Comments for Em & Lo: Sex. Love. And Everything in Between. http://www.emandlo.com Your daily dose of advice, news, and stories about sex, love, and other important stuff. No yoga mat required. Sat, 31 Jan 2015 01:00:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Tell Us About Your Sex Life and Win a Free Kissa Toy! by rebekah fortson http://www.emandlo.com/2010/07/tell-us-about-your-sex-life-and-win-a-free-sex-toy/comment-page-1/#comment-75235 rebekah fortson Sat, 31 Jan 2015 01:00:58 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=10896#comment-75235 Im a single mom im 37 an i take care of my family an dont have much time to have a sex life the last time i had sex was 10½ years ago .an i would love a sex toy to enjoy some pleasure Im a single mom im 37 an i take care of my family an dont have much time to have a sex life the last time i had sex was 10½ years ago .an i would love a sex toy to enjoy some pleasure

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Comment on Your Call: My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm by G http://www.emandlo.com/2012/09/your-call-my-husband-wont-even-try-to-give-me-an-orgasm/comment-page-2/#comment-75233 G Fri, 30 Jan 2015 21:13:56 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=20389#comment-75233 We are in our 50's and I have to admit that sex sucks at this age. He wants it when he wants it and when he is done it is over. I might as well not even be there in the room. Sex might happen once a week, maybe once a month. He lasts for maybe 30 seconds and it is over. He does not give a thought to me ever getting an orgasm. He just says that it is my fault for making it feel too good. Way to shift blame ya jerk. At this point I am no better than his own hand and he cares about me about the same as a sock. My advice is to just go have an affair when this happens, it is a lot easier than arguing about it since then he won't want you because then it becomes a chore. We are in our 50′s and I have to admit that sex sucks at this age. He wants it when he wants it and when he is done it is over. I might as well not even be there in the room. Sex might happen once a week, maybe once a month. He lasts for maybe 30 seconds and it is over. He does not give a thought to me ever getting an orgasm. He just says that it is my fault for making it feel too good. Way to shift blame ya jerk. At this point I am no better than his own hand and he cares about me about the same as a sock.

My advice is to just go have an affair when this happens, it is a lot easier than arguing about it since then he won’t want you because then it becomes a chore.

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Comment on Dear Dr. Vanessa: Some Sex Positions Hurt Sometimes by Women Health http://www.emandlo.com/2010/05/dear-dr-vanessa-some-sex-positions-hurt-sometimes/comment-page-1/#comment-75223 Women Health Thu, 29 Jan 2015 16:21:59 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=10010#comment-75223 Sex is such a beautiful act between two consenting adults but when it starts to hurt may need some looking into. We women get these simple infections that without treatment can sometimes cause painful sex such as having yeast infections. Sex is such a beautiful act between two consenting adults but when it starts to hurt may need some looking into. We women get these simple infections that without treatment can sometimes cause painful sex such as having yeast infections.

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Comment on 11 Ways to Spot the Narcissist in Your Bedroom by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/11-ways-to-spot-a-narcissist-in-your-bedroom/comment-page-1/#comment-75221 Johnny Thu, 29 Jan 2015 14:37:23 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31649#comment-75221 All the negatives above came through in my romantic relationship with a narcissistic woman. There's another big one though: the need to be envied. My narcissistic buddy and his leather couch? Once he wastes money he doesn't have on it, he'll brag about how much better his couch is than yours. He owns nicer shit than me. I guess that makes me a little jeaous at times. But that jealousy is quickly beaten back by the logic of point #4: underneath the glossy impressive exterior, he's flat broke because of his expensive tastes, and that's not something I envy. Now, in a romantic partner, that need to elicit envy and jealousy will take the form of cheating/flirting with other people in front of you/inappropriate line-crossings, etc. They'll intentionally do stuff to make you insane with jealousy, then they'll "gas light" you about it - they'll act like you're crazy and they can't for the life of them see what your problem is. This is why I'm always skeptical of people who "confess" when they cheat. I have a hard time accepting that they're now trying to do the right thing, especially when, 1) they very much missed their chance to do the right thing, 2) confessing will very much wound their partner, 3) this isn't the first time in their life they've done this. All the negatives above came through in my romantic relationship with a narcissistic woman. There’s another big one though: the need to be envied.

