Confession: I Like the Sounds of Sex

images via beautifulagony.com

Our contributor Jewely Hoxie, who is studying Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz — you can read her blog here — has a confession to make:

You constantly hear about how men get off just from the sound of their partner’s moans and groans — there’s a reason that all those porn stars work so hard to vocalize their enjoyment. But it’s not just men who get an ego boost — amongst other benefits — from the sounds of sex. I’m here to report that this woman, at least, loves the noise as much as any man.

Of course, the men I sleep with don’t tend to moan as loudly or as often as those female porn stars, but I take what I can get, whether it’s vocals or the physical noises of our bodies in friction, or just a brief breathy exhalation — which can be just as hot as a moan, and informative, too. It tells me that thing right there you’re doing is really working. It’s the sexiest form of communication I know.

And if a guy can take the noise beyond simple breathing to just a few simple phrases — “that’s the spot”; “faster”; “slower”; “harder”; “softer”; “bite my ___”; “slap my ____”; “I love the way you ____”; — then he’s a keeper in my book. Because what’s better than knowing what someone wants and likes? The noises help me get to know my partner’s sexual character and help guide future encounters. Because sometimes you don’t know exactly what you want in bed until it actually happens.

But you get more than just plain feedback from sex noises — when I hear someone speak in their ultimate moment of lechery, it heightens the connection and closeness I have with them. And it’s not just my partner’s noises that thrill me — making my own sounds enhances the experience, too. As I describe or react to what I’m experiencing, I’m more aware of my senses and it helps me focus on the intensity I am feeling. And the sounds imprint the sexual experience in my brain, too — when I daydream about the noises we made, they turn me on and help me remember for next time where the good spots are and what the best rhythm is.

These sex vocalizations are not to be confused with a sex talk. Before I go to bed with someone, they need to know the difference. I want to make sure no one misses an orgasm due to mistimed “talks.” The nitty gritty detailed discussion should take place outside of the bedroom — the likes and dislikes, what you want to try and what you are not comfortable with.

When I’m actually in the sack, on the other hand, I want the pleasure principle to guide me. I want my noises to be responsive and almost involuntary. Auto-responsive vocals can be just as hot as actual words and phrases — those unrestrained and uncontrollable bursts of “mmm’s” and “yes’s.” I love knowing that we’re both letting go of restraints, nervousness, and awkwardness to erupt into strange animal noises.

Sometimes one of us will yelp out a noise that may not be in the porn 101 textbook of hot sex moans — like when my breathing accelerates and an unintentional hiccup springs out. In the past I might have been embarrassed about this, but I’ve learned to embrace the weird along with the wonderful. The same goes for the sounds of the mattress squeaking, skin scratching, spit sucking, and the squishy wet noises that come from penetration. Even the most mortifying sex sounds, like accidental escapes of air, can underscore your intimacy with a person. Laugh if you need to, and then move on. Because good sex is not about modesty. So bring in the noise!

Jewely Hoxie


  1. I ain’t a girl but just searched over the net and got this article, so just wanted to comment.
    Enjoyed the article ! But along with that I like the squishy wet noises that come from penetration as well. I would also like to mention I’m a gay guy.

  2. I know this site is marketed towards women, but I did a google search for “i like the sounds of sex”, and read this article and wanted to comment.

    For years, I always thought something was wrong with me, but I love the sounds of sex – whether it’s when I’m with a partner, or I hear my neighbors, or when I’m staying at a hotel. I can’t really explain it. I’ve often wondered if there is a connection to the fact that I’m a musician, and love music, and I just love sound, anything aural, doesn’t matter what it is. I’m not into porn all that much, and I can’t stand quiet girls when I’m with someone. I don’t want a screamer either, but the heavy breathing or whimpers is what really gets me. It’s just nice to see that other human beings are in the same boat as I am, because it’s never something you really like to admit to your friends – “I love the sounds of sex”, or even the more embarrassing, “I enjoy hearing people have sex”. The fact is, I enjoy hearing it much more than seeing it which is why I don’t like porn.

    In the end, I enjoyed your article. I am curious, however, if there is a connection between people who are musicians/really enjoy listening to music and those who like sex sounds, or maybe my brain is misfiring a synapse somewhere and I’m just odd. 🙂

  3. Its all good isn’t it. lol I like porn but I dont really have to be watching it to get turned on. My guy watches and purposely turnes up the volume. I get just as hot as he does watching. I love listening when he gets himself off. Like in the shower or somethin. One thing about sex noises that I love is that you can really push someone over the edge with the right sound or phrase whispered in their ear lol So ya know when my jaw gets tired I throw in some moans and the occaisional dirty phrase and presto… all done lol hmmmm now its all runnin through my mind.lol

  4. I agree! Sounds are so sexy. Moaning, panting, gasping–all turn ons. Even “unsexy” sounds, like sweaty bodies slapping together, is better than no sounds at all. I tend to be pretty noisy, and I hope that my partner is comfortable enough to let loose and make a little noise, too. Fun game if you like sex sounds: turn on porn, then close your eyes. Trust me on this one.

  5. I agree with everything in this article. Sound is one of my favorite parts of sex, and I feel like people should be more vocal in general. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s just really hot!

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