Comments for Em & Lo: Sex. Love. And Everything in Between. http://www.emandlo.com Your daily dose of advice, news, and stories about sex, love, and other important stuff. No yoga mat required. Wed, 17 Sep 2014 18:00:17 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on Advice: My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me by josh http://www.emandlo.com/2009/06/advice-my-new-boyfriend-has-a-small-penis/comment-page-15/#comment-74403 josh Wed, 17 Sep 2014 18:00:17 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=3922#comment-74403 My wife hates my little penis.4.5.length 4.25 girth.i alow her hve sex with well hung men.she needs to feel like a woman.thats hard to do with a guy that looks like a little boy down there.my little penis is such a turn off to her she has no desire to allow me to enter her My wife hates my little penis.4.5.length 4.25 girth.i alow her hve sex with well hung men.she needs to feel like a woman.thats hard to do with a guy that looks like a little boy down there.my little penis is such a turn off to her she has no desire to allow me to enter her

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Comment on Comment of the Week: An Easy Trick to Avoid Ruining Your Relationship Forever by Nikki http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/comment-of-the-week-an-easy-trick-to-avoid-ruining-your-relationship-forever/comment-page-1/#comment-74400 Nikki Wed, 17 Sep 2014 15:19:13 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=30037#comment-74400 I think, especially when you're young, the hard part is figuring out what "something wrong" is before it's too late. I think, especially when you’re young, the hard part is figuring out what “something wrong” is before it’s too late.

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Comment on How to Convince Two (Straight) Guys to Have a Threeway by emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/how-to-convince-two-straight-guys-to-have-a-threeway-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-74399 emandlo Wed, 17 Sep 2014 13:38:25 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=30012#comment-74399 Discovery: Ouch, you're totally right! We would never DREAM of publishing advice telling guys to get women drunk so they'll have a threeway (at least, not without a major Editor's Note saying this is totally rapey). So even though this was a little tongue in cheek advice from a gay guy, we should say: Yes, it's okay to gently talk a guy out of some misconceived homophobic notion, it's not okay to get him drunk so he'll do something he'll feel crappy about in the morning. :-) Discovery: Ouch, you’re totally right! We would never DREAM of publishing advice telling guys to get women drunk so they’ll have a threeway (at least, not without a major Editor’s Note saying this is totally rapey). So even though this was a little tongue in cheek advice from a gay guy, we should say: Yes, it’s okay to gently talk a guy out of some misconceived homophobic notion, it’s not okay to get him drunk so he’ll do something he’ll feel crappy about in the morning. :-)

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Comment on How to Convince Two (Straight) Guys to Have a Threeway by discovery http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/how-to-convince-two-straight-guys-to-have-a-threeway-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-74397 discovery Wed, 17 Sep 2014 05:48:44 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=30012#comment-74397 The term convincing reeks of coercion although most of the advice is pretty genuine. Barring, of course, the rapey tone of "get them drunk". Sad. The term convincing reeks of coercion although most of the advice is pretty genuine. Barring, of course, the rapey tone of “get them drunk”. Sad.

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Comment on How to Convince Two (Straight) Guys to Have a Threeway by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/how-to-convince-two-straight-guys-to-have-a-threeway-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-74392 Johnny Tue, 16 Sep 2014 16:35:38 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=30012#comment-74392 I've had this argument on this site before - there's nothing "super homophobic" about avoiding ball-on-ball contact. Some of us just find that gross, not on an ideological level, but on a sensory one. In fact, I think it's a bit homophobic to insist that the MMMF threesome isn't a little gay. I mean come on, it's two thirds gay. So what? Why is that such a problem for guys who are drawn to the act? Why do guys in the MMF threesome need to be SUCH hetero bros as to defend their total straightness even after popping a boner and rubbing their balls against another man's balls? There's nothing wrong with moving a few steps toward the gay end of the spectrum. If everyone had fun and no one got hurt, then great! ... and if you're not into that, because you really just don't feel comfortable with pretty-gay mmf threesomes, that's ok too. It doesn't make you super homophobic. I’ve had this argument on this site before – there’s nothing “super homophobic” about avoiding ball-on-ball contact. Some of us just find that gross, not on an ideological level, but on a sensory one.

In fact, I think it’s a bit homophobic to insist that the MMMF threesome isn’t a little gay. I mean come on, it’s two thirds gay. So what? Why is that such a problem for guys who are drawn to the act? Why do guys in the MMF threesome need to be SUCH hetero bros as to defend their total straightness even after popping a boner and rubbing their balls against another man’s balls?

There’s nothing wrong with moving a few steps toward the gay end of the spectrum. If everyone had fun and no one got hurt, then great!

… and if you’re not into that, because you really just don’t feel comfortable with pretty-gay mmf threesomes, that’s ok too. It doesn’t make you super homophobic.

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Comment on Design Your Own Sex Toy, Win Fame and Cash! by pam http://www.emandlo.com/2011/02/design-your-own-sex-toy-win-fame-and-cash/comment-page-1/#comment-74388 pam Mon, 15 Sep 2014 22:22:53 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=14413#comment-74388 I have a great invention. How do I get stArted. I have a great invention. How do I get stArted.