My narcissistic buddy and his leather couch? Once he wastes money he doesn’t have on it, he’ll brag about how much better his couch is than yours.

He owns nicer shit than me. I guess that makes me a little jeaous at times. But that jealousy is quickly beaten back by the logic of point #4: underneath the glossy impressive exterior, he’s flat broke because of his expensive tastes, and that’s not something I envy.

Now, in a romantic partner, that need to elicit envy and jealousy will take the form of cheating/flirting with other people in front of you/inappropriate line-crossings, etc.

They’ll intentionally do stuff to make you insane with jealousy, then they’ll “gas light” you about it – they’ll act like you’re crazy and they can’t for the life of them see what your problem is.

This is why I’m always skeptical of people who “confess” when they cheat. I have a hard time accepting that they’re now trying to do the right thing, especially when,

1) they very much missed their chance to do the right thing,

2) confessing will very much wound their partner,

3) this isn’t the first time in their life they’ve done this.

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Comment on 11 Ways to Spot the Narcissist in Your Bedroom by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/11-ways-to-spot-a-narcissist-in-your-bedroom/comment-page-1/#comment-75220 Johnny Thu, 29 Jan 2015 14:25:00 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31649#comment-75220 One of my best friends is a textbook narcissist. A conversation might go like this: Johnny: "... and she left me for good, and my dog died, and my car broke down, and I really just don't think I can go on." Friend: "That sucks. Oh man! Did I tell you what happened to me the other day? I was walking down the street when..." In a way it's great. I can get secrets off my chest knowing that my audience is paying zero attention. I can stop paying attention to him when he talks knowing that he doesn't actually care if anyone's listening. It's like this neat cross between having company and being alone. One of the classic narcissistic problems he exhibits is a need QUANTITIES of assurance and praise without any need for QUALITY. Friend: "I just lost my job, buuuut I like this leather couch I've been looking at. I think I really need it." Johnny: "GREAT FUCKIN' IDEA DUDE! MONEY REEEAAAAL WELL SPENT!" Friend: "Thanks. Where do you think I should put it?" It's endlessly funny to me. I've dated narcissists though. That is definitely NOT funny. One of my best friends is a textbook narcissist. A conversation might go like this:

Johnny: “… and she left me for good, and my dog died, and my car broke down, and I really just don’t think I can go on.”

Friend: “That sucks. Oh man! Did I tell you what happened to me the other day? I was walking down the street when…”

In a way it’s great. I can get secrets off my chest knowing that my audience is paying zero attention. I can stop paying attention to him when he talks knowing that he doesn’t actually care if anyone’s listening. It’s like this neat cross between having company and being alone.

One of the classic narcissistic problems he exhibits is a need QUANTITIES of assurance and praise without any need for QUALITY.

Friend: “I just lost my job, buuuut I like this leather couch I’ve been looking at. I think I really need it.”

Johnny: “GREAT FUCKIN’ IDEA DUDE! MONEY REEEAAAAL WELL SPENT!”

Friend: “Thanks. Where do you think I should put it?”

It’s endlessly funny to me.

I’ve dated narcissists though. That is definitely NOT funny.

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Comment on 12 Snowy Movies to Watch During Snowmageddon by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/12-snowy-movies-to-watch-during-snowmageddon/comment-page-1/#comment-75217 Johnny Wed, 28 Jan 2015 23:07:47 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31592#comment-75217 I love that Dumb & Dumber is on your list. That is by far my most-watched movie. I rarely re-watch anything, but I've probably seen Dumb & Dumber 30 times. It's doubly special to me because every woman I've ever really bonded with has also loved that movie. I could basically use it as a predictor of how a relationship is going to work out. I love that Dumb & Dumber is on your list.

That is by far my most-watched movie. I rarely re-watch anything, but I’ve probably seen Dumb & Dumber 30 times.

