I’m in the camp of “skipping revenge.” When I’ve felt vengeful and lashed out, I feel worse afterwards instead of better. You’re giving extra time and effort towards someone who isn’t worth it. Confronting him, telling him how you feel, and being clear that he isn’t worth any more of your time may be cathartic and would be fine, I’d think. I certainly wouldn’t egg his car or hook up with his friends out of revenge. Plus, by hooking up with his friends, you’re using (and potentially hurting) them as well as getting into relationships that you may not want to get into. If they’re his friends and he’s a cheater . . . do you really want to be with them?
The other girl sounds quite immature, frankly. How you treat your enemies says a great deal about your character. Also keep in mind that however she treats him may be how she treats you in the future if she feels hurt or slighted by you. If she’s willing to act out towards one enemy, she’s probably willing to act that way towards ALL of her enemies. Enough said.
Lastly – you mentioned that this is the third guy who has cheated on you. I do not want to engage in any victim blaming, but I would take a long, hard look at how and why you pick the guys you do. This sounds like a pattern, and if you want to change the pattern you need to be self-aware, identify what’s going on, and change it. I say this as a man who was in an abusive marriage and went to years of therapy afterwards. One of the most empowering and liberating things that I have ever done is to compassionately look at why I made the choices I did that led to that marriage, because it gives me much more confidence that I won’t repeat my own pattern. Again, this is not meant to blame you at all, but to encourage you to understand your past and claim your own power so that you can have a better future.
This week, Tony had some very sage advice about whether or not to get revenge on a cheating lover:
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