At what point can we all agree that jokes about protruding inner labia are (a) way past their sell date (seriously, Dane Cook? A “box of cow tongues”? A “high school play curtain”? Are you working from the junior high book of jokes here?); (b) douchey in the extreme; and (c) seriously damaging to women’s self-confidence. Guys, if you really want women to enjoy sex more, then stop criticizing their labia. Stop comparing their labia to roast beef, or slices of ham, or any other kind of meat. If you insist on recycling material from seventh grade, then stick with fart jokes, please. For those just getting with the program, this week’s comment by Thee (abridged; you can read the comment in full here), in response to our post, “Wise Guys: Do Men Care What Labia Look Like?” should seal the deal. Hint: Even if a woman is laughing at your “joke” — in fact, especially if she’s laughing — doesn’t mean she’s not dying a little inside.
I really am not fond of my labia. At all. Like someone else said, I don’t remember them growing, I just know that at some point I realized they were large. I was just looking at them one day thinking all kinds of things. “Why are they stretchy looking? Why are they brown? Why aren’t they like tucked in? What the hell is a vagina typically supposed to look like anyway? Is this right? I wonder how many other girls look like this? Did I go years unconsciously pulling at myself or something? They hang. Why? Guys are going to have to adjust their eyes when they see my (Dane Cook large labia reference here) high school play curtains. They’re so ugly. And wrinkly. I need them chopped.” These things still go through my head when I’m changing in a mirror.
I go back and forth between those things and thinking to myself, “It’s not a big deal. The guys you’ve been with have NOT EVER complained. Your ex bf said he liked them a lot, you’re fine. Shut up.”
But I hear so many negative jokes about them. The other day my guy friends were talking about lip size. I just ha-ha’d and stayed balls deep into my phone like I didn’t care about the subject, but I was listening quite intently. The guys never came right out and said they prefer porn-like pussies (“pretty in pink” or “tucked away” as I think of them). They just made jokes about larger labia. The play curtain joke came up, as well as the beef curtain joke. I forced myself to laugh, but I felt so abnormal and insecure about myself.
First let me say that I would never joke about any part of a womans body and I think guys who do are douchebags. However as a guy with a small penis I have endured endless small dick jokes since I was 12 years old. My mother was the first to offer up her hilarious offering and soon after my first girlfriend shared her thoughts about how small and funny my penis is with our friends after I broke up with her. Do you ever hear men say “oh she drives a big truck so she must have big meat curtains”? no. I don’t ever remember seeing a TV show or movie where guys made fun of big labias. I’ve only seen two scenes where a guy made a comment about small breasts vs the 100’s of small dick scenes. What about the song Short Dick Man? sure some guys might be put off by larger labias but they are few. Any guy that isn’t turned on by the sight of a vagina that is normal and healthy has something wrong with him.
When people stop making small dick jokes, sure.
Give me a break. When does this nonsense end? People make fun of things. Let it go.