It’s doubly special to me because every woman I’ve ever really bonded with has also loved that movie. I could basically use it as a predictor of how a relationship is going to work out.

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Comment on Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me by Woman+Not+So+Sure http://www.emandlo.com/2009/06/advice-my-new-boyfriend-has-a-small-penis/comment-page-15/#comment-75214 Woman+Not+So+Sure Wed, 28 Jan 2015 15:29:03 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=3922#comment-75214 I hate when obviously "small" guys sit there like "some guy" and call women into question for being feminists, callus, demonic and irresponsible because we don't want your smaller penis. I'm sorry what do any of those labels have to do with us as women and our personal preference? Men are all different sizes and so are women by trade. I also have broken down my partner with my anger and sexual frustration for his smaller penis and premature problems. I feel like it's a bad date and he has no idea how to be a dominant male, even before my outspoken feelings. I told him I won't cheat and I mean that but I wish I could every day. I'm so horny and he is so not feeling my needs (yes, pun intended). Love is bullshit; it keeps you there while you keep yourself unhappy and unsatisfied. Why couldn't he be dominant?! Why can't his penis be larger?! Our son is one and here we are in the shitty mess. We worked a lot before him and the shitty sex life was manageable but with the same problems as before in a smaller way. My doctor and other men before me told me I had a very tight bag one which is why we were ok before said kid but even after doing kegels I am still not really feeling him the way I want to. I DON'T care about length as much as girth because of what the article mentions for women. My vagina is not blown out or overly-gapped and even when I tell him that it could be me, he says "No......honestly, your vagina is still really tight; not as tight as before but still tighter than the girls before." It isn't a farce, I couldn't even get a tampon up there before the laboring of my son...which is why we worked in the first place. I can see why women cheat. I never knew the possible reasons for their unhappiness. Poor things. The guys want to think we are evil, but we are not, we are just deeply unsatisfied. When you know what satisfaction really is, it's like be punished your whole life! In evolutionary biology, we learned something some odd years ago that stuck with me. In lamest terms, women want high testosterone driven men with extreme sexual dimorphism to have sex with and bear the children while we prefer low testosterone, submissive males to care for the children and marry. So yeah, I guess we are bitches; we want the caring, "I'll do anything for you guy (who is clearly compensating)" and the huge hulk of a man who can make you feel protected and satisfied with his demeanor and well ya know....hmmm. It's nature for women to want that and the reason both still exist and one group hasn't been evolutionized (obviously not a real word) is because we want to feel love in both ways. We want it all in one man and I've been very close to one but he was still a dick, yes both literally and figuratively. I hate when obviously “small” guys sit there like “some guy” and call women into question for being feminists, callus, demonic and irresponsible because we don’t want your smaller penis. I’m sorry what do any of those labels have to do with us as women and our personal preference? Men are all different sizes and so are women by trade.

I also have broken down my partner with my anger and sexual frustration for his smaller penis and premature problems. I feel like it’s a bad date and he has no idea how to be a dominant male, even before my outspoken feelings. I told him I won’t cheat and I mean that but I wish I could every day. I’m so horny and he is so not feeling my needs (yes, pun intended). Love is bullshit; it keeps you there while you keep yourself unhappy and unsatisfied. Why couldn’t he be dominant?! Why can’t his penis be larger?!

Our son is one and here we are in the shitty mess. We worked a lot before him and the shitty sex life was manageable but with the same problems as before in a smaller way. My doctor and other men before me told me I had a very tight bag one which is why we were ok before said kid but even after doing kegels I am still not really feeling him the way I want to. I DON’T care about length as much as girth because of what the article mentions for women. My vagina is not blown out or overly-gapped and even when I tell him that it could be me, he says “No……honestly, your vagina is still really tight; not as tight as before but still tighter than the girls before.” It isn’t a farce, I couldn’t even get a tampon up there before the laboring of my son…which is why we worked in the first place.

I can see why women cheat. I never knew the possible reasons for their unhappiness. Poor things. The guys want to think we are evil, but we are not, we are just deeply unsatisfied. When you know what satisfaction really is, it’s like be punished your whole life!

