Comment of the Week: This Woman Needs a Group Hug!

photo via flickr

Reader Jane wrote the following in response to our post “10 Reasons Your ‘Ugly Vagina’ Is Normal and Gorgeous.” Will you, our loyal and kind readers, please set her straight? Will you please reassure her that (a) masturbation and sexual activity do not cause your labia to turn dark and poke out (that’s just plain growing up that does that!); (b) men do not expect things to be “perfect” down there, whether you’re a virgin or more experienced than he is; (c) if a man is into you, he’ll be into your vagina; (d) she will not be single forever! and (e) she needs more girlfriends and fewer asshole guy friends. We could tell her so ourselves (in fact, we just did, and have done so repeatedly on this site), but we figured that a chorus of voices chiming in would be that much more reassuring. Men, especially — good guys, we know you’re out there! — please speak up.

I am in my twenties and have never had sex with a man, but have done so much of everything else (mostly to myself), starting at a very young age, that my inner labia is darker and pokes out. I find it extremely unattractive, and I fear I’ll never be able to be intimate with a man, because when I tell them I’m a virgin… they’ll expect everything to look ‘perfect’ down there and then encounter a big surprise.

I’m an outgoing person and am comfortable with how I look everywhere BUT “down there,” so I meet many men that I’m interested in and have no trouble getting asked out on dates (not saying that to be boastful, I’m just illustrating my life), but I rarely go on more than two dates with the same guy because I’m terrified of what they’ll think of me when we take that next step.

As a result, I have very many guy friends because that takes away the pressure of intimacy, but it also forces me to listen to “guy talk” all the time, only talking about sex and “ugly vaginas” that they’ve encountered.  I join in and laugh, but little do they know… So I’ve come to the conclusion that I may just have to stay single forever. I’m not unhappy about that idea, but at the same time I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with someone either!

I liked reading this and knowing about other people’s experiences. It helped a bit.. however many people are talking about how everything turned “ugly” after having had children, and evidently I have not gone through that, so my anxiousness remains and probably will for a very long time.

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10 Comments on "Comment of the Week: This Woman Needs a Group Hug!"

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3 years 5 months ago

What Irene said. And the same goes for talking negatively about men’s bits. A lot of this seems to be immaturity and fear, and it’s not worth staying around people who think it’s OK to express immature, ignorant views.

But the penises I’ve come to find truly beautiful are the ones attached to the men I’ve fallen in love with. None of them were especially lovely at first to me, and if I’m honest I was quite freaked out by each one. But soon I would have sworn blind that my man’s cock was the most beautiful Nature had yet created. When someone with a bit of maturity and intelligence falls for you they will fall for every bit of you.

3 years 5 months ago

I would not spend two minutes with any man who would talk about “ugly vaginas.” With anyone, but much less with a vagina-owner in the room. That’s just not how decent people behave, in my opinion.

3 years 5 months ago

I am so confused. Except for on this website, I’ve never heard of these beauty standards for vaginas before. When did this stupidity start? I’ve never heard of women going around comparing their vaginas to determine whose is the most beautiful. Porn movies I’ve seen show all different kinds of vaginas/labias (though, in all honesty, I’m getting tired of the hairless trend). Past girlfriends never expressed any anxiety over their labia. What’s going on? There are so many meaningful things to be concerned about in a relationship, unless you are part of the small percentage of women who have a true deformity (talk to you Dr. if that’s the case), this isn’t something to dwell on.

3 years 5 months ago

Oh girl! There is next to nothing about my body I find remotely attractive! HA! There! Now that that’s out of the way I will add that my vagina is probably the most hideous part of me. To ME. My butt and hips are probably the only part of me I approve of. (Yes, I’m giggling to be saying this out loud!)

NOW, please girl, hear this part of my confession, I have had a handfull of partners, I can count them on my hands. Everyone of them worshipped my body in ways I find mind boggling!No one saw my broken veins, uneven breasts, long body and short legs, fat feet, etc. etc. etc.

3 years 5 months ago

“I never thought about from a guy’s perspective until my boyfriend started talking about how goofy he thought penises look and how he can’t understand why any girl would want to look at one or would be turned on by it. He told me that he thought girl parts just look so much nicer, so much prettier. But of course, he’s a straight guy – he’s not really turned on by a dick. So you may not be turned on by your own parts (or at least not understand how a guy could be), but just because you aren’t, doesn’t mean he won’t be.”

Yes! What Samantha said! If you’re straight then of course you’re going to think your genitals look funny, or worse! And since you’re not attracted to them you’re more likely to notice what you like least. Your partners, on the other hand, aren’t just going to have different priorities, they’re going to have a whole ‘nother perspective.

Put it another way, if you’re really into a guy how would you feel if he didn’t think you’d want to look at his penis because he wouldn’t want to? Because, they claim, there’s a little more loose skin on one side than the other, they claim, because of “so much of everything else” when they were growing up?

Especially if you knew that unless by “everything else” they meant “with pliers” there’s really nothing a man can do to his genitals that’ll “deform” or even distort them.

Oh, and incidentally? If there’s no way a man could distort his penis by playing with it, there’s no way you could have distorted your labia by playing with them.