A few days ago, we got this comment in response to the Wise Guy piece “Do Men Care What Labia Look Like?” and all its comments:
Amy Lee Says:
May 19th, 2012 at 4:57 am eWell,I have large labia and I was hoping to get some assurance from all these men that have commented and I gotta say,I’m even more self concious. I feel as if I will end up alone because of it and I don’t want to have surgery. The only comment that has made me feel a little better was ” If a man loves you,he shouldn’t be put off why what your labia looks like. If he is,he’s obviously not worth your time.” On here it’s all about the ‘perfect’ porn star labias. Which I don’t have,unfortunately…
Say what? Did we miss something? We know our Wise Guys didn’t post anything demoralizing, because we don’t have any Wise Guys who are assholes. Did we somehow miss a slew of comments by a bunch of juvenille trolls? Because the readers of this site are usually pretty cool, like take-home-to-meet-your-parents cool.
So we decided to reread the post and read through all 50 comments for anything we might have missed. The Wise Guys totally checked out — we review everything that goes up on this site before it goes up and are still as content with the content now as we were on the day it went up. The honest, straightforward consensus of the three guys is basically that porn might be creating an impossible “beauty” standard that only a small minority of idiots who can’t decipher fantasy from reality ignorantly choose to buy into, but that the vast majority of straight men are interested in clean, excited labia attached to hopefully body-confident women who are interested in them.
And out of all the 50 comments, only 2 were offensive, rude and stupid. At least one of them if not both of them should have been deleted, since we expect (and usually get) a certain amount of civility from our commenters — these unfortunately just slipped through the cracks (“The Bachelor” must have been on or something when they came in).
But even so, we’re perplexed as to why anyone would focus on the petty little comments of a few sad, sorry, hateful people when more than 40 others responded with reassurance and sensitivity. There will always be a few sociopathic douchbags in this world who enjoy anonymously shitting on strangers from the comfort of their parents’ basement couch. But we’d encourage Amy and everyone else to refrain from dignifying their online vomiting by giving them any emotional power over you and instead focus on the outpouring of positivity from the massive majority. Here’s a sample:
If a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.
As long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like.
I think all labias are beautiful.
Genitals are not meant to look pretty, but to be functional and feel good. When everyone is happy and excited they will not worry about genital fashions or fads.
If you are naked in front of a guy, and he sees you have longer inner labia hes not going to say “ew, get dressed and leave. RIGHT NOW” No. He’s going to be glad your naked and hoping you’re not thinking about his extra stomach hair or the way one of his balls is bigger than the other. Big deal. No one cares.
Real women don’t have airbrushed labia.
Ladies, rest assured that the variations of that beautiful flower you’re sporting are not a subject for scrutiny with any but the most inexperienced and juvenile men.
The guys are saying that labias that are clean, fresh, warm, wet, ready and willing to be touched, tasted, celebrated, explored and enjoyed that belong to a welcoming secure, self confident and sexy woman who is right there with them are all beautiful.
As long as they do what they are meant to do, Who Cares!
Confidence and sex drive are far more important to a guy’s positive experience with you than the specifics of whether or not you look like some kind of idealized porn “norm”.
Men love real women and real vaginas. They’re so happy that theyre getting laid and so happy that you are into them, they could care less about the size of your labia.
Labia, smabia. All looks are intriguing to connoisseurs of sensuality.
We could go on.
If this what an article about penissize I guarantee at least 25% of the replies from women would be in the “I can’t deal with a small penis” vein. So the fact you only had two haters is astounding.
I think the commenter hit a point. The guys who are so fixated on what vaginas look like have probably spent a great deal of time staring at images of them, and not nearly as much time actually experiencing them.
Sorry, wrong.
Porn is pushing one image, and also guys not having six-packs is infiltrating girls worlds as well.
So, let’s not hyper-focus here and all pretend to be so put upon. Prep the guy.
Hell, my man told me he was uncut beforehand…no surprises.