In evolutionary biology, we learned something some odd years ago that stuck with me. In lamest terms, women want high testosterone driven men with extreme sexual dimorphism to have sex with and bear the children while we prefer low testosterone, submissive males to care for the children and marry. So yeah, I guess we are bitches; we want the caring, “I’ll do anything for you guy (who is clearly compensating)” and the huge hulk of a man who can make you feel protected and satisfied with his demeanor and well ya know….hmmm.

It’s nature for women to want that and the reason both still exist and one group hasn’t been evolutionized (obviously not a real word) is because we want to feel love in both ways. We want it all in one man and I’ve been very close to one but he was still a dick, yes both literally and figuratively.

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Comment on Why I Told My Boyfriend He Could Marry My Daughter by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2015/01/why-i-told-my-boyfriend-he-could-marry-my-daughter/comment-page-1/#comment-75213 Johnny Wed, 28 Jan 2015 15:15:33 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=31630#comment-75213 Ha ha... of COURSE he has. It would be weird if a healthy man spent a decade in close proximity to two beautiful, non-biologically-related younger women and he DIDN'T have a sexaul fantasy about them. Good for you for being a reasonable realist and a confident, comfortable partner. Ha ha… of COURSE he has. It would be weird if a healthy man spent a decade in close proximity to two beautiful, non-biologically-related younger women and he DIDN’T have a sexaul fantasy about them.

Good for you for being a reasonable realist and a confident, comfortable partner.

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Comment on Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me by Woman Not So Sure http://www.emandlo.com/2009/06/advice-my-new-boyfriend-has-a-small-penis/comment-page-15/#comment-75212 Woman Not So Sure Wed, 28 Jan 2015 15:12:33 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=3922#comment-75212 I hate when obviously "small" guys sit there like "some guy" and call women into question for being feminists, callus, demonic and irresponsible because we don't want your smaller penis. I'm sorry what do any of those labels have to do with us as women and our personal preference? Men are all different sizes and so are women by trade. I also have broken down my partner with my anger and sexual frustration for his smaller penis and premature problems. I feel like it's a bad date and he has no idea how to be a dominant male, even before my outspoken feelings. I told him I won't cheat and I mean that but I wish I could every day. I'm so horny and he is so not working for me anymore. Love is bullshit; it keeps you while keeping yourself unhappy and unsatisfied. Why couldn't he be dominant?! Why can't his penis be larger?! Our son is one and before it was ok but it was never great....we franks little too much when we graduated college and voila. Our lives aren't were we want them to be. I can see why women cheat. I never knew the possible reasons for their unhappiness. Poor things. The guys want to think we are evil, but we are not, we are just deeply unsatisfied. When you know what satisfaction really is,it's like be punished your whole life! In evolutionary biology, we learned something some odd years ago that stuck with me. In lamest terms, women want high testosterone driven men with extreme sexual dimorphism to have sex with and bear the children while we prefer low testosterone, submissive males to care for the children and marry. So yeah, I guess we are bitches; we want the caring, "I'll do anything for you guy (who is clearly compensating)" and the huge hulk of a man who can make you feel protected and satisfied with his demeanor and well ya know....hmmm. It's nature for women to want that and the reason both still exist and one group hasn't been evolutionized (obviously not a real word) is because we want to feel love in both ways. We want it all in one man and I've been very close to one but he was still a dick, yes both literally and figuratively. I hate when obviously “small” guys sit there like “some guy” and call women into question for being feminists, callus, demonic and irresponsible because we don’t want your smaller penis. I’m sorry what do any of those labels have to do with us as women and our personal preference? Men are all different sizes and so are women by trade.

I also have broken down my partner with my anger and sexual frustration for his smaller penis and premature problems. I feel like it’s a bad date and he has no idea how to be a dominant male, even before my outspoken feelings. I told him I won’t cheat and I mean that but I wish I could every day. I’m so horny and he is so not working for me anymore. Love is bullshit; it keeps you while keeping yourself unhappy and unsatisfied. Why couldn’t he be dominant?! Why can’t his penis be larger?! Our son is one and before it was ok but it was never great….we franks little too much when we graduated college and voila. Our lives aren’t were we want them to be.

