4/9/13
Comment of the Week: Just Say No to Arbitrary Time Limits on Sex!

photo via flickr

For the record, when we pick a “Comment of the Week,” it’s not necessarily an indication that we agree with the poster. We’re not that narrow-minded, we swear! Sometimes we pick comments that make an interesting point, or comments we think will start an interesting debate, or comments that present an argument in a new way. To wit, we don’t agree with everything that reader Eric  says below, in response to our post, “Your Call – How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?” But we did find it interesting to hear from a guy who says that he finds it easier to concentrate on building a relationship once the sex thing is out of the way.

WOW! 26 and a virgin? Here’s some facts:

If you’re worried about being considered “loose” or a “slut,” I have only heard other WOMEN use these terms. A girl has a much greater chance of being in a relationship with me if we get the sex thing out of the way A.S.A.P. then we see if we really like each other instead of just waiting til “that night.”

Oh and for those you telling her to move on cause these guys aren’t worth it, she may not being having sex, but your fellow women are.

If I meet a girl and she puts arbitrary time limits on sex that’s a form of “control.” It’s a BIG turn off. A signal that some time in the future sex may be withheld to get her way. That’s childish.

You’re missing out on some really good relationships. The person you do lose it to might end up being a jerk anyway, there’s really no way to tell.

Live your life, be human, have sex — or don’t, and come back in a few years on another blog complaining about being a 30 year old virgin who can’t find “The right guy.”

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5 Comments on "Comment of the Week: Just Say No to Arbitrary Time Limits on Sex!"

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Claire
Claire
3 years 3 months ago
I also would like to respond to this: ‘If I meet a girl and she puts arbitrary time limits on sex that’s a form of “control.” It’s a BIG turn off. A signal that some time in the future sex may be withheld to get her way. That’s childish.’ It isn’t an arbitrary time limit to be dating someone and not want to have sex with that person right away or for even a long period of time. It’s not a matter of deciding, “Oh, it’s okay to have sex only after the third date.” It’s a matter of a… Read more »
figleaf
3 years 3 months ago
“we did find it interesting to hear from a guy who says that he finds it easier to concentrate on building a relationship once the sex thing is out of the way.” Since society seems to give points to men for having frequent first-time sex and take points away from women who do, it makes (unfortunate) sense that men will still tend to push for sex early even when they’re not interested in a relationship, while women who aren’t interested will feel pressure to decline it. Meanwhile, since the odds of an early relationships becoming long-term are low it would… Read more »
jeff
jeff
3 years 3 months ago
I think these are the key points: 1. Men find sex important in relationships – until they know that their partner is sexually compatible/they have ‘a spark’, they aren’t fully invested in the relationship anyway. Romantic? No. Product of our multi-choice, consumer driven society? Probably. Better than the old days when men expected women to be ‘pure’ ’til marriage? Definitely. 2. Following on from this, men think women should spend more time doing what they want to, and less time worrying about what men and (as the OP posts is now mainly the case) other women think of them for… Read more »
hannah
hannah
3 years 3 months ago

It is such a big turnoff when a woman “controls” a man by not giving in to his controlling behavior…

This is exactly why you should wait as long as you need to have sex… to weed out guys like this!!!!

moneda
3 years 3 months ago
‘If I meet a girl and she puts arbitrary time limits on sex that’s a form of “control.” It’s a BIG turn off. A signal that some time in the future sex may be withheld to get her way. That’s childish.’ Women exerting control over their relationships is childish? What? There is no invalid reason to “withhold” sex, first of all; and secondly, using the phrase “withhold” denotes that in some way, for some reason, sex may be owed to someone when that’s never the case. That entire thing read almost entirely like a kid in high school trying to… Read more »
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