Dear Dr. Kate,
I’ve started seeing this new guy who has a very wide, very long penis. The first time we had intercourse it took minutes for us to inch his penis all the way inside of me. The ensuing sex was uncomfortable and it only took me ten minutes to get too sore to continue. I feel like we did everything correctly: foreplay was thorough and I was super aroused, we used a water-based lube, and we took things really slowly. The second time we tried intercourse, the same thing happened. We’ve tried both missionary and girl-on-top. I don’t have any STDs or other vaginal issues that make sex uncomfortable in general. I just can’t seem to accommodate his size! Is it possible that we just don’t “fit” together? Will I get used to it as we keep trying? Is there something I should be doing differently?
— Tight Fit
When aroused, the average vaginal length is about 5-7 inches. So if a gal’s partner is longer than that, then good foreplay, lube, and going slowly are generally necessary for comfort. Which means that so far you have done everything right! In addition, you might want to try sex on your sides, to limit the depth of penetration as much as possible. And definitely avoid doggy-style! You could also try putting your hand on the base of his shaft to keep him from entering you up to the hilt. You should keep trying to find a way to make it work — you may find, for example, that intercourse is more comfortable at different points in your menstrual cycle — though it is possible that he may just be too large for deep thrusting intercourse. In which case, you may have to experiment with ways where he doesn’t fully enter you.
On a final note, just for the sake of perspective: ten minutes of intercourse doesn’t sound like that short of a time to me. I know some women enjoy a long session of intercourse, but ten minutes isn’t nothing. Perhaps instead of thinking of intercourse as the main course, you should be thinking of it as the dessert at the end of an already satisfying meal. In fact, I bet that a lot more women would enjoy sex if they started thinking of intercourse in this way!
— Dr. Kate
Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City. She also lectures nationally on women’s health issues and conducts research on reproductive health. Check out more of her advice and ask her a question at Gynotalk.com.