1/11/12
Comment of the Week: Why Settle for Milk If You’re Looking for a Whole Cow?

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Comments of the week don’t necessarily reflect our personal opinions — sometimes it’s simply a thoughtful response that we think merits further discussion. This week, in response to the post “Wise Guys: Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?” reader William says this:

Why would you want to have sex on the first date if you are looking for a LTR?  If you want sex; own up to it and don’t say you are looking for a LTR. The message it sends is totally wrong for a LTR.  Would you not wonder if the other party is having sex on other first dates that they go on?  There is no way to know how much you are really going to like a person until you have had a chance to spend some time with them and learn about them.

I personally think for a relationship to work you need to find out if they share your core values.  Ultimately do they want to get married? Do they like kids and want kids?  If you are going to be a couple, will they give up their personal privacy if that is what you want?

New acquaintances can seem very intriguing but that feeling can also fade very quickly once you start learning more about a person.  If you are TRULY looking for LTR … don’t rush to have sex … as the feelings sex will generate will most likely convolute how you truly like the person  …  and you will be left feeling hurt when ultimately the relationship does not work out.


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5 Comments on "Comment of the Week: Why Settle for Milk If You’re Looking for a Whole Cow?"


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jillian
4 years 30 days ago

Totally disagree. Why are wanting sex and wanting a LTR mutually exclusive?? It’s totally arbitrary. It’s like saying, don’t eat dinner with someone if you’re looking for a LTR; only eat lunch with them until you are sure it’s serious, because people in LTR’s have dinner together a lot. I like dinner. I like having dinner with people that I like. If I don’t like someone anymore, I will stop having dinner with him. If I am in a LTR I will have dinner with my partner most evenings. If YOU develop false feelings after having sex, then by all… Read more »

Chelsea
4 years 1 month ago

I actually agree with you Evan and you have convinced me…almost. Yes you are right about sexual gender roles, however, they are a social construct and therefore a reality in our society, at least for now. Unfortunately, not all men are as enlightened as you. However, I think William’s view is also a valid one. Why would you want to be intimate with someone you do not know? I also agree that sex can cloud your view of this person and this is unfortunately truer for women than men. Both men and woman release oxytocin, a hormone which produces feelings… Read more »

matbo
4 years 1 month ago

This is different for everybody. For some people sex enhances emotional attachment, for others it doesn’t.

I usually don’t have sex with people I am actually interested in, because the moment we’ve had sex I feel like I’ve won and I lose all interest, because they were too “easy”.

Horrible, yeah I’m sorry! But if I do get to know the person and fall in love I cannot wait for the sex to start. And I will even cuddle afterwards and enjoy it :)

Lily
4 years 1 month ago

I agree with you Evan but I also think William has a point at the end of his comment. I find that there can be a huge contrast between the way I feel about a guy before and after sex. Even if I don’t reeeally like the guy, I get super emo and I guess you could say that my vag starts clinging to the person haha. So yes, if you wanna protect yourself, don’t jump into the sack first thing. Sounds boring though, no guarantees in this love game unfortunately!

Evan
4 years 1 month ago

Gotta disagree. Yeah, there are guys who won’t respect you if you put out (note that it’s always guys who don’t respect the woman; men are never stigmatized for being too easy). Want to know the truth? Those guys never respected you in the first place. Be true to yourself. If you feel it, if it feels right to you, go for it. If it’s not you, if you need more time, don’t get pressured into it, either by your prospective partner or your own libido – men or women. But please, for god’s sake, don’t listen to the sex-negative… Read more »

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