Reader Jane said the following in response to our post, “Your Call: What’s the Best Way to Tell a Guy I’m a Virgin?”
If a girl is a virgin at a certain age, 20, 25, 30 etc… and she is with a guy, in a new relationship, and WANTS to have sex with him… why would a guy assume that sex won’t happen anytime soon just because she is a virgin??
I mean, if being a virgin was a fault, a mistake… and a girl finally WANTS to put an end to her state of “virginity”, obviously she has to have sex with a guy. But if all guys react this way and ran away… she still never has the chance to have sex..
Being in a new relationship and being a virgin means: “I’ve never had sex BEFORE”, but from the moment a girl, a virgin, finds a boyfriend, it just means she WANTS to have sex. She tells the guy she’s a virgin because she wants him to be delicate when they do it and not expect to have sex in all the kama sutra positions on the first night…
So what is it that scares guys? Is it actually the lack of sexual experience, rather than not expecting sex to happen anytime soon?
I think that’s really the problem. Nowadays, with the porn industry being so mainstream, every guy wants to have sex with a girl who “knows her ways”. So to me, that’s really what scares guy. They picture having sex with a virgin as laying in bed with someone crying all the time and not moving… And that’s just a prejudice! Someone who has never had sex before, but decides to do it, could be as passionate and hot as the guy wants… but by running away, he just gives her no chance to prove it. It’s all a prejudice. The word “virgin” recalls so many more “ghosts” than what it actually means.
“I think that’s really the problem. Nowadays, with the porn industry being so mainstream, every guy wants to have sex with a girl who “knows her ways”. So to me, that’s really what scares guy. ”
If it makes you feel better, there are multitudes of men who feel the opposite way. Who are scared of a woman with experience, and who would prefer a virgin. Pretty much depends on the guy’s level of sexual experience.
Something for everyone.
“If a girl is a virgin at a certain age, 20, 25, 30 etc… and she is with a guy, in a new relationship, and WANTS to have sex with him… why would a guy assume that sex won’t happen anytime soon just because she is a virgin?”
Experience.
Any guy who’s been dating since high school remembers that virgins are notorious for being perpetually “almost ready” for sex. You’d date a girl for a damn year, and every day she’d tell you she thinks she’s almost ready for sex… but nope.
Almost all of the high school virgins women went on to have sex with someone, eventually, so obviously it happens; but we’ve learned that the odds of it being you, anytime soon, are slim. Even if she tells you she’s almost ready.
By 25? 28? 30? Those odds get far worse. She’s been holding out for literally a decade. Why would she change her mind now?
I’d pretty much need a virgin to tell me that she was ready NOW. As in, “come over, Johnny. I just opened a bottle of wine.”
In fact, that’s pretty much how it happened the only times I de-virginized girls back in the day. I never got anywhere by patiently waiting.