porn consumers who understand perfectly how genitals work.)
I’d just add that based on porn comments I ran across years ago, there seems to be an extremely misunderstood impression that a woman’s genitals look “worn” when in fact they’re only aroused!!!! And that unaroused genitals are “sexy” and “tight.” Drives me crazy!
Anyway, hat’s off to F.
tfl
Minor correction to F’s reply: if you want to get under this guy’s skin, you should tell him his dick looks under-used, not over. This is a guy we’re talking about here. Different set of insecurities.