3/18/15
Comments of the Week: The Sexual Satisfaction & Compatibility Quiz


photo via Wiki Commons

This week, in response to our Your Call question “My Husband and I Don’t Care That We Don’t Have Much Sex. Should We?“, two of our MVPs were quick on the draw with spot-on answers. First, Nikki wrote:

This sounds like more of the tyranny of “normal.” If you have a happy marriage, and you are both satisfied with the amount of sex that you are having, then you have nothing to worry about. Relationships and sexuality are not a one-size-fits-all proposition.

You are right that sex is important in a relationship, but what I think most of what you’re hearing is leaving out that “sex” really means “sexual satisfaction.” If you and your husband have that, you are in good shape.

The easiest way to put your concerns to rest is to have a frank and honest conversation with your husband. You say you have a trusting relationship, but you don’t mention whether this conversation has ever occurred. If it hasn’t, make sure it does. You can keep it simple: “Honey, I’ve noticed that the amount of sex we have has kind of fallen off over the years. I’m fine with it, and am happy with the way things are, but I want to make sure you are too.” If your husband is also content, you have nothing to worry about. If he misses having more frequent sex, then you can have a conversation about how to make sure his needs are addressed.

Then Johnny added his take:

Sex drive decreases with age. I was borderline priapic in my early 20′s. In my mid 30′s I am noticeably less horny than I was then.

Attractiveness also decreases with age (sorry. I’m not calling you or anyone else unattractive or old. But this is just a universal fact. It happens to everyone). So basically you’ve got two people who aren’t as hot or as horny as they used to be. This is totally normal and is only a problem when –

– attractiveness and horniness decrease at disparate rates between partners

– one partner’s attractiveness and horniness really PLUMMET.

Sounds like you and your husband are actually experiencing the ideal sexual denoument. Again, NOT singling you guys out here – what’s happening to you guys happens to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF PEOPLE. You guys just happen to be experiencing this, like so many other things, as a healthy and loving couple. You’re going through it togeter – that’s good. Going through this as individuals is bad.

You’ve had three kids – mission accomplished. Your sex drives did what they’re there for. Anything else is just for fun. And if you both like the same amount of fun – whether that’s more fun or less fun – then great!

You and your husband sound like a great match. Don’t panic.

Based on their excellent responses, we’ve come up with a Sexual Satisfaction & Compatibility Quiz you and your partner can take:

  1. Are you happy together?
  2. Are neither of you complaining?
  3. Are you being honest with yourself?
  4. Are you being honest with your partner?
  5. Are your libidos lagging at similar rates?
  6. Are you aging (in looks) at similar rates?
  7. Have you talked about your sexual satisfaction with each other?
  8. Do you both feel sexually satisfied?

If you’ve both answered yes to five or more questions, then you and your partner are sexually satisfied and should not worry about the amount of sex you have. It’s about quality, not quantity.

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