I can see why women cheat. I never knew the possible reasons for their unhappiness. Poor things. The guys want to think we are evil, but we are not, we are just deeply unsatisfied. When you know what satisfaction really is,it’s like be punished your whole life!

In evolutionary biology, we learned something some odd years ago that stuck with me. In lamest terms, women want high testosterone driven men with extreme sexual dimorphism to have sex with and bear the children while we prefer low testosterone, submissive males to care for the children and marry. So yeah, I guess we are bitches; we want the caring, “I’ll do anything for you guy (who is clearly compensating)” and the huge hulk of a man who can make you feel protected and satisfied with his demeanor and well ya know….hmmm.

It’s nature for women to want that and the reason both still exist and one group hasn’t been evolutionized (obviously not a real word) is because we want to feel love in both ways. We want it all in one man and I’ve been very close to one but he was still a dick, yes both literally and figuratively.

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Comment on Comment of the Week: BDSM Destroyed My Marriage by Male viewpoint http://www.emandlo.com/2014/03/comment-of-the-week-bdsm-destroyed-my-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-75211 Male viewpoint Wed, 28 Jan 2015 13:55:40 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=27916#comment-75211 The end of a marriage is a tragic event, rspecially if children are involved and affected, for they are innocent and get no vote. That said, bad marriages should end if they are truly bad. This one clearly was. And it was not BDSM that did it, it was the husband's actions, including infidelity, that doomed it, at least according to the one side we've heard. As a man, I get that sex and a particular kind of sex can have great appeal - I'm wired to be hornier than my wife, into more kinky stuff, etc. It's not a gender absolute but it is certainly at least a personal truism. But not being able to draw a line between sexual fantasy, porn, and one's personal life means that one is weak and ultimately not a good spouse. Now that I have judged a man from a man's point of view, I also offer this nugget from experience. If you only hear one side of the story, you don't know jack squat about something as complex as a marriage. What would he tell us about the marriage? That she never found sex appealing due to her history of abuse so he couldn' ever truly connect with her in bed? That she was emotionally distraught about sex which made him turn to porn for a sure fire outlet that he could understand? That he was abused too and needed to pursue BDSM as an odd therapeutic release? Who knows. We sure as hell don't. So let's not judge either party. Let's not be voyeuristic netizens who claim to know the answers. Let's not ascribe a root cause to the end of a sacred bond. Let's say we'll do better in our own lives, help those we know who are in trouble, and mourn the tragic end to a bond that was never meant to end except in death. The end of a marriage is a tragic event, rspecially if children are involved and affected, for they are innocent and get no vote. That said, bad marriages should end if they are truly bad. This one clearly was. And it was not BDSM that did it, it was the husband’s actions, including infidelity, that doomed it, at least according to the one side we’ve heard. As a man, I get that sex and a particular kind of sex can have great appeal – I’m wired to be hornier than my wife, into more kinky stuff, etc. It’s not a gender absolute but it is certainly at least a personal truism. But not being able to draw a line between sexual fantasy, porn, and one’s personal life means that one is weak and ultimately not a good spouse.

Now that I have judged a man from a man’s point of view, I also offer this nugget from experience. If you only hear one side of the story, you don’t know jack squat about something as complex as a marriage. What would he tell us about the marriage? That she never found sex appealing due to her history of abuse so he couldn’ ever truly connect with her in bed? That she was emotionally distraught about sex which made him turn to porn for a sure fire outlet that he could understand? That he was abused too and needed to pursue BDSM as an odd therapeutic release? Who knows. We sure as hell don’t.

So let’s not judge either party. Let’s not be voyeuristic netizens who claim to know the answers. Let’s not ascribe a root cause to the end of a sacred bond. Let’s say we’ll do better in our own lives, help those we know who are in trouble, and mourn the tragic end to a bond that was never meant to end except in death.

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