Comment of the Week: Learn to Love Nice Guys

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Johnny on players versus nice guys, in response to the post “Dear Em & Lo: How Can I Connect with Someone Before Sex“:

Based on your description of your sexual history, you’ve been dealing with players. Also, though you may look back on your experience as a promiscuous woman (I’m not going to call you a ‘toilet’) with some regret, clearly you are a sexual, naughty woman yourself. That means you’ve historically been attracted to the guys who bring that feeling out in you – the aforementioned players.

The type of guy to take you on 4 dates with no sex is not going to be that type of guy. he’s going to be a “nice guy.” Nice guys aren’t seducers. Even if he’s cool, you’ll likely see him as naive, over-sensitive and bumbling compared to the guys you’re used to. You’ll have to deal with them being “respectful” when what you really want is nasty sex. You’ll be shocked by how clingy these guys can be. You’ll smell their inhibitions, their reluctance or inability to rapidly stir a woman’s sexuality.

These guys are great rapport-builders. They can make friends. They can have intellectual and emotional conversations. They’re likeable. But they stall out when it comes to sexual escalation. This is going to be foreign territory for you. You’re going to have to take them by the hand and walk them there.

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8 Comments on "Comment of the Week: Learn to Love Nice Guys"


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Miss H
Miss H
6 years 5 months ago

After five years of dating ‘players’ I’ve connected with a ‘nice guy’ as you describe above. True, at times his over sensitivity and clingy disposition have been a stark contrast to my exes suave ways, but the security of knowing I’ve found a nice guy who respects me in every way has allowed me to discover my sexuality as never before, I can push my boundaries and find out what works for me in a safe and loving environment. Worth it!