Dear Dr. Kate,
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m unable to have an orgasm. I’ve been sexual with a partner for the first time in the past year with oral and intercourse. During intercourse, I can barely feel anything, and other types of stimulation don’t bring me to climax. What can I do? Is there something wrong with my body?
— Turned Off
A true inability to orgasm is really rare — it’s more likely you haven’t hit on the right combination of sensations yet. It can take time to learn your body and what stimulates you. And it’s very common for intercourse alone to not arouse you, if the angles are wrong and your clitoris isn’t getting any stimulation.
Have you tried masturbation, or a vibrator? It may be easier to experiment alone, without the pressure of a partner, to see what kinds of pressure, speed and touch work to get you off. Once you’ve mastered the art of orgasm when you’re alone, you can then better guide your partner as to how to touch you to make you climax — and any partner worthy of you will want to be guided, because they’ll want you to enjoy sex as much as they do.
For further reference, here are some recent columns by Em & Lo on the topic of orgasms:
- My Boyfriend Can’t Give Me An Orgasm
- My Boyfriend Doesn’t Care About My Orgasm
- 15 Reasons Why Everyone Should Masturbate
- What’s a Good My First Vibrator?
- 10 Steps to Orgasming Without a Vibrator
- Toys Terrify My Boyfriend
— Dr. Kate
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.