Confession: The Top 10 Sexy Things I Find Unsexy

Our contributor Abby Spector, who is majoring in Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, confesses which traditionally “sexy” things she finds absolutely unsexy:

  1. Passivity. Women often mistake having an opinion for being bitchy, and so opt for submissiveness. But life’s better when it’s real, so speak up and be honest. There’s nothing wrong with taking the mature role and walking away from an argument, but don’t sit there idly by if you feel strongly about something. If it’s important, be proactive.
  2. Being the other woman. I can understand the appeal: it’s taboo, it’s secret, it’s dangerous. However, in the long run, adultery causes more harm then good. Put things out on the table—be honest with yourself and others.
  3. Thongs. The idea of a piece of string sitting in my ass crack for 24 hours makes no sense. Unless you fart air freshener and poop diamonds, the string is inevitably gonna get gross.
  4. Boob jobs. If you want to play with rubber, go to the tire shop.
  5. Older men. I’ve never understood why Grandpa Zeus was able to bone so many nymphs? Not only do I find them unattractive in comparison to their younger, more physically fit counterparts, but the fact that they are able to stoop to SUCH a young age says something about their persona (aka—a fifty year age difference is creepy).
  6. High heels. It’s true—long legs are appealing. Blisters and broken ankles are not. If you can walk in high hells props to you. I for one cannot. And, to be honest, I think many women lie about their comfort level in this satanic footwear.
  7. Talking like a baby. Why do some women insist on purposely raising the pitch of their voice and talking like they just got a Barbie Dream House? It doesn’t make them sound sexy, just stupid. And those high-pitched giggles? They hurt people’s ears. So do yapping pint-sized dogs named Princess. So stop imitating Paris Hilton!
  8. Bleached assholes. That just sounds painful.
  9. Whipped cream. A minute of foam will turn into an hour of mess. Does that seem worth it?
  10. Losing your virginity. The reality can never live up to the  picture-perfect fantasy.   The idea of “the first time” is built up as a beautiful, romantic, sexy thing when, in reality, it’s usually none of these. Who actually orgasms the first time? Who leaves thinking “Wow, that was just like the steamy car scene in Titanic?” If your first bone-sesh was with the love of your life on a bed sprinkled in rose petals, awesome for you. But you are in the minority

Abby Spector

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20 Comments on "Confession: The Top 10 Sexy Things I Find Unsexy"

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2 months 2 days ago

Teach Abby the difference between then and than.

4 years 8 months ago

Oh.. and I agree with 1 too. Passivity all the time is boring. Our sex life didn’t get good until I got out of my own head and let my inhibitions go.

4 years 8 months ago

I agree with #2,7,8,9, and 10. But the rest I have to disagree with for myself personally. I love thongs (although I also like sexy little ruffly boy shorts too). As for boob jobs… you obviously haven’t had children yet or you would somewhat understand the want for breasts that don’t look like sagging,deflated balloons after you’re done breastfeeding. I’m not saying I want DD’s or anything (I’m already a full C/sometimes D) but it sure would be nice if the girls sat a little higher like they did when I was 16.

Older men have their advantages. Experience, maturity, knowing the right way to treat a woman a lot of the time, and sometimes looks.

High heels make me feel incredibly sexy. It’s not totally out of the ordinary for me to wear 4 inch heels. I have long runner’s legs and my husband LOVES it when I wear heels. My rule is that I don’t buy the shoes unless they are comfortable and don’t cause rubbing or blisters.

4 years 8 months ago

Ted, why does still having a libido at an older age require you to seek out younger women? Women’s libidos remain pretty high in old age, too. Actually, it is more common for women to have an increase in libido as they get older (speaking of sex hormones…), so seeking out younger companions really wouldn’t necessarily have anything to do with libido, only who you’re attracted to.

4 years 8 months ago

This post is AWESOME! I can agree to more than one of the sexy things that are unsexy list. Whipped cream always sounded fun but once I incorporated ice cream and it ended up being a big sticky disaster. Yuck! @ Mel- I couldn’t be more in tune with your thoughts. I would like to see an article on this blog about whether or not men find most efforts women make to turn a guy on sexy or not.