Confession: 7 Reasons Why I Hate Shower Sex

shower_head_waterphoto by stevendepolo

A contributor friend of ours, who wished to remain anonymous, has a confession to make:

I’m all for showering independently, quickly toweling off, and jumping back into bed for sex — that’s a good start to any morning. But if you want me to actually join you in the shower, you should know that I’ll be bringing my elbow and knee pads:

1. Under the unforgiving bathroom lights (bright! bright! bright!), it’s hard not to notice your partner’s bodily flaws (i.e. “Oh, you have more of a beer belly than I thought…”).

2. Which means, of course, that he’s probably noticing my flaws, too. I imagine him looking at me and thinking, “Wow, she does wear a push-up bra. Those don’t even look like the same boobs to me.” Not that he hasn’t seen them before, but sheets and dim lighting have their advantages.

3. It gets awfully slippery (and not in a good way). It just can’t be a good idea to lift up a leg and wrap it around your partner when there’s all that soap and shampoo hanging around. Throw in a horrible sense of balance and a hard tub floor and all I can picture is an embarrassing trip to the E.R.

4. With all that water running, the places you do want to stay slippery don’t.

5. It’s just too crowded. Most showers aren’t built for two, which results in awkward fumbling and the occasional minor concussion when you both bend over to pick up the soap at the same time.

6. How am I supposed to deep-condition my hair and wash my face if he’s hanging around afterwards? It’s even worse when he tries to shampoo my hair — come on, he’s supposed to be the boyfriend, not the stylist. And I really don’t want a guy to see me use my clay exfoliating mask.

7. My showers aren’t always lingering, self-indulgent affairs, of course — but when they’re not, it’s usually because I’m running late for work, which means I definitely don’t have time for shower sex.

Agree? Disagree? Discuss.

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27 Comments on "Confession: 7 Reasons Why I Hate Shower Sex"

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3 years 3 months ago

Its sex in the shower… If your really in there to clean yourself I gotta wonder about you lol… I can understand the water going cold but sometimes it will feel good, as for the not slippery where it needs to be water lubricants will be fine.

5 years 7 months ago

I Love shower sex! It is quick and convenient, for those times when you just don’t have time for the bed……I don’t like sending my man off to work unsatisfied, and shower sex is perfect for morning. Start with a bj, go into doggie style, and then soap and rinse off when done.

5 years 10 months ago

Very good Alina! My thoughts exactly!

5 years 10 months ago

I have to completely disagree with the reasons up above.. I never shower without my husband and we have sex in there at least once a day.. I have two kids so I know all about the lights thing.. But like someone else mentioned that’s for people who are just beginning.. I have no problem being naked in front of him.. And yea we have alot to do in the shower sometimes.. Just hold all that off for a day you have time n let him get out first so you can do all ur shampooing, shaving n exfoliating after.. All alone.. Showers are cramped but two people holding eachother kissong don’t take up much room.. Wash eachothers bodies first so the bathroom gets warm from all the steam.. Have him hold up one of ur legs n go for it slowly.. Make sure the water is just hitting his back or ur legs unless you got lube.. So things won’t dry up. Even on the coldest winter days making love with my husband warms me up.. I’m 4’11” n he’s 5’9″.. If we can manage others shouldn’t have a prob.. Standing doggy style is nice too.. Or if he’s a big strong soldier like mine n you weight 106 lbs. lol then let him pick you up.. But keep the water away from those areas you want moist. It’s wonderful.. Showering together is so intimate.. N It saves time.. We take turns shampooing n lathering up.. While he rinses the soap off him he also scubs my back n body.. N vice versa.. If I gotta shave he gets out when he’s done washing up or making love.. At first it was kinda akward but we got used to it in no time.. Now we only shower alone if the other isn’t home or we’re mad at eachother.. lol.. That’s when we know for sure it was a big fight..

5 years 10 months ago

i love taking a shower with my man to girl, it is cold, and wet, but why all tha fuss?? just enjoy it!! have fun damn, lol
you only live once..
foreplay always a turn on to start it off with, make it fun and then run to tha bed. We all know wat we like so go for it!!