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Comment on Your Call: Is It Fine for a Grown, Non-Religious Man to Be Celibate? by emandlo http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/your-call-is-it-fine-for-a-grown-non-religious-man-to-be-celibate/comment-page-1/#comment-74387 emandlo Mon, 15 Sep 2014 18:05:31 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=29993#comment-74387 Raphie, you're right, this would be a pretty easy question for us to answer ourselves -- like Nikki, we think people spend way too much time thinking about what is "normal," sexually, and that it causes unnecessary stress. But we've found that it's often more powerful for readers/advice seekers to see multiple people answering their question, rather than just the two of us -- especially when it comes to so-called "normal behavior." So thanks for chiming in! Raphie, you’re right, this would be a pretty easy question for us to answer ourselves — like Nikki, we think people spend way too much time thinking about what is “normal,” sexually, and that it causes unnecessary stress.

But we’ve found that it’s often more powerful for readers/advice seekers to see multiple people answering their question, rather than just the two of us — especially when it comes to so-called “normal behavior.” So thanks for chiming in!

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Comment on Your Call: Is It Fine for a Grown, Non-Religious Man to Be Celibate? by Ralphie http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/your-call-is-it-fine-for-a-grown-non-religious-man-to-be-celibate/comment-page-1/#comment-74386 Ralphie Mon, 15 Sep 2014 17:54:56 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=29993#comment-74386 It would seem very strange that E&L would not answer this themselves, except for their own curiosity as to how readers may respond. If a person is free to make their own sexual choices, then why are we judging someone who chooses not to engage in sex. Just as we should not be "slut-shaming" someone, we should also not be judging someone who chooses not to be sexually active. Rather than ask this question of the advice columnists (and their readers), maybe you should ask it to the attractive male who enjoys attention. It would seem very strange that E&L would not answer this themselves, except for their own curiosity as to how readers may respond. If a person is free to make their own sexual choices, then why are we judging someone who chooses not to engage in sex. Just as we should not be “slut-shaming” someone, we should also not be judging someone who chooses not to be sexually active. Rather than ask this question of the advice columnists (and their readers), maybe you should ask it to the attractive male who enjoys attention.

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Comment on Your Call: Is It Fine for a Grown, Non-Religious Man to Be Celibate? by Nikki http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/your-call-is-it-fine-for-a-grown-non-religious-man-to-be-celibate/comment-page-1/#comment-74384 Nikki Mon, 15 Sep 2014 16:42:13 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=29993#comment-74384 Oh, the incessant obsession with "normal." You're weird if you like sex too much, or if your sex is kinky, and you're also weird if you're not having sex at all. Our culture has so much baggage about sex we should all be pushing around luggage carts. Sometimes people just decide to be celibate for a while. I have done it a few times in my adult life. Reasons vary - it sounds like this guy wants to focus on work. Maybe he doesn't do casual sex, but also doesn't want to get into a serious relationship right now. Maybe he's asexual. Many asexuals do want romantic relationships, just not sex, so they date. The burning question is, why do you care so much? Are you one of his dates, wondering what gives? Or are you actually the "intelligent, sarcastic, and attractive early 40s male" yourself? Because unless you are either the former or the latter, this man's sexual choices aren't any of your business. If you're the former, you should just ask him and he should be more forthcoming. If you're the latter - not wanting to have sex doesn't make a person abnormal, but avoiding intimacy of any kind suggests some issues you need to work through. Oh, the incessant obsession with “normal.” You’re weird if you like sex too much, or if your sex is kinky, and you’re also weird if you’re not having sex at all. Our culture has so much baggage about sex we should all be pushing around luggage carts.

Sometimes people just decide to be celibate for a while. I have done it a few times in my adult life. Reasons vary – it sounds like this guy wants to focus on work. Maybe he doesn’t do casual sex, but also doesn’t want to get into a serious relationship right now. Maybe he’s asexual. Many asexuals do want romantic relationships, just not sex, so they date.

The burning question is, why do you care so much? Are you one of his dates, wondering what gives? Or are you actually the “intelligent, sarcastic, and attractive early 40s male” yourself? Because unless you are either the former or the latter, this man’s sexual choices aren’t any of your business.

If you’re the former, you should just ask him and he should be more forthcoming. If you’re the latter – not wanting to have sex doesn’t make a person abnormal, but avoiding intimacy of any kind suggests some issues you need to work through.

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Comment on Your Call: Is It Fine for a Grown, Non-Religious Man to Be Celibate? by Johnny http://www.emandlo.com/2014/09/your-call-is-it-fine-for-a-grown-non-religious-man-to-be-celibate/comment-page-1/#comment-74383 Johnny Mon, 15 Sep 2014 15:24:10 +0000 http://www.emandlo.com/?p=29993#comment-74383 Weird? Yes. Wrong? No. I want to say, "well, as long as he's happy that way..." but I have a hard time believing that he is. If he's going on dates and flirting and being charming with the ladies, he's not really avoiding situations that could lead to intimacy, is he? He's just bailing out early. Happily celibate people - if they really exist - don't bother going on dates, I would imagine. As for not being a "user," I dunno... kind of seems like he's leading women on by dating them and making sure they enjoy themselves. Those women probably wonder what the hell happened when he drops off after taking them on an enjoyable date. He's using them for attention and validation, at the very least. From a guy's point of view it would be better if he were a player - at least he'd be following through. Weird? Yes. Wrong? No.

I want to say, “well, as long as he’s happy that way…” but I have a hard time believing that he is.
If he’s going on dates and flirting and being charming with the ladies, he’s not really avoiding situations that could lead to intimacy, is he? He’s just bailing out early. Happily celibate people – if they really exist – don’t bother going on dates, I would imagine.

As for not being a “user,” I dunno… kind of seems like he’s leading women on by dating them and making sure they enjoy themselves. Those women probably wonder what the hell happened when he drops off after taking them on an enjoyable date. He’s using them for attention and validation, at the very least. From a guy’s point of view it would be better if he were a player – at least he’d be following through.

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