I’ve never experience one but I love them all. The only thing that would put me off is if she had some medical problem and it was covered in sores or something lie that which is very rare.
“…we’re perplexed as to why anyone would focus on the petty little comments of a few sad, sorry, hateful people when more than 40 others responded with reassurance and sensitivity.”
This comment is not aimed at Amy Lee, but in the general case of why so many of us will skim past dozens or even hundreds of positive comments before latching on to the one or two that we… um… completely agree with? The question answers itself, doesn’t it?
I mean, look! What are the odds that the average person is ever going to have 40 partners in his or her life? Therefore what are the odds that you’re going to hit on one of the two trolls before you find the love of your life among one of the 38 people who probably think your labia, or penises, or ears, or teeth are perfectly fine?
It makes sense to be anxious about our own appearances. It doesn’t make sense to give yourself more than one vote, or to let three votes (two trolls and one’s self) “outvote” the vast majority.
I say I wasn’t singling out Amy Lee and I meant it: she wasn’t doing anything almost all of us have done, more than once, so far.
figleaf
Okay, Amy Lee, I hope I can help ya. This is a topic I feel really passionately about, because I, too, have had major issues with my labia lips.
I’m a small girl with huge features– big nose, huge frizzy hair, and, of course, big labia. To give you a picture, my lips stretch to be about two inches long, they turn purple and puffy when I’m aroused, and they look like prunes.
I didn’t notice them until I started to be sexually active, because, like the hair on my head, my vagina sported its own little frizzball.
The first guy with whom I was sexually active asked me to shave some of the hair off to make oral sex more comfortable for him, and, jumping on the chance to get a bit more in the oral department, I happily obliged.
What I didn’t realize was that I hadn’t actually seen my lips in YEARS. I found myself wondering if they were ‘normal,’ and eventually giving it a rest…until he looked at my vagina like it was some sort of alien!
I immediately realized that this (very inexpressive) guy had never seen a vagina that looked like my puffy little princess, and I immediately felt insecure.
He eventually dumped me (for reasons unrelated to my vagina), but the way he’d cocked his head when my panties came off didn’t fade for quite some time afterwards. I started Googling things like “perfect pussy,” “perfect labia,” etc, and I saw manicured vaginas that looked nothing like mine. I was in despair.
A little while later, I met my current boyfriend, and in his loving hands I experienced pleasure and connection like never before. In the spirit of our very honest and communicative relationship, he confessed to me about six months later that, “I had never seen a vagina that looked like yours.”
I was ready to despair again, and I voiced my concerns to him. But then he added that he wanted to explore what the differences meant.
So I watched some big labia porn (It exists!), and I learned how to instruct my beau to make me spasm with delight. It turns out that tugging and lightly biting large labia is MAGICAL, and, additionally, he has since learned to love licking the insides of my lips and gently caressing their velvety outsides.
The moral of the story is not that you necessarily need to find someone like my boyfriend, but instead that your vagina can give you sensations and orgasms that are not only different but possibly even more intense than those who aren’t blessed (Yes, that’s right, BLESSED!) with big, beautiful lips.
If you ever meet a guy who thinks your lips are gross and doesn’t want to hold you and make you spasm in that special way that only we lippy girls can, then he’s the one with the problem.
If you still don’t believe me, try going on to sexylabia.com (NSFW!); This is a community that practically WORSHIPS big lips, and also shows you some silly photoshopped Playboy images that might have spurred the “big labia suck” movement.
Big labia don’t suck, but when someone sucks on them…you get my point!
Much love, and I hope this helps!
no such thing as perfect…be happy that you are comfortable enough with your body to explore it and know it as well as you do!
check out the variety of vulvas that are celebrated by artists, you could be someone’s muse:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l__NfOjLbjk/Twyc0dEkDMI/AAAAAAAABV4/xRIYFw_eGho/s1600/Great%2BWall%2Bof%2BVagina%2Bpanel%2B1%2Bof%2B10%2Bw